Category Archives: Humility

Trials Permitted to Happen for a Reason

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While randomly flipping through the Douay-Rheims translation of the Bible last night while in Eucharistic Adoration, I chanced upon this passage from Tobias (Tobit in the NAB. Please note that the translation in the NAB is very different from the D-R. If you don’t have a copy of the D-R, there’s a link to it in the blog’s sidebar in the “For all things Catholic” section).

Tobias 2:12-14

Now this trial the Lord therefore permitted to happen to him, that an example might be given to posterity of his patience, as also of holy Job. For whereas he had always feared God from his infancy, and kept his commandments, he repined not against God because the evil of blindness had befallen him, but continued immoveable in the fear of God, giving thanks to God all the days of his life.

Tobias had become blind, despite having led a virtuous and faithful life in very trying circumstances. (Why do bad things happen to good people?)

Note that the passage says that the Lord permitted this trial to happen to him, meaning perhaps that God could have prevented it.

But the passage also states that there was a reason for the trial’s happening, “so that an example might be given to posterity for his patience.”

OK, so a bad thing happened to a good person. And perhaps such things fit in with God’s overall plan for your life, that a bad thing occurs so that something good is drawn out of it. In Tobias’ case, it was so that others would benefit from his patient endurance.

How do you react to your alcoholism or addiction? Are you angry and resentful that you cannot drink like normal people? (You might know the joke told in AA meetings: “If I could drink like a normal person, I’d drink all day.”) Or do you accept your addiction, deal with it, incorporate the principles of your recovery program into your life and seek to determine how you can learn from your experience and apply it to other people and situations?

In my cessation from drinking, I learned I needed more that what AA’s spirituality offered. I returned to the Catholic Faith, feeling that only a 2,000 year-old religion with its breadth and depth can truly keep me sober and alive. AND I eventually started this blog, with the idea that there are other Catholics and spiritual seekers who need to dive into deep waters to sustain them, because other spiritual solutions are unsatisfying.

So, what are YOU doing with your sobriety? If your sobriety is a private affair, that is wonderful, you are still an example to others in a little way. But if you feel called to do something more than just not drink, that is wonderful also, as you are seeking to reach out to others and bring the Gospel message to those who need it.

Do whatever is within your abilities and don’t apologize for not doing more, if more is beyond your reach. As long as you end up viewing your sobriety as a gift, and your recovery as something that brought you closer to God. We are not all called to start Catholic sobriety blogs, or whatever else. We are meant to stay sober and draw closer to God. Whether in small ways or big ways, you’re doing God’s work. This is more than most.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Happy Birthday, Mom

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Today is the Feast of the Birthday of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

May all of you out there be inspired by her ready acceptance of the will of God in her life. Call upon her when you are struggling with God’s will. What it is, or if you know it, with getting through its difficulty.

Hail Mary, full of Grace,
the LORD is with you,
Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb, JESUS!

Holy Mary, Mother of GOD,
Pray for us sinners,
now, and at the hour of our death,
AMEN

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

New wineskins

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An excerpt from today’s Gospel of Luke is a parable I like, as it symbolizes our changes in a way almost designed to catch an alcoholic’s attention:

Luke 5:36-39;
And he also told them a parable. “No one tears a piece from a new cloak to patch an old one. Otherwise, he will tear the new and the piece from it will not match the old cloak.
Likewise, no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the new wine will burst the skins, and it will be spilled, and the skins will be ruined.
Rather, new wine must be poured into fresh wineskins.
(And) no one who has been drinking old wine desires new, for he says, ‘The old is good.'”

The parallels are clear as relevant to the focus of this blog : the old cloak and old wineskins are our old selves in our practicing alcoholic lives. The new patch and new wine is our new way of living, through our Catholic Faith and spirituality along with whatever recovery program we work.

The new cloak and new wineskin are our new selves, having received the new patch and new wine in our recovery and conversion/reversion to the Church.

The new message will not fit in with the old self. The new self must change to accommodate the new message. You have to be humble, get ourself out of the way, and become teachable. You’re not going to learn anything by clinging to old ways with their old failures.

I’ve written about this before , although the earlier post used the Gospel according to Mark. Check that out, too.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena Through St. Maximilian Kolbe – Day 6

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Today we pray the 6th day in our novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe for someone trapped in addiction to alcohol or drugs, or anything else. You may be saying this prayer for yourself. As usual, go here , and read the novena prayer and then ponder this:

Philippians 2:6-11;

Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied “himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.
Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

This, is humility. Jesus, although He knew He was God, did not allow that to prevent Himself from becoming human like us, His brothers and sisters.

He became essentially a slave, a member of a conquered nation in a backwater part of the Roman Empire and whose life ended as an executed criminal. Humility defined Him, from His Incarnation as a baby, rather than a triumphant warrior-Messiah conquering Israel’s enemies; to His horrible death.

Humility is what He taught us. The humble way is most often the most enduring and most remembered. People remember Catholic saints who died centuries ago who accomplished little of value in the eyes of the world, but their saintly deeds transformed peoples and societies and the Church. You remember St. Francis from the 13th Century, but name one great secular person from that period. Unless you’re an historian, you’d be hard-pressed. (I think Genghis Khan hailed from that era. Not a good role model.)

This is the way of recovery. This is how you stop drinking or drugging. You become humble and ask for assistance or become humble and give it.

You don’t cling to that which is prideful, to be full of yourself, “Oh, look at me.” Yes, so?

What has God called you to be in this life? We only have one life, and each of us has a purpose for which God called us into being.

Jeremiah 1:5;

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you.

You may not be a prophet to the nations, but maybe your life can have meaning to a few people. It is of great value, although it may not seem that way for now.

“Rise up, let us be on our way”, (from a title of a book by Pope John Paul II, the Great). So, arise. Stop drinking and/or drugging. You are worthy, you are precious. You weren’t created by God to remain an addict.

Arise.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe – Day 5

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OK, we begin the fifth day of our novena through St. Maximilian Kolbe. Like the first few days, kindly go here and read the prayer for a loved one and then consider the following:

Today would have been my sister’s 61st birthday. I know, yesterday would have been my Dad’s 95th. These days were once a family holiday.

Anyway, in thinking about my sister (a non-alcoholic, like I said yesterday, I am the only drunk -or ex-drunk- in the family) I started thinking about the ties that bind us to each other. Whether the person you are praying the novena for is your brother or sister, or just one in spirit, or maybe you are praying this novena for yourself, in essence we are all in this together. We are all celebrating our Catholic Faith (or trying to) and maintaining our sobriety through it. We needn’t go it alone. There is usually someone out there willing to help, sometimes you are the person that is the helper. It is a tough row to hoe if attempted alone. Seek out others. Connect and reach out. It doesn’t matter if you don’t need the help, someone may be needing you. Do not reject them.

Being alone is horrible. The sense of isolation that makes you feel as if you are by yourself in a crowd and you are unable to connect to others is damning. This is the kind that causes you to feel that you are the worst drinker and drunk in the world and that you’ve got it worse than anyone else, before you or since. If you’re sober now, you’ve felt this way. If you’re still struggling, you feel this way. In AA it’s called “terminal uniqueness”. Terminal in that if the isolation doesn’t end, a life may. Don’t forget others out there, still suffering. Try and discern the best way you can help, even if it’s only one. If you need the help, don’t hesitate to ask someone. Pray to God for the strength and courage to humble yourself and get assistance.

Survive. Choose life, your own or another’s.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

In Weakness I am Strong

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In the First Step of AA and other programs the person is expected to admit to their powerlessness over alcohol.

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.”*

In a recent reading from St. Paul’s 2nd Letter to the Corinthians, we read:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10:
“Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated.
Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me,
but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”
“I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I have no idea what the “thorn in the flesh” was, I’ve read somewhere, not certain exactly, that the speculation is that Paul had a follower who turned apostate and was harassing him, or some other rival was vexing him. I was always hoping he had what we call an addiction or “inordinate attachment” to something he was trying to rid himself of. (Sorry if that offends. ) It doesn’t matter, it is sufficient to understand that for whatever reason, St. Paul had been seriously troubled by a problem or a person and that the only way he could deal with the problem was not by force of human will, or even a human resolution, but to have faith and trust that God will support him through his travails.

In his weakness, Paul allows the power of Christ to dwell within him, to lift him up and sustain him in his trials. His will was in the way, his human strength would have taught him to not seek God’s help or sustenance. Granted, Paul could have dealt with the trouble in terms that make sense to the secular world, but at what cost to his growing closer to God? There is a price in not needing God or relying on Him, even if successful. That price is the peace of soul and serenity in knowing that you’re not alone. There is comfort in relying on God and on other people that He places in your path that are His instruments.

The Second Step flows outward from the First and is strongly implied in in Paul’s statements in the quote I emboldened.

“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”*

The worldlings out there who scoff at religion and its observance suffer from higher anxiety, depression and stress than people of Faith. Prayer and meditation helps reduce anxiety.

“Know Jesus, know peace. No Jesus, no peace.”

*From Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, AA World Services, 2001. (The AA “Big Book”)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Asking, Seeking, Knocking

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From today’s Gospel Reading (17th Sunday in Ordinary Time) is an important testimony to a loving God for those enduring trouble and pain:

Luke 11:9-10

“And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Unfortunately, many people read the Luke excerpt (along with the similar one in Matthew 7:7-8) and feel that they can script the results. You cannot. You may ask and seek and knock, but when done in faith, the answer will be in what you need, not want. We pray in our time, and God answers in His. We cannot be so arrogant that we feel we can snap our fingers and expect God to deliver what we want when we want it. When done in faith we are provided with assurance that our needs will be taken care of.

This is even alluded to in AA’s “Big Book” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed. AA World Services, 2001) page 559: “We are taught to differentiate between our wants (which are never satisfied) and our needs (which are always provided for). We cast off the burdens of the past and the anxieties of the future, as we begin to live in the present, one day at at time.”

This is also strongly reminiscent of Matthew’s Gospel:

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?
Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?
Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.
But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them.
If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’
All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness,and all these things will be given you besides.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

The Matthew excerpt is very comforting, but sensible too. God will provide. He knows what you need. Time spent in anxiety is time wasted and may indeed get in the way of solutions and remedies that God may be providing. Try and listen to the still, small voice that is the Lord beckoning and reaching out to you with His help.

We must ask in faith, and always in mind as to how this will help in building up the Kingdom of God. That is, seek the way in which we Christians are to transform the world.

We “seek first the Kingdom”, our own needs will fall into place.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

My Way or His Way

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In my spiritual development (or “spiritual progress” as they like to say in AA) I have found that there is a very useful method by which one can come to terms with Church teaching and also discerning the meaning of the Bible. That method is to shift one’s perspective.

In what way?

To view things not from a human perspective, but from God’s.

Although that is difficult for a limited human to do (and we all are limited) it is possible.

Too often when we try and grasp Church teaching or try to interpret or understand the Bible we do it from the approach of our own selfish human ego. This will never work. The Bible and Church teachings are, in general, opposed to the human ego’s natural desire to want for itself and to satisfy its own cravings.

One short way of discerning God’s will that is applicable to this is the order of importance in who an individual serves or is concerned with. You are seeking God’s will if you:

  1. Put God first;
  2. Put other people second;
  3. Put yourself third.

(For married people I would assume that Number 2 can be broken down into 2a: Spouse; 2b: Children; 2c: other family members; 2d: other people.)

Taking this to the task of understanding Church teaching and developing a proper sense of Bible interpretation more in line with the Church’s authoritative interpretation we can ask:

  1. How does this passage or teaching best help us serve God?
  2. How does this passage or teaching best help us serve others?
  3. How does this passage or teaching best help us get us closer to God and building His kingdom? (For in doing so we develop spiritually.)

This is an act of humility. It deflates the ego, (EGO: Easing God Out) and allows the grace of God to enter and illuminate our soul.

Takes some time to develop the habit, but it works after a fashion.

Your way, or His way. How has your way been doing lately?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Serenity Prayer

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At most (if not all) AA meetings the Serenity Prayer is recited. Below is a copy of the full version, usually just the first four lines are read at meetings, as the rest is overtly Christian:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

The first four lines is the petition, the rest I think is the result of the petition and the willingness to abide by it. I perused this prayer today, and I focused on the “Enjoying one moment at a time” line. I am going through a depression at the moment, it is tied in with a physical ailment that refuses to go away, and this triggered various “woe is me” resentments and pity parties. There are few people to talk to as those I would unload on are going through worse Junes than the one I am in. So that compounds things. It’s all bottled up. Prayer isn’t much of a release. Saints have reported similar periods. Great!

But today I chanced upon a copy of the Serenity Prayer (Long Version). I’ve read the entire thing before, so it wasn’t new. But that “Enjoying one moment at a time” line stuck out. Especially as it’s immediately followed by the “Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace” recommendation. Huh?

We are expected to enjoy each moment at a time. If we live by this prayer’ petition, which can be a summation of just and fair dependence and submission to God’s will and His Providence, then the latter parts will be achievable. We will have serenity. There are things that we cannot change. This is humility and common sense. There are things we can change. So we do that, with God’s help if need be. And we request the wisdom to discern the difference, because as the arrogant or stupid humans that we are, we sometimes feel we can do the impossible and not do the necessary.

We enjoy each moment. Even if hardships lie on our path. Jesus suffered, and so who are we to shun it? We take it in stride, knowing it will pass. Accept it as a lesson or toughening for later. “This, too, shall pass” is an AA slogan. A good one. We accept the world as it is, knowing that eventually all will come out according to Divine Plan. Either in our own lives or the world about us. We do not stand idly by, spectating, but we change what we and not worry about the rest.

Has this made me snap out of my depression? Not really, but I managed to write this blogpost instead of mope.

I really wanted to take a drink today. I figured beer would be safe. I didn’t, but was tempted. The problems would still be around, made worse by knowing I drank after 5 years of sobriety, had I imbibed. But nothing substantive would be changed.

Maybe I had the wisdom to know the difference. Huh.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Forgive

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On Monday I went for a drive to visit my parent’s graves and just as I was heading down the street I had to stop to avoid this other driver going the opposite way. He had briefly swung into my lane to get around a line of parked cars. I think that I had the right-of way as my lane was clear and he was obligated to stop and wait for me to get past him before he moved into my lane. Not a big deal as it wasn’t a near collision, we were far enough apart along the road. But a little bit of irritation with him rose up briefly that was squelched by the word:

Forgive.

It sprang up unbidden, just wafted up from my unconscious and hung there. Not that there was much to forgive but it was interesting nonetheless. Perhaps if I was more angry the word never would have had a chance at breaking through the emotion. But it saw an opportunity and it took it.

My usual automatic reaction would be one of annoyance or irritation or a whole host of nasty thoughts. The dark detritus just emerges and hangs around like toxic waste just poisoning my mood. Frequent negative thoughts fight through and hang about, and from what I gather this is common to most people.

But I was curious as to why the word forgive just popped up and nestled in my brain instead of the brief annoyance or irritation just planting itself, taking root and growing into a monster vine of resentment at other people and how dumb they are.

So I took it upon myself in this drive of which the original destination (the cemetery) turned out to be a brief stop and not the destination, and pondered the notion that forgive was my reaction, and not something meaner, despite the minor offense of the other driver.

I ended up thinking that maybe I can embark upon yet another round of focused spiritual development, of interior conversion centered around training me to have forgive as an automatic reaction rather than a negative one that normally festers. I’ve done this before successfully in my 5 years of sobriety. The AA “Big Book” mentions some things about anger and resentment being “red flags”. And so I, over the course of time, tried to recognize these “red flags” as they arose and strike them quickly. It works. It took time and effort, but eventually I became a less outwardly angry and irritable person. At least I think so. Working on “impatience” as much the same way. As before, when I felt rising anger, irritation and resentment building up that I tried to get rid of, feelings of impatience also were dealt with similarly.

I still get angry, annoyed, irritated and impatient, but they don’t define me. At least I hope so.

Anyway, back to forgive.

So I thought about the effects of going about the day keeping in mind that in any given instance I might have my feathers ruffled, for real or imagined. This post has been bouncing around my head since Monday’s drive, time to get it out on paper. Or electrons. 🙂

It seems to work. Whenever there is an instance where someone bothered me (again, specifics don’t matter, just go about your day and reflect on how many times people seem to irritate you, and they probably aren’t even aware.) It was like a mantra, just thinking forgive.

It has a healing effect. It immediately soothes. Instead of a rising negative attitude that may be sustained for a few minutes or hours, it quickly quiets them. All this repeated negative detritus just accumulates and poisons your soul. Repeating forgive gets you over it quickly.

I am melancholic. Which means I have a tendency towards being sensitive and dwelling on things, along with a certain bit of nostalgia. That sometimes makes for an unhealthy combination in which things from the past get dredged up and dwelt upon. Sometimes from the faraway past. Just repeating forgive helps soften the pain. To me, it was as if I was automatically releasing it (whatever it was) to God.

The repetition of forgive also helps interrupt the flow of the negative thoughts. This is related to something I had posted before, I forget which post, about why AA’s attend meetings when they feel like they may be about to relapse. The idea is that you relapse sometime before you actually take that drink, but meeting attendance, if that’s the best tool you have, interrupts the sequence of thoughts leading to the drink. Even if all the AA did was attend the meeting, regardless of the topic, the environment was enough to stifle the continued flow of thoughts which would have led to the action of taking a drink.

Same for thinking the word forgive. It immediately interrupts the self-righteous, indignant feelings that arise when you are wronged, regardless of how serious, regardless of whether the injury was intended or just accidental, or real or imagined. (You know what I mean, someone looks at you the wrong way, or they’re talking quietly to themselves and you think the muttering is about you. You’re not as important to the World as you think, they may not even be aware that you were passing through their field of vision when a stray thought of theirs caused them to do whatever it was they did. And maybe it was an upsurge of negative thoughts! HA!)

Just let it go. It isn’t worth mulling over. It isn’t worth wasting time holding onto the resentment of a momentary irritation, or some wrongdoing someone wrought upon you the other day or some time ago. Just forgive.

We Christians know how to forgive. Turn it over to God, let Him deal with it and you just cut the emotional ties to the event. Stop feeding the monster. If you persist in nurturing the resentment, it’s as if you are climbing up on God’s judgment seat and condemning the other person. That’s God’s job, assuming He agrees with you. He might not. If you are a Catholic Christian, in your examination of conscience that you do prior to Confession, analyze what you may have done in your relations with the other person to have caused the incident. (That’s part of humility. Never assume you’re entirely innocent.) Then confess it and work on your firm purpose of amendment to not do that ever again. Don’t feel self-righteous about another’s behavior towards you. “How dare they?” You’ve probably caused your fair share of unintentional and unwitting grief as well.

This repetition of the word forgive whenever something irritating is done by somebody is also done unconditionally. You don’t debate who’s right or who’s wrong. It’s easy enough to sweep away the garbage when the rising emotion comes from a routine going on about the day and there’s a host of attitudinal and emotional bumping and grinding. (Like the driver way back in the beginning of this post. Wow, that’s way back up there!) It’s another when there is a rupture of some degree and there is genuine hurt. This was touched upon in yesterday’s post.

You may refer to Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.”

Jesus was using a common Hebrew shorthand of using multiples to mean “a lot” or, “a long time”. You forgive as often as you need to. As often as you are wronged.

Forgive anyway. It is tough, and o
ften might not be immediately possible, but is necessary eventually.

There is also something perhaps uniquely Christian about just saying forgive. It is self-sacrificial. This is the unconditional part from 2 paragraphs up. You are not counting the cost to yourself, nor determining who’s right or wrong. In any rupture, both sides can be held accountable. Even the person wronged, perhaps. (I mean interpersonal conflicts, slights, offenses. Not crimes.)

Think of Matthew 5:38-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on (your) right cheek, turn the other one to him as well. If anyone wants to go to law with you over your tunic, hand him your cloak as well. Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles. Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.”

Therefore, you are in essence, “turning the other cheek” when you think or say forgive. You are not making an accounting to settle with later. You are turning it over.

Forgive is healing in another way. As you go about the day uttering to yourself forgive automatically whenever the heat of rising irritation begins to bubble towards the caldera of your mind, and those times when you forgive the really big hurts that have been inflicted on you, you notice that you heal in another manner.

You begin to forgive yourself. Sometime by this weekend I plan to post something I thought of during the priest’s sermon last Sunday. The post (title unknown yet) concerns concupiscence (look it up) and self-esteem. Anyway, we all hurt. Much of it is self-inflicted. Many times we are harder on ourselves than we are on other people. We tend not to forgive ourselves. As we repeatedly utter to ourselves the word forgive it gets easier to ignore slights, real or perceived, committed against us by others. But it also should make it easier to forgive ourselves. For anything. No matter how long ago. As long as you also take care of it in sacramental confession, presuming it’s a sin, jettisoning the negative emotional dreck should become easier.

Forgive, then, works then simultaneously on inside, as well as on outside, threats. As you learn to forgive others, and become more accustomed to it, you get used to doing it for yourself. This doesn’t absolve you of any responsibility towards making amends to people you’ve hurt, but in the possibility of no reconciliation, it’s a good way to complete the healing.

Don’t forget some of Jesus’s final words spoken from the Cross:

Luke 23:33-34

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him and the criminals there, one on his right, the other on his left.

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” They divided his garments by casting lots.

He was dying, up there. God, a common criminal. And yet he forgave them. Of course, He’s God, He can do that. But it was a lesson to us. An important one. If He can forgive what was done to Him, who are we to decide that we cannot?

Forgive.

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