Category Archives: Fear

Forgiveness and the Adversary

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The concept of “forgiveness” has been on my mind recently, especially after this post. Obviously it is something that I’ve struggled with. The following comprises a summation of my recent internal debates.

OK, forgiveness… what does that mean? In the context of this blog, it will be in connection with the Catholic Faith. And thus we think of “Confession.” So, what takes place then? We go to Confession to confess our sins to a priest who, acting in the power vested in him by the Church absolves us of our sins. God forgives us and absolves us through the office of the priest.

So, the slate is wiped clean. We had offended God in some manner; we have abused our natural gifts in a way contrary to God’s will and intentions and we caused a disruption in our relationship with Him. A deadly rupture if the sins were mortal, less so if venial. In utilizing the Sacrament of Confession the wounds are healed and we move on in our relationship with God.

How does this apply to relationships with humans? Someone hurts me, I am wounded and the relationship suffers. How much depends on the extent of the offense. If little, it is easy to forgive; if not, forgiveness takes some effort.

Is the slate wiped clean? Perhaps. If the offense is great and the wound is deep, I interpret forgiveness to mean that I put the hurt and pain behind me, it is back there and I no longer dwell on it and nurture a resentment. I no longer ask “Why did it happen?” or seek any answers. If the action is recalled, the pain may return but I can dismiss it (with varying degrees of success dependent upon my state of mind.)

Forgiveness doesn’t imply reconciliation will follow; ideally it should as that would mirror our relationship with God and that is the model we seek in our dealings with others. However, other people are not God and thus reconciliation may not follow. In fact, oftentimes it shouldn’t if the protagonist has not repented and atoned for their offense.

OK. So we have established that forgiveness means the event is “back there,” and not emotionally connected to the present. You do not nurture the hurt by resenting the action. You no longer want to know “Why?” You no longer seek answers. Forgiveness has been made; if possible directly with the individual(s) so the relationship can be patched up or just unilaterally if you cannot deal with the other.

The problem I was having is that I thought that “forgiveness” didn’t “take hold” if the hurt keeps coming back. Perhaps it is natural for memories of the hurt to resurface from time to time. Much depends upon our ability to exercise self-control and discipline over our thought-life, but even then we are only human and if the pain was really deep it may never go away. I am referring to pain that was so intense that you yearned for death to end it and therefore contemplated suicide.

Nevertheless, perhaps the act of forgiveness needs to be done again. In some way, either by prayer and meditation, you contemplate the event and just turn it over to God. Let it become subject to His Justice and Mercy and try to leave it there. Praying to the Blessed Virgin and entrusting the whole matter to her is a part of this; Mary is our tender Mother and understands sorrow all too well.

And then another thought came to me: that recurring memories of a past hurt may just be intrusions of Satan into our inner life. The Adversary is observant; It knows very well what has hurt us. Perhaps It had even been the instrument behind the other peoples’ hurting of us. Satan does not want us to make progress spiritually; It desires our continued dwelling in the World and our adoption of the Worlds’ morals and ethics (which are clearly NOT conducive to getting you to Heaven). And so It oppresses us. Satan knows our weaknesses and propagates them as often as It can. If It is aware that a past hurt can distract us and weaken our path towards God, then who’s to say that Satan isn’t sometimes behind the development of resentments? That obsessing about a past event and having strong feelings about the whole matter isn’t Its way of causing us more harm to our souls? Imagining confrontations with the perpetrators and “getting even” in some way?

Whether it is demonic oppression (as distinct from demonic possession) or something less grave may not matter. It just means that we have more work to do in trusting in God’s Providence and Mercy. By ourselves we can do nothing; as they say in Twelve Step movements, “Let Go and Let God” so that He can establish His peace in our lives.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The wounded prodigal

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Today’s Gospel Reading for the Saturday of the Second Week of Lent is a popular one involving mercy and forgiveness. It is the story of “The Prodigal Son.”

I wrote about it before: Prodigal Alcoholics.

In that post I focused on mercy and forgiveness. There is also another point: the longing to belong and rejoin what you once had, even if in a more humble state. The Prodigal was intent on just being a hired hand for his father; he never expected to be readmitted to the family. Perhaps this is what we all hope for in our recovery: that our families and employers would just “forget” our sins and problems and move forward in life with us, just happy that we’re back and healthy. This does not always happen. Perhaps for some, and even then probably over time. We all mess up and wish for a “do over,” like nothing ever happened. This is not realistic, as our addiction did happen. Since God has this knack for bringing good out of evil, we can use this to our advantage. Use the experience of our addiction and recovery and help others in some way. Perhaps not by starting a blog about recovery process 😉 but at least by using the humbling experience of our own suffering to be understanding of others’ suffering and “screwed-upness.” We who were screwed up can have empathy towards others. We should be better able to connect and understand other people’s brokenness and wounded nature.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

I sought the Lord and he answered me

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An excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for the Mass for Tuesday of the First Week of Lent:

(Psalm 34:5) I sought the Lord, and he heeded me, and he carried me away from all my tribulations.

Courtesy Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

Seek the Lord and you will find Him. Perhaps not in the manner that you’d expect or the way you hoped. He will respond in the way best suited for your salvation.

This passage from the Psalms carries with it much hope for the alcoholic and addict still suffering, or for anyone having difficulties accepting the Cross of their recovery. (We all may learn we have our own Simon of Cyrene in our lives. We have to hope that we can recognize him or her.)

We have to keep in mind that God’s response to our prayers is in His time and not ours. We may have to endure in our tribulations; but this just means in the end we will emerge stronger and more secure in our partnership with God and our reliance on Divine Providence is bearing fruit.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Michael’s Lent begins today!

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Today, August 15th, the Solemnity of the Assumption of Our Lady, is also the beginning of the Franciscan devotion known as “St. Michael’s Lent.” It is a 40-day period of fasting begun by St. Francis of Assisi in the 1220’s similar to the actual Lenten season. It ends September 29th on the feast of St. Michael. It was during one of these fasts in 1224 that St. Francis received the stigmata.

I looked up this observance online, didn’t find much beyond what I stated above (there was an informative link that I referred a few years ago on Sober Catholic from a Franciscan site that is now a broken link.) But, I assume that you can just observe a fast of sorts (food or bad habit/character defect, etc.) and whatever other penitential practices you can think of.

I do believe that it is significant that this period begins and ends when it does. The Solemnity of the Assumption is observed because as Mary was preserved from Original Sin in her conception, she was bodily assumed into Heaven when her mortal period of time on Earth was over, thus preserving her from the corruption of death. St. Michael was the champion and leader of the blessed angels in their battle against Lucifer and his demons in the Fall of the Angels, and in his victory cast Satan out of Heaven. We can gain strength from theses days in our struggles against drinking and drugging, and especially against sins of impurity. If you are anxious and stressed about things (and what isn’t stressful nowadays?) you can perhaps “fast” from anxiety. Easier said than done. No wonder Satan uses impurity and addictions and fear in his ongoing war against those made in the image and likeness of God.

(Just in case anyone counts the number of days from Aug. 15 to Sept. 29, you’ll get “46.” .Don’t count the six Sundays that occur and you’ll get the forty. Sundays aren’t considered a part of any Lenten observance.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

All things work for good…

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There is a very reassuring passage from the Second Reading in today’s Mass for the Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time: Romans 8:28 “We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

(Courtesy The Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version)

Reassuring inasmuch as it helps us to understand that regardless of what we are going through, there may be value to it. Suffering can be “offered up” in reparation for ours’ and others’ sins… we can use it to grow closer to God as that frequently is the reason for it. Suffering detaches us from the world as we can see that the means by which the world uses to allay suffering can often be destructive. If suffering is material or economic in nature it can encourage us to adapt to a more frugal and simple lifestyle; again, detaching us from the rampant materialism and consumerism that spawns greed and envy. We come to rely on Divine Providence.

At any rate, convinced that “all things work for good” helps us to become aware that eventually “it will get better,” that despite whatever our current situation is if we just keep our “eyes on the prize” we will get through it.

And we “who are called according to his purpose;” what purpose could that be but to hold onto our sobriety and recover the life we are supposed to lead?

So, keep on Trudgin’ the Road of Happy Destiny and know… it does get better. We just have to learn not to look at things the way the world does.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

God’s voice versus Satan’s voice

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I came across one of those “inspiring” images online; I rarely (if ever) have posted them on here, I usually just share them on SoberCatholic’s social media Pages. But this one deserves a share here, as I think it addresses a problem common to all alcoholics and addicts, regardless of how long sober and clean. (I don’t know who the creator is, it didn’t come with any attribution.)

godsvoicevssatansvoice

It appears that “Satan’s voice” is heard quite often by us; frequently when trying to become sober, often still long afterwards.

That voice also isn’t some evil-sounding, malicious growl dripping with hate, either. It can sound like people we know who have been harsh and judgmental with us in the past. Satan knows the pain they’ve caused and just exploits that.

Keep tring to hear that sweet, still, small voice of God.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

My soul is sorrowful, even unto death

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One of my favorite saints, St. Maximilian Maria Kolbe, once suggested somewhere in his writings that we should meditate on the Passion narratives of Our Lord on Fridays. Or was that St. Therese of Lisieux? Another favorite of mine, I’ve been studying her writings recently along with St. Max’s. I might get their suggestions mixed up at times.

Last Friday I started with the account in Matthew’s Gospel. I got as far as:

Matthew 26:38 Then he said to them: “My soul is sorrowful, even unto death. Stay here and keep vigil with me.”

(via Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version)

I’m a melancholic individual, sometimes depressed or sad for miscellaneous reasons. Sometimes for too long as I tend to dwell on things. I have contemplated suicide three times in my life (1985-86, 1994-95 and late 2005-early 2006. I may discuss them at some point (if I haven’t already, at the moment I didn’t feel like searching for any blogposts on the subject, but there is a post category on it so I must have…)

On the night He was betrayed, He was praying in Gethsemane, praying hard and was “sorrowful, even unto death.” He knew what was coming. He also knew, based on His nature, that He’d survive. And yet He was still “sorrowful, even unto death.”

Those words just stopped me cold and I couldn’t read past that. I’ve read those words numerous times before, and they’ve always brought some comfort. If Jesus can feel that way, that gives us some consolation. God knows everything, but knowing and experiencing something in His human nature AND in His divine nature I think divinizes the experience. We suffer, and are sorrowful so much so at times that our spirit embraces death. Not necessarily becoming suicidal, but the degree of severity to which we are suffering can be “like death.” We, as baptized Catholics, and thus members of the Mystical Body of Christ, can draw upon this when we “offer up” or pains. He knows about them. Not just because He is an omniscient God, but because He’d been there, He suffered them, too.. Our sufferings are gathered up into the Mystical Body, and as He suffered we can draw strength and courage from that.

Ask for the graces…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A fortnight of years in sobriety

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Today marks my 14th anniversary of my last drunk. I sort of remember it, although for years I couldn’t recall the exact time (as in hour/minute) I took my last drink. I still can’t. I won’t bother with the details of my last drunk as I’ve written about them before.

Question: “How’d I do it?” Answer: “One day at a time!!” Well, there’s more to it than that, but in essence the twelve step practice of taking each day as it comes does help.

Sometimes I have to take each hour as it comes.

Speaking of the Twelve Steps, yes, they are useful. A wonderful lifeline when other things are absent or insufficient. (Absent or insufficient because they have not been developed enough as a response to external factors that may create a desire to drink.)

My Catholic Faith was and is more useful. I do know that if I had to rely solely upon the spirituality of the Twelve Steps and meeting attendance, I’d be one of those poster children for relapses; “those people” you see who enter the program, “get it” for a while, and then go back out.

Once in a while there are stressors. Anxiety, isolation, economic concerns and so forth well up and I think, “Just one drink to take the edge off.” But no, I don’t. I get through it (“One hour at a time, one minute at a time…”) and move on.

At times like those I also grab my AA literature (the Big Book or 12 & 12) and get help that way. Sometimes I feel the need for a meeting, but don’t bother (I seriously am NOT a meeting person. Never was, never will be. Online recovery works for me. I visit In the Rooms a lot.)

Sometimes when I feel that way, that my Faith and other personal means to maintain sobriety aren’t working, and I feel the need to fall back on traditional fixes like “going to a meeting” or “calling a sponsor” then I assess the state of my Faith. Sincerely, the Faith is all one should need.

Jesus came to heal the broken and wounded. The sick. We are all that and so His Church and the sacraments and devotions should work. They have, for me and for others that I’ve run across over the years. But at times they seem to be “not enough.”

But that isn’t an indictment of the Faith, or possibly not even my practice of it. There’s a list of saints very long who have gone through frequent periods of spiritual dryness, times when the Faith “wasn’t there.” They persevered and discerned that it was God’s way of drawing them closer. It is a path of spiritual growth and development (see St. Teresa of Jesus, a/k/a St. Teresa of Avila.) We feel distant and therefore we persevere and strive on, or we abandon the path.

I stay on the path. (This must be why images and symbols of “the path,” “the road,” “the way,” “the journey” resonate with me.)

I have come to feel that in those times when I feel the urge to drink is strong, and I need to respond in a traditional twelve step way, that I need to work on my Faith. I need to make a Spiritual Communion, or meditate on the Holy Spirit and His indwelling in me, or talk to the Blessed Mother. If this sounds selfish to you who are avid and devoted Twelve-Steppers, so be it. For the most part, my experience with AA has been at variance with the common conception of a “fellowship.” It’s just one more organization where I am a misfit, despite trying.

To me, AA and meeting attendance are training wheels or a crib. Eventually you outgrow them. You learn to ride on your own without the help of training wheels, and you move out of the crib. Useful to understand alcoholism and get the basics of Twelve Step spirituality and how to change your way of thinking and responding to situations, but after a fashion, one should learn what the Faith has to offer.

We were created by God. We exist to love Him and serve Him in this life and to be united and happy with Him forever in the next life (Heaven.) To get through this life He has established a Church to guide us.

We are obligated and we owe Him the duty to fully explore that Church and the Faith that springs up around Her. This does not mean leaving AA, if that suits your sobriety and you really enjoy it, then fine. It can be considered a work of mercy. Perhaps even a source for friendships.

But working within a Twelve Step program shouldn’t come at the expense of your Catholic Faith; that is like continuing to eat pureed baby food when the bread of life is readily available.

That’s all I have to say! I’ve just been very reflective on my fourteen years, where I’ve been, am now and where I’m going, along with the means for the way.

Just trudgin’ my road of happy destiny.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Remember the lonely and the lost…

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Today is Christmas, the Solemnity of the Nativity of the Lord. For many people it is a happy day, a time for family gatherings with lots of food and gifts and good times with memories to last.

For others, not so much.

Remember those who are lost today. Those who are lonely, have no family, or if they do, are estranged from them. Those who wander about with no hope.

Remember those who are homeless.

Remember those who are jobless and have to endure the humiliation of that state when they gather with family. Being unemployed anytime is horrible enough, but around the holidays it can be particularly embarrassing and humiliating. The personal degradation that you feel while among family members and they know you are out of work. They look at you, speak to you…

Remember those who have to work today…

Remember those who are just going through a rough time; a time of transition and change. The worst Christmas I ever had was ten years ago, Christmas Day 2005. My Mom had died in early November and just before Christmas the executor of her estate informed me that I had to get out of the house (I had been living with Mom for the previous ten years) so the estate can move forward with the sale. I suppose that if I had thought about it at the time I might have coped better, being forced to move might have made me meditate and ponder on the homelessness and wanderings of the Holy Family as they were on the move for the census mandated by the Emperor. Not to put my situation on a par with theirs at all, but the issue could have been handled with far more compassion.

But the executor had little use for compassion and understanding as they are merely baggage that reminds one of your own humanity.

And so after being told that I had to leave within thirty days, I drove about the county in a suicidal mood. The roads were icy and snowy and I was seeking out an appropriate place to ditch the car with me in it in a fatal accident. The “eviction” was the last straw; having been a punching bag for the executor and held with cold indifference by certain other family members was enough. This nearly broke me. I did have the presence of mind to call my priest who “just happened to know someone” who might have an apartment to rent. He did, and so I spent Christmas Day 2005 moving, hauling carload after carload of possessions across town. Alone, just me, as there was no one available to assist.

I knew “aloneness.”

I apologize for the downer post on Christmas, but perhaps you can spend a few moments thinking about those who are spending Christmas in a situation not at all similar to a warm and rosy holiday setting. Offer something up to help them cope.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Try and make amends before it’s too late

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I blogged earlier about an online friend’s sudden death.

Given the nature of Sober Catholic, I will offer an exhortation to those who have yet to make amends to people they need to (or have to). Do so, for the time will come when they will die and the opportunity will be lost.

I understand perfectly well the resistance to approaching people and trying to make up for the damage done while drinking or drugging. Sometimes it is not possible as trying to will only do more harm than good. Use your conscience or speak with a sponsor or bring it up at a meeting, if needed.

But at least consider the possibility that they person may not be around when you finally decide to repair the relationship.

NOTE: The lady who died wasn’t someone with whom I needed to make an amends. Her death was sudden, and that is what prompted these posts.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)