To suffer with

According to the Oxford American Dictionary that is installed on my Mac, the word compassion means:

compassion |kəmˈpa sh ən| noun
sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others : the victims should be treated with compassion.

ORIGIN Middle English : via Old French from ecclesiastical Latin compassio(n-), from compati ‘suffer with.’

Take note of the origin of the word: “to suffer with”.

We suffer. We are all wounded and broken in some way. For you reading this blog and the others on the recovery and conversion blogrolls, you understand this. You wouldn’t be here unless you’ve been wounded and hurt in your past. Whether it is by others or most likely yourself (because of your addictions), you know suffering.

To me, it doesn’t matter whether the suffering is self-inflicted or bestowed upon you by others, suffering is suffering.

Suffering tends to isolate us. We think we are alone and this is reinforced by the resistance of others to be near us when we hurt. It sometimes feels as if we are like the lepers of old who had to wear signs identifying them as “unclean”, and thus to be avoided. Sometimes we push people away when we hurt as if contact with others will increase our pain. “Leave me alone” we shout, either with words or a “keep away, keep far away” attitude and demeanor.

We are Christians and as such we are taught by Jesus that we must accept suffering.

Matthew 16:24-25: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

(Via USCCB.)

This does not necessarily mean that we are just to deal with our own suffering. We must also bear one another’s burdens.

Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

(Via USCCB.)

Just as others are resistant to bear our burdens when we hurt, we are sometimes just as guilty when we see others hurting. We do not wish to be burned by whatever is afflicting them, or we are too distracted by our own concerns, or we selfishly prefer our own distractions and do not see and reach out when we can.

This takes us away from others and we become self-absorbed. We get carried away in our own interests and situations. We leave other people to their own suffering and we do not suffer with them. We lack compassion. We temporarily lack the ability to suffer with others. I say “temporarily” because if you possess a well-formed conscience you eventually notice this and wonder what is disturbing you. You discover that you have become too caught up in yourself and there is a world out there, or maybe just a small group of people that you work with or are related to who have been caught up in troubles of their own and have needed you. At least some small attention by you.

So you pick yourself up and resolve to do better. You try to sense what is going on in the lives of others and to tend to them. You hopefully consign your bout of self-absorption to the past (knowing it’ll return from time to time as we are sinners) and allow the experience to sensitize you to other people’s pain.

I chose that word carefully, sensitize. For in the cacophony of the World, we are oftentimes desensitized to other people’s sufferings. There’s just so much and we become numb to it all. And as we are addicts and alcoholics, we indulge ourselves in some distraction that fills us up. We may even rationalize the distraction as being something beneficial to us in the long run, calling it an “experience” or a mental health escape. This is all good, if it can be useful to others down the road.

As long as we remain focused on what is essential, that being:

Matthew 6:33: “…seek first the kingdom (of God)…

(Via USCCB.)</p

This is New Year’s Day, 2009. We are all “supposed” to make resolutions for the year. In one of my other blogs I write about that: Resolution: One Day at a Time

(Via Trudging Paulcoholic’s Road.)

This may be one resolution that we might be capable of keeping the entire year, if we renew ourselves through prayer and meditation. That is: to try to stay attuned to the suffering that is about us, and to reach out and help in whatever manner we are able.

See you often throughout the year, both here and over at Catholics in Recovery .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Prodigal Catholic

There is a new blog you all might like to add to your reading list. Helen D, a member of Catholics in Recovery , is a revert to the Church and started The Prodigal Catholic recently.

It’s a great blog, full of love for the Church and her spirituality. Check it out!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

FYI: blog update-personal news

This is just an FYI posting that may hopefully explain the frequency of blog postings from here on out.

There is going to be a shift in my priorities when I get behind the keyboard of my Mac and bang out words. Blogging is going to be secondary to my attempt to resurrect a fiction writing career.

I have always loved writing. Ever since I was a little human I enjoyed it and have wanted to write fiction for a living. I have never been successful and probably own the world’s largest collection of excuses for not succeeding (with misplaced priorities probably first on the list with alcoholism a very close second) but that is no excuse for giving up or not continuing to try.

I have exhumed from some boxes all the literary trash of 3 decades of attempts and shall start to piece together some semblance of organization and will proceed from there with whatever story nuggets that suggest themselves as viable ideas. I actually have a clue as to what I shall start with, a novel I started after I sobered up in 2002. (Don’t ask about the plot.) Even then I thought that writing was one of the things I was going to “recover” in my sobriety. But I still want to review the whole melange of detritus.

What does this mean for my three blogs? Nothing as I doubt that anyone would actually notice anything different in posting frequency. Sober Catholic will still average 15-20 posts a month like it already does, Trudging Paulcoholic’s Road will hopefully get to 15-20 posts a month and The Four Last Things will continue to be sporadic. The only difference is that I will no longer promise stuff like I occasionally do about getting to posting on a daily basis. I will probably blog on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, which are my days off, and Sunday mornings (I now go to the Saturday Vigil Mass.) I will focus on fiction on a daily basis, either actual writing or research.

Rest assured, all three blogs will continue, as will the Catholics in Recovery social network. Blogging has actually been quite responsible for whetting my appetite for writing. Life is settling out for me from a happily tumultuous year (relocation, new job and then another one when I quit that one, a new wife that I’m keeping) and I’m thinking that I should get serious about some central dream that I’ve held for as long as I can remember.

Perhaps I’m “seasoned” enough and have “lived enough” so that fiction writing is possible. I don’t know. At any rate, that’s where I am now and plan on doing.

Continue to read the blogs, they’ll still continue on. Join Catholics in Recovery, we can use you there if you’re not already a member!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Catholics in Recovery update

Sober Catholic’s companion (sort of) website, Catholics in Recovery has been relatively busy lately.

It has grown slightly, up to 21 members (look out Facebook!!!!) and forum activity has picked up with some new members posting about their experiences and situations.

It has finally started to become what I was hoping it would be, a place for ex-drunks and addicts to get together and share in a Catholic environment.

If you are a regular or semi-regular (or just plain new) reader of Sober Catholic, please check out Catholics in Recovery . We could use you.

We’re harmless.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

More on Catholics in Recovery

Leslie over at Quiet Consecration asked me about the new Catholics in Recovery social networking site.

Not sure what else I can say beyond what I posted before except that it is just an extension of what I hope to accomplish on the Internet concerning providing Catholics who are recovering from some addiction a place to meet and greet each other and learn more about the Catholic faith.

It is what I had been searching for back in 2002 when I sobered up and found AA to be lacking. I took one look at AA’s spirituality and knew that it wasn’t going to keep me sober. It might help establish a basis, but long term, permanent sobriety was going to need something greater. Taking a cue from something I learned in perhaps the Big Book (AA’s basic text, formally known as Alcoholic’s Anonymous) I checked out the religion of my youth. As I was already slowly returning to Catholicism, it wasn’t a stretch, but still it took some effort.

Afterwards I started poking around the Internet looking for online Catholic resources for recovery, and found virtually none. Some websites for Matt Talbot and the Calix Society, but nothing like the plethora of 12-Step and non-denominational Christian sites. So, what’s a newly sober Catholic to do? I waited a few years and started this blog, and then later the social network, in hopes of finding other like-minded Catholics in recovery to share with.

In other words, I am creating what I had hoped to find before. I am hoping it’s a start towards developing an online Catholic community of those in recovery from some addiction.

At this posting, Catholics in Recovery has only 6 members, way less than the invite list. But it’s a start. A social network is as active as it’s members.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Introducing "Catholics In Recovery"

This weekend, and indefinitely beyond, is the official “launch weekend” for a new Catholic social network for those of us in recovery from alcoholism or other addictions.

The name of the place is “Catholics in Recovery” .

As I have posted before in this blog, I had searched when I first sobered up for some sort of interactive websites like forums and blogs where I can get readily updated information on how to use the Catholic Faith in my recovery. I didn’t find anything pertaining to alcoholism.

This search led me to create the Sober Catholic blog you’re now reading. I have taken that one step further and have started “Catholics in Recovery” .

A number of invitations have been sent out, email addresses were gleaned from correspondence with readers or email subscription lists. I am hoping these didn’t end up in your spam or junk mail folder. If you are sure that I have your email address, and you didn’t receive an enmail invitation, just go to the link in this post or click on the “Catholics in Recovery” badge in the sidebar.

Join up! You can post in the forums about various topics I’ve already set up, or create your own topics. You can suggest new categories of topics if there’s something I haven’t covered. The network is still new and growing. You can establish your own page there and post stuff to it or upload photos and whatever. Your page needn’t be recovery-issue related, it’s yours. The site just offers you the opportunity to connect with other readers of Sober Catholic, as a sort of mutual support group. I’m tired of being alone in this.

CONCERNING PRIVACY ISSUES:

you can control whatever others see. No need to give out your real name and such, the privacy settings are customizable.

Just play nice. People can be banned from the network if anyone is offensive. I mean in a mean and hurtful way.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)