Years ago I had written about my old AA friend Garry. I had been looking up stuff at random on Facebook and one thing lead to another and I discovered that he had been arrested for DWI in my old hometown. You can read about that here and here. This first link tells about our friendship and the arrest; the second was a criticism of his treatment in the comments section of the newspapers reports (with full recognition that DWI can be a fatal crime; both for the driver and any innocents. So I wasn’t glossing over Garry’s crime by viewing it through rose-tinted glasses. But not one comment was about that. All were trashing Garry’s humanity.)
Today while at work I was looking up stuff for my job when something that reminded me of Garry caught my eye. So I quickly switched gears and did a web search for him and essentially found that he died in 2019.
Like I said in the other two posts on Garry back in 2011, I hadn’t seen him since perhaps 2004. I have, however, thought about him over the years. OK, please read those two posts before going on. I’ll wait.
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So now you know why Garry was important to me. “We are a people who normally would not meet,” it says on page 17 in AA’s ‘Big Book.” That probably meant more to me than it really should have. Nevertheless I always did enjoy the cross section of society in ‘the rooms’ and how class and other differences really didn’t matter. But that isn’t the reason for this post.
My friend Garry is dead. And he might have been missed by some; although only two people signed the condolence part of the online obituary. One clearly knew his troubled life. I wonder how many attended his funeral.
I said in the first of those posts that:
This part sounds weird, but I always thought it would be awesome that if we all make it to Heaven, his Heavenly mansion should be next to mine. I don’t know why I’ve had that imagery in my mind from way back then, as I’ve had better friends, but dang it, I want him to be one of the ones to make it (I know, we all want everyone to be saved, but we do know that not everyone does and I really want him to be one of the ones. AND I wanna hang out in Heaven with him for eternity. It’d be an epic blast.)
And that is true. I don’t friggin’ care. Garry liked me despite having zero in common except drinking. OK, he was Catholic but that didn’t bring him all the solace and strength it should have. But he saw something in me that probably said to him “Here’s a guy who’s more screwed up than I am.” (I was so not the poster boy for early recovery.) And thus he reached out. We chatted on the phone a lot. He once followed me home from an AA meeting because he was concerned for my safety, since I was in a blackout. Yes, I once drove home in a blackout. (I never did ask him how he knew.)
I miss Garry. I wish I had seen him a few more times before I left home for western New York. I wish I lived closer so I could have visited him while he was in jail. I bet no one bothered.
To the world Garry was a pathetic loser and a piece of trash. To me, how you treat people like Garry indicates how much humanity you possess. He was a drunk. He could have killed people while drinking and driving (but that never happened, praise God.) Garry drank to cope and he could not find a coping mechanism for life that substituted for booze. Drink was his crutch. It is so easy to just look upon the surface of a person and only see the outward appearance. Such is the basis for all racism and sexism. But it isn’t just that; it is the basis for any dehumanizing assessment of another person. We don’t view people as persons. Just as things. Again, the basis for racism (from any source, be they white people or ‘people of color’) and sexism; and also in targeting the unborn for abortion. We ‘choose’ to kill them because they’re just ’things.’
To me Garry was a person who was my friend. I miss him. He’s probably in Purgatory until Gabriel blows his horn announcing ‘last call.’ I hope when I go Home I will find him there.
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