Category Archives: Meetings

The end of an era in compassion and healing

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I received an email this morning from Marty Tousley who ran the wonderful Grief Healing Discussion Groups. Due to lack of funding and donations, as well as the increasing difficulty in running it (Marty is 81! I’m feeling the pain of running a couple of blogs and the associated social media promotions and I’m only 61!) she announced that on January 1, 2025 the discussion groups will fold.  

I am saddened by the news that these forums will be going away in three month. That place helped me survive the death of my Mom in late 2005 (was it that long ago?) From shortly after her death through all of 2006 and pretty well into 2007, those discussion groups were my online home; the place was an oasis in the churning turmoil of the psychological abuse directed at me by my family and the hole in my soul wrought by my Mom’s death. 

Although I largely stopped visiting the goups after I had achieved my ‘new normal,’ somehow I thought the place would ‘always be here’ in the event I’d need it again.

I do regret not making it a more permanent online home for me. Nevertheless, I shall cherish the memories of the people I met there. Although we’ve parted ways since the deaths of those that brought us together to discuss our pain and sorrow, everyone that touched my heart from ’05-’07 and helped to heal my soul are still in my daily prayers (even if I forgot some names, God knows who theyy were.) I hope to meet and be reunited with all of them in Heaven, even those that briefly were in the community but whose emotions and pain burned brightly in their posts. And of course, I’d love to meet those dear, departed loved ones whose loss brought them here. (I also hope this for the Syracuse (NY) Hospice and Hope for Bereaved, places where I went for face-to-face grief healing and counselling.)

Thank you Marty, and all those whose wisdom and knowledge and compassion helped and healed so many people. The Grief Healing Discussion Groups will be missed.

NOTE: Marty posted quite a lot of resources for grief healing on the site; I will pore through all of them and add many to the resources pages of Sober Catholic.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

iThirst: A Catholic initiative to help the addicted

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There is a very good article in the National Catholic Register about a Catholic program to address addictions. The iTHIRST Initiative (The Healing Initiative: Recovery, Spirituality and Twelve Steps) is a program offering spiritual accompaniment for those struggling with addictions. The article is right here: Aiding the Addicted: Healing Hearts and Souls Through Spiritual Accompaniment in the National Catholic Register

The article mentions a Fr. Michael Champagne. I met him once, back in 2012 at an Into The Wild Weekend experiential retreat. He was the chaplain. His preaching was incredible. “True doctrine issued from his mouth.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

AA’s “Big Book, 5th Edition is going to be a thing, I guess

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I received an email today from someone who thought I’d be interested in this bit of news: Welcome to the Big Book Fifth Edition story submission page! | Alcoholics Anonymous.

I was! Apparently some of my wondering in this post: Hypothetical 5th Edition of the Big Book to have major changes? is coming true. There will be an update to AA’s basic text this decade. However, all the worrying by some people that the ‘First 164 pages’ (i.e. the classic program of recovery spelled out by AA co-founder Bill W.) will be changed has come to naught. According to this quote:

In that spirit, the 2021 General Service Conference recommended that “a Fifth Edition of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, be developed, including an update of stories to better reflect the current membership, keeping in mind the 1995 Advisory Action:

“The first 164 pages of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, the Preface, the Forewords, ‘The Doctor’s Opinion’, ‘Dr. Bob’s Nightmare”, and the Appendices remain as is.”

Source (a pdf file you can download): STORY SOLICITATION.

So, it seems that they’re going to leave the classic program of recovery untouched. Oh, well. Hopefully the archaic language and century-old thinking on alcoholism doesn’t spell doom for AA. Perhaps they are quietly ‘thinking ahead’ and anticipating a 6th Edition in 2039 (the centennial anniversary of the 1st Edition of the Big Book) and will update the First 164 then. I just hope it won’t be too late after people have abandoned AA for other, more relevant recovery programs that adapt as time moves forward. I can see it now: a majority of AA Home Groups are dominated by people with decades of sobriety and they’re all at least 50 years old and wondering where the young ex-drunks are. 

One personal note: this news originally came out several months ago. The deadline for submitting stories is 31 Oct 2022. One week away! I guess I’m not ‘tuned into’ AA news like I thought. I am sufficiently active on In the Rooms to have heard it there, assuming they would mention such a thing. No matter. I won’t be submitting any story; I doubt they’d accept a story from someone who’s program of recovery is Holy Mass, the other Sacraments, spiritual reading, the Matt Talbot Way, and online recovery (and who last attended a F2F AA meeting in early 2014.) I do hope there’s 1 or 2 (or even 3!) personal stories that focus on online recovery! If they update the Personal Stories section of the Big Book to reflect the current membership, then online recovery has to be represented. Especially as it was critically important to many during the COVID lockdowns!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Why I stopped regularly attending AA meetings

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I wrote in my last post, “Today is my Twentieth Soberversary” that I had last attended an AA meeting as a regular member in 2004, and that I left it in anger. I thought that I had posted about it before, but couldn’t find it. If it exists, then finding it is taking more time than writing a new one about the experience. So, I’m writing a new one. Or the first one. Shut up and blog, Paulcoholic.

OK, so it was August 2004. I was ‘going through some stuff’ that summer and one of the ways I got through it all was to be the coffeemaker for my Home Group. Usually, the job rotates. My Home Group met every weekday and I ‘needed’ to make it everyday to cope. No one objected as they knew I needed it and wouldn’t keep it as a daily service work forever. So for a few months, I made the coffee every day. And then around August I decided that I had gotten past the worst of what I was going through and was now ready to relinquish the job, keeping just Monday for myself. This other guy had taken Tuesday.

All was fine for a while. Then one day, a Monday, actually, the meeting began and the Tuesday Guy was the chairperson. My Home Group had some liberal policies as to who can chair a meeting. Tuesday Guy had only three months in the program, but he wanted to chair it and no one objected. When it came time to come up with a topic, no one suggested any and so he came up with one. It was a topic that oftentimes is introduced during the holidays. “What to do when confronted with a drinking situation.” (Because around Christmas, Easter and other holidays, a recovering person often finds themselves in just such a situation.) Tuesday Guy, if I recall correctly, recently lost a friend in a motorcycle accident, and there was going to be an event held in the deceased’s honor at a local drinking establishment; ‘and should I go?”

I dislike sharing when I have no personal “experience, strength and hope” to relate to. In other words, if the topic is something I have no personal experience with, I’ll pass when called upon to share. I’d never really faced this situation, so I’ll just pass. 

Tuesday Guy started calling upon people to share. Then it was my turn. I said, “I’ll pass.” But Tuesday guy would have none of that. “No, Paul, we all want to know what you think about this!” 

Well, I always had this paranoid fear in AA meetings that one day I’ll be called upon to share, I’d refuse, and promptly be told that isn’t the custom at this meeting; ‘here, when you’re called to share, you must.’ A paranoid, irrational fear, to be true; and that it would only happen if I attended a meeting far beyond my home area, where they might have strange customs. Except that it didn’t happen in some far away AA meeting, it happened right in my Home Group! So, I figured I’ll just share what I know from AA’s ‘Conference-approved literature,’ in this case, something from their book, “Living Sober.” And so I quoted from memory a line that said something about ‘if you have a legitimate reason for being there,’ and at that point Tuesday Guy interrupted me. “Well, Paul doesn’t know what he’s talking about; can someone else share?”

I was stunned. My worst fear was not only realized, that of being forced to share, but while sharing relevant book knowledge, I was humiliated in from of a bunch of people. The meeting continued. The men couldn’t look at me; the women gave me sympathetic looks. Almost everyone quoted the same line I started quoting. 

The meeting ended. I don’t even recall if I helped clean up. As coffeemaker, my job was done prior to the meeting; afterwards others pitch in with the clean up. 

Remember, this was Monday and Tuesday follows, meaning Tuesday Guy was going to be there early the next day to open up and make the coffee. I was prepared.

Tuesday rolls around and I get there early. I timed my arrival so that I showed up after about when I thought Tuesday Guy got there but before anyone else arrived. I was successful. The site was opened, he was there, in the back, alone, getting ready. I stalked over to him, he sees me coming and has a crooked smirk. I went up to him and slammed down on the table, right next to the coffee machine, my copy of the building’s keys. I said quite loudly, almost shouting into his smirky face, “I AM NOT COMING TO THIS MEETING EVER AGAIN!”

And then I stormed out. All I can say is that when I was walking to my car I had a feeling of liberation. The sun was sunnier. The birds were chirpier. The cars driving by were carrier. And a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I literally felt lighter.

And I never set foot in that meeting. Well, not quite true. I did return a over a year later to an occasional meeting, but it had moved to a different location by then and so I figured my declaration held. 

Since that day in August 2004, I never considered myself a regular meeting attendee. As I’ve said before, I am a misfit in a fellowship of misfits. I don’t bother with live meetings; occasionally dabble in online recovery and read AA literature. But having a Home Group? Nope. 

A couple of posts on Catholics attending AA meetings:

Should Catholics Attend AA meetings? I heard they’re bad.

A Fortnight of Years in Sobriety

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hypothetical 5th Edition of the Big Book to have major changes?

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Although I do not attend AA meetings in person, I still make use of and work the Twelve Steps. I enjoy reading Twelve Step literature every day, whether it be favorite passages from the Big Book or from a few daily meditations and reflections books. I also really enjoy participating in online recovery on In the Rooms. My recovery program is hardly traditional, being primarily focused on Catholic spirituality and supplemented by Twelve Step literature and online recovery. But I still have a deep interest in AA, its future and such like.

The current Big Book of AA is in its 4th edition and was published in 2001. New editions come out every few decades (1st one in 1939, 2nd edition in 1955, the 3rd in 1976.) So, given that the current edition is coming up on being 20 years old, I was wondering if there might be plans afoot to update it with a 5th edition.

I cannot seem to find any definitive, authoritative online sources that say so; except for a few regional AA groups petitioning for such a thing, there does not seem to be any formal announcement from AA about a 5th edition, except perhaps considering discussing such a project in 2022. 

I did find one blogger who declared recently that they did vote on such a project, and that they will change the first 164 pages of the Big Book. This is the classic,  legendary and revered program of recovery section, commonly referred to as the “first 164 pages,” or simply, “the first 164.” These were written by Bill. W., the co-founder of AA and are almost regarded as a ‘sacred text’ by long time AA members. It is in these pages that the Twelve Steps are described, amongst other helps. “Anonymous Alcoholic,” in their blog of the same name, declared:

Unbelieveable. They will take out “To The Wives”, “The Family Afterward” and “To The Employers”, and they will change the pronouns to they and them and develop new stories.

Source: “And Yes…They Voted To CHANGE THE BIG BOOK!!!”

I submitted a comment, which hasn’t appeared yet asking Anonymous Alcoholic for their source; I diligently searched and like I said above, found nothing definitive.

I can understand and appreciate Anonymous Alcoholic’s concern. Change is hard, especially in something near and dear and life-saving. But still, survival means adaptation, and when people, places and human organizations do not adapt to change, they vanish. If this person’s fears are correct, and they will change the Big Book in the manner supposed, I have no problem with it (please read on before submitting hostile comments 😉 ) because in my opinion, for AA to release another edition of the Big Book and retain the current ‘first 164 pages’ sends the entire movement on the pathway to irrelevance. Other recovery programs using contemporary research on alcoholism and contemporary language will supplant AA. They even may make use of the Steps, but in the end the Twelve Steps may be all that anyone will recall of AA. The ‘fellowship’ will fade into irrelevance from blind resistance to needed change.

First, the basic facts regarding new editions of the Big Book (which, incidentally, has the formal name of “Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition”). Every new edition is published for the express purpose of reflecting the changes in the membership of Alcoholics Anonymous since the previous edition was published. So far, this has only merited changes in the “Personal Stories” sections. Old stories are deleted, some retained, and new stories reflecting ‘changes in the membership’ replace the deleted ones. These typically reflect demographic and societal changes. Some people appreciate the changes, some dislike them, others don’t much care and just want to know “how they stayed sober.”

Second, it seems that every time a new edition is released, there is pressure to alter the first 164 pages. Through the 4th edition, AA has resisted the urge to alter them. Hard core traditionalists defend the efficacy of these chapters, and since Bill W. wrote them, they are untouchable. Others insist that they are archaic, sexist or outdated and have served their purpose. They need to be updated to maintain relevancy with people now entering AA.

I agree with the latter. I think the time is nigh for the “first 164” to be updated. Although the “first 164” has helped me and countless others recover from alcoholism since 1939, it is time for them to be refreshed. Now, before your head explodes with irate emotion if you’re among the legions who oppose such changes, bear with me, please, and read my arguments and counsels.

 Consider: the “first 164 pages” were written in the 1930s. They use 1930s American English complete with slang. Should people in the 2020s and 2030s and onwards be subjected to that? They reflect a 1930s understanding of alcoholism. Therein lies the need for a change; the archaic language just sounds very odd and difficult to contemporary ears. It also sounds sexist, although that merely reflects the social norms back then (over 90% of ex-drunks were male, and it was assumed the reader was a man) and thus no malicious sexism was intended. And then there has been nearly 90 years of growth in our understanding of alcoholism and the disease concept of it. AA need not abandon the “disease concept of alcoholism;” but they could update the chapters on understanding alcoholism with the near-century of development since then. 

The chapters that Anonymous Alcoholic cites, “To The Wives”, “The Family Afterward” and “To The Employers,” form the core program of what came to be the Al-Anon Family Programs. Al-Anon has been around since the 1950s, is a mature organization with its own literature, and they hardly need these chapters. Omitting them could free up room for more stories, or for more extensive recovery program chapters (or both.) 

For anyone worried that updating the language will render fundamental changes to the meanings of the classic program of recovery: AA could easily solicit recovered alcoholics and non-alcoholics who are experts in language and make certain that the essential program retains the same meanings and ideas, just rendered in contemporary English usage. Consider that the Christian Bible get translated every few decades to reflect changes in language as well as deeper understandings of the intent of the Sacred Inspired writers. The Bible gets updated while still (hopefully) retaining the same theology and doctrines, but the Big Book is sacrosanct and inviolable?

No one need to fear that the original 164 will be lost forever; if past AA actions are any indication, they could publish a separate book containing the original first 164 pages just like when in 2003 they published “Experience, Strength and Hope,” a book that contains every personal story from the first 3 editions of the Big Book that are not in the current 4th edition. With that precedent, AA seems intent on preserving their recovery heritage. Also, AA’s copyright to the first edition of the Big Book expired in the US; meaning it is now in the public domain and therefore can be published by anyone. (Nevertheless, AA has reprinted a special commemorative edition of it a few years ago.) So, the classic program will never be lost, either through AA itself publishing the ‘first 164’ on their own as a standalone text, or someone reprinting the original edition. So, I wouldn’t worry. Everyone will be free to use whatever ‘program’ they want; people can use the 5th edition with an updated text but still refer to ‘how it was done’ from 1939 thru 2020whenever. Or, people can use the 5th edition for just the newer personal stories and use any ‘first 164 pages’ heritage book/1st edition public domain reprint for the classic program of recovery. I would really be shocked if they just let the first 164 pages just pass out of memory; it has helped countless people and deserves to be preserved. So, any way you look at the issue, a revised “first 164” is hardly apocalyptic and calamitous. The classic text will always be around.

Just my 2 cents. Like this post? You can tip me using the PayPal badge in the sidebar. Thank you!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Should a Catholic attend AA meetings? I heard they’re bad…

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I have long been meaning to write a post on the subject title; it was finally inspired by a question in a Traditional Latin Mass Group on Facebook. I deposited my two cents and the following is an edited copy-and-paste of my reply (along with some additional thoughts not included in the Facebook reply):

Attending AA meetings is fine as long as you remain strong in your Faith and study it and the resources the Church offers to strengthen you against temptations to drink (as well as other inordinate desires.) There are links in the sidebar which can direct to resources to help you learn more about the Faith.

Most people who bash AA are unaware of the Catholic assistance and influence that existed in early AA ; the 12 Steps were developed with the help of a Jesuit (when they were still Catholic 😉 ) and are similar to the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. Also, they are loosely written enough to be applicable to people of all religious and spiritual traditions, so that you can very easily Catholicize them and reinterpret any ambiguous spirituality they contain that you regard as disagreeable.

“But, they mention ‘Higher Power!!’ ‘God of my understanding’!!! That’s pagan! New Age!!!”

“No, it isn’t. Just generic terms for any power greater than you. My HP is Jesus. There are probably more non-Catholics and other Christians who are alcoholics than there are followers of Jesus, this accommodates them. Just switch it to Jesus and be kind. Everyone is on a spiritual journey; who knows how the Holy Spirit leads one to the Truth?”

My advice, and this comes from someone who is over 16 years sober, (and who also has written this blog for over 11 years) is if you have a problem with alcohol, go to AA. Do the “90 meetings in 90 days” routine (you’ll hear and be exposed to anything you’ll ever hear about alcoholism from AA’s perspective for pretty much every life situation that you once needed to drink over) and get the basic literature. Then decide whether you wish to continue. I advise sticking with it for a year, then go as needed or not at all. (I find online recovery works well, in addition to keeping you somewhat better insulated against non-Catholic spirituality. For that, I recommend In the Rooms. My profile: Paulcoholic on ITR.)

The “basic literature” that I suggest is the “Big Book,” aka “Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition,” and “12 and 12″” aka the “The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.” Also, get the book “Experience, Strength and Hope,” which contains classic personal stories from earlier editions of the Big Book no longer included in the current. “Daily Reflections” is a collection of 366 daily meditations written by alkies for alkies. “Living Sober” is another essential book, containing essays for ‘living sober;’ advice gleaned from AA meetings and other AA literature for keeping sober in many situations. I would also like to include “As Bill Sees It,” a collection of thoughts and excerpts from the writings of AA’s co-founder, Bill Wilson. All of these can be ordered from aa.org

“But, some of the stories and stuff are written by people who are…”

“Oh, knock it off. Take what’s useful and leave the rest. ‘They’ just might say THAT ONE THING you need to hear that will keep you from the drink. Jesus dined with hookers and government types, are you better than Him?”

I wrote the following paragraph in that Facebook reply namely in anticipation of attacks on AA membership. While I no longer attend AA meetings, they are useful and helpful for those who need them. Anyway, I expected some attacks (none serious so far at the time of the drafting of this post) and added this:

Incidentally, and before I get flamed for speaking in defense of AA, the reason why I started the Sober Catholic blog is to help Catholics with addictions to discover what the Church offers to assist them and also to help “keep them Catholic.” For I have discovered many Catholics leaving the Church due to exposure to AA spirituality. (They weren’t strong Catholics to begin with: weak in their Faith, they drifted away affected by moral relativism. Sober Catholic hopes to stem the tide, even in a small way. Actually, I have found that the organization “Celebrate Recovery” to be a more insidious threat.)

A strong Catholic Faith, the basic AA lit for when you need something directly applied to alcoholism, meetings if and when you need them, and you can be free from the drink.

(I sobered up in the rooms of AA, but have NOT been a regular meeting goer since 2004. Since then it’s just been once in a while. But my last live, face-to-face meeting was in 2014. So, AA “isn’t needed,” but you do need to be deep in the Church and sacraments. But I did find that my own Catholic interpretation of AAs spirituality was essential and invaluable. Everything just gets filtered through my Catholic lens.)

Regarding attacks on AA: There is lots of misinformation out there from people with an axe to grind. Perhaps they (or someone they know) was hurt by AA (no organization of people is perfect, we’re all sinners and things can get out of control. Even the Church has hurt people. No reason to leave it. Although it’s understandable, at least for a while.)

But I’ve seen whacko sites accusing AA of being pagan, New Age, a cult, all sorts of things. It can be, but that might be just local conditions here and there. There was a document from Rome put out in the early 00s listing Twelve Step movements of being damaging; the writer knew zilch about AA, the work was poorly researched (at least as to including AA. Spot on about other things.)

But in general, AA (or any 12 Step Group) isn’t a threat to anyone’s Catholicism if their Faith is deep, and if not, like I said above, they should apply themselves to learning the Faith with the same dedication they apply themselves to learning the 12 Steps. After you’ve gotten them down and learn to live by them, they make a nice accompaniment to living by the Gospel and Beatitudes and taking part in the sacramental life of the Church. Subordinate to the tools of Faith, but still essential.

And that was the reply. So, that is it: try AA. Learn the basics of 12 Step living. Get the books I mentioned above and refer to them when needed. Keep increasing your knowledge of the Catholic Church at the same time; attend Mass (daily, if possible), study the Catechism, boost your prayer life and frequent the sacraments (especially the Eucharist and Confession.) After you’ve done your “90 in 90,” then decide if it’s for you. It comes down to this:

“You shall know them by their fruits.” From the Gospel according to St. Matthew, Chapter 7 verse 16. Courtesy Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version.

Are you sober? This doesn’t mean “just not drinking.” Drinking was a crutch to help you cope. Many people drink to relieve the burdens of life, but those afflicted with alcoholism are different and the crutch becomes an instrument of pain and torture rather than a support. Take away the crutch, and what have you? The problems that afflicted you are still there; perhaps those directly attributable to drinking will vanish, but others still remain. How will you handle them? AA helps you cope with life without the crutch of the drink. If you won’t use AA, what will you use? Does that aid directly address drinking, as in ‘not doing it?’and how to live without it?

If you stop drinking without replacing the drink with another “life aid,” how are things going? If you’re irritable, restless, discontented, angry, bitter, resentful, mean-spirited and bad-tempered, whatever you’re doing isn’t working. If you need confirmation, ask your family, friends and co-workers. They’ll enjoy the opportunity to finally tell you…

Just “not drinking” isn’t enough, you have to find something that “reprograms” you, helps you react to things in a civil and socially-acceptable manner with resorting to the drink to help. Again, Matthew 7:16. What are the fruits of your “program” of recovery from alcoholism?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Gratitude: Wanting what you have

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In the rooms of AA, I’ve learned that gratitude means “wanting what you have.” At first I had thought this was silly and trite. Of course, I “want what I have!” But upon further thinking it became obvious the trite phrase has a deeper meaning.

In our alcoholism, one drink was never enough. The idea of just having one rarely enjoyed consideration. If one is good, then ten is awesome! Only ten?

And so we eventually found out the detrimental side effects of this attitude. If you’re an alcoholic, you know what those are.

But if you’re in recovery, even for a long while, a type of addictive thinking can still affect you. You may be dissatisfied with your material possessions. What you have isn’t enough. A better car, bigger residence, nicer computer, a smartphone with more bells and whistles, whatever, what you own that actually serves your needs somehow is no longer satisfying.

I think this is still a residual addiction. Although you no longer drink, the addictive side of your personality still craves something more. Not satisfied, it comes up with justifications for wanting more.

Many times in meetings you hear the phrase, “Stick with the winners.” It is good advice for newcomers; they are told to seek out those in sobriety who “have what they want,” namely a good, sustained quality of sobriety. Unfortunately, some use the trappings of materialism to determine that good sobriety. The idea is that after you’ve been sober for a while, you begin to recover many things that were lost, including material wealth. If you never had it, then you’ll get it. It is even inferred in the so-called “Twelve Promises,” found on Page 83 of AA’s “Big Book.” (See the online version at Alcoholics Anonymous. It is available as a PDF.)

Somewhere I’ve heard that to determine who’s a “winner,” you check out the vehicles people drive away from meetings in. The better, the more “successful.” There are other ways of determining material success, of course.

To me, the only real manner in which a person should be judges on their sobriety, how much of a “winner” they are, is how long have they been sober? Do they take life in stride? Have they been the target of a lot of “stuff” that life throws at them? Do they bear their Crosses well?

Although I’ve typically loathed discussions on ‘”gratitude” during meetings, I have now come to realize that gratitude is an essential tool in recovery, for it helps to retard or curtail “addictive thinking” elsewhere, and especially the draw of materialism. In my previous post, Be transformed!, I quoted Jesus’ saying “What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?”

Indeed!

It is not enough to just maintain sobriety, one also has to express gratitude for it, but also for everything else one has in life. If you are truly grateful for what you have, and your needs are consistently supplied, then you will have little desire for the “wants,” as they are rarely what you “need.”

Focusing on your “wants” is an addictive thought process: it means you are not satisfied with your needs, and you want more. Just as “one drink” was never enough, whatever you have in life now may not be enough, even though it adequately supplies your needs.

Think about it. Sometime ago, you got some “things.” They were fine and supplied your needs. Then they no longer did, or so it seemed, and so you got “more things.” After a while, it happened again; they no longer seemed sufficient and you went out and got “still more things.”

Really? Was all that necessary? What was different between the time you had just the “things” and then “more things,” and so on to “still more things?” What changed? Did they really not satisfy your needs, or was the accumulation just serving your “wants?” On Page 559 of AA’s “Big Book” there’s a line that says something like “our needs, which are always satisfied; and our wants, which never are.” I think that is the core. Our “wants” never are satisfied and so we desire “more.” Even though our needs were taken care of. That’s addictive thinking. One drink isn’t enough. Another is needed. And another. And so it is with material possessions. The car we drive isn’t good enough. (Yes it is, we just don’t want to see it. We see people in AA meetings drive better ones and we have to show our success in sobriety and get a newer one.) The computer we have isn’t powerful or fast enough. (Yes it is, we just feel self-conscious when we don’t have the latest Mac or Windows PC. That machine is from 2006???)

I am just putting this out there for consideration and discernment. Just an admonishment towards those who do see success in material terms. I do notice many people in recovery have a more relaxed attitude towards material possessions and are truly grateful for what they have. After all, there’s a reason why “gratitude” is a popular topic in meetings. We need to hear it, perhaps there’s an understanding of the danger in not being grateful for what we have. Especially since many have lost so much.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A return to regular AA meeting attendance

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This post is overdue, but a while back I had mentioned that I was returning to regular Twelve Step meeting attendance. I delayed writing this in detail just to see if it would stick, and lo and behold, it did. So, here goes:

Why did I return? Partially due to circumstance. Although I have been sober for almost 12 years (my sobriety date is tomorrow the 22nd, actually) and have had a very good sobriety that I’ll stack up against anyone’s, my periods of “sobriety” were increasingly interrupted by periods of merely “not drinking.” In other words, the RIDs were on the rise. RID in AA parlance means “restless, irritable and discontented.” It refers to a sobriety that is troubled.

Although I was in no real danger of relapsing, at first I turned to just picking up AA’s “Big Book,” and flipped through a chapter at random. And although I have read the Big Book before, maybe twice through in its entirety, and afterwards mostly just chapters at random, this chapter seemed different! It was like someone had rewritten it!

Upon investigation in the online recovery sites I mentioned in the post linked to above, this is not a rare happening. Others have experienced it, too. It usually means that the reader has gone through quite a bit of spiritual development and changes since the last time that chapter was read.

Well, no kidding!

Anyway, so I figured I’ll try face-to-face AA again, this time find a meeting and stick with it for a while. Luckily, I did not have to try too many meetings. This one is a good Group, and I’ve already made it my Home Group. Yes, I now have a Home Group after 10 years! It is rather large, and after the typical opening rituals and announcements they break up into four smaller groups: two beginner meetings, one covering Steps 1-3, the other focusing on Steps 4-9; a Big Book/Step Discussion meeting; and the general discussion table. I’ve been going to the Steps 1-3 beginner’s meeting, as I feel the need to get back to the basics.

I am only attending one meeting a week, and at 52 meetings a year this means a 5200% increase in my annual attendance. (For those bad at math, since 2004 I’ve averaged one meeting a year, except for the period around my Mom’s death in late 2005.) It is a Thursday night closed group for men. I had long thought of attending this particular one, and so I finally used this as an excuse to try it. I liked it, and now feel I probably should have tried it years ago. My experience with it is somewhat different from my original AA experience, where I sobered up from 2002-2004.

By no means does this discount anything I have written during these past seven years on Sober Catholic regarding the effectivess and worthiness of Catholic spirituality, sacramental life and devotions in maintaining one’s sobriety. As I had inferred, I have been attending on average one AA meeting a year for nine years, thereabouts. My Catholic Faith had kept my head together during all this time.

But perhaps the scalpel-like precision and focus that AA can bring to certain issues that alcohol served as a crutch for in the past was needed. I feel no need to attend more than this meeting; it is enough.

Maybe my Catholic Faith is not an issue, perhaps it is me. Maybe I haven’t “progressed spiritually” enough in the Faith to feel the full healing power of the Sacraments and the graces from Jesus, the Divine Healer. I truly do feel that ideally, religion alone can fully heal one of addictions. If the sacraments are life-giving, and all Masses are “healing Masses” (which is true, when you think of it) and the power of the Word of God to transform your life is possible, then perhaps my return to AA is more a weakness of mine, and not of the Faith.

No matter. Perhaps it isn’t any of those. Maybe I’m supposed to return for other reasons. Time will tell. But for now, I’m back in AA, at least on Thursday nights and in my daily morning meditations.

The focus of this blog won’t change. Catholicism will still be the primary inspiration. But there may be an uptick the the references to Twelve Step spirituality and AA.

Please feel free to offer thoughts and opinions in the comments…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Online Recovery (UPDATED)

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Although many people live for their traditional face-to-face meetings, others prefer the relative privacy and convenience of “at home” recovery through online sites

Here’s a rundown of two of these sites that I’ve joined, with links to my profiles so that if you’d like to join up, you can “Friend me” there.

“In the Rooms” is probably my favorite, as it is a full-blown social network like Facebook. Most addictions with a 12 Step approach have “Fellowships” there that you can also join. One great thing is that there are 12 Step video meetings almost around the clock, so that no matter where you live on Earth, chances are there’s a meeting somewhat convenient to your time zone. There are also hundreds of “Speaker Tapes” of well-known and not-so-well-known recovery speakers for listening or downloading (as mp3 files). “Dr. Paul,” the man who wrote my favorite chapter in AA’s “Big Book,” entitled “Acceptance was the Answer, (formerly “Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict”) is in the Speaker Tape archive! There is a lot of activity on ITR, and so you’re quite likely to find someone to interact with throughout the day. They also have various resource directories for treatment facilities and other things of interest to people in recovery, including a face-to-face meeting directory. I don’t think the latter is as exhaustive or comprehensive like the meeting directory you’d find on the AA main site. But it is a nice touch. Here is my profile on “In The Rooms”.

Another one that I joined based on a recommendation from a friend on ITR is “Hazelden’s Social Community.” Hazelden is the renowned treatment center in Minnesota, as well as the publisher of numerous books and daily meditations for people in recovery. It offers much that ITR has, with its own unique offerings, too. It is rather active, although I do find that site navigation is a little awkward. But I think it is worth learning, and after all, it is run by Hazelden. If you’ve been in recovery for a number of years, chances are you have at least one of their books, probably “Twenty-four Hours a Day.” Here is my profile on “Hazelden’s Social Community”.

So, take a look at them and I hope to see there!

NOTE: This post has been edited to remove the paragraph to the “Sober Recovery” and “OneHealth” (formerly “SoberCircle” and now “Viverae Health.”) sites. Links in the sidebar to them have also been removed.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Twelve Step Online Video Conference Meetings

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A while back on the Yahoo version of the MTW, there was discussion about online video conference meetings. That never went anywhere. The few times I tried to join where it was being hosted, the software/website crashed, and from what I gather, this happened on occasion.

The site in question is now partnering with a large, online recovery site, called “In the Rooms.” ITR has had online video meetings scheduled at various times throughout the day and week.

If anyone wished to join, ITR can be found here: In the Rooms . Go there, sign up if you’re not a member already, and see the VIDEO MEETINGS link near the top. That will take you to the schedule.

If you are (or will be) a member, kindly send me a friend request. My profile is found here: My Profile on ITR . Just let me know you’re coming from the MTW.

Incidentally, I was thinking of starting a branch of the MTW way there, just like the recent (and seemingly well-received) attempts on Facebook and Google+. I’ll think about it… Many of my friends there are Catholics, so there may be an audience!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)