Category Archives: Forgiveness

Converting those who have strayed

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In the Evening Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours for the Friday after Ash Wednesday, there’s this passage from the Letter of James:

James 5:19-20 “My brothers, if anyone of you strays from the truth, and if someone converts him, he ought to know that whoever causes a sinner to be converted from the error of his ways will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

Although we all work out our own salvation in fear and trembling, we also are our brother’s keeper. Therefore we should take a keen interest in the salvation of those around us; for, as St. James clearly indicates, if we can turn them away from the path of sin, our own sins are ‘covered up.’ Makes sense, for if we can gain Heaven for another and spare them from damnation, we shall be rewarded in kind.

So, during this Lent and beyond, try and admonish your family and friends. In a kind and charitable manner speak to others about their actions that you observe that are objectively wrong. If you see a loved one engaging in sinful behaviour, lovingly approach them and draw them out. You would know the best manner in which to do this; knowing them and how they might react, engage them and sound them out about what they are doing; they might not even be aware that certain behaviours are sins, given the state of catechesis and homiletics in the Church.

Remember, we do not judge. Judging is determining the final outcome of a life; admonishing is making a value determination of an observable action.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Ash Wednesday 2020

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Today begins the spiritual discipline amongst Christians known as Lent. It is the liturgical season in which we increase and strengthen our desire to grow closer to Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ by prayer, fasting, and penance. It leads to Christ’s Passion, Death and Resurrection.

This season and November are the two biggest seasons here at Sober Catholic; both times remind us of our ultimate end and both times serve as opportunities to become more like Christ.

I urge you to take up your Catholic Bible and study the Gospels, especially the Passion narratives. The Letters of St. Paul are especially fruitful, too. But delve into the Gospels for in them you will find treasures beyond imagining. You will never exhaust

For daily meditations suggest praying the Daily Mass Readings, found online anywhere.

In the past I often blogged daily during Lent; I won’t this year but I do hope to blog more often than is typical.

Have a blessed and fruitful Lent, everyone.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Divine Mercy Novena Reminder!

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Just giving all my readers a heads up that the Divine Mercy Novena begins on Good Friday.

This is an excellent annual novena to take yourself on the journey to Divine Mercy Sunday, that annual festival wherein we bathe ourselves in the ocean of mercy that is God’s love and forgiveness.

No matter how bad a sinner you may have been, there is no sin that God cannot forgive, no sinner that God will not take back in His loving, merciful arms. The only barrier is pride and lack of humility and repentance.

Information on how to pray the Novena is in the link in the first sentence; information on Divine Mercy Sunday is in the link in the second paragraph. And in that last link there is a reminder to yours truly: “I posted before about this day, and perhaps next year I will, God willing, post more in the days leading up to it.” So, all righty, then. “NOTE TO SELF: post a bunch of stuff next week on Divine Mercy Sunday!” ;-)I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Another chance to celebrate Lent!

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“Say what? What’s Paulcoholic mean, ‘Another chance to celebrate Lent!’ Doesn’t he know it’s August?”

Of course, I know! But Time is open to interpretation. For a number of years I have introduced to my blog readers something I discovered (I forgot the source) a few years before I started Sober Catholic in 2007; that is, the idea of a “Second Chance Lent.” You can read about it in this older post: Second Chance Lent

But basically, tomorrow is August 6th, the Feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord. It is the first day of this blessed opportunity for a Lenten “do-over.” Forty days later (Sundays are not counted) is the Feat of the Triumph (or Exaltation) of the Holy Cross. The Transfiguration is that Holy Day when Christ was ‘transfigured’ (glorified) on Mt. Tabor.

Both Feast days mark a beginning and ending of the Passion of Jesus.

Moses and Elijah spoke to Jesus during His Transfiguration of what was to happen to Him in Jerusalem. (He knew what was going to happen; the traditional interpretation of the event is that their appearance was like and ‘endorsement’ of the Old Law (Moses) and the Prophets (Elijah) of the new Law of grace established by Jesus.) The Triumph of the Cross is the victory of His Resurrection. The fact that these days were placed 40 days apart on the liturgical calendar affords us the opportunity to practice “another Lent.” We mark the season of His Passion, starting with the “spiritual courage” of the Transfiguration and culminating in His victory over sin and death by His Crucifixion and Resurrection.

Don’t miss this opportunity for spiritual development. This is an excellent time for prayer and introspection geared towards ridding oneself of character defects. Perhaps you can take your Catholic Bible and read daily from the four Gospels all of the accounts of the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus. Just a few minutes each day. Even re-reading them can help you pull greater meaning from the passages. Read “Divine Mercy in My Soul: the Diary of St. Faustina Kowalsksa.” Learn and pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

How to pray The Chaplet of The Divine Mercy

How to get the Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul: the Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska

So, there you have it. Another period in which to get focused and grow closer to the Lord and His Mercy by way of the Church’s liturgical year. It’s wonderful that we Catholics have access to so many helps on the way to Heaven.I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

An Examination of Conscience

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I just added to the “Other Healing Resources” linkylist the following: Examination of Conscience from Beginning Catholic.

I thought you might find it useful.I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Divine Mercy Sunday: A great day for those who’ve really messed things up

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There was a windstorm where I live last Wednesday and we lost power for just over two days. I actually did have some plans for blogging, but with no power, there’s no Internet and so no blogging.

Today is Divine Mercy Sunday and I do hope that you took advantage of the tremendous source of healing, forgiveness and grace that this day brings. I posted before about this day, and perhaps next year I will, God willing, post more in the days leading up to it. It is a tremendous source of healing and consolation, a way to hit the “reset” button on your life, especially if you are disposed to that.

To whet your appetite, the following are two important excerpts on Divine Mercy Sunday from St. Faustina’s Diary, “Divine Mercy in My Soul,” where she wrote down her spiritual experiences during the 1930s when Jesus was communicating with her by interior locutions (the numbers refer to the paragraphs in the Diary where they can be found.)

300 … on this day, tell the whole world of My great mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on this day will be granted complete remission of sins and punishment.

Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy.

Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul’s distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy
and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness.
Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness.
My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy.

699 … My daughter, tell the whole world about My inconceivable mercy. I desire that the Feast of Mercy be a refuge and shelter for all souls, and especially for poor sinners. On that day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who approach the fount of My mercy. The soul that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. On that
day all the divine floodgates through which grace flow are opened. Let no soul fear
to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. My mercy is so great that no
mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity.
Everything that exists has come forth from the very depths of My most tender
mercy. Every soul in its relation to Me will contemplate My love and mercy
throughout eternity. The Feast of Mercy emerged from My very depths of
tenderness. It is My desire that it be solemnly celebrated on the first Sunday after
Easter. Mankind will not have peace until it turns to the Fount of My Mercy.

Much of this you can obtain at other times of the year; you can receive a plenary indulgence by going to Confession just before Mass, as well as on other designated days (Holy Days of Obligation.) A plenary indulgence is, according to the website of the Catholic Bishop’s of the United States: “Furthermore, for reception of a plenary indulgence, which grants the remission of all temporal punishment due to sin, in addition to this good work or act of devotion, the Church specifies four conditions: (1) sacramental confession, (2) reception of Holy Communion, (3) prayer for the intentions of the Holy Father, and (4) complete detachment from all sin, even venial sin. It must not be thought, however, that such acts of ours are somehow of themselves sufficient to earn the remission of the temporal punishment for sins. Our efforts, themselves the work of God’s grace, express our openness to receive God’s mercy. In the work of our salvation, it is always God’s grace that is primary, with a power that far exceeds all our efforts.”

Courtesy: USCCB

I went to Confession on Sunday, just before the Vigil Mass for Sunday. I usually go twice a month. It does make a difference. For those of you who are fearful of Confession, don’t be! Work your way up, go once, then try again in a few weeks. It gets easier the more you go as you get used to it that way. Trust me, I actually look forward to going.I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Confession and examen

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Lent is obviously a popular time for going to Confession. What with all the penitential acts going on, NOT going would be odd. Most parishes have penance services where the sacrament is offered at a time when it usually isn’t, to enable and encourage people to go.

There are two great examination of consciences you can use. The first one is from the Vatican’s website; it is a link to the Ten Commandments. I suggest that you read over them all and assess how you stack up. If you have your own copy, they begin at paragraph 2052.

This is a direct link to a downloadable PDF file which contains a nice examination of conscience: Downloadable Confession Guide (PDF)

There is another great opportunity for confession right after Easter; Divine Mercy Sunday is the Second Sunday of Easter. (See the link in the previous sentence for information on celebrating it.) There is a plenary indulgence attached to going to Confession and celebrating the Divine Mercy devotions on that day. See also: Divine Mercy Sunday.I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Forgiveness and the Adversary

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The concept of “forgiveness” has been on my mind recently, especially after this post. Obviously it is something that I’ve struggled with. The following comprises a summation of my recent internal debates.

OK, forgiveness… what does that mean? In the context of this blog, it will be in connection with the Catholic Faith. And thus we think of “Confession.” So, what takes place then? We go to Confession to confess our sins to a priest who, acting in the power vested in him by the Church absolves us of our sins. God forgives us and absolves us through the office of the priest.

So, the slate is wiped clean. We had offended God in some manner; we have abused our natural gifts in a way contrary to God’s will and intentions and we caused a disruption in our relationship with Him. A deadly rupture if the sins were mortal, less so if venial. In utilizing the Sacrament of Confession the wounds are healed and we move on in our relationship with God.

How does this apply to relationships with humans? Someone hurts me, I am wounded and the relationship suffers. How much depends on the extent of the offense. If little, it is easy to forgive; if not, forgiveness takes some effort.

Is the slate wiped clean? Perhaps. If the offense is great and the wound is deep, I interpret forgiveness to mean that I put the hurt and pain behind me, it is back there and I no longer dwell on it and nurture a resentment. I no longer ask “Why did it happen?” or seek any answers. If the action is recalled, the pain may return but I can dismiss it (with varying degrees of success dependent upon my state of mind.)

Forgiveness doesn’t imply reconciliation will follow; ideally it should as that would mirror our relationship with God and that is the model we seek in our dealings with others. However, other people are not God and thus reconciliation may not follow. In fact, oftentimes it shouldn’t if the protagonist has not repented and atoned for their offense.

OK. So we have established that forgiveness means the event is “back there,” and not emotionally connected to the present. You do not nurture the hurt by resenting the action. You no longer want to know “Why?” You no longer seek answers. Forgiveness has been made; if possible directly with the individual(s) so the relationship can be patched up or just unilaterally if you cannot deal with the other.

The problem I was having is that I thought that “forgiveness” didn’t “take hold” if the hurt keeps coming back. Perhaps it is natural for memories of the hurt to resurface from time to time. Much depends upon our ability to exercise self-control and discipline over our thought-life, but even then we are only human and if the pain was really deep it may never go away. I am referring to pain that was so intense that you yearned for death to end it and therefore contemplated suicide.

Nevertheless, perhaps the act of forgiveness needs to be done again. In some way, either by prayer and meditation, you contemplate the event and just turn it over to God. Let it become subject to His Justice and Mercy and try to leave it there. Praying to the Blessed Virgin and entrusting the whole matter to her is a part of this; Mary is our tender Mother and understands sorrow all too well.

And then another thought came to me: that recurring memories of a past hurt may just be intrusions of Satan into our inner life. The Adversary is observant; It knows very well what has hurt us. Perhaps It had even been the instrument behind the other peoples’ hurting of us. Satan does not want us to make progress spiritually; It desires our continued dwelling in the World and our adoption of the Worlds’ morals and ethics (which are clearly NOT conducive to getting you to Heaven). And so It oppresses us. Satan knows our weaknesses and propagates them as often as It can. If It is aware that a past hurt can distract us and weaken our path towards God, then who’s to say that Satan isn’t sometimes behind the development of resentments? That obsessing about a past event and having strong feelings about the whole matter isn’t Its way of causing us more harm to our souls? Imagining confrontations with the perpetrators and “getting even” in some way?

Whether it is demonic oppression (as distinct from demonic possession) or something less grave may not matter. It just means that we have more work to do in trusting in God’s Providence and Mercy. By ourselves we can do nothing; as they say in Twelve Step movements, “Let Go and Let God” so that He can establish His peace in our lives.I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

490 times!

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In this excerpt of the Gospel from the Mass for Tuesday of the Third Week of Lent (Matthew 18:21-22) we learn the importance Jesus places upon forgiveness:

Then Peter, drawing near to him, said: “Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Even seven times?”

Jesus said to him: “I do not say to you, even seven times, but even seventy times seven times.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

If you pair this off with the petition near the end of the “Lord’s Prayer,” that part that goes: “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” and we have a real major issues if we hold on to grievances and resentments.

Getting rid of them is indeed hard. I’ve got some that are persistent and at times I think I’m over them. But a wandering mind at times seeks something to grab onto and it gravitates towards and old hurt. And them doesn’t let go.

I like to think that I’ve forgiven the original offense, and that it’s just the emotional pain that persists in memory, but I’m not sure. I’ve read countless things on forgiveness; that it doesn’t mean forgetting or reconciliation, it just means that you’ve disconnected from the original event and no longer expect or want an apology or explanation. It no longer has that hold on you. The hurt happened, it’s way back there in the past and let it go. The pain may return from time to time, but that’s just being human. If you quickly run some spiritual techniques to quell the memory, perhaps you can move on again.

I suppose it’s time to dwell on forgiveness, for if we cannot forgive, we cannot expect it ourselves.

(I just checked, this post is the 100th post in the Forgiveness Category and 67th in the Resentment one! Maybe I should spend some time reading these…)I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The wounded prodigal

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Today’s Gospel Reading for the Saturday of the Second Week of Lent is a popular one involving mercy and forgiveness. It is the story of “The Prodigal Son.”

I wrote about it before: Prodigal Alcoholics.

In that post I focused on mercy and forgiveness. There is also another point: the longing to belong and rejoin what you once had, even if in a more humble state. The Prodigal was intent on just being a hired hand for his father; he never expected to be readmitted to the family. Perhaps this is what we all hope for in our recovery: that our families and employers would just “forget” our sins and problems and move forward in life with us, just happy that we’re back and healthy. This does not always happen. Perhaps for some, and even then probably over time. We all mess up and wish for a “do over,” like nothing ever happened. This is not realistic, as our addiction did happen. Since God has this knack for bringing good out of evil, we can use this to our advantage. Use the experience of our addiction and recovery and help others in some way. Perhaps not by starting a blog about recovery process 😉 but at least by using the humbling experience of our own suffering to be understanding of others’ suffering and “screwed-upness.” We who were screwed up can have empathy towards others. We should be better able to connect and understand other people’s brokenness and wounded nature.I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available!
"The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)