Category Archives: Courage

St. Maximilian Kolbe and: the Alliance of the Two Hearts of Jesus and Mary! Part 8

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On this Sacred Heart Friday, I remind you that the feast of St. Maximilian Kolbe is coming up this Monday. He is an ideal patron for those of us who are growing in their devotion to the Immaculate and Sacred Hearts of Mary and Jesus. His method of consecration is deeply rooted in the Two Hearts, for he wishes us to lead others through the Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. By purifying ourselves in the love of Mary by adopting her virtues, we can be more effective in being ‘Christ-bearers’ to others. 

Since becoming a devotee of St. Maximilian over twenty years ago, I, like countless others have felt it most appropriate that he died of the Vigil of the Assumption. That glorious day when the Mother of God was assumed into Heaven and took up her role as Queen of Heaven and Earth is a day which should inspire us to yearn for our true home. We are but transients on the Earth; our destiny lies in Heaven. St. Maximilian’s work was done. He ran the race, kept the Faith and lived it most sincerely. He was ‘another Christ’ to the other inmates at Auschwitz. And not just in his capacity as a Catholic priest, but as one human ministering to others in a place akin to Hell. And then he was called home, welcomed as a good and faithful servant of Our Lord (and Lady.)

While we may not ever be sentenced to a death camp (but not entirely out of the question,) we should take to heart his response to being subjected to such an evil. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Today is the feast day of Servant of God Fr. Wenanty Katarzyniec, possible patron of alcoholics

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Today is the feast day of Servant of God Fr. Wenanty Katarzyniec. He died March 31, 1921. A Franciscan friar of the same branch as St. Maximilian Kolbe, he died ‘in the odor of sanctity’ as they said back then of people who’ve lived a holy life.

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I thought I had written about him before but a diligent search of this blog doesn’t turn up anything. The reason for my assumption is that I had read St. Maximilian’s Complete Writings a few years ago and came across several passages about Fr. Wenanty. In one of them, St. Maximilian had written that while at a parish Fr. Wenanty was assigned to, he worked with a Catholic organization that helped people who suffered from alcohol addiction. St. Maximilian never identified the organization. Perhaps it was an abstinence society where people took the pledge to abstain?

Some items crossed my Facebook feed today which alerted me that today was the anniversary of his passing into eternal life. So, naturally, given that he could be yet another patron of us ex-drunks, I looked around for material on him.

I found this nice website: Venanty Katarzyniec. It is in Polish and English. Some pages are yet to be translated into English but if you use a browser that has a translation function, those become readable (although some of the translations are humorous, such as a reference to a magazine they founded back then called “The Last Jedi.” I assume the translation code misinterpreted ‘knight.’)

It is a fairly comprehensive site, replete with biography and notes from St. Maximilian. It details his path to sainthood. He is still ‘only’ a Servant of God.

On April 26, 2016 Pope Francis agrees to publish a decree on the heroic virtues of the Servant of God Wenanty Katarzyniec during a meeting with the prefect of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints of God. Canonization, in the presence of the postulator general Fr. Angel Paleri. Henceforth Father Wenanty Katarzyniec is entitled to the title of Venerable Servant of God.

So his cause is moving forward! While perusing the site, in a biography there was this tidbit:

On August 28, 1908, he received a religious habit in Lviv with a new name: Venanty and began a one-year novitiate there, after which he took religious vows. He loved the Franciscan Order with all his soul and tried to consistently realize its ideal in life. At the retreat, he decided to himself: “I will be guarded by the slightest sin, even if I die.” Chastity shone on his face, he loved poverty and mortification, even made a vow of abstinence from vodka, and in practice he did not drink any alcohol. 

That vow of abstinence predates his ordination to the priesthood and subsequent assignment to whatever parish he was at where he worked with alcoholics. So, there was something in his life and background which caused him to avoid alcohol and assist others in doing so. What that was, is unknown and speculation is pointless. 

Here is the Prayer for his Beatification (taken from the site above.)

Prayer for the Beatification of Fr. Venanty

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(The prayer which was placed on the picture printed by St. Maximilian:)

Lord Jesus Christ, Who said, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me, “behold, your servant, Venanty, obedient to the evangelical councils, left everything for love of You, took up the yoke of religious life, and after your example became everything to all; Grant, we beseech you, to quickly bring about his elevation to your altar, for your greater glory, for the good of your holy Church, and for the salvation of souls.

Mary, our Immaculate Mother, it has never been heard of the that anyone fleeing to you, has ever been left unaided; We trust You in humble intercession, intercede and now to the Most Holy Trinity, so that your servant Venanty, may as soon as possible be counted among the blessed of the Lord, as a sign for us of God’s intercession, grant us this grace which we humbly ask of you… (here place or think of your intention).

Through Christ our Lord. Amen

There is even a Novena for the Intercession of Servant of God Fr. Venanty Katarzyniec!

So we may have another patron for us!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Jonah and Nineveh

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The First Reading for Wednesday of the First Week in Lent tells the story of Jonah going to Nineveh and calling upon the people to repent.

This post is kind of like a sequel to this one. 

Imagine someone like Jonah going around today, calling upon people to repent of their sins. Seriously! What would society do?  How would the dominant culture reply? Probably with cries of Jonah being intolerant, judgmental, reactionary, racist, sexist, insufficiently ‘woke,’ and all that by which they attack traditional-minded folks.

I wrote a somewhat better post on this reading years ago: So Jonah went to Nineveh and this happened.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

What is good and pleasing and perfect

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The Evening Prayer for today (Monday, First Week of Lent) has one of my favorite passages from Scripture and the first one I ever attempted to memorize.

To me, it is at the heart of being a person in recovery: Romans 12:2 “Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

In recovery, we are essentially becoming transformed. We live by the principles of our recovery program (be it Twelve Step or something else) and if we are Christian, we seek out what the Church has to offer people struggling with their addictions. And one key thing, and this is something I’ve stressed from time to time: you don’t conform to this age, you do not seek value in the so-called “morals” of the World. They do not offer anything of substance and certainly they do not offer anything good for your salvation. In this “transformation” and our “renewal” we gain the capacity to discern what is the will of God, “what is good and pleasing and perfect.” How to discern the Will of God? Reading Sacred Scripture is one way. In another Gospel passage Jesus tells His disciples: Matthew 16:24-27 “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life? For the Son of Man will come with his angels in his Father’s glory, and then he will repay all according to his conduct.” Again, “taking up the Cross” is essential to our recovery. We do not seek to run away from our troubles, all of the problems, big or small, that life throws at us daily. That is what we did while drinking. Everyone has troubles, it is a fact of human existence. We now have to tools to effectively deal with them, and perhaps even people around us who can assist us. But it’s more than that. It’s building a new life in recovery, and becoming a better follower of Jesus Christ! Our lives today are better than when drinking. And even better than before we first picked up a drink due to our “renewal” and “transformation.”

Mass Readings via USCCB.

So, “renewing your mind” is a recovery theme. We drop our old ways of thinking, acting, reacting and feeling and so on, and adopt new ones assisted by God’s grace. “Taking up the cross” is what all Christians are supposed to do, we cannot be followers of Christ unless we willingly embrace the Cross.

NOTE: This post is an edited version of two older posts. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Follow me! (It’s that easy?)

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In the Gospel reading for the Mass for the Saturday after Ash Wednesday we read of Jesus calling a tax collector (Levi, also known as Matthew) to become one of His disciples. 

Luke 5:27-32

Jesus saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at the customs post.

He said to him, “Follow me.”

And leaving everything behind, he got up and followed him.

Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house,

and a large crowd of tax collectors

and others were at table with them.

The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples, saying,

“Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”

Jesus said to them in reply,

“Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do.

I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners.”

And that was that. Levi was doing his job one day, one that paid him well not counting the typical graft tax collectors padded their purses with. He was hated by the people he collected taxes from, because of who he collected taxes for (the occupying Roman forces.) This made him a traitor in the eyes of his fellow Jews.

So you might think that there was a confluence of factors at work here. He was hated, and no one likes that, no matter how good the pay is. Perhaps he was already hating his job to the point of quitting it soon. We don’t know. This is all conjecture on my part, but it makes for a good ‘spiritual growth’ and ‘conversion’ post. So, perhaps Jesus’ timing was perfect. He knew just when to approach Levi and get while the getting was good.

Jesus always knows when the timing is right to ‘get us.’ I was a hard-heading pig brain when He got me. I had left the Church years before and then I was ready for His abduction about the same time I sobered up. I needed to be brought low to be receptive to His call.

What about you?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Take up your cross

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In the Gospel for today’s Mass for the Thursday after Ash Wednesday, Jesus exhorts us to come and follow Him. However, there’s a catch. The road isn’t easy.

Luke 9:22-25

Jesus said to his disciples:

“The Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected

by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes,

and be killed and on the third day be raised.”

 

Then he said to all,

“If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself

and take up his cross daily and follow me.

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.

What profit is there for one to gain the whole world

yet lose or forfeit himself?

The path to following Jesus isn’t always strewn with flower petals with birds singing and butterflies fluttering. It is a hard one since in following Christ, you are essentially telling the World with its transitory and vain ways that, “Sorry! I’m rejecting you! You may claim that the World’s ways are just and true and so forth; I know different! The World’s path leads to despair and emptiness. Many are aware of this but know not what to do except to fill that emptiness with immorality. Again, sorry! I will not comply!”

And so the World reacts by persecuting you. If not outrightly, then by mockery and other means of tearing you down.

You must reject your baser instincts that desire the World and its falsehoods and take up the counter-cultural path of following Jesus. It doing that you will save your life.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Ash Wednesday 2023

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Since this blog is about “Conversion, Prayer, Fasting, Repentance, and Penance,” amongst other things, Lent is a natural time to blog a lot since those ‘abouts’ correspond to the season. I have often in previous Lents blogged daily, or at least a few times a week, taking inspiration from the daily Mass readings or the Divine Office. I might try that this year, but don’t hold your breath. I know I’ve done it throughout the season several times, tried and fell short a few other times, and didn’t even make the attempt in many years. 2023? Who can say? Anyway, here goes this one for today, Ash Wednesday.

In this excerpt from the First Reading for the Mass for today, the Old Testament prophet Joel says:

(Joel 2:12-14)

Even now, says the LORD,

return to me with your whole heart,

with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;

Rend your hearts, not your garments,

and return to the LORD, your God.

For gracious and merciful is he,

slow to anger, rich in kindness,

and relenting in punishment.

Perhaps he will again relent

and leave behind him a blessing,

Offerings and libations

for the LORD, your God.

That’s the blueprint for Lent. Wherever you are, return to the Lord. Fasting, sorrow, and mourning for your sins are the method by which you do that.

Rending your hearts means true contrition and repentance. Always be mindful of the mercy of God, how gracious He is to those who come back to Him.

He is merciful, meaning He knows your weaknesses and knows the deep down reasons for your sinning. His grace flows into strengthening you for the battle.

Make this a good Lent. Go to Confession often. Maybe it’ll become a habit that you’ll keep for the rest of the year. Somewhere Pope St. John Paul II said that Catholics who wish to grow in holiness should go to Confession at least once a month. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Mark Ji Tianxiang, patron saint of drug addicts?

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St. Mark Ji Tianxiang was born in Hebei, China on 1834 into a Catholic family where he was raised in the Faith. He was a doctor, and in his early thirties he suffered from a stomach ailment for which he treated himself with opium. This cured him, but he developed an addiction to it. In 19th Century China, this was a severe problem, just like the opiate epidemic is today. Addiction was not understood then, by anyone, anywhere in the world. His addiction was regarded as sinful; a lack of proper willpower or moral fortitude.

He tried to overcome his addiction through the sacraments: frequent reception of Communion and especially Confession. However, his confessor concluded that since Mark Ji was confessing the same sin again and again, he did not have a firm purpose of amendment, thus rendering the confession invalid. He was forbidden from going to confession again until he stopped using. This also unfortunately prevented him from receiving Holy Communion.

Before anyone complains about this, this was correct in the context of the times, as well as being in accord with the sacramental norms today. You cannot go to confession and confess your sins if you have no intention of stopping them. You do not go to confession to ‘wipe the slate clean’ so you can sin again. Although Mark Ji had every intention to stop, he couldn’t. This, however, wasn’t believed due to the poor understanding of addiction in those days. His confessor did not technically make a mistake; although by today’s understanding, he did. But those days were not today’s. Mark Ji was guilty of causing public scandal by being an addict.

Mark Ji was trapped in an addiction from which there were no ‘Steps’ to climb out of, no treatment centers, no nothing. And there was nothing he could do.

He desperately wanted to receive the sacraments but couldn’t due to the contemporary understanding of his illness. He suffered this for the remaining thirty years of his life. He wanted to quit using but couldn’t; he wanted to receive the sacraments and thus hopefully assure himself of eternal life. That was at risk due to the prohibition of him receiving.

What to do?

Saint Mark Ji Tianxiang

Mark Ji prayed for martyrdom. If you die for the Faith, your salvation is assured. Now, in Catholicism, martyrdom is when you are killed for being a Catholic. Being a Catholic was unpopular since it was regarded as a foreign religion; a Western colonial import. Nevertheless, the Faith grew.

In 1900, there was turmoil in China; the Boxer Rebellion broke out. Its goals were the total expulsion of all Western influence from China. And Christians were obvious targets.

Mark Ji and his family were arrested and in 1900, suffered beheading. Mark Ji’s prayers were answered. He refused to renounce his Catholic Faith. He reportedly requested to be executed last, after his family, so he could encourage them and that none would die alone.  This was granted. He was lead to where he’d be executed, singing the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary the entire time, including up to when the blade separated his head from his body.

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I learned about this saint last night during my weekly Knights at the Foot of the Cross virtual meeting on Google Meet. My new good friend Harold Gomes of Chariot Fire mentioned him during the discussion. I had never heard of St. Mark Ji Tianxiang and looked him up right away and was astounded by his story.

Now, it’s interesting that I heard of St. Mark Ji Tianxiang during a meeting of the Knights at the Foot of the Cross. St. Maximilian Kolbe founded the Militia of the Immaculata, of which the ‘Knights at the Foot of the Cross’ are an apostolate. (The KFC was actually established first in the USA in the early 1980s. If you are in the KFC, you are also an MI.) St. Maximilian was named the patron saint of addicts due to the manner of his execution (lethal injection.) St. Max never touched drugs or alcohol (he even banned smoking cigarettes in his friaries.) So, him being named the patron saint of addicts always seemed like a stretch to me. Granted, St. Maximilian suffered through Hell while in Auschwitz. And he brought the breath of life and humanity into that horrid place. But in light of the existence of St. Mark Ji Tianxiang, I don’t think he should be the primary patron saint for addicts. St. Mark Ji Tianxiang should be.

Please bear in mind that St. Maximilian Kolbe is my favorite saint; I’ve read 2500 pages of his writings and several bookshelves of stuff on his life and teachings. So I’m not disrespecting him. He is already the patron saint of a number of other things (notably, the pro-life movement, given that abortion ‘clinics’ are mini-Auschwitzes and while in the real one, he never subscribed to the idea that living a horrible existence justifies the termination of a life, like so many pro-choicers think. I’m referring to their argument that abortion is a viable option to keep people from being born into poverty or dysfunctional families. As if people are better off dead rather than to try to improve society and families. Killing people is easier, I guess.)

Anyway, St. Mark Ji Tianxiang is likely the best candidate to be the patron saint of addicts. Especially given that he was never able to break the addiction. He died using. Not his fault; nor should he be condemned by people in recovery for that: he had no choice given the powerful addiction as well as having absolutely no recovery resources.

Mark Ji was beatified on November 24, 1946 by Pope Pius XII and canonized on October 1, 2000 by Pope St. John Paul II. His feast day is July 7. His story is, I think, one of faithful perseverance and a fervent desire for salvation, despite being prevented from participating in the means to gain it. Most people would have turned away and left the Faith. How many people today just abandon the Faith because they’ve gotten a divorce and remarried, and thus can’t receive Communion? Or some other ‘crime’ of the Church? St. Mark Ji Tianxiang persevered. He knew that participating in the sacramental life of the Church was a key to gaining Heaven. And despite being kept from them, he didn’t despair. He remained a Catholic, raised his family in the Faith an desired salvation so much that he prayed for the only means available to him that would assure him of salvation. Martyrdom.

Regarding St. Maximilian and retaining the memory of his death, perhaps he should be the patron saint of death row inmates. Even though he committed no crime deserving of death (just like Jesus!), those on death row need all the intercessory help they can get so that they can receive the grace of conversion, repentance and final perseverance. Take a look at Kolbe Prison Ministries.

Here are several links to articles on him:

He was an opium addict who couldn’t receive the sacraments. But he’s a martyr and a saint

St. Mark Ji Tianxiang couldn’t stay sober, but he could keep showing up

The life of St. Mark Ji Tianxiang: Persevering in faith despite addiction

The Saint Who Was Addicted to Drugs for 30 Years

ST MARK JI TIANXIANG (1834-1900) – Husband, Father, Grandfather, Doctor, Martyr, Opium Addict, Intercessor For Addicts, Patron Against Despair, Patron Of The Opiate Crisis

Addict, Martyr, and Saint

This Addict Is a Saint

Mark Ji Tianxiang

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Announcing the 31 Day Rosary Challenge!!! Join the Militia of the Immaculata!!!

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I received an email from the Militia of the Immaculata this morning announcing a new apostolic initiative of theirs! Here’s the email (I copied it.)     
Join the Militia of the Immaculata for a 31 Day Rosary Challenge set to begin on October 1st!!!

The idea is to pray the Rosary at different hours and different places, doing what you do in your everyday life, whether that is walking, hiking or climbing, whatever outdoor or indoor event(s) you participate in.

Post your selfies on social media, using the hashtag #31dayrosarychallenge
or #31DRC and please tag us so we can use your videos
when updating our social media.

Let us pray for Our Lady’s intentions
and peace and unity in our country and the world.

 

SIGN UP HERE: THE 31 DAY ROSARY CHALLENGE SIGN UP SHEET

“The Rosary is the ‘weapon’ for these times.” –St. Padre Pio

We need Families as well as Men and Women in all walks of life to join us during these 31 Days!

Show your support this October,
begin whenever you can, and let’s keep this going for 31 days.
Invite your friends and neighbors to join in the challenge.

(Copy and Share)

“Give me an army saying the Rosary and I will conquer the world.” –Bl. Pius IX

At the end of the #31DRC, we invite You to make (or renew) your total consecration to Our Lady and to consider joining her MI Family!
Find out how (Click Here).

Join the Militia of the Immaculata as we begin
our 31 Day Rosary Challenge!

Let us “win the entire world for the Immaculata and, through her, for the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus,” as St. Maximilian Kolbe stated.

 

About the Militia of the Immaculata (MI):

OK, Paulcoholic again! The MI was founded  in 1917 by St. Maximilian Kolbe and aims to win the whole world for Christ through the Immaculata, Mother of God and of the Church. He did it in response to anti-Catholic and anti-Papal Freemason demonstrations in Rome earlier that year. St. Maximilian was inspired by the conversion story of Alphonse Ratisbonne, who had experienced a vision of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the Church of St. Andrea della Fratte in Rome in 1842. The Miraculous Medal played a crucial role in that. Kolbe reasoned that if Our Lady can work the conversion of an atheistic Jewish person by virtue of the Miraculous Medal, then it can be a ’spiritual bullet’ targeting souls of other unbelievers and so forth. The MI was founded on October 16th of 1917, and approved by Pope Pius XI as a “Pious Union” a few years later (and is now termed a Universal and International Public Association of the Faithful.)

In essence, the MI is an evangelical organization dedicated to spreading Catholicism to everyone by whatever means is best suited to the individual and their state in life. The Miraculous Medal is worn outwardly by members as a public witness.

Members must have made a ‘total consecration’ to Our Blessed Mother by a formula written by St. Maximilian so that she can use us in any manner that she wishes. St. Maximilian likens it to being used as a “pen or paintbrush in the Immaculata’s hands.” The consecration as laid out by St. Maximilian is very similar to that established by St. Louis Grignon de Monfort, except in one detail: there is an evangelical aspect to it that de Monfort’s lacks. We pick a Marian feast day to do our Consecration (mine was on the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, October 7, 2002.)

I may actually begin using my TikTok account for this. So, start warming up these hashtags! #31dayrosarychallenge #31DRC, #mi #militiaoftheimmaculata

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Why I stopped regularly attending AA meetings

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I wrote in my last post, “Today is my Twentieth Soberversary” that I had last attended an AA meeting as a regular member in 2004, and that I left it in anger. I thought that I had posted about it before, but couldn’t find it. If it exists, then finding it is taking more time than writing a new one about the experience. So, I’m writing a new one. Or the first one. Shut up and blog, Paulcoholic.

OK, so it was August 2004. I was ‘going through some stuff’ that summer and one of the ways I got through it all was to be the coffeemaker for my Home Group. Usually, the job rotates. My Home Group met every weekday and I ‘needed’ to make it everyday to cope. No one objected as they knew I needed it and wouldn’t keep it as a daily service work forever. So for a few months, I made the coffee every day. And then around August I decided that I had gotten past the worst of what I was going through and was now ready to relinquish the job, keeping just Monday for myself. This other guy had taken Tuesday.

All was fine for a while. Then one day, a Monday, actually, the meeting began and the Tuesday Guy was the chairperson. My Home Group had some liberal policies as to who can chair a meeting. Tuesday Guy had only three months in the program, but he wanted to chair it and no one objected. When it came time to come up with a topic, no one suggested any and so he came up with one. It was a topic that oftentimes is introduced during the holidays. “What to do when confronted with a drinking situation.” (Because around Christmas, Easter and other holidays, a recovering person often finds themselves in just such a situation.) Tuesday Guy, if I recall correctly, recently lost a friend in a motorcycle accident, and there was going to be an event held in the deceased’s honor at a local drinking establishment; ‘and should I go?”

I dislike sharing when I have no personal “experience, strength and hope” to relate to. In other words, if the topic is something I have no personal experience with, I’ll pass when called upon to share. I’d never really faced this situation, so I’ll just pass. 

Tuesday Guy started calling upon people to share. Then it was my turn. I said, “I’ll pass.” But Tuesday guy would have none of that. “No, Paul, we all want to know what you think about this!” 

Well, I always had this paranoid fear in AA meetings that one day I’ll be called upon to share, I’d refuse, and promptly be told that isn’t the custom at this meeting; ‘here, when you’re called to share, you must.’ A paranoid, irrational fear, to be true; and that it would only happen if I attended a meeting far beyond my home area, where they might have strange customs. Except that it didn’t happen in some far away AA meeting, it happened right in my Home Group! So, I figured I’ll just share what I know from AA’s ‘Conference-approved literature,’ in this case, something from their book, “Living Sober.” And so I quoted from memory a line that said something about ‘if you have a legitimate reason for being there,’ and at that point Tuesday Guy interrupted me. “Well, Paul doesn’t know what he’s talking about; can someone else share?”

I was stunned. My worst fear was not only realized, that of being forced to share, but while sharing relevant book knowledge, I was humiliated in from of a bunch of people. The meeting continued. The men couldn’t look at me; the women gave me sympathetic looks. Almost everyone quoted the same line I started quoting. 

The meeting ended. I don’t even recall if I helped clean up. As coffeemaker, my job was done prior to the meeting; afterwards others pitch in with the clean up. 

Remember, this was Monday and Tuesday follows, meaning Tuesday Guy was going to be there early the next day to open up and make the coffee. I was prepared.

Tuesday rolls around and I get there early. I timed my arrival so that I showed up after about when I thought Tuesday Guy got there but before anyone else arrived. I was successful. The site was opened, he was there, in the back, alone, getting ready. I stalked over to him, he sees me coming and has a crooked smirk. I went up to him and slammed down on the table, right next to the coffee machine, my copy of the building’s keys. I said quite loudly, almost shouting into his smirky face, “I AM NOT COMING TO THIS MEETING EVER AGAIN!”

And then I stormed out. All I can say is that when I was walking to my car I had a feeling of liberation. The sun was sunnier. The birds were chirpier. The cars driving by were carrier. And a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I literally felt lighter.

And I never set foot in that meeting. Well, not quite true. I did return a over a year later to an occasional meeting, but it had moved to a different location by then and so I figured my declaration held. 

Since that day in August 2004, I never considered myself a regular meeting attendee. As I’ve said before, I am a misfit in a fellowship of misfits. I don’t bother with live meetings; occasionally dabble in online recovery and read AA literature. But having a Home Group? Nope. 

A couple of posts on Catholics attending AA meetings:

Should Catholics Attend AA meetings? I heard they’re bad.

A Fortnight of Years in Sobriety

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)