Category Archives: Humility

One More Day

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This was originally written on February 29, 2008, which was a Leap Day. It was posted to a soon-to-be-discontinued blog of mine and is being transferred to this one like most of the other posts on it. I had kept it as a draft in my blog editor, postdated to February 29, 2012, but have since gotten tired of seeing it at the top of the drafts list and don’t much feel like seeing it there for the next three years. And so I am posting it now, which is rather appropriate considering the theme of healing in the Our Lady of Lourdes Novena I am writing now.

(“Today is February 29th. A Leap Day. An extra day added to the calendar to make up for a lack some sort of astronomical timekeeping synchronization.

It’s nice to have an extra day. An extra day to make up for a lack of… not having done something you should have or would have done when you had the time?

Think about those people in your life that once they’re gone, all opportunities to love or make amends for wrongs would disappear. Death takes away opportunities.

Don’t wait for death to take away someone that you might wish for “one more day” to do something you could have when they were alive.”)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Gratitude: Wanting what you have

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One of my least favorite 12 Step meeting topics is “gratitude”. Not that I am ungrateful for anything in sobriety, for I have plenty to be grateful for. My main issue whenever this topic is brought up is that quite often the attendees just launch into a list of the things they are grateful for. Much of it is common to all even when the sharer does personalize it with special items. Nevertheless, such “gratitude” listings are boring (to me) and miss the point.

First, the idea that anyone needs to hear something about gratitude. Does this person feel a nostalgia for the days of drinking? Are they taking their sober life for granted and therefore need to be reminded of what can be lost if they do return? Do they not see very well the things around them that they have attained as a result of their sobriety? Do they just want to boast about their sobriety (“Oh, look at me, see how much I’VE got!”)

Someone at a 12-Step meeting with the topic of gratitude I attended long ago introduced something besides a list of what he was grateful for. He mentioned something along the lines of gratitude as being an attitude. He concluded with the notion that gratitude simply means that you want what you already have.

We alcoholics have an impatient streak. Even after a sustained period of sobriety we sometimes fall back into the “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. We are impatient with what we already have and seek to attain or achieve something else that would make us better or happier. Just like back in the days of our drinking we needed “just one more”, what we have now is not enough and we seek something more to satisfy a hole in our soul.

“Wanting what you already have” is a great way of humbly accepting that which has come into your life and genuinely appreciating it. It is also an excellent way of living a moderate life and not a life driven to excess and conspicuous consumption. In other words, greed.

Sometimes the words “and thanking God for it” are added to the definition of gratitude. “Gratitude means wanting what you already have and thanking God for it.” A nice reminder as from where all good things come from, and to Whom we owe our sobriety to.

Luke 17:12-19: “As he was entering a village, ten lepers met (him). They stood at a distance from him

and raised their voice, saying, ‘Jesus, Master! Have pity on us!’

And when he saw them, he said, ‘Go show yourselves to the priests.’ As they were going they were cleansed.

And one of them, realizing he had been healed, returned, glorifying God in a loud voice;

and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him. He was a Samaritan.

Jesus said in reply, ‘Ten were cleansed, were they not? Where are the other nine?

Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?’

Then he said to him, ‘Stand up and go; your faith has saved you.'”

(Via USCCB.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The First Step: Powerless and unmanageable

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“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

And thus is the First Step of 12 Step alcohol recovery groups. (Other addictions are appropriately substituted for alcohol in other 12 Step movements).

In essence it reflects a corruption of the will, with the references to powerlessness and unmanageability. Our wills are directed towards using our personal power to do things to manage and direct our lives. The Step refers to a lack of power and the resulting unmanageability of life, pointing towards alcohol as a key.

Since our will uses things to manage our lives, apparently somewhere along the way we figured that alcohol was a great way to do this. And somewhere further along that way we discovered that this isn’t true.

At first we thought that the same will could be used to stop our drinking. But a will that has been thoroughly corrupted by alcohol is in no condition to assert itself and stop drinking. It becomes powerless, and the life it influenced and controlled is now unmanageable. Help is needed.

God could step in and thoroughly remove the addiction, or the desire to drink. Someone could enter into the person’s life and take it over and prevent the person from drinking. But it doesn’t happen that way.

We are never entirely without our will. There are dregs of it left, despite the wretched condition we may be in at the point of admitting defeat.

And so with whatever control over our wills that we have left, we plaintively cry out in some manner into the darkness of our lives: “Help! I can’t do this myself!!” We realize that we have been beaten and cannot go on as before.

God entered our life and pours into it His graces and we survive. Our declaration of powerlessness is enough so that He, who respects the gift of free will that He had bestowed upon us, calls to us and gives us the strength to go on and seek help.

The salvation of Humanity itself needed someone else’s approval and willingness before God can work a miracle in her:

Luke 1:38: “Mary said, ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.’ “

(Via USCCB)

And with that the Holy Spirit came upon her and Jesus was formed in her womb. The defeated alcoholic’s willingness to set aside self and allow God to move in is needed to begin to work a miracle in us. We are all called to be servants of the Lord, we are all called to do God’s will according to His word. As alcoholics we were so full of self that we couldn’t tolerate this idea, if we even conceived of it. Or worse, we felt we can discern His will through the bottom of a bottle of liquor.

John 3:30: “He must increase; I must decrease.'”

(Via uSCCB.)

One follows the other, we decrease, we set aside self, we adopt an attitude or demeanor of humility, and He increases in us.

I had written about this before: First Step: Powerlessness and weakness

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Came to believe

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A few Sundays ago there was this Gospel reading at Mass:

John 2:13-22: “Since the Passover of the Jews was near,
Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
He found in the temple area those who sold oxen, sheep, and doves,
as well as the money-changers seated there.
He made a whip out of cords
and drove them all out of the temple area, with the sheep and oxen,
and spilled the coins of the money-changers
and overturned their tables,
and to those who sold doves he said,
‘Take these out of here,
and stop making my Father’s house a marketplace.’
His disciples recalled the words of Scripture,
Zeal for your house will consume me.
At this the Jews answered and said to him,
‘What sign can you show us for doing this?’
Jesus answered and said to them,
‘Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.’
The Jews said,
‘This temple has been under construction for forty-six years,
and you will raise it up in three days?’
But he was speaking about the temple of his Body.
Therefore, when he was raised from the dead,
his disciples remembered that he had said this,
and they came to believe the Scripture“

(Via USCCB.)

The phrase “came to believe” jumped out at me and made me think of the Second Step of recovery movements:

“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Both the disciple’s and an alcoholic’s “coming to believe” happen after some seismic event in their lives. The disciples had to witness Jesus’ resurrection to come to believe in His divinity and the Scriptural basis for His being, and the alcoholic had to fundamentally declare his or her own weakness about their addiction before “coming to believe” that God can effect change in their lives. For the disciples faith was the result, for an addict it is sanity.

Some may have a hard time reconciling faith with sanity, for faith is belief in the unknowable, and only crazy people believe in things unseen by any method. Maybe for us alcoholics in recovery it is not such a difficult thing. Our experience in recovery gives us an insight into the situations that are otherwise unexplainable, except by faith. Our ability to cope with this (or relish this) implies a sanity.

Where are you in “coming to believe?”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Feast of the Birthday of the Blessed Virgin Mary

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From a post last year saying Happy Birthday, Mom

Call your Mother. Say the Rosary.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The sins of my youth

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In the Liturgy of the Hours reading for Daytime Prayer (Midday) there is a line from Sacred Scripture that stood out:

Psalm 25:7: “Remember no more the sins of my youth; remember me only in light of your love.“

(Via USCCB.)

Our alcoholic and addictive past is full of wreckage, mostly sinful. The weight of that past drags us down unless we clean it up by turning to God. The Sacrament of Reconciliation (aka “Confession” or “Penance”) is there for our use. It cleanses us of our sins and washes clean our past before God. It is a Sacrament of Love in that our Father in Heaven takes us back and welcomes us to Him because we repented of our sins and turned to Him for forgiveness.

In the “Big Book” of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. New York, 2001) there is a line on page 83,

“We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.”

This is part of the 10th Step Promises, which detail a list of positive changes in attitude if one has persevered in working the first Nine Steps. I won’t go into all that now. But our regret of the past is rooted in the stain of sin on our souls, our wish to “not shut the door on it” is rooted in humility. If we do not remember our past, we will make the same mistakes again. Our remembering the past tempers any judgmental attitude towards others and helps us to use compassion in our dealings with people. Quite often they are as messed up as we are.

Psalm 51:3-5: “Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.

Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.

For I know my offense; my sin is always before me.”

(Via USCCB.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Benedict's Ladder of Humility: Step 12

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At long last we finally come to the final step in St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility, the 12th. It says that a person should always manifest humility in their actions as well as in their heart. In all one’s doings the person must be mindful of their sinful nature and imperfections and that at any moment they may appear before the judgment seat of God.

This step is just the accumulation of all the previous 11 Steps, much like the 12th Step of recovery movements exhort their members to practice the principles in all their affairs. St. Benedict writes in his Rule that after ascending these steps of humility one arrives at the perfect love of God which casts out fear.

1 John 4: 16-18;

We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.
In this is love brought to perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as he is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.

So, meditate on these 12 Steps of Humility, and make “spiritual progress” in applying them to your life.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Benedict's Ladder of Humility: Step 11

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The 11th Step on St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility is that one should speak gently and without laughter, seriously and with modesty; briefly and reasonably, without raising one’s voice.

I believe this Step is about showing fundamental respect for other people, with particular concern for their dignity as individuals and their state in life.

We do not exalt ourselves at the expense of other people. We do not tear others down and feel triumph over that. We always show them respect, knowing full well that we ourselves are not perfect, we are flawed individuals who make mistakes, sometimes serious ones, and that we need to be treated charitably when we stumble and fall.

This is humbling inasmuch as there are times when we all like to see the other person squirm under our self-righteous glare, or be destroyed by a volley of carefully chosen verbal weapons. But this is wrong from a Christian perspective.

This is humbling in another manner, whereas we may not be tearing the other person down in any conversation, we may still be pumping ourselves up through any excessive use of words and self-promotion. This is pride. If you examine the 11 Step’s lists of suggested behaviors, all are at the expense of one’s ego.

This Step may be hard. At times it is for me. But it does contain practical, daily suggestions for humble relationships.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Benedict's Ladder of Humility: Step 10

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The 10th Step on St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility is that one not be given to ready laughter.

This may seem rather unimportant unless you consider that a too quick reply to something with laughter may make you sound foolish or disrespectful. We’ve all done that and pretty much felt silly and idiotic afterwords, particularly when it was inappropriate.

I believe that this step is about discipline and self-control. If we have a well developed (or developing) spiritual life, then perhaps we are on the path towards greater peace within ourselves and a more stable relationship with the people, places and things around us. Therefore we are less given to inappropriate outbursts (of laughter or anger).

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Benedict's Ladder of Humility: Step 9

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The Ninth Step on St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility is that one should control their tongue and remain silent, not speaking unless asked a question.

This is one where we can sufficiently modify for our use as sober alcoholics, not living in a monastery and bound by a rule of silence. Or can we? (I have to be careful here as my lovely, cute and very intelligent wife loves to talk, monastic silence or anything close to it would drive her absolutely bug nuts.)

How much of what we say is actually useful or just filler for the dead spaces in the air about us? Are we that uncomfortable “just being” so that by talking we distract ourselves and others from something else?

Talking too much runs the risk of sinning, for by much verbiage we may tend towards gossip or bearing false witness.

God gave us two ears and one mouth, so perhaps we should listen twice as much as we talk. By doing so we tune into others around us and thus learn and grow closer to them. Listen to others, as opposed to hearing ourselves. We can listen to ourselves during our interior prayer life, when we talk only to God.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)