Category Archives: Grief

Young man, I tell you, arise

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The Gospel Reading for today’s Mass (Wednesday of the 24th Week in Ordinary Time) has been special for me these past few years.

Luke 7:11-17: “Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd accompanied him.

As he drew near to the gate of the city, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow.

A large crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, he was moved with pity for her and said to her,‘Do not weep.’

He stepped forward and touched the coffin; at this the bearers halted, and he said, ‘Young man, I tell you, arise!’

The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother.

Fear seized them all, and they glorified God, exclaiming, ‘A great prophet has arisen in our midst,’ and ‘God has visited his people.’

This report about him spread through the whole of Judea and in all the surrounding region. “

(Via USCCB.)

I was not the only son of my mother, but I was her youngest and I had lived with her for her last 10 years on Earth. For her last 18 months I was her caregiver of sorts.

I discovered sobriety just in time to be useful to her in her final years. The thought of my still being addicted to the bottle at any time during her last couple of years scares me to this day, I am very grateful to God that He pulled me away from the bottle in plenty of time for Mom to see me sober and responsible enough to care for her. This is why I have a special connection to this Gospel passage. I was dead, but with God’s graces through AA and then the Catholic Church I arose from the death of alcoholism and I became sober and a strong Catholic.

Today I was reflecting on her death and the hellish period that followed for me. I remember walking around the streets of my hometown on the day she died muttering and mumbling to myself about how alone I was. This was in between tears. I was convinced that I was alone and that I would forever be alone. I do not believe that I had ever felt this way, this mind-numbing, marrow-curdling feelings of aloneness and abandonment.

I wanted to die. I wasn’t suicidal, but I had prayed to God that He would take me as I was convinced that my mission on Earth was over. I was born late in Mom’s life (just after her 47th birthday) and things seemed geared for me to be useful to Mom at various points in her life, especially after Dad died in 1995 and as I stated above, just before her own death in 2005. I hadn’t amounted to much of anything through 2005, at least by most people’s standards.

I am glad that God didn’t agree with me. I am glad because I have discovered relative security and deep love in my life. My faith in God’s Divine Providence and reliance on His Catholic Church pulled me through and gave me a new meaning in a life that I wouldn’t have scripted, but am happy with nonetheless. I am still puzzled by many things, but life isn’t really a problem to be solved, but a mystery to unravel.

I had arisen, like the young man of Nain.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

An effective prayer against the usual mental maladies that plague us

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There is a prayer at the end of the Divine Mercy Chaplet that I say quite often when I am experiencing fear, anxiety, stress, resentment (and so on):

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your Mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is love and Mercy itself.

It is from paragraph 950 in the diary of St. Faustina, entitled Divine Mercy in My Soul (advance notice, music will play after site loads, so quiet your speakers if you’re in a public place).

It has been a very effective prayer when I experience doubts and any of the above named mental issues.

NOTE: The online Diary does not number the paragraphs, but you can click on the link for Notebook 2, page 2, and scroll towards the end. Or go to any Catholic bookstore or the online Divine Mercy shrine gift shop and purchase a copy (I get no commission, despite the plug. I just enjoy using my new blog editor, Mars Edit. It makes writing for blogs easy, especially for inserting links 🙂 Just wait until I figure out all the media uploading tools!)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The many ways of God's healing gifts

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The following is a link to an article on being open to the varied and diverse ways that God can heal you. Please read and consider how or if it can be relevant to your life.

Spirit Daily – Daily spiritual news from around the world: “GOD IS A GOD OF SURPRISE AND HAS SUCH IN STORE FOR YOU IF YOU HEAL INSIDE AND LOVE”

(Via Spirit Daily.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics: Day 2

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Today we pray the second day of our Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics. Like yesterday we begin with:

PRAYER FOR THE ADDICTED

God of mercy, we bless You in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who ministered to all who come to Him. Give Your strength to N., Your servant, bound by the chains of addiction. Enfold him/her in Your love and restore him/her to the freedom of God’s children. Lord, look with compassion on all those who have lost their health and freedom. Restore to them the assurance of Your unfailing mercy, and strengthen them in the work of recovery. To those who care for them, grant patient understanding and a love that perseveres. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

The person that you are praying for may have reached the “jumping off place”, that is, that moment when they hit their bottom and decide whether to live or to die.

Think about the intersection point they have arrived at. Two roads lead ahead, one is the path towards death in which they know that if they continue to drink they will die. The other is the path towards life in which they think that if they stop drinking, they only wish they were dead. Life appears too difficult to cope with without alcohol and wishing for death is an attractive escape. But there is that glimmer of hope, the hope that there is a answer or solution to the despair.

Who knows what intervenes in that point. Why some people choose the path to life as opposed to death. Some grace of God filters through the despair and leads them out, and for others this grace is absent or ignored. The despair is too great.

Pray for all those at this “jumping off place”. Pray that they somehow respond to the grace of God and live.

And pray also for those who chose death. By the workings of God’s grace and mercy they may be saved, and it is never too late to pray for them. No one knows what happens at the moment of death.

Be grateful that God’s mercy is greater than ours.

We conclude the daily novena with:

Official Prayer for the Canonization of Blessed Matt Talbot

“Lord, in your servant, Matt Talbot you have given us a wonderful example of triumph over addiction, of devotion to duty, and of lifelong reverence of the Holy Sacrament. May his life of prayer and penance give us courage to take up our crosses and follow in the footsteps of Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Father, if it be your will that your beloved servant should be glorified by your Church, make known by your heavenly favours the power he enjoys in your sight. We ask this through the same Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.”

The source of these prayers is Circle of Prayer – Matt Talbot Intercedes for Alcoholics .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Day 1 of Novena to the Holy Spirit for Addictions and Recovery

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Beginning Prayer:

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your faithful and rekindle in them the fire of Your love. Send forth Your Spirit, and they shall be created and you shall renew the face of the Earth.

Ask the Holy Spirit for healing during this Novena. Regardless of how long you have been sober, most of us are all still one or more drinks away from returning to our previous status as practicing alcoholics. Even if you are still in the death grip of alcohol, there is still time. When there is still life, there is still hope. God allows u-turns!

Why might there still be the threat of drinking? Perhaps we still are at odds with how to handle sobriety. Reality is still difficult to cope with on its terms. All of us, sober or not, need the Advocate, the Holy Spirit to guide us on our way. He is the real “Higher Power,” the only One through whom God the Father guides and protects His own.

We have nine days of prayer and meditation before Pentecost Sunday. Spend the time wisely. Daily petition the Holy Spirit to help you. Reciting the prayer beginning each day’s novena is good, as well as adding your own humble requests.

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I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

I lay bare my distress

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A reading from tonight’s Evening Prayer reminded me of God’s availability during times of suffering:

Psalm 142: 2-4;

With full voice I cry to the LORD; with full voice I beseech the LORD.
Before God I pour out my complaint, lay bare my distress.
My spirit is faint within me, but you know my path.

No matter the trouble you are having, God is always near to hear your plaintive scream for help. No matter the seeming insignificance or overwhelming deluge of the problem, unload and vent to God, “lay bare” your “distress” . You may feel weak and strung out, but God knows the path that you’re on and how your current troubles will ultimately lead to your salvation. For that is essentially the meaning of all suffering, as Jesus suffered for our sins, we must accept any that comes our way. Not in any masochistic need, just a humble awareness that as Christians we too must take up our cross and follow Jesus.

Suffering is also an effect of the Original Sin that Jesus died for. So to reject suffering is to reject the true nature of the world and to ultimately resent God if you cannot reconcile the world today with the essential existence of suffering. This may be rather difficult to contemplate and accept while going through trials, so all the more reason to turn immediately to God and with your “full voice”, “cry out” and “beseech the Lord”. Pray. Pray hard.

The Lord knows your path. He knows what special mission you are on, the unique and special purpose that He called you into being for. He will see you through your troubles.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Help for those who are tested

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From the Second Reading from today’s morning Mass, the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord:

Hebrews 2:14-18;

Since the children share in blood and flesh, Jesus likewise shared in them, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the Devil, and free those who through fear of death had been subject to slavery all their life. Surely he did not help angels but rather the descendants of Abraham; therefore, he had to become like his brothers and sisters in every way, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest before God to expiate the sins of the people. Because he himself was tested through what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.

I’ll repeat the last line: Because he himself was tested through what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.

Every one of us faces tests on a daily basis. Some of us more than others. For anyone suffering from an addiction, either still enslaved by it or recovering from it, the tests can be brutal. All sorts of things attack us daily and the answer is sometimes presented as: “Just one wouldn’t hurt. What harm can just one do?”

Plenty, as we all know.

Because Jesus Himself was tested, He can assist us, we can call upon Him to increase our strength, (or increase His strength within us). He was tested for 40 days in the desert by Satan, He was tested for 3 excruciating, agonizing hours on the Cross, we can place our sufferings and temptations in light of His. We can get strength from Him.

It’s an emotional exercise, more than anything else, but then again when we are suffering through trials and temptations, our emotions are engaged and our higher rational thinking is absent.

Look upon the Cross.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Mom's Birthday

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Today would have been her 92nd birthday. A post from a year ago.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe – Day 4

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Once again, we continue with this, the 4th Day of our Novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe. As usual, go here and read the prayer while thinking about a loved one who is struggling with addiction, and then contemplate the following:

This would have been my father’s 95th birthday. He died in 1995. I didn’t really grieve over him as we didn’t get along much, plus whatever”grieving” I did was drowned or expressed in alcohol. He was not an alcoholic. The honor of being the “family drunk” goes to me.

My last conversation with him was an argument. It doesn’t matter what it was about. But about 2-3 weeks later I received the phone call from Mom that he had died. I was asked to call a brother of mine as they were having trouble reaching him.

My brother and I hadn’t been on speaking terms ever since I moved out on him 2 1/2 years before. He had been upset that I did unto him (moving) what he was planning on doing unto me. I left a message on his voice mail to “Call home, it’s about Dad.”

This led to a reconciliation of sorts between us that lasted for a decade. We don’t talk much now, but that can change. There was never any reconciliation between my father and I, but that really doesn’t matter anymore.

The reason that doesn’t matter anymore is I do feel that my father is in Heaven, and that he has been observing events in my life and the family’s life as a part of that “great cloud of witnesses” described in Hebrews;

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith. For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God.

He knows what’s going on and he understands why I’ve done things that I did. Plus, any flaws or imperfections of the self that he retained at death were purged from him in Purgatory (as nothing impure can enter Heaven) and there is no longer any reason on my part to hold any resentment against him for anything he did.

The thing is, one shouldn’t wait until after the finality of death to “reconcile” with a loved one. The person that you are praying for in the Novena is a loved one (or once was). That person could die in their addiction, and no chance of a happy life with you would be possible. As hard as it is, it is acknowledged that trust may be hard for you to grant that person. So don’t trust them for now. Wait until they’ve earned it. You do have the right to withhold trust until you feel safe enough to grant it.

But you can love that person. Never withhold that. Love conquers all things, or so I’ve read somewhere. It can heal. And it can heal both ways. To the addict it can be a lifeline, and for you it can heal the wounds inflicted upon you by the addict or alcoholic.

So, take heed the writer of Hebrews admonition to “…let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus…” Jesus can help you love. Gaze upon Him on the Cross. That’s love. You needn’t get crucified, but you can nail your anger and resentments to that Cross.

Go to the sidebar and under “Labels” and look up “Forgiveness”. Read those posts at your convenience.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Bruised reeds and smoldering wicks and light yokes

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Recently I wrote a post about whether God will ever give you more than you can handle. You can read it here .
I knew of other scriptural passages that are related, and is sometimes used to support the notion that He never will. I recently found them:
Matthew 12:20

A bruised reed he will not break, a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory.

Matthew 11:29-30

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

Reflect on these. The storms of trials, stresses and anxieties can sometimes make His help seem distant and indeed the troubles can seem overpowering. Take a time out from your stress. Grab a Bible. Turn to the Gospels. Any one. Switch to the Old Testament and peruse the Psalms, 150 prayers covering the whole range of human emotions from abject pain to wondrous joy. Time seems to take on a different aspect when you’re reading the Bible. Especially when you’re troubled.

It’s a safe harbor, a refuge.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)