Category Archives: Fear

Love Your Enemies

Posted on by

In the Gospel Reading for Saturday of the First Week of Lent (I had meant to post this yesterday, but was having connectivity issues with the blog)

(Matthew 5:43-48),

Jesus said to his disciples:

“You have heard that it was said,

You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.

But I say to you, love your enemies,

and pray for those who persecute you,

that you may be children of your heavenly Father,

for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good,

and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.

For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have?

Do not the tax collectors do the same?

And if you greet your brothers and sisters only,

what is unusual about that?

Do not the pagans do the same?

So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

via USCCB.

This admonition by Jesus is a very difficult one for us alcoholics to muster the courage for. And yet I think it is essential for our long-term recovery. It is difficult indeed to “love your enemy,” but if we persist it hating “our enemies,” the festering resentments that this implies will only threaten our recovery.

It is hard. I have trouble mustering the courage to forgive those who have hurt me. I periodically go through forgiveness exercises and review my feelings towards people who have hurt me, and struggle to cut loose the emotional bonds to the hurt. It is one thing to pray and forgive them, another to no longer feel the pain they have caused. That, I think, is a sign that forgiveness has settled in, and that the power your “enemies” has over you is over. Your forgive, and you subsequently no longer replay the tapes in your head of the hurt. The bonds are cut and it is behind you. Whether you reconcile is another matter.

And so you go on. Although forgiveness is hard, it is neccessary. As long as you keep trying, chipping away at the bonds of resentment, hate and self-pity, you will make continued progess along the road of happy destiny.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A Walk With the Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots, Day 9

Posted on by

Today is Day 9 and thus the final one in our Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots. We ask Mary’s intercession for “this knot in my life…You know very well the suffering it has caused me…”

So, what knot is it? Is it the same one you may have prayed about daily, or one of the more knotty ones from a particular day? (A rhetorical question, don’t post the knot in the comments!)

Ponder, meditate and offer up this knot for Mary to undo. Offer up all the pain, trauma and suffering it has brought into your life. Let Mary’s maternal love work its healing into you…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Being Fat, Dumb and Happy for Jesus

Posted on by

Way back in the day when I lived in California I was introduced to the phrase “fat, dumb, and happy.” It is said after you’ve eaten a particularly large and sumptuous meal. I have no idea if that saying is a “California-ism,” but that’s where I first heard and used it.

The thought ocurred to me after overeating this past Thanksgiving holiday that maybe we can be “fat, dumb and happy” for Jesus. Here’s how:

Become fat: gorge yourself on Sacred Scripture, the Catechism and the Sacraments. Read the Bible daily, soak up the Word. Go to Mass daily (if possible) and visit the Blessed Sacrament whenever you can. If a parish nearby has Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration, sign up for a Holy Hour. Go to Confession at least once a month. I go every 2-3 weeks.

Be dumb: Be a fool for Christ. Be counter-cultural. The World has a different understanding on what it meands to be “counter-cultural,” but true counter-cultural attidues and actions run against the World’s transient values and morals. No better way that to live out the prophetic call of the Gospel message. Be Christian. The World will think you’re an idiot, but so what?

Be happy: Living the Gospel is “joyful,” and that is something Pope Francis seems keen on getting across. Jesus is our brother, God our Father, how can that not make us happy? We know we’ve won, all that remains is the mopping up action of winning souls for the Lord and building the Kingdom of God on Earth. We know we will prevail in the end. Again, how can we not be happy? Am I always happy? No! I’m a weak, flawed, fallible human! Daily living gets me down. But oftentimes I rise above it. Perhaps not often enough.

So, start now! Let’s start a Movement! Be Fat, Dumb and Happy for the Lord!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Taking up the Cross

Posted on by

Matthew 16:24 “Then Jesus said to his disciples: “If anyone is willing to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”

(Via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.)

As alcoholics and addicts we often carry the burdens of temptations. Many people do, we are not unique in that regard. However if we succumb to them, it can be dangerous. Even if it is a serious temptation like impurity and we aren’t sex or porn addicts, it may open the door to further destructive behavior given the potentially addictive nature of our thinking.

It is painful to carry the burden of temptations. We want to surrender to them “just a little,” to ease the burden. But we cannot as we know the effects. Given that we are active in our recovery, we are probably far more sensitive to inappropriate behavior and thinking than most people. Any fall can be an excuse for self-loathing.

It is fine if we constantly “pick ourselves up” after a fall into whatever sin is tempting us. This is what the saints did.

But I think that if we view the continual troubles and trials as a cross that we must bear, we can show Jesus, “See, Lord? I am your servant and follower. I bear the Cross of this temptation and I will not drop it.”

Equate that trial or temptation with the Cross. It is a tangible feeling to connect to Jesus, something that you can think about whenever you hear someone talk about “hang it on the Cross,” or “unite your sufferings to Jesus.”

It may make it more bearable.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hope and Perseverance

Posted on by

In light of yesterday’s Giving Glory to God post, I’m dusting off a draft that is related to it.

“Hope and Perseverance,” are two things that I can at least grab onto as things I do not lack. Despite this or that excuse or circumstance or “whatever,” every night when I go to bed I think of what I have done and what I have failed to do, and when dwelling upon the latter, I resolve to do better.

Every night, every day.

The “amount” of hope and perseverance may vary at time. Often I just feel like saying “to heck with it,” but the feeling never lasts.

I think that if I wake up every morning, God is giving me another chance at setting right whatever I failed to do the previous day.

In a way, this is like the 12 Step slogan, “Never give up five minutes before the miracle occurs.” This is with regard to finally “getting” sobriety of the 12 Step Program, but I think it applies to other things that you are yearning for: Do not quit, never give up, keep on at least TRYING to do whatever it is that you think God placed you on this Earth for. Eventually things may sort themselves out and become clearer and you’ll see the path to where you’re going, if not the actual results.

Keep on keepin’ on, people.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Recovering Catholics

Posted on by

One thing has repeatedly disturbed me in the over 10 years of sobriety that I have.

That thing is the phrase “Recovering Catholic.”

I encountered that phrase quite a lot yesterday and today when I revisited an online recovery community called In The Rooms. I joined a few years ago, never did much with it, but recently felt called to see it again and maybe participate more.

One thing that I hope to do this time around is seek out members of my Faith. My Faith has been extremely important to me in my recovery from alcohol. My Catholicism is tightly wrapped up in my experience, strength and hope.  I figure that if I can connect to other Catholics here, I might find more of a reason to stay. Not that I am uninterested in non-Catholic members, far from it, I’ll be a friend with anyone who is sincere. But I may find an additional incentive to stick around if I can meet other fellow Catholics.

And so I did a search up there in the search area for “Catholic.” I found a bunch of people. It seems that the ITR search engine found anyone who had the term “Catholic” in his or her profile.

And often the word “Catholic” was right after the word “Recovering.”

To me, that term is mean-spirited and hurtful. It also means that the people identifying themselves as one have unresolved issues with the Church. What do 12 Step Programs say about such things? I forget the exact quote in AA’s “Big Book,” but there is something in it about how anger and resentment are two things that alcoholics (and by modern extension, any addict) cannot afford.

They are dangerous landmines. These unresolved issues are just waiting to bite you and perhaps be the trigger for a relapse. Any resentment or unresolved issue needs to be addressed.

Why the term “Recovered Catholic” anyway? Catholicism is an ancient and deep religion and spirituality that has been one of the primary architects of Western civilization. There is much within it that is useful to anyone in recovery. If a person has been harmed by the Church, whether by abuse (of any kind), or they were raised “too strict,” or they have difficulties with the Church’s teachings, all these need to be explored and dealt with.

Regarding abuse: individuals caused it. Not the Church as an institution. Granted, the Church badly fumbled and stumbled in reforming and dealing with abuse. Those who abused, covered up the abuse, and did other wrongs will eventually suffer just punishment. I am by no means soft-pedaling a serious and critical issue. But the lasting anger and resentment that victims feel years later are hardly a “healing.” There are resources available with the Church and outside that can assist people in healing from abuse. It may take years, but the process should be started, and take as long as it needs to take. Otherwise you’re never completely “recovered” from what happened.

If they were raised by “too strict” parents (or taught by too “tough” nuns), so what? That was the parent’s fault. Why did they feel so strongly about the Faith that they drove it home so hard? Perhaps you can learn from authentic and legitimate Catholic sources as to what the Church teach, and more importantly why She teaches that. Your eyes, heart and mind may be opened. Tell you the truth, I was raised Catholic by my parents, my father was rather strict (less so with me than with my much older siblings). I had enough and left the Church. I wandered about a spiritual desert for maybe 15 years before returning. I am grateful that I did. The Church saved my life. Maintaining a harsh attitude against the Church for how Her teachings were inculcated in you is hardly a sign of one in a good recovery (from an addiction. Again that “resentment” word.)

If it is difficulty with Church teachings, then the same advice: learn from authentic and legitimate Catholic sources as to what the Church teaches, and more importantly why. You may understand.

This all takes honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. It also takes humility.

Many people in recovery find their religious faith (Catholic or otherwise) to be of immense help. Going 12 Step-only does not always work, many people need something more. To identify yourself in a manner that bashes another religion is counter-productive and just plain impolite. It is harmful to others, particularly members of that Faith to whom it may be important), and ultimately paints yourself as an individual who may have a shaky recovery (no matter how long sober and clean.)

If you cannot fully deal with and resolve issues from your past, then how can you be of help to others?

The point is, that no matter what the source is for a person’s use of the term “Recovering Catholic,” it does signify something that needs to be addressed and resolved. Something deep inside is still hurting. Honesty and humility are useful tools in doing this. You may not ever return to the Catholic Church, but perhaps the hate, anger and resentment will fade.

Forgiveness and perhaps even reconciliation are ultimately needed. Many “in the rooms” say the Lord’s Prayer during meetings, or on their own. You may want to take a look at the line towards the end:

“And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others who trespass against us.”

It basically means that God will not forgive you of your sins against Him or against others, unless you also forgive others of their sins against you. It is tough. Forgiveness may be the toughest thing anyone can do. If it was easy, the world would be a far more peaceful place.

Some things to ponder.

If any reader is a member of ITR, here is my profile at “In The Rooms”.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Inspiring video for when things get really bad

Posted on by

Just watch:

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to St. Michael the Archangel, Day 5

Posted on by

On this fifth day of the Novena, we petition
the Lord for protection against Satan.

Alcoholism is called “cunning, baffling and powerful.” Indeed it is, since it is also a weapon use by Satan to trap us and keep us from the path God intended for us to trudge.

It is stronger than we are, if we battle it alone. Joining with others to help maintain sobriety has been a huge success, whether it is through actual 12 Step membership, or even more informal camaraderie with good friends who help keep each other clean and sober (made easier nowadays with social networking like Facebook, Plurk and Google+).

Alone we are vulnerable to attack. With others, especially strengthened by prayer and meditation, we can put it behind us and recover the life we were meant to lead.

Matthew 18:20
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

(Via USCCB.)

Now, to the Novena:

Begin the prayer with: O God, come to my assistance. O Lord, make haste to help me. Glory be to the Father…, etc.

By the intercession of St. Michael and the celestial Choir of Powers may the Lord protect our souls against the snares and temptations of the devil. Amen.

[Say one Our Father and three Hail Marys after your intentions for the protection of your soul.]

To say the entire Chaplet, click here:
Chaplet of St. Michael

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

You will not be tried beyond your strength

Posted on by

Quite often in 12 Step meetings and elsewhere it is said that “God will not allow you to be tried or tested beyond your strength or limits.”

It is Scriptural, therefore reliable and true.

1 Corinthians 10:13: No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.

(Via USCCB NABRE.)

All of our trials are the result of human error and folly. Our lack of cooperation with God’s will introduces friction in our lives, and our human frailty and selfishness furthermore mucks up the works. God permits these things to happen due to His respect for our free will and for the opportunity for us to accept these crosses as proof of our discipleship. We screw up, we turn to Him.

One thing I did not know was the part about “…He will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.” This is even more comforting. The answer lies within the problem. His hand is somewhere in there guiding us, we have to just see it and reach out.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Crucible of Faith

Posted on by

Earlier this month I wrote: Just enough. This is a sequel.

The reason I am writing this sequel is that I need to expound somewhat on the “suffering” aspect of that post. Although you might think that there would be increased confidence in relying on Divine Providence, there is a lag time between when the suffering (worrying) begins and when you realize that you are getting “just enough.” The lag time varies, perhaps from situation to situation and from person to person. It all depends on the strength of your Faith and how often in the past you have allowed suffering to strengthen it.

We have two spiritual options when faced with suffering. We can reject it or accept it. The World tells us to reject it. The spiritually ignorant or weak will feel that God should reward the faithful, as if that is proof of His love. These people perhaps do not discipline their children or admonish friends all that much. Suffering is painful, pain is bad and should be avoided.

Or we can accept, for as Christians we are called to follow Christ, since He said:

Luke 9:23: “Then he said to all, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

To deny ourselves sounds like we must essentially run counter to our basic instinct of self-preservation. Suffering threatens our survival, and so therefore we must shun it. But we are not animals, subject to instinct, we are made in the image and likeness of God and as “…God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life,” (John 3:16) so we must reflect that love in return and trust in Him, like a child trusts in his or her earthly father.

The pain and uncertainty of material want, such as financial worries of various kinds, has a very debilitating effect on faith. Faith is not material, it can’t feed you physical food or pay the bills. It can feed you and provide courage for tough times, but as I stated earlier, there may be that lag time before it kicks in. And how do you get through that lag time, when your faith is threatened by overwhelming worries and concerns?

Anyone can have strong faith when things are going well. It isn’t hard to trust in God and have faith that things will be all right when they already are. It is when you are struggling to pay the bills, the truck and SUV need repairing (and both are old), and housing expenses are perhaps out of reach… in these times try to keep the faith.

These times can serve as a crucible, a forge or winepress that purifies and strengthens the faith. Purify it from all insincerity and falsehood, or refining it for some divine purpose. Strengthen it for tough times ahead (the World is increasingly unfriendly to Christianity in general, and Catholicism in particular).

Psalm 66:10: “You tested us, O God, tried us as silver tried by fire.”

1 Peter 1:7: “In this you rejoice, although now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

We can cut and run when it gets tough, when our daily troubles feel overwhelming and no end appears in sight. We can abandon our Faith and resort to unethical or immoral solutions to our problems, or if not that then destroy the relationships about us with our fear, anger and anxiety.

Or we can offer it up to God, take it one day at a time, assume He is in charge despite the mess and grow as people. Men develop the masculine strength to bear the burden and “slay the terror” and be the emotional rock upon which others can depend on, and women can see this as a time to become even more nurturing and caring in order to assist others around them to maintain a sense of peace and stability.

It is not easy accomplishing this, it takes time and perseverance. And a refusal to reject suffering. Perseverance will help you also later in life on your deathbed.

Faith can help keep your wits about you when all others are losing theirs.

Matthew 6:19-21,24-27: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

“No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?”

You cannot ignore these problems. Like I said in the “Just Enough” post, “It does NOT mean that you pray for something and “BOING!” you get it.” You have to work for it, plan for it. But you have a partner, and that is God. He works in partnership with us, and with others. We do not know everything that is going on. A solution to your time of troubles could be developing as you read this and suddenly present itself.

Philippians 4:6-7: “Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

I think in the context of this post that “the peace… that surpasses all understanding” is what keeps you faith strong and your wits about you.

You are not alone:

1 Peter 5:7-10: “Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you. Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for (someone) to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings. The God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory through Christ (Jesus) will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little.”

You suffer, and will recover. You will get through it. Somehow. Any alcoholic and addict reading this should understand.

Be “steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.”

May the peace of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ be with you all.

All Scripture quotes courtesy: USCCB.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)