Category Archives: Aloneness

On Relapse

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A troubling admission for an alcoholic is one in which you admit to having returned to drinking (No, don’t worry, I haven’t.)

The reasons for a relapse are as varied as the alcoholic. Relapses occur after one has had a period of sustained sobriety. Something happened which made you return. Life and it’s troubles and stresses got bigger than the tools you’ve used in the past to deal with them.

Do not be ashamed about a relapse. It happens. Just pick yourself up, talk to someone about and proceed forward. Think about it and analyze why it happened. As God brings good out of evil, you can bring some “learning experience” out of the relapse. If needed, go to a 12-Step Meeting and announce it. This is a profound act of humility but much compassion and understanding will be shown you.

The long darkness that led to your drinking again may be over. Or not. But if not, it will be by not using the relapse as an excuse to destroy yourself with thoughts and feelings of uselessness. They serve no useful purpose.

Just be aware that whatever it is you went through and experienced did not make you unique. What happened has happened to others. This is why talking about it with someone or attending a 12-Step meeting may be useful. Chances are others have also relapsed in the past. Perhaps someone is on the verge and your experience will prevent them from doing that.

Talk about it. You’ve lost nothing, just some time. Rise up, and be on your way again.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Pit of Destruction

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You are an alcoholic or addict an all seems lost and hopeless. You are at the “jumping off place”, that place where you feel that if you continue to drink you will die, but if you don’t drink, you may wish to die.

Call upon the Lord and He will hear your prayer.

From the Responsorial Psalm from the Mass on the 20th Sunday in Ordinary Time, (Year C):

Psalm 40:2-4

I waited, waited for the LORD; who bent down and heard my cry,
Drew me out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud of the swamp, Set my feet upon rock, steadied my steps,
And put a new song in my mouth, a hymn to our God. Many shall look on in awe and they shall trust in the LORD.

God will hear your cry, as plaintive and as weak as it may feel to you. The depth of your pain and anguish is a loud scream reaching out to Heaven. God and all of Heaven hear it. In my opinion, every alcoholic and addict who has died and been saved hears it.

Being drawn out from the pit of destruction, whether you put yourself there or got there by however addicts and alcoholics get that way, won’t be easy. But ask, and God will assist. “Seek first the Kingdom of God” instead of the easy pleasures of the world, and you will be drawn from the pit. Your feet will be (eventually) steady and you will love God with a new gratitude. A new song (or perhaps a new way of life?) will be sung by you and you will learn to trust in God. You will listen to Him, instead of the world you tried to hide from in your addiction.

For an explanation as to why you’re reading this on a post date of “Thursday” instead of the expected “Sunday”, read this post .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena Through St. Maximilian Kolbe – Day 7

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Today is Day 7 of our Novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe. Like before, go here , and read the prayer for yourself or for someone you know who is suffering from alcohol or drug addiction. And then ponder this:

Hebrews 11:1

Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.

What is hoped for, from the perspective of an alcoholic or addict? Eternal salvation in paradise? No, just to stop drinking and/or drugging. Most people still struggling with their alcoholism or addiction are pretty much convinced they’re damned.

This is not true, as hellish life may be.

What is evidence of things not seen, again, from the perspective of an alcoholic or addict? The existence of God and the Divine, heavenly supernatural? Probably not, as God seems distant and aloof, and the supernatural can seemingly be discerned in tequila. “Things not seen” can be…

…other alcoholics and addicts that have quit. Sobered up or become clean.

They can’t be seen by the person still trapped, or at least not seen very clearly. Perhaps dismissed as unreal.

Therefore the simple faith of a person trapped in addiction, be it alcohol or drugs, is the desperate faith of someone who is at the end of their rope, with no other options.

There is nothing to go on except the faith kindled somehow by the working of the Holy Spirit, that there is a better way. Whether it is the working of the Spirit within them, or externally in someone else who reaches out to help.

They have nothing else to cling to and so they respond, clinging however tenuously.

They have the faith that what they hope for, sobriety, can be reached. They cannot perceive it from the depths of their despair and pain, but somehow sense it.

Kindle that faith. There is a solution. Life is that solution. Grab for it.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe – Day 5

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OK, we begin the fifth day of our novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe. Like the first few days, kindly go here and read the prayer for a loved one and then consider the following:

Today would have been my sister’s 61st birthday. I know, yesterday would have been my Dad’s 95th. These days were once a family holiday.

Anyway, in thinking about my sister (a non-alcoholic, like I said yesterday, I am the only drunk -or ex-drunk- in the family) I started thinking about the ties that bind us to each other. Whether the person you are praying the novena for is your brother or sister, or just one in spirit, or maybe you are praying this novena for yourself, in essence we are all in this together. We are all celebrating our Catholic Faith (or trying to) and maintaining our sobriety through it. We needn’t go it alone. There is usually someone out there willing to help, sometimes you are the person that is the helper. It is a tough row to hoe if attempted alone. Seek out others. Connect and reach out. It doesn’t matter if you don’t need the help, someone may be needing you. Do not reject them.

Being alone is horrible. The sense of isolation that makes you feel as if you are by yourself in a crowd and you are unable to connect to others is damning. This is the kind that causes you to feel that you are the worst drinker and drunk in the world and that you’ve got it worse than anyone else, before you or since. If you’re sober now, you’ve felt this way. If you’re still struggling, you feel this way. In AA it’s called “terminal uniqueness”. Terminal in that if the isolation doesn’t end, a life may. Don’t forget others out there, still suffering. Try and discern the best way you can help, even if it’s only one. If you need the help, don’t hesitate to ask someone. Pray to God for the strength and courage to humble yourself and get assistance.

Survive. Choose life, your own or another’s.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Bruised reeds and smoldering wicks and light yokes

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Recently I wrote a post about whether God will ever give you more than you can handle. You can read it here .
I knew of other scriptural passages that are related, and is sometimes used to support the notion that He never will. I recently found them:
Matthew 12:20

A bruised reed he will not break, a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory.

Matthew 11:29-30

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

Reflect on these. The storms of trials, stresses and anxieties can sometimes make His help seem distant and indeed the troubles can seem overpowering. Take a time out from your stress. Grab a Bible. Turn to the Gospels. Any one. Switch to the Old Testament and peruse the Psalms, 150 prayers covering the whole range of human emotions from abject pain to wondrous joy. Time seems to take on a different aspect when you’re reading the Bible. Especially when you’re troubled.

It’s a safe harbor, a refuge.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

More than you can handle

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Does God give you more than you can handle? Does it seem like you are burdened with “life” to the breaking point? Does God permit this to happen, that the trials and tribulations of daily living may seem beyond your ability to cope?

No.

While God permits evil to occur (so that good can be drawn out of it), He never allows us to become overburdened by troubles. He always gives us the graces needed to overcome whatever is befalling us. Whether or not we choose to accept and cooperate with that grace determines how well, or if, we survive. We still have free will and can reject God’s help.

From St. Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians:

1 Cor 10:13

No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.

It is my understanding that the above passage refers mainly to temptations, but I also feel that it refers to any trial.

To think that God intentionally loads up pain and suffering upon an individual implies a God with a serious personality disorder. It does not speak of a God who is kind and loving, a Father.

Moreover, no one is promised a life free of suffering. Even Paris Hilton went to jail. (!) The degree to which we accept suffering in our lives as a necessary component of our salvation is the degree to which we will be able to cope with whatever sorrow and sadness comes our way.

Sometimes it seems overwhelming. Sometimes it seems that God has abandoned us. I feel that way more often than not. But after a fashion I come around and realize that as a Christian I have no right to bemoan and bewail suffering. “Why me?” becomes “Why not me? Who am I that I can be above what Jesus Himself felt? Rejection, betrayal, aloneness, pain and agony?”

It is during these times that we gaze upon the crucifix, at the broken and bleeding body of Christ on the Cross and gain strength. It is not an easy task to meditate on, but the exercise is usually fruitful. Meaning, we gain from the attempt. Especially if we see our own suffering in perspective.

Burdens can be strengthening. If we survive this, we can beat the next thing more easily. We learn to rely upon a trust in God more. Therefore, we become closer to God. Through our pain and suffering we realize that we are being treated the way His own Son was treated. We may not be crucified in the sense of an Imperial Roman capital punishment, but we are crucified in other, smaller ways. But still painful, especially when we feel so alone.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Serenity Prayer

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At most (if not all) AA meetings the Serenity Prayer is recited. Below is a copy of the full version, usually just the first four lines are read at meetings, as the rest is overtly Christian:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

The first four lines is the petition, the rest I think is the result of the petition and the willingness to abide by it. I perused this prayer today, and I focused on the “Enjoying one moment at a time” line. I am going through a depression at the moment, it is tied in with a physical ailment that refuses to go away, and this triggered various “woe is me” resentments and pity parties. There are few people to talk to as those I would unload on are going through worse Junes than the one I am in. So that compounds things. It’s all bottled up. Prayer isn’t much of a release. Saints have reported similar periods. Great!

But today I chanced upon a copy of the Serenity Prayer (Long Version). I’ve read the entire thing before, so it wasn’t new. But that “Enjoying one moment at a time” line stuck out. Especially as it’s immediately followed by the “Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace” recommendation. Huh?

We are expected to enjoy each moment at a time. If we live by this prayer’ petition, which can be a summation of just and fair dependence and submission to God’s will and His Providence, then the latter parts will be achievable. We will have serenity. There are things that we cannot change. This is humility and common sense. There are things we can change. So we do that, with God’s help if need be. And we request the wisdom to discern the difference, because as the arrogant or stupid humans that we are, we sometimes feel we can do the impossible and not do the necessary.

We enjoy each moment. Even if hardships lie on our path. Jesus suffered, and so who are we to shun it? We take it in stride, knowing it will pass. Accept it as a lesson or toughening for later. “This, too, shall pass” is an AA slogan. A good one. We accept the world as it is, knowing that eventually all will come out according to Divine Plan. Either in our own lives or the world about us. We do not stand idly by, spectating, but we change what we and not worry about the rest.

Has this made me snap out of my depression? Not really, but I managed to write this blogpost instead of mope.

I really wanted to take a drink today. I figured beer would be safe. I didn’t, but was tempted. The problems would still be around, made worse by knowing I drank after 5 years of sobriety, had I imbibed. But nothing substantive would be changed.

Maybe I had the wisdom to know the difference. Huh.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Why did God make you?

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And the answer to that question from the first volume of the old “Baltimore Catechism” (the 4 volumes of which educated millions of American Catholics until the 1960’s) is:

“God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in the next.”

God made you because He loves you and wants you to return that love now and forever. Period. That’s it. That is why God made you. He didn’t make you to be rich, to be knowledgeable in the “ways of the world”, or to be materially successful. Some of those things are good, depending on how they are used. But those aren’t contained in the question nor it’s answer.

The question and answer is rooted in Sacred Scripture, if you read Genesis 1 and 2 and understand what happened in Genesis 3. God made us in perfect union with Him, and loved us so much that He gave us Free Will so that we can freely return that love. Under the deception of Satan, we decided that we can find fulfillment outside of that love and that we can be “just like God” in determining what is good and evil. This ruptured our relationship with Him, and the World and it’s ways largely became our focus. We are not God, and our stewardship of this planet proves that. Only Jesus Christ repaired our relationship with Him, but the effects of Satan’s deception still afflicts our planet.

Now, back to the question and its answer. Our sole reason for being is to know, love and serve God here and now, and then to be happy with Him forever in Heaven. The pursuit of worldly glory and material power and advantage are contrary to this reason. Even, in my opinion, the need for satisfaction on a more ordinary and mundane level.

Think about that question and its answer next time you feel unloved, unwanted, unneeded, irrelevant. The next time you feel like a loser or a failure, or because you are an alcoholic or drug or porn addict and that you are unworthy of God’s love, or anyone else’s, consider that question and answer.

I quite often feel as if I am a failure, a loser and a screw-up. That is because of my alcoholism and its derailment of my life and career and the financial cost, and the stigma associated with it. If I never picked up that first drink, I would be a few tens of thousands of dollars richer (cost of booze, lost income, hospitalization, etc.) and probably a homeowner (of my late parent’s house, or maybe some other purchased by myself and whomever I might have married had I not preferred vodka, tequila and rum to blondes, brunettes and redheads).

But I cannot dwell on that. That is the world talking. Focusing on the question and its answer takes me away from those feelings and helps me get more oriented on my value merely as a child of God. That as long as I “know Him”, meaning I pray to Him, meditate on Him and read His Bible; “love Him”, meaning I keep His Commandments and follow His Church; “serve Him”, meaning that I do His will in all things (put God first, other people second, and myself last), I will stand a good chance at “being with Him forever in the next.”

All the struggles and failures in this life will have some enduring meaning as they form the person I am now, but if I nail them to the Cross of Christ they will be transformed from the miserable things the world says they are into something else.

We don’t know why any one of us is an alcoholic or an addict. There are theories as to genetics, upbringing, psychological disorders and such, but that is irrelevant. We are what we are and God permitted it for a reason. Evil is permitted because of free will, but God’s influence in the world draws good out of evil. Evil may be in the happening, the event or the occurrence, but good lies in the response.

We can be defeated by whatever it was that happened, we can be defeated by how we are made, but we can rise above it and make the most out of it. I started this blog because of my alcoholism and as an attempt to help others who are Catholic (or seeking Catholicism) deal with their alcoholism in accord with the Faith. I hope to do more than just this.

Regardless of how miserable you think you are, the basis of that misery is temporary. It is not what you are. It will not endure, unless you allow it. It is not insurmountable. Some people resort to suicide because they think it is the way out. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Trust that the seeds of your own “resurrection” lie in the dying and death of your addicted life. The old life dies and a new one is born. We alcoholics and addicts are lucky in a way: we have two lives contained in one lifetime. It is our responsibility to makes certain that the first lifetime bears some meaning in the new.

The entire Baltimore Catechism is available from Gutenberg. Go to here and the Catholic Digital Studio will take you there. At CDS see under “Catechesis: Learning the Catholic Faith”, under “Basic Catechesis” you’ll find Volumes 1 & 2, under “Intermediate Catechesis” you’ll find Volumes 3 & 4.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Broken Hearted

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The Responsorial Psalm from today’s Mass has two verses of note:

Psalm 34:19-20
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, saves those whose spirit is crushed.
Many are the troubles of the just, but the LORD delivers from them all.

We are all wounded and broken to varying degrees. I previously wrote here about our wounded condition, and how the Lord’s mercy is available to us.

The two verses imply much. God IS close to the broken-hearted, but in my experience and knowledge, such a closeness may be a mutual endeavor, a relationship between God and ourselves. The broken hearted do not forsake God in their brokenness, but turn to Him, and He in response uplifts them in some way. This does not necessarily mean that those who do not seek out God are ignored by Him, for He may choose unique avenues to show His concern. He may place certain people, places and things in their path to direct them towards Him.

The second verse refers to the “just”, again, in my readings (I forget the actual source) “just” refers to those who “walk with God.” They allow their minds and actions to be guided by Him, and through this they are delivered from their troubles.

Believing in God and being a Christian does not exempt anyone from suffering. The verse even states that “many are the troubles of the just”, perhaps because they “walk with God” they are walking counter to the ways of the world.

The above Psalm readings made me think of another set of verses (not from today’s Mass). These are from St. Paul’s Letter to the Philippians:

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!
Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near.
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

There is a clue as to how the broken can survive. The Lord is near, Paul says, we should rejoice over that and allow that goodness to be known to others. Our anxieties and fears? We can simply offer them up, turn them over to God. Pray (get close to God), petition (ask Him for stuff) and be thankful (all good things come from God), and the peace that endures will get you through the bad times.

Will it be easy? No, of course not! Will all be sweetness and light? No, of course not!

But you will endure and get through it.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Be sober and vigilant

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There was a recent reading in the Liturgy of the Hours (a daily prayerbook used along with the liturgical season, there’s a big link above the posting area that takes you to Universalis, where they explain the LOTH) that I like.

1 Peter 5:8-9 Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for (someone) to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.

The “sober” doesn’t refer to “not drinking” or a “state of sobriety”, it means to be clear and emotionally level-headed, the better to be vigilant about what is going on about you. But nevertheless, I cannot read the word “sober” without thinking of “not drinking” and how to keep to it. “Avocational hazard”, I suppose.

Anyway, there follows a warning that the devil is also vigilant, constantly on the prowl looking for victims to devour. All Satan needs is a weakness, a lack-of-resolve in your Faith that he can use to exploit.

I’ve written before about how easy that can happen. One needn’t relapse when the alcohol goes down your throat. The relapse happens before the actual event. Once the thought process starts that accepts the safety of drinking, that thought needs to be rooted out and tossed on the spiritual compost heap to wither and decay. Otherwise a type of parallel thinking occurs in which the thought of a drink lurks and waits until a vulnerability opens up. This may be the “cunning, baffling and powerful” refrain heard so often in AA meetings about drinking again sneaks up on people. This is mentioned in AA’s basic text: Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter entitled “More About Alcoholism” (page 37) “But there is always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out.” In the last paragraph in that same chapter: (page 43)“The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense.” It concludes with the declaration that such defense must come from a “Higher Power”, and from the perspective of this blog, that HP is God.

God can provide the effective mental defense against drinking, if you turn your reliance on alcohol to solve things over to Him. Make your Faith your automatic reaction for when things go bad. Jesus is there for you, if you’re Catholic He’s accessible directly through the Eucharist, either in receiving Holy Communion or in Adoration. You can also go to confession and receive powerful graces from that sacrament. Being steadfast in your faith offers a strong resistance to the temptations of the Devil.

And Satan exists. It is said that Satan’s greatest victory these past few centuries is the growing conviction that he’s a medieval Catholic fairy tale, and therefore doesn’t exist. For if he doesn’t exist, why do you need any defense against him? He exists, and the Faith is your only weapon.

Be steadfast.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)