Category Archives: Forgiveness

An Examination of Conscience

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I just added to the “Other Healing Resources” linkylist the following: Examination of Conscience from Beginning Catholic.

I thought you might find it useful.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Divine Mercy Sunday: A great day for those who’ve really messed things up

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There was a windstorm where I live last Wednesday and we lost power for just over two days. I actually did have some plans for blogging, but with no power, there’s no Internet and so no blogging.

Today is Divine Mercy Sunday and I do hope that you took advantage of the tremendous source of healing, forgiveness and grace that this day brings. I posted before about this day, and perhaps next year I will, God willing, post more in the days leading up to it. It is a tremendous source of healing and consolation, a way to hit the “reset” button on your life, especially if you are disposed to that.

To whet your appetite, the following are two important excerpts on Divine Mercy Sunday from St. Faustina’s Diary, “Divine Mercy in My Soul,” where she wrote down her spiritual experiences during the 1930s when Jesus was communicating with her by interior locutions (the numbers refer to the paragraphs in the Diary where they can be found.)

300 … on this day, tell the whole world of My great mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on this day will be granted complete remission of sins and punishment.

Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy.

Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul’s distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy
and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness.
Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness.
My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy.

699 … My daughter, tell the whole world about My inconceivable mercy. I desire that the Feast of Mercy be a refuge and shelter for all souls, and especially for poor sinners. On that day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who approach the fount of My mercy. The soul that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. On that
day all the divine floodgates through which grace flow are opened. Let no soul fear
to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. My mercy is so great that no
mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity.
Everything that exists has come forth from the very depths of My most tender
mercy. Every soul in its relation to Me will contemplate My love and mercy
throughout eternity. The Feast of Mercy emerged from My very depths of
tenderness. It is My desire that it be solemnly celebrated on the first Sunday after
Easter. Mankind will not have peace until it turns to the Fount of My Mercy.

Much of this you can obtain at other times of the year; you can receive a plenary indulgence by going to Confession just before Mass, as well as on other designated days (Holy Days of Obligation.) A plenary indulgence is, according to the website of the Catholic Bishop’s of the United States: “Furthermore, for reception of a plenary indulgence, which grants the remission of all temporal punishment due to sin, in addition to this good work or act of devotion, the Church specifies four conditions: (1) sacramental confession, (2) reception of Holy Communion, (3) prayer for the intentions of the Holy Father, and (4) complete detachment from all sin, even venial sin. It must not be thought, however, that such acts of ours are somehow of themselves sufficient to earn the remission of the temporal punishment for sins. Our efforts, themselves the work of God’s grace, express our openness to receive God’s mercy. In the work of our salvation, it is always God’s grace that is primary, with a power that far exceeds all our efforts.”

Courtesy: USCCB

I went to Confession on Sunday, just before the Vigil Mass for Sunday. I usually go twice a month. It does make a difference. For those of you who are fearful of Confession, don’t be! Work your way up, go once, then try again in a few weeks. It gets easier the more you go as you get used to it that way. Trust me, I actually look forward to going.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Confession and examen

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Lent is obviously a popular time for going to Confession. What with all the penitential acts going on, NOT going would be odd. Most parishes have penance services where the sacrament is offered at a time when it usually isn’t, to enable and encourage people to go.

There are two great examination of consciences you can use. The first one is from the Vatican’s website; it is a link to the Ten Commandments. I suggest that you read over them all and assess how you stack up. If you have your own copy, they begin at paragraph 2052.

This is a direct link to a downloadable PDF file which contains a nice examination of conscience: Downloadable Confession Guide (PDF)

There is another great opportunity for confession right after Easter; Divine Mercy Sunday is the Second Sunday of Easter. (See the link in the previous sentence for information on celebrating it.) There is a plenary indulgence attached to going to Confession and celebrating the Divine Mercy devotions on that day. See also: Divine Mercy Sunday.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Forgiveness and the Adversary

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The concept of “forgiveness” has been on my mind recently, especially after this post. Obviously it is something that I’ve struggled with. The following comprises a summation of my recent internal debates.

OK, forgiveness… what does that mean? In the context of this blog, it will be in connection with the Catholic Faith. And thus we think of “Confession.” So, what takes place then? We go to Confession to confess our sins to a priest who, acting in the power vested in him by the Church absolves us of our sins. God forgives us and absolves us through the office of the priest.

So, the slate is wiped clean. We had offended God in some manner; we have abused our natural gifts in a way contrary to God’s will and intentions and we caused a disruption in our relationship with Him. A deadly rupture if the sins were mortal, less so if venial. In utilizing the Sacrament of Confession the wounds are healed and we move on in our relationship with God.

How does this apply to relationships with humans? Someone hurts me, I am wounded and the relationship suffers. How much depends on the extent of the offense. If little, it is easy to forgive; if not, forgiveness takes some effort.

Is the slate wiped clean? Perhaps. If the offense is great and the wound is deep, I interpret forgiveness to mean that I put the hurt and pain behind me, it is back there and I no longer dwell on it and nurture a resentment. I no longer ask “Why did it happen?” or seek any answers. If the action is recalled, the pain may return but I can dismiss it (with varying degrees of success dependent upon my state of mind.)

Forgiveness doesn’t imply reconciliation will follow; ideally it should as that would mirror our relationship with God and that is the model we seek in our dealings with others. However, other people are not God and thus reconciliation may not follow. In fact, oftentimes it shouldn’t if the protagonist has not repented and atoned for their offense.

OK. So we have established that forgiveness means the event is “back there,” and not emotionally connected to the present. You do not nurture the hurt by resenting the action. You no longer want to know “Why?” You no longer seek answers. Forgiveness has been made; if possible directly with the individual(s) so the relationship can be patched up or just unilaterally if you cannot deal with the other.

The problem I was having is that I thought that “forgiveness” didn’t “take hold” if the hurt keeps coming back. Perhaps it is natural for memories of the hurt to resurface from time to time. Much depends upon our ability to exercise self-control and discipline over our thought-life, but even then we are only human and if the pain was really deep it may never go away. I am referring to pain that was so intense that you yearned for death to end it and therefore contemplated suicide.

Nevertheless, perhaps the act of forgiveness needs to be done again. In some way, either by prayer and meditation, you contemplate the event and just turn it over to God. Let it become subject to His Justice and Mercy and try to leave it there. Praying to the Blessed Virgin and entrusting the whole matter to her is a part of this; Mary is our tender Mother and understands sorrow all too well.

And then another thought came to me: that recurring memories of a past hurt may just be intrusions of Satan into our inner life. The Adversary is observant; It knows very well what has hurt us. Perhaps It had even been the instrument behind the other peoples’ hurting of us. Satan does not want us to make progress spiritually; It desires our continued dwelling in the World and our adoption of the Worlds’ morals and ethics (which are clearly NOT conducive to getting you to Heaven). And so It oppresses us. Satan knows our weaknesses and propagates them as often as It can. If It is aware that a past hurt can distract us and weaken our path towards God, then who’s to say that Satan isn’t sometimes behind the development of resentments? That obsessing about a past event and having strong feelings about the whole matter isn’t Its way of causing us more harm to our souls? Imagining confrontations with the perpetrators and “getting even” in some way?

Whether it is demonic oppression (as distinct from demonic possession) or something less grave may not matter. It just means that we have more work to do in trusting in God’s Providence and Mercy. By ourselves we can do nothing; as they say in Twelve Step movements, “Let Go and Let God” so that He can establish His peace in our lives.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

490 times!

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In this excerpt of the Gospel from the Mass for Tuesday of the Third Week of Lent (Matthew 18:21-22) we learn the importance Jesus places upon forgiveness:

Then Peter, drawing near to him, said: “Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Even seven times?”

Jesus said to him: “I do not say to you, even seven times, but even seventy times seven times.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

If you pair this off with the petition near the end of the “Lord’s Prayer,” that part that goes: “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” and we have a real major issues if we hold on to grievances and resentments.

Getting rid of them is indeed hard. I’ve got some that are persistent and at times I think I’m over them. But a wandering mind at times seeks something to grab onto and it gravitates towards and old hurt. And them doesn’t let go.

I like to think that I’ve forgiven the original offense, and that it’s just the emotional pain that persists in memory, but I’m not sure. I’ve read countless things on forgiveness; that it doesn’t mean forgetting or reconciliation, it just means that you’ve disconnected from the original event and no longer expect or want an apology or explanation. It no longer has that hold on you. The hurt happened, it’s way back there in the past and let it go. The pain may return from time to time, but that’s just being human. If you quickly run some spiritual techniques to quell the memory, perhaps you can move on again.

I suppose it’s time to dwell on forgiveness, for if we cannot forgive, we cannot expect it ourselves.

(I just checked, this post is the 100th post in the Forgiveness Category and 67th in the Resentment one! Maybe I should spend some time reading these…)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The wounded prodigal

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Today’s Gospel Reading for the Saturday of the Second Week of Lent is a popular one involving mercy and forgiveness. It is the story of “The Prodigal Son.”

I wrote about it before: Prodigal Alcoholics.

In that post I focused on mercy and forgiveness. There is also another point: the longing to belong and rejoin what you once had, even if in a more humble state. The Prodigal was intent on just being a hired hand for his father; he never expected to be readmitted to the family. Perhaps this is what we all hope for in our recovery: that our families and employers would just “forget” our sins and problems and move forward in life with us, just happy that we’re back and healthy. This does not always happen. Perhaps for some, and even then probably over time. We all mess up and wish for a “do over,” like nothing ever happened. This is not realistic, as our addiction did happen. Since God has this knack for bringing good out of evil, we can use this to our advantage. Use the experience of our addiction and recovery and help others in some way. Perhaps not by starting a blog about recovery process 😉 but at least by using the humbling experience of our own suffering to be understanding of others’ suffering and “screwed-upness.” We who were screwed up can have empathy towards others. We should be better able to connect and understand other people’s brokenness and wounded nature.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Love your enemies

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In this excerpt from the Gospel for the Mass of Saturday of the First Week of Lent (Matthew 5:44) Jesus exhorts us to: “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. And pray for those who persecute and slander you.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

Not easy for anyone, especially those of us who are in recovery and have a past littered with problematic relationships.

Jesus is asking us to make amends. Matthew 5 has a number of passages on this; just earlier in this chapter Jesus is warning us to make amends to our ‘brother’ before offering a sacrifice if there is anything between you both.

It is not easy, at all, to “love” those who took issue with our drinking, especially if we gave them reason to hate us for our behavior. Given all of this, it is difficult to come around in our recovery to try and approach them with love. But we try. We love them in our hearts, we do our best to do good to and for them. We pray for them.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Claiming God’s Mercy

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The Year of Mercy ended last Sunday with Pope Francis’ closing of the Holy Doors in Rome. (Obviously, this post is late. 😉 ) However, mercy is not limited to a single “year.” God’s Mercy is available to everyone who desires it and is easily found in the “tribunal of mercy,” also known as the Sacrament of Penance (or “Confession” or “Reconciliation.”)

Advent begins today. Embracing the Sacrament of Penance by going to Confession during the season of Advent is an excellent way to prepare for the coming of the Lord. For that is what Advent is about, preparation for the arrival of Jesus’ first coming and if you have been praying the Divine Office these past few weeks in November, you are aware that the Church hasn’t waited for Advent; many of the readings in the Church’s “official prayer book” have been referring to the Lord’s Second Coming as well. It is not enough that we need to commemorate His first arrival in a stable in Bethlehem, we have to also be made aware that there is a promise of a Second Coming. The Church in Her infinite wisdom and love is shepherding us along the path towards the narrow gate that Jesus spoke of.

Matthew 7: 13-14 Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate, and broad is the way, which leads to perdition, and many there are who enter through it. How narrow is the gate, and how straight is the way, which leads to life, and few there are who find it!

Source: Matthew – Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible

Why? Because His Second Coming won’t be like the first; He will come as a Just Judge, bringing to completion human history. We will be judged according to our faith and deeds and especially how merciful we ourselves have been to others.

To pass through that narrow gate, we need to repent and claim the Mercy of God.

Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ appeared in mystical visions to the young Polish nun Sr. Maria Faustina Kowalska back in the 1930’s. I’ve blogged about the “Divine Mercy” devotions before SEE Divine Mercy Post Archive. In her Diary in which she described the visions, she records several statements made by Him on Mercy. Read a few of them and be inspired to seek a priest and have your sacramental confession heard (the numbers refer to paragraphs in her Diary):

723: The greater the sinner, the greater the right he has to My mercy. My mercy is confirmed in every work of My hands. He who trusts in My mercy will not perish, for all his affairs are mine, and his enemies will be shattered at the base of My footstool.

687: (Concerning the Chaplet of Divine Mercy) Even if there were a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My infinite mercy. I desire that the whole world know My infinite mercy. I desire to grant unimaginable graces to those souls who trust in My mercy.

1567: Make known to souls the great mercy that I have for them and to exhort them to trust in the bottomless depths of My mercy.

So, think about “where you’re at” in your recovery and also in your relationship with the Lord. Avail yourself of His Mercy. Many parishes have special days and times set aside for Penance in addition to the regularly scheduled times. If you haven’t been to Confession in many years, perhaps call the priest to make an appointment. He can possibly suggest a good examination of concience to help you get started, or just while you’re there guide you along the way.

How to pray The Chaplet of The Divine Mercy

How to get the Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul: the Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

REVIEW of “Praying for Those with Addictions” by Anne Costa

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Speaker, author and spiritual coach Anne Costa has written a new book and it’s for people who are affected by others’ addictions. “Praying for Those with Addictions: A Mission of Love, Mercy and Hope” offers a Catholic spiritual approach that would be an excellent aid for those coping with a family member or other loved one suffering from addiction.

badke6 annecosta

From the Introduction: “This book is written to offer hope in the hell storm of addiction. It will set you on a course for a mission of love and mercy and for a miracle of healing, not just for the person who is addicted, but for yourself as well.
…
What seems clear is that at the heart of every addiction is a wound that needs to be healed.
…
What we DO know and can believe is that prayer works and faith fixes things!
…
We can stand in the gap through prayer, sacrifice, and supplication for the one who is addicted. Our prayers can, and will, make a difference.”

“Praying for Those with Addictions” is divided into twelve chapters, one for each month of the year. The idea is that this book can be used as a sort of “workbook” throughout the year, each chapter taking you along a spiritual road leading you towards a greater degree of freedom in dealing with your loved ones’ addiction problem and how you can best assist them. Along the way you will learn much about God’s compassion and love.

Each chapter concludes with four sections, one for each week of the month. Each section has a passage from Scripture for you to meditate upon for that week. There are prayers helping you with the meditation, along with a “reflective question” paired off with the verse. All these assist you in starting a prayer journal. (I can personally attest that writing is therapeutic. Whether you call it “journaling” or “blogging,” getting stuff out there even if only you read it helps. I seriously need to do that more often…)

While the book is intended for people in Al-Anon and similar groups for other addictions, I do feel it is worthwhile if the addict or alcoholic is yourself. There are many useful practices that can be applied to anyone in recovery. For example, there is a wonderful examination of conscience for each line of the Lord’s Prayer in Chapter 5: “One Day at a Time.”

There are not very many books published that specifically serve Catholics in dealing with addictions relative to those serving the non-Catholic Christian community; Costa has done all of us sober Catholics in particular and the Church in general a great service in writing this. I highly recommend this book, it is a needed treasure and most definitely fills a void. This is a book that should be on every Catholic’s recovery bookshelf, or better yet, on your prayer table or wherever you do your daily prayers and meditations. It will have a lasting and positive impact on your life as well as the ones you love who are addicts.

From the back of the book: “WE ALL KNOW people who struggle with addictions. Sometimes they are our dearest loved ones. We often feel helpless in the face of their struggle, and yet our prayers are the best weapons we have to help them break free. Anne Costa shows us that we can cooperate with God’s grace as we wait in hope for healing to come. And as we wait, our prayers will help us as well.”

You may order it directly from the publisher here: “Praying for Those with Addictions” from The Word Among Us Press. The publisher’s page also give ebook links so you can buy it for your Kindle, Apple, Nook or Android device.

You can also read a free, thirty page preview on Issuu that gives you a good idea of the structure: Preview on Issuu.

Costa has written other books, you can find them here: Books by Anne Costa.

DISCLAIMER: Costa has listed this blog as a resource (among many other useful ones, some I didn’t know about! I have to update the links sidebar…). Doing so did not impact my review; I would have declined to write it if I thought poorly of the book.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Divine Mercy Sunday

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(NOTE: Portions of this post were cobbled together from earlier ones.)

Tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday. It is a new celebration established by Pope St. John Paul II in 2000 when he canonized a Polish nun who had received messages (or “interior locutions”) from Jesus in the 1930’s. (These are an accepted part of Catholicism, although not binding upon the faithful. Apparitions like those at Lourdes and Fatima and messages such as those received by Sr. Faustina (now Saint Faustina) do not add anything new to God’s Revelation to humanity. They are merely signs that the Good Shepherd is doing His work and is reminding us of certain necessary things. Quite often apparitions and locutions occur during critical moments in human history, indicating that the Lord’s “sheep” are going astray and He is coming after them.)

Jesus’ messages to St. Faustina concern God’s immense love for people and His boundless “ocean of Mercy” to which we are all entitled. No matter how dirtied we are by the sins of our past, when we dip into the ocean of Mercy we are scrubbed clean. God’s mercy is available to us for the asking, and is the source of immeasurable graces.

The devotion and practice of Divine Mercy is critical, I think, to anyone in recovery. It fixes our brokenness and mends our wounded souls. It teaches us that God is a loving Father, that Jesus is our brother and the Holy Spirit our infallible guide.

It was important to me, and critical in my recovery and how my Catholic Faith became more important than the Twelve Steps in maintaining my sobriety.

I had drifted away from the Catholic Church in 1987 thinking that religion was just human nonsense designed by the powerful to control people. I never doubted or disbelieved in God’s existence, as I’ve always regarded atheism as a supremely irrational and stupid human notion. I did feel nevertheless that religion was pointless. Anyway, to make a long story short, I drank to excess, abused it, and ended up returning to live with my Mom for 10 years. Originally I was to be her caregiver (my alcoholism was manageable), but for a while I was the person being cared for. (See also Drunkalogue.) My Mom watched EWTN a lot. Aside from the Daily Mass, from which I got a daily injection of Truth and sensibility from the sermons, she also watched the “Chaplet of Divine Mercy” each morning. She eventually taught it to me, particularly around Divine Mercy Sunday.

I think it was her daily praying of the Chaplet that brought me back into the Church. It also was, and continues through this day, to be a source of healing and mercy.

This is important to us Catholic alcoholics and addicts. We are so broken and wounded from our past. For many the past is just too much and they never fully escape from its haunting.

The all-encompassing nature of Divine Mercy heals our souls and enables us to draw upon the endless reservoir of God’s Mercy. It is a tremendous aid in our spiritual growth and progress. It led me back into the Catholic Church, with Her fullness of the Gospel Truth and the sacramental life and graces. It helps you to achieve a more fuller life.

The key elements of the Divine Mercy Devotion are:

Please click on each of those links to learn more! You can also click on this: Divine Mercy to explore anything else I wrote on it.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)