Category Archives: Me

God took me for a walk

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I have been feeling melancholic of late. Usually happens near the end of my days off from work or on unproductive rainy days. (Or productive rainy days but the productivity wasn’t what I had planned.)

Anyway, I had just gone outside to say my Evening Prayer, and was awestruck by the beauty of the dusky sky.

I had gone outside and I “got outside.” Sometimes we need to get outside of ourselves, and sometimes that can be accomplished by simply and literally going outside. I went outside to the yards around my house and meandered down the driveway to the country road we live on, and God took me for a walk.

How can anyone see the glory of nature and not believe that there is a Creator, a Master Artist, a Chief Architect, is an idiot. Or hopelessly unimaginative and spiritually dead.

Whatever the result is of “going outside” it is a sure antidote to the cravings of an addiction or the temptations of a relapse. The connection with God disrupts unhealthy thinking.

Luke 1:46-47: “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior.”

(Via USCCB.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Mother's Day

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My Mom died just over 3 1/2 years ago (November 7, 2005). It’s been one heckuva ride since, from desires for death (suicidal or just praying for God to take me) through economic and financial instability to relocating to a new area for a cute lady and a new job, to marrying that cute lady and finding a better job.

Through it all has been my Faith. It has been the one constant and has kept me together.

I’d like to think that my Mom is among those watching over me. (Dad and a sister, too.)

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Twitter (again)

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Once again I am trying the web service known as Twitter

.

Twitter is a “nanoblogging”or “microblogging” service that is increasingly popular. I had tried it before (see this post ) but couldn’t figure how to make use of it.

It seems to be more useful now, especially since I joined Tweet Catholic, a group of Catholics on Twitter. Tweet Catholic is a part of flockNote , a service which you can share information, news and links with like-minded people. There is a link to FlockNote in my sidebar, you can use it to subscribe to this blog and to other blogs.

Anyway, my username on Twitter is @sobercatholic, join and follow my “Tweets!” There is also a gadget-thingy in my sidebar which lists my last bunch of Tweets.

Twitter is a great way to build a community and rally the flock around stuff. As with any technology, it can be a way to waste time. It is what you make of it.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A Worthy Wife

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A sign of recovery is being able to live amongst people without the need for the crutch of an addiction. As someone once said in an AA meeting I attended (a paraphrase): “Recovery does for me what alcohol used to: it enables me to live among people.”

One obvious sign of success in recovery is marriage. Unless you’re in early recovery and your decision-making process is still warped by the newness of sober-living and the inability to completely think things through, a major decision like marriage waits until things settle out and are clear. Some AA people say it takes at least 3 to 5 years for you to sufficiently recover enough so that you can remember where to find your brain. I got married just shy of 6 years.

When you marry at that point, it is usually because you have your “things together” and someone else has decided that you are “safe enough” to hitch along for the ride for the rest of their life. You are worthy to have someone share their life with you.

That happened to me one year ago today, at the exact time of this posting (my local time, 4:28 PM) on 29 March 2008. A decision I am very happy with. She is “The One” and is described in the Scripture passage below:

Proverbs 31:10-31: “When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.

Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.

She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.

She obtains wool and flax and makes cloth with skillful hands.

Like merchant ships, she secures her provisions from afar.

She rises while it is still night, and distributes food to her household.

She picks out a field to purchase; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms.

She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed.

She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle.

She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy.

She fears not the snow for her household; all her charges are doubly clothed.

She makes her own coverlets; fine linen and purple are her clothing.

Her husband is prominent at the city gates as he sits with the elders of the land.

She makes garments and sells them, and stocks the merchants with belts.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel.

She watches the conduct of her household, and eats not her food in idleness.

Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her:

Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all.’

Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.”

(Via USCCB.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Drinking is Never an Option

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I think it was nearly 5 years ago when I stumbled upon the notion of just ruling out the idea that drinking is an option. In the “One Day at a Time” concept of 12 Step Movements, you will just take the notion of not drinking, but just for today. “Today, I will not drink.” This is because the idea of never taking a drink for the rest of one’s life may be too much to handle. Therefore, take it in bite-size, one-day-at-a-time baby steps. Tomorrow is another story, another day.

While this is fine, and very successful, I found it questionable for my own personal abilities. You see, the “ODAAT” (“One Day at a Time” acronym) leaves open the possibility of drinking tomorrow. Advocates of ODAAT would respond by saying that you would merely resolve to do ODAAT again when tomorrow arrives. But for me, there would still be that narrow window of opportunity that would allow a drink to sneak in.

Therefore, I decided that drinking would never be an option. No matter how good, or how bad, drinking just wouldn’t be on the table as a response. In the past, I would drink when things got bad, but also when things were great. Drinking was a lubricant, either quelling the pain or heightening the joy. Drinking was always a response to something. It was an option.

What had happened to get me to the idea that drinking would never be an option, no matter what was a day in April 2004 in which I was laid off from a job due to insufficient work. As I was the last hired, I was the first to go. I was depressed, I had thought that I had finally “made it” in sobriety, that I had finally landed a job that would last and that I was putting in the final building blocks of my sobriety. The initial struggling period would be over and I would just “practice these principles in all my affairs” and just live. But being laid off shattered that notion.

I drove home, and it seemed as every liquor store in my part of the state was between work and home. I resisted the urge to go into any of them, thinking all the way “ODAAT”, and went instead straight to my old AA Home Group. I pondered stuff and I think that the topic was something about ODAAT. I decided that ODAAT wasn’t good enough for me, or rather, not suitable enough. There was always that danger that the desire to drink would wedge its way in and that I wouldn’t be strong enough the next day to do ODAAT.

So I decided to just remove drinking from the list of options. Not just for today, but forever. ODAAT preserves the notion that drinking is an option for tomorrow, and when tomorrow arrives, just push drinking off one more day through ODAAT.

My removing drinking as an option does not mean that I will resolve to never drink for the rest of my life, the scary notion that ODAAT evolved to ease. It just isn’t on the list of response mechanisms I have at my disposal. It isn’t something that I “do”, or have to ponder with never doing. I am not facing the prospect of viewing the rest of my life without drinking, it is more like the idea that murder or rape is simply not an option for how decent civilized people deal with others. Drinking isn’t there for me to choose. I do not bemoan the idea that I won’t murder or rape anyone in the future before I die, doing either of those things isn’t a part or my character. Drinking no longer is a part of my character.

I did not arrive at this idea easily. I spent the entire month of April 2004 beating this into my brain. I was helped by many AA meeting topics that kind of reinforced this. I guess the Holy Spirit was working on me.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A sense of balance

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When one area of my life is out of whack I have found it important to have something useful to serve as a kind of counterweight to it.

Having a life outside one’s job (for example) provides a sense of balance. When we work full-time we have a sense of displacement in our lives. Work occupies so much of our time that the things outside it like family and home are often shoved to the margins or ignored or otherwise given second-rate status. The need to provide income to support the family gets in the way of fully realizing what is truly important, and that is the family and home you are working to support.

Not rejecting the importance of providing for the family, there must be a realization that something must be done to restore a certain sense of balance to the whole equation. Time must be carved out of whatever “free time” you have off from work so as to devote to family and home.

Why is this important? Because when all this is out of whack, there lies the path back to drinking. An easy way to cope with the stress and anxiety is to drink. Bad idea.

Eliminate distracting non-essentials. Television really isn’t that important. It isn’t quality time spent with family. (Perhaps the occasional movie or ballgame being an exception. I also make room for the Star Trek sagas, but I actually haven’t seen them in over 2 1/2 years due to not having cable TV or satellite.The DVD’s are too expensive.) Anyway, a productive and meaningful life outside of work is healthy and sober. I am married and my wife is cute, funny and intelligent. Way more fun than TV. We spend lots of time outside putting gardens in or touring the countryside. We “go outside to get outside.”

I also blog. Writing is an avocation for me and it helps me improve my sense of self-worth. I hope to eventually do it full-time (blogging and fiction writing). At any rate, all these do provide an effective counterweight to work. Not always 100% effective, but more certain than moping and zoning out in front of the TV. Or drinking.

I am also Catholic. My faith is important to me and it has helped me weather many storms since becoming sober. It provides fulfillment and a healthy disconnect from the ways of the world so that I am not sucked into its madness and silliness. I am in the world, but not of it. Jesus came to heal the sick, and His Church is one of healing. The Eucharist and Confession are excellent ways to clean up the wreckage of the past. The sacramental and prayer life of the Church are also wonderful ways of maintaining that sense of balance. Nothing like raising your heart, mind and soul up to God to gain a real perspective.

“This, too, shall pass.” Only if you’re moving along.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Today would have been Mom's birthday

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Today, January 20th, would have been my Mom’s birthday. She would have been 93. She died a few years ago, just shy of her 90th. The fact that she led and lived a full life doesn’t minimize her death. (“Well, Paul, she did live a long time.”)

I miss her. I have the hope of seeing her, and other loved ones, again in Heaven.

I am trying to spiritually develop so that my yearnings for Heaven are proper, that is I desire to get to Heaven to be united with God and not just so that I am reunited with my lost loved ones and God just happens to be there, too. That takes God for granted and that Heaven is just a perpetual playground or wonderful endless happy family reunion with Christmas and Easter dinners and picnics all thrown together.

Yearn for the face of the beloved, and all else will fall into place, as well. Trust in God.

(Note: This was originally published on another blog that I am discontinuing. I backdated it as I actually posted it to Sober Catholic on 29 January 2009.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A general apology of sorts

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I feel the need to offer an apology for the lack of posting recently. My wife just told me that I apologize for “not blogging” too much. That’s possible. But perhaps my conscience is bothering me. Or maybe I’m just a melancholic moody alcoholic in recovery and those moods get the best of me. But, I have been very guilty over the past year or so of promising daily posting and coming up with various plans to get myself to do just that. I have not followed through by virtue of the fact that I have never posted daily apart from novenas or a special series on things.

A part of me says that I shouldn’t feel lousy about myself as I have been through a series of major life-changing events this past year, every one of which is usually at or near the top of lists that state: “Doing any one of these things runs the risks of relapse.” (Relocation, job-changing and marriage, all in one year!) But still, I was raised with the notion that if you say you’re going to do something, follow through and do it. The fact that I didn’t relapse and was never seriously tempted to do so is a testimony to my Faith and sobriety. Not a testimony to me, but to the tools at my disposal.

Nevertheless, my intentions have exceeded my ability to deliver. I suppose my eyeballs got too big at blogging possibilities and my grasp reached for too much and I should have toned down expectations and just delivered what I could when I was able.

At any rate, please take this apology as a sincere attempt to work through stuff and get back on a track of sorts. The situation announced in my “blog update-personal news” post is holding true. The office is getting organized.

Blogging, as I always state, will continue. Stopping is never an option.

Thanks for your patience.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

FYI: blog update-personal news

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This is just an FYI posting that may hopefully explain the frequency of blog postings from here on out.

There is going to be a shift in my priorities when I get behind the keyboard of my Mac and bang out words. Blogging is going to be secondary to my attempt to resurrect a fiction writing career.

I have always loved writing. Ever since I was a little human I enjoyed it and have wanted to write fiction for a living. I have never been successful and probably own the world’s largest collection of excuses for not succeeding (with misplaced priorities probably first on the list with alcoholism a very close second) but that is no excuse for giving up or not continuing to try.

I have exhumed from some boxes all the literary trash of 3 decades of attempts and shall start to piece together some semblance of organization and will proceed from there with whatever story nuggets that suggest themselves as viable ideas. I actually have a clue as to what I shall start with, a novel I started after I sobered up in 2002. (Don’t ask about the plot.) Even then I thought that writing was one of the things I was going to “recover” in my sobriety. But I still want to review the whole melange of detritus.

What does this mean for my three blogs? Nothing as I doubt that anyone would actually notice anything different in posting frequency. Sober Catholic will still average 15-20 posts a month like it already does, Trudging Paulcoholic’s Road will hopefully get to 15-20 posts a month and The Four Last Things will continue to be sporadic. The only difference is that I will no longer promise stuff like I occasionally do about getting to posting on a daily basis. I will probably blog on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, which are my days off, and Sunday mornings (I now go to the Saturday Vigil Mass.) I will focus on fiction on a daily basis, either actual writing or research.

Rest assured, all three blogs will continue, as will the Catholics in Recovery social network. Blogging has actually been quite responsible for whetting my appetite for writing. Life is settling out for me from a happily tumultuous year (relocation, new job and then another one when I quit that one, a new wife that I’m keeping) and I’m thinking that I should get serious about some central dream that I’ve held for as long as I can remember.

Perhaps I’m “seasoned” enough and have “lived enough” so that fiction writing is possible. I don’t know. At any rate, that’s where I am now and plan on doing.

Continue to read the blogs, they’ll still continue on. Join Catholics in Recovery, we can use you there if you’re not already a member!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Trudging Paulcoholic's Road Again

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Some time ago I started another blog on Catholic sobriety entitled Trudging Paulcoholic’s Road. It was to be the flip side of Sober Catholic. Whereas Sober Catholic was about how the Catholic Faith and her spirituality can help you maintain your sobriety, TPR was to be how I used the Faith. It was to be a more personal blog, more like the kind of blogs that people in recovery are more familiar with.

Not much came of it aside from the occasional post. That should change as I am going to revivify the blog. What I am going to do is flip through my copies of AA’s “Big Book” and “12 & 12 ” and blog about all the passages that I highlighted as I read them. For the uninitiated, the “Big Book” is the clever name given to the “basic text” of Alcoholic’s Anonymous. The “12 & 12” is the text, “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions”, written by AA co-founder Bill Wilson back in the 1950’s. It is a collection of essays on the 12 Steps that people either love or hate, along with the governing Traditions of AA. I won’t write about the Traditions all that much.

In addition, there are scores of notes that I scribbled in every available blank space, notes about what people shared in meetings that seemed important at the time. When I spot a highlighted passage or note that seems bloggable, I’ll “Catholicize” it, in keeping with the spirit of my recovery writings being Catholic in nature.

Here’s hoping it goes well! (It’s also another attempt at finding a method by which I can figure on blogging every day.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Posted in Me