Category Archives: Forgiveness

Forgive

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On Monday I went for a drive to visit my parent’s graves and just as I was heading down the street I had to stop to avoid this other driver going the opposite way. He had briefly swung into my lane to get around a line of parked cars. I think that I had the right-of way as my lane was clear and he was obligated to stop and wait for me to get past him before he moved into my lane. Not a big deal as it wasn’t a near collision, we were far enough apart along the road. But a little bit of irritation with him rose up briefly that was squelched by the word:

Forgive.

It sprang up unbidden, just wafted up from my unconscious and hung there. Not that there was much to forgive but it was interesting nonetheless. Perhaps if I was more angry the word never would have had a chance at breaking through the emotion. But it saw an opportunity and it took it.

My usual automatic reaction would be one of annoyance or irritation or a whole host of nasty thoughts. The dark detritus just emerges and hangs around like toxic waste just poisoning my mood. Frequent negative thoughts fight through and hang about, and from what I gather this is common to most people.

But I was curious as to why the word forgive just popped up and nestled in my brain instead of the brief annoyance or irritation just planting itself, taking root and growing into a monster vine of resentment at other people and how dumb they are.

So I took it upon myself in this drive of which the original destination (the cemetery) turned out to be a brief stop and not the destination, and pondered the notion that forgive was my reaction, and not something meaner, despite the minor offense of the other driver.

I ended up thinking that maybe I can embark upon yet another round of focused spiritual development, of interior conversion centered around training me to have forgive as an automatic reaction rather than a negative one that normally festers. I’ve done this before successfully in my 5 years of sobriety. The AA “Big Book” mentions some things about anger and resentment being “red flags”. And so I, over the course of time, tried to recognize these “red flags” as they arose and strike them quickly. It works. It took time and effort, but eventually I became a less outwardly angry and irritable person. At least I think so. Working on “impatience” as much the same way. As before, when I felt rising anger, irritation and resentment building up that I tried to get rid of, feelings of impatience also were dealt with similarly.

I still get angry, annoyed, irritated and impatient, but they don’t define me. At least I hope so.

Anyway, back to forgive.

So I thought about the effects of going about the day keeping in mind that in any given instance I might have my feathers ruffled, for real or imagined. This post has been bouncing around my head since Monday’s drive, time to get it out on paper. Or electrons. 🙂

It seems to work. Whenever there is an instance where someone bothered me (again, specifics don’t matter, just go about your day and reflect on how many times people seem to irritate you, and they probably aren’t even aware.) It was like a mantra, just thinking forgive.

It has a healing effect. It immediately soothes. Instead of a rising negative attitude that may be sustained for a few minutes or hours, it quickly quiets them. All this repeated negative detritus just accumulates and poisons your soul. Repeating forgive gets you over it quickly.

I am melancholic. Which means I have a tendency towards being sensitive and dwelling on things, along with a certain bit of nostalgia. That sometimes makes for an unhealthy combination in which things from the past get dredged up and dwelt upon. Sometimes from the faraway past. Just repeating forgive helps soften the pain. To me, it was as if I was automatically releasing it (whatever it was) to God.

The repetition of forgive also helps interrupt the flow of the negative thoughts. This is related to something I had posted before, I forget which post, about why AA’s attend meetings when they feel like they may be about to relapse. The idea is that you relapse sometime before you actually take that drink, but meeting attendance, if that’s the best tool you have, interrupts the sequence of thoughts leading to the drink. Even if all the AA did was attend the meeting, regardless of the topic, the environment was enough to stifle the continued flow of thoughts which would have led to the action of taking a drink.

Same for thinking the word forgive. It immediately interrupts the self-righteous, indignant feelings that arise when you are wronged, regardless of how serious, regardless of whether the injury was intended or just accidental, or real or imagined. (You know what I mean, someone looks at you the wrong way, or they’re talking quietly to themselves and you think the muttering is about you. You’re not as important to the World as you think, they may not even be aware that you were passing through their field of vision when a stray thought of theirs caused them to do whatever it was they did. And maybe it was an upsurge of negative thoughts! HA!)

Just let it go. It isn’t worth mulling over. It isn’t worth wasting time holding onto the resentment of a momentary irritation, or some wrongdoing someone wrought upon you the other day or some time ago. Just forgive.

We Christians know how to forgive. Turn it over to God, let Him deal with it and you just cut the emotional ties to the event. Stop feeding the monster. If you persist in nurturing the resentment, it’s as if you are climbing up on God’s judgment seat and condemning the other person. That’s God’s job, assuming He agrees with you. He might not. If you are a Catholic Christian, in your examination of conscience that you do prior to Confession, analyze what you may have done in your relations with the other person to have caused the incident. (That’s part of humility. Never assume you’re entirely innocent.) Then confess it and work on your firm purpose of amendment to not do that ever again. Don’t feel self-righteous about another’s behavior towards you. “How dare they?” You’ve probably caused your fair share of unintentional and unwitting grief as well.

This repetition of the word forgive whenever something irritating is done by somebody is also done unconditionally. You don’t debate who’s right or who’s wrong. It’s easy enough to sweep away the garbage when the rising emotion comes from a routine going on about the day and there’s a host of attitudinal and emotional bumping and grinding. (Like the driver way back in the beginning of this post. Wow, that’s way back up there!) It’s another when there is a rupture of some degree and there is genuine hurt. This was touched upon in yesterday’s post.

You may refer to Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.”

Jesus was using a common Hebrew shorthand of using multiples to mean “a lot” or, “a long time”. You forgive as often as you need to. As often as you are wronged.

Forgive anyway. It is tough, and o
ften might not be immediately possible, but is necessary eventually.

There is also something perhaps uniquely Christian about just saying forgive. It is self-sacrificial. This is the unconditional part from 2 paragraphs up. You are not counting the cost to yourself, nor determining who’s right or wrong. In any rupture, both sides can be held accountable. Even the person wronged, perhaps. (I mean interpersonal conflicts, slights, offenses. Not crimes.)

Think of Matthew 5:38-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on (your) right cheek, turn the other one to him as well. If anyone wants to go to law with you over your tunic, hand him your cloak as well. Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles. Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.”

Therefore, you are in essence, “turning the other cheek” when you think or say forgive. You are not making an accounting to settle with later. You are turning it over.

Forgive is healing in another way. As you go about the day uttering to yourself forgive automatically whenever the heat of rising irritation begins to bubble towards the caldera of your mind, and those times when you forgive the really big hurts that have been inflicted on you, you notice that you heal in another manner.

You begin to forgive yourself. Sometime by this weekend I plan to post something I thought of during the priest’s sermon last Sunday. The post (title unknown yet) concerns concupiscence (look it up) and self-esteem. Anyway, we all hurt. Much of it is self-inflicted. Many times we are harder on ourselves than we are on other people. We tend not to forgive ourselves. As we repeatedly utter to ourselves the word forgive it gets easier to ignore slights, real or perceived, committed against us by others. But it also should make it easier to forgive ourselves. For anything. No matter how long ago. As long as you also take care of it in sacramental confession, presuming it’s a sin, jettisoning the negative emotional dreck should become easier.

Forgive, then, works then simultaneously on inside, as well as on outside, threats. As you learn to forgive others, and become more accustomed to it, you get used to doing it for yourself. This doesn’t absolve you of any responsibility towards making amends to people you’ve hurt, but in the possibility of no reconciliation, it’s a good way to complete the healing.

Don’t forget some of Jesus’s final words spoken from the Cross:

Luke 23:33-34

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him and the criminals there, one on his right, the other on his left.

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” They divided his garments by casting lots.

He was dying, up there. God, a common criminal. And yet he forgave them. Of course, He’s God, He can do that. But it was a lesson to us. An important one. If He can forgive what was done to Him, who are we to decide that we cannot?

Forgive.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Reconciliation and Forgiveness

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An excerpt from the Gospel of Thursday in the Tenth Week of Ordinary Time: (yes, I know it’s Tuesday of the Eleventh Week of Ordinary Time, but I’ve been busy. This Gospel passage triggered some things to think about, and I had to go about and think of them before writing this post. There will be 2 more posts on the subjects of forgiveness and reconciliation that I hope to get to today, or if not, then tomorrow. Besides, the Church exists partly outside of Time, that being the “Church Triumphant” in Heaven. And since we are connected to the saints in Heaven by way of the Communion of Saints, it doesn’t really matter that sometimes I’m late with a reading from a particular day. 😉 )

Matthew 5:23-26;

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you,leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison.
Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny.

This concerns reconciliation with a person who has a grievance against you. For the purposes of this post, it doesn’t matter if the grievance is legitimate or even who is guilty. There exists a situation between you and another, and that situation must be cleared up before you can make an acceptable offering to God. An offering of prayer, or of yourself, whatever. You need to engage in something with God, an that will be impure and unacceptable until you have cleared the slate with another.

This is incidentally the basis for the Catholic teaching that you must confess all known mortal sins in sacramental confession before receiving Holy Communion, and why you must, if you’re thinking of returning to the Church, meet with a priest so he can help clear the way.

You reconcile. There is a thing between you and another, and that situation also would cause harm in your relationship with God. It must go. It is “clogging the pipes” through which grace flows to you. You meet with the other (when you can) and settle the difference. If the offer is rejected, and you’ve made and honest and sincere attempt, then you forgive and move on. You’ve done your part. The failure is now between the other and God.

Forgive means to break the emotional hold something has over you. In the previous paragraph, you tried to settle with the other and it was rejected. The hurt remains, the situation still exists. The other refuses to accept your offering to settle, nothing more can be done. You’ve been wronged, but it still has a hold on you. Get over it. It’ll take time, but to forgive means to release the situation, it is out of your hands and exists in the pasts. To not forgive means that the situation will still remain a part of you, although it existed back in the past. It becomes a resentment, a wrongdoing nurtured and sustained by the wounded.

It serves no useful purpose. It hinders your forward spiritual development and harms your developing relationships. It wears you down.

Turn it over to God. Let Him deal with it. By whatever means necessary, whether by prayer, some symbolic action, or just not thinking about it, try and no longer enable the event or transgression to have a hold on you. Divorce your emotions connected with the memory from the memory. No regrets, you’ve done all you could, it’s time to let go and move on. It will take time. Keep trying.

Another Gospel excerpt: Matthew 6:12, 14-15;

and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors…
If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.

This is part of the Lord’s Prayer, as told in Matthew. It simply means that if you do not forgive others who have wronged you, do not expect mercy from God for any wrongs you have committed. It makes sense. You have no business asking for mercy if you are not willing to extend it. This is related to the first Gospel excerpt concerning the need to reconcile with another before attempting to enter into something with God.

Forgiveness and reconciliation is healthy, mentally. All sorts of junk is tossed away.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A graceful diadem

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Today’s Daily Wisdom Dose, from Proverbs 1:8-9:

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and reject not your mother’s teaching;
A graceful diadem will they be for your head; a torque for your neck.

This may be difficult for those of who have had problematic relations with parents. (Mine were OK. No complaints. Not perfect, but everything worked out.) So for those who regard the very idea of respecting your parent’s instructions and advice to be difficult, if not impossible, read on. Other male and female iconic figures in your life can be picked to serve as “parents”, if needed.

Aside from a being a follow-up to the Commandment on “Honor your Father and Mother” this can be considered a plea for respecting legitimate authority. Parents are the first authority figures in a child’s life, and perhaps their relationship with parents form the basis for their relationship with authority overall. Perhaps a generalization, but how parents exercised their authority determines a child’s attitude toward authority later on.

We alcoholics notoriously have a challenged relationship with authority. In our recovery from alcohol, we can no longer use the excuses of a childhood environment to defy authority or run from it. In our recovery from alcohol, we now have an obligation to govern our lives with responsibility. One of the positive outcomes of the 12 Steps is that it allows us to clean up the wreckage of our past, or at least come to terms with it. One of the marks of our responsible living, if it is still possible, feasible, and necessary, is to repair and rebuild our relationships with the parents. Once they die, it is too late. Once gone, the opportunity is forever lost.

The Fourth Step involves the individual making a “fearless and searching moral inventory”. This is identifying those areas of the past that need to be cleaned up. This is what we did wrong, and now we are going to redress it. Even when we were wronged, we analyze the events to determine what, if anything, we might have done to contribute to the situation. This is personal responsibility, we committed serious wrongs (“sins”) in the past and now we shall try and clean those up. Later on in the steps, (The Ninth) we make our amends to those we have wronged.

Granted, by the time we are old enough to make these amends to parents, we may be well past the age where we need instruction and advice from them. (Personally, I don’t think anyone is ever too old for this.) Nevertheless, we do have the Commandment to “Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother”, and if repairing and restoring a relationship with ones’ parents puts us in accord with that Commandment, then we are showing our willingness to carry out God’s will in our lives. We are also restoring a more balanced relationship with authority, or at least legitimate authority that exercises its power with due consideration for the rights and privilege of those under it’s purview.

The relationship with parents, if it can be restored, now opens up the promise of the passage from Proverbs. “A graceful diadem” will they be. A repaired relationship with parents is a major healing in an individuals life, so great an influence (for good or for bad) have parents had in early life that the promise of a more equitable and healthy relationship later in life may bring tremendous benefits.

Parents are the pillars upon which out life is built. They formed us. It is only right that a conscientious and sincere effort be made to repair the relationship with them. If possible.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Bruised reeds…

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Isaiah 42:3

A bruised reed he shall not break, and a smoldering wick he shall not quench…

This excerpt from The Book of Isaiah from yesterday’s Mass (Monday of Holy Week) speaks of the mercy of Christ.

This passage is an important one for anyone to remember, but particularly for us alcoholics.

For we were bruised reeds and we were smoldering wicks. Caught in the grips of alcoholism and perhaps at the depths of despair, we were on the verge of breaking or winking out.

And yet we did not break; our light, however dim, was not quenched. How we managed to grab onto whatever lifeline that pulled us out of our misery may be a mystery. It might have been a family member calling the local AA hotline, or a clergy rescuing a lost soul, or some other seemingly coincidental or improbable event, but whatever it was, we had enough hope left in us to grab onto that lifeline.

Some of us pulled on that lifeline and entered AA. A lot stayed there, content to remain with the comfortable and easygoing spirituality and friendships it offered. Some of us were not satisfied and kept on searching. We needed something deeper and more sustainable and somehow entered the Catholic Church.

Perhaps our hurt was not fully healed by the 12 Steps of AA, and we responded well to the Church’s teachings on God’s mercy and forgiveness. That despite whatever our past, God still loves us and desires us to be close to Him. We heeded the sacramental call and drank of the deep waters of the Eucharist and Penance. And we were satiated like alcohol never could do for us.

There was a “hole in our soul” that we thought could be filled by our addiction, and we were eventually disappointed and wounded. But upon entering the Church, we became whole again, healed by the sacraments and an invigorated, deeper prayer life.

Rest in God’s mercy.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

"Remember me…"

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Luke 23:42-43

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
He replied to him, “Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

The person asking Jesus to remember him in Luke’s Passion Narrative from Palm Sunday is the so-called “Good Thief”, the criminal hanging on the cross next to Jesus, and being crucified for some crime he did commit. He believed in Jesus (how he arrived at his faith is never explained, but immaterial) and asked that Jesus remember him in the afterlife. Legend holds that his name was Dismas.

The word Luke used in his Gospel “anamnesis” for “memory” does not merely mean to recall something. It means to remember it so intimately that it becomes present to you, rergardless of the passage of time. Dismas was aking Jesus not to remember him fondly, after all, both were dying. He was asking Him to be saved, to bring him, Dismas the Thief, into Jesus’ heavenly kingdom.

The Church usually uses Dismas as an example of the mercy of God, and how it triumphs over the judgment of God. This relates to the recovering alcoholic is a great way. Dismas was a thief, and apparently lived his whole life as a thief. Yet despite that, he still asked Jesus to save him and Jesus did. Right there on the Cross, Jesus told Dismas that essentially he was going to Heaven after he died. Jesus granted a plenary indulgence to someone right then and there.

While you shouldn’t wait until you’re dying to convert or revert to the Faith, or to ask Jesus to save you (why gamble on eternity?) it does serve as a useful reminder that no matter how bad you have been in your alcoholism or addiction, you ask Jesus with faith for forgiveness and redemption, and He will give it to you. As a Catholic, you can get this in sacramental confession. No matter how bad your sins are, no matter how long you committed them, no matter how long its been since your last confession, they’ll be wiped clean off your soul and you will be new again. There is no sin so great that He cannot forgive. In fact, believing that your sins are so great that He cannot forgive them is a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Your evil (or cumulative sinful acts) cannot be greater than God’s mercy.

Ask Jesus to “Remember you.” And then proceed to live out your new life. Go to confession.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Jumping off place

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Every alcoholic eventually arrives at a bottom. It is different for each, for some it could be the loss of house, spouse, job, money, health and respect. For others it could merely be the threat of those losses. Something happens at which point the alcoholic decides, “This cannot go on.” It is that point at which the alcoholic decides that maybe not drinking is better than drinking. “If I continue to drink I will die.” Or, “If I stop drinking, I may just wish I were dead.”

At any rate, the alcoholic is at a crossroads. AA’s basic text, the so-called “Big Book”calls it the “Jumping off place”. It is that point at which the alcoholic decides between life or death. It may not be an easy decision, some fight with it and manage to struggle for years before finally choosing (or have the choice made for them).

Choosing life is the path to recovery from alcohol and sobriety. It is also the path back into the Father’s loving embrace as you seek His help in staying free from alcohol.

It is a choice made in today’s Gospel reading, “The Parable of the Prodigal Son” See Luke 15:11-32. The Gospel contains a verse (#17): “Coming to his senses he thought…”. This implies the son had reached a decision after some thought. He had squandered his inheritance from his father, lived as a lowly servant feeding pigs, and envied the pigs. You would think he wouldn’t take too long in deciding the right course of action, but human pride is a strange thing. Some have trouble admitting to having made bad decisions, they would rather continue on the destructive course they are on. Perhaps a form of suicide. He eventually chose to return to his father and plead for mercy and forgiveness, accepting whatever he would receive.

Rather than receiving punishment and chastisement, the son was most warmly welcomed and embraced back into the fold of his father’s house.

So to, are we received by our Father in Heaven, when we come to our senses by whatever means we arrive at, repent and ask forgiveness. We drank and hurt Him, others and ourselves. We stop and begin the painful process to picking up our lives and amending it.

If you are reading this and are an alcoholic, perhaps you have hit bottom and have made the decision to choose life. You found this blog perhaps because you were seeking tools to help in your continued recovery. That is wonderful, I do hope this place helps. Or perhaps you have yet to reach that point, and still think you do not have a problem or can handle it on your own. Your decision-making process is affected by your drinking, listen to the voices around you who may be telling you things about your behavior. Take a cold, hard look at life. Has it always been this way? perhaps things were terrible before you began drinking, but how are they now, compared to those times?

Have you come to your senses?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Symbolism and Spirituality of Cleaning

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There is an inherent symbolic and spiritual aspect of cleaning.

Think about it.

Whether it’s dishes or laundry, you have a stack or pile of stuff that’s dirty. You submit them to a cleansing process and afterwards they are clean, free of anything and everything that soiled or dirtied them before.

Sort of like our souls before and after sacramental Confession. The graces of God that flow to us through the priest cleanse our souls, and make us as new as the day of our baptism.

There is also a therapeutic side to cleaning. You can mentally force a symbolism onto things laying about in a messy residence, weeds in a garden, or the pile of dirty clothes and stack of dishes. Each item that needs to be removed or cleaned off can represent a resentment, an envy or anger, or something bad that disconnects us from God and others. Imagine the resentment going away as things get more organized. As you forgive.

Thinking of cleaning in this manner is somewhat better than regarding it as a chore or drudgery.

Anyone that knows me is aware of a connection between my state of life and how well the apartment looks.

I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning and organizing lately.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A whole lot of forgiving going on

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In the Gospel from today’s Mass, Peter poses a question:

Matthew 18:21-22

Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.”

Jesus then goes on with the parable of the servant who was to be sold along with wife and family and possessions to pay off a debt, then begged and received forgiveness. In turn, this same servant failed to show the same leniency in forgiving a debt that he was owed. He paid for his lack of forgiveness. (Read the full Gospel reading at Matthew 18:21-35.)

What does this mean for us sober alcoholics? Quite simple, as we have made amendments to God and to others for our past wrongdoings and have sought and perhaps received forgiveness, so must we show forgiveness to others for their transgressions against us.

In cruder terms, we screw-ups generally recognize such behavior in others and should be more forgiving of it. We’ve been there, we’ve done that. How can we, of all people, sit in judgment of others?

As Christians, we can judge another’s behavior to a degree, but we cannot judge the person. In judging another’s actions, we must be charitable and understanding of that person’s dignity as a child of God. We do not tolerate and condone sinful behavior, we just retain awareness that we also were gravely sinful, and caution others in a loving manner of what we see as a wrong.

We sinned. We’ve asked forgiveness. We’ve received it. Others sin against us, and whether they ask for it or not, we forgive them. This cuts the bond that the trangression holds over us. As the servant in the parable failed to forgive the debt owed to him, and as a result was sent to prison to be tortured for his treatment of the other servant, so too, will our lack of forgiveness be like a prison of torture for us, as long as we hold onto the resentment over the action.

It goes deeper. In the Lord’s Prayer, also known as the “Our Father”, which is said at the end of many AA meetings in North America, there are the words: “…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

In other words, there is more to forgiveness than merely releasing resentment against another. The degree to which we forgive other people is the degree to which we will be forgiven by God. No matter how much we beg forgiveness for ourselves, if we lack forgiveness for others, it will be lacking towards us from God.

It is only fair. We want something for ourselves, we should aid others in receiving it.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Remember your mercies, Lord

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As recovering (or recovered) alcoholics, we embark upon a new way of living. We are learning to live according to new principles, whether they be 12 Step or Christian. But we still have our old lives to contend with.

From the Reponsorial Psalm of today’s Mass:

Psalm 25:4-9

Make known to me your ways, LORD; teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior.
For you I wait all the long day, because of your goodness, LORD.
Remember your compassion and love, O LORD; for they are ages old.
Remember no more the sins of my youth; remember me only in light of your love.
Good and upright is the LORD, who shows sinners the way,
Guides the humble rightly, and teaches the humble the way.

This excerpt from Psalm 25 can serve as a prayer for those of us in transition from the old ways of drinking to the new ways of sobriety. We need a new way of living, a new path to chart our lives. We implore God to teach us the way, and if we incline our ears to listen to Him, we can discern the meanings and teachings in our heart. We learn to trod the new path.

The old path needs to be cleaned up. We have sinned against God and against others. We also implore God to forgive us for our past wrongdoings. We ask Him to blot out from memory our past misdeeds and to look upon us through a Father’s loving eyes. For a loving God He indeed is, as He sent us His only Son to die for our species’ past transgressions in the beginning of our history. Only Jesus, fully human and fully divine, could pay the price for our Original Sin. Jesus, in His human-ness, accepted our guilt (though He committed no sin), and in His divinity, He redeemed us. We would otherwise should have died as a species were it not for His compassion and love. He allowed us to live despite Original Sin, and instead had His Son pay the price for us.

This is the God that we implore to remember us in the light of His love.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)