The Catholic Church, 12 Step Movements and Resentments

There was a question and/or comment during my interview on the “‘On Call’ with Wendy Wiese” radio show regarding the Catholic Church and the validity or efficacy of 12 Step Movements.

The basic contention of the caller (I think it was “Tom from Minnesota, the Land of 10,000 Treatment Centers”) was that I was dismissing AA and that Catholics shouldn’t use it. He suggested that because the Church sends priests and nuns to 12 Step meetings, or priests tell ordinary parishioners with a drinking problem to go to AA, that fully legitimizes the 12 Step movement and suggestions to the contrary are undeserved.

Yes, but up to a point. I think that people are automatically sent to AA because it is basically the only game in town. AA has been around since 1935, and while there are other recovery programs with a broad range of approaches, AA is the best known and is the default option because of that. It is like when you have a headache, you’re told to take an aspirin. If you have an allergic reaction to something, you go take an antihistamine. Same sort of thing; although there are other options, AA is the best known and the obvious choice for many.

The point that I have been trying to make since I began Sober Catholic in 2007 is that 12 Step movements may be a threat to your Catholic faith if you are not well grounded in it. If you have been drinking or drugging for decades, chances are good that you haven’t practiced your faith much in that time. Most likely you do not know it very well. Therefore, you are easily swayed by the notion that, “all churches are the same;” that “it doesn’t matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in something.” Many Catholics leave the Faith because they do not know what they are leaving. The caller mentioned that he has found that Catholics mostly leave because they found Jesus in other Churches. Well, the Catholic Church has a lot to answer for, bad catechesis is one of the big ones Church leaders at any level will have to account for. But the rank-and-file Catholics who leave should also attempt to know what they are leaving. No Jesus in the Catholic Church? Oh, really?? Have you looked?

Eucharist

Which leads me to another thing: virtually all alcoholics have resentments. Among Catholics, these resentments often include the Church. And yet in my many observations in the rooms of AA, ex-Catholics never seem to address these resentments versus the Church. It is almost as if they seek to maintain them in order to establish a type of credibility as “recovering Catholics,” who’s spiritual development no longer includes an archaic and stuffy “organized religion”, especially now that they’ve embraced 12 Step spirituality.

Catholics well grounded and versed in their faith don’t suffer from this. They can be exposed to 12 Step Spirituality and filter out anything incompatible with Catholicism.

Twelve Steps can be a fine way to establish one’s sobriety. After a fashion it may need to be shed. Just like you don’t need aspirin after the headache is gone, or an antihistamine once you stop sneezing, once you’ve achieved a nice level of sobriety, you may not need to continue attending meetings.

What is a “nice level of sobriety?” Perhaps once you’ve recovered what you lost (family, health, job) and have learned to react to things without the crutch of booze.

If, afterwards, you feel the need to continue meeting attendance to “give back,” then fine. Gratitude is awesome. However, if your Catholic faith has become instrumental in your sobriety, and you can maintain sobriety without meeting attendance, then maybe take advantage of this level of freedom. Since you don’t “need a meeting,” but are only going out of gratitude, then perhaps make an attempt to add something to your 12 Step work. Find the weak Catholic or ex-Catholic members of the Group, seek them out and perhaps evangelize them. Answer their questions about the faith and perhaps draw them back in. This needn’t have to be done in violation of the Traditions of the 12 Step movement, you can engage them in the little informal meetings and chats that take place outside the rooms. Show them how the Mass and the Sacraments, devotion to Saints and other traditional practices of the Faith were key in your sobriety.

Become “fishers of people.” Go after the “lost sheep.” So what, if they’re now members of a different Church? Engage them. It will take a long time, but you will be rewarded greatly by your Father in Heaven when you come Home.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Online Video Conference Recovery Meetings

Over at the Matt Talbot Way of Recovery Yahoo email discussion Group, I had floated the idea of having online video conference recovery meetings.

There seems to be some interest, and if any readers are also interested, kindly sign up as a member of the Matt Talbot Way of Recovery. Instructions on how to do that are in this post. Once approved, you can either start a post, or search for the “Online video conference meetings” thread and add your interest there.

If you’re not interested in joining, declare your interest in the comments section of this post, or on the Sober Catholic Facebook Page or Google+ Page.

Thank you!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Recovering Catholics

One thing has repeatedly disturbed me in the over 10 years of sobriety that I have.

That thing is the phrase “Recovering Catholic.”

I encountered that phrase quite a lot yesterday and today when I revisited an online recovery community called In The Rooms. I joined a few years ago, never did much with it, but recently felt called to see it again and maybe participate more.

One thing that I hope to do this time around is seek out members of my Faith. My Faith has been extremely important to me in my recovery from alcohol. My Catholicism is tightly wrapped up in my experience, strength and hope.  I figure that if I can connect to other Catholics here, I might find more of a reason to stay. Not that I am uninterested in non-Catholic members, far from it, I’ll be a friend with anyone who is sincere. But I may find an additional incentive to stick around if I can meet other fellow Catholics.

And so I did a search up there in the search area for “Catholic.” I found a bunch of people. It seems that the ITR search engine found anyone who had the term “Catholic” in his or her profile.

And often the word “Catholic” was right after the word “Recovering.”

To me, that term is mean-spirited and hurtful. It also means that the people identifying themselves as one have unresolved issues with the Church. What do 12 Step Programs say about such things? I forget the exact quote in AA’s “Big Book,” but there is something in it about how anger and resentment are two things that alcoholics (and by modern extension, any addict) cannot afford.

They are dangerous landmines. These unresolved issues are just waiting to bite you and perhaps be the trigger for a relapse. Any resentment or unresolved issue needs to be addressed.

Why the term “Recovered Catholic” anyway? Catholicism is an ancient and deep religion and spirituality that has been one of the primary architects of Western civilization. There is much within it that is useful to anyone in recovery. If a person has been harmed by the Church, whether by abuse (of any kind), or they were raised “too strict,” or they have difficulties with the Church’s teachings, all these need to be explored and dealt with.

Regarding abuse: individuals caused it. Not the Church as an institution. Granted, the Church badly fumbled and stumbled in reforming and dealing with abuse. Those who abused, covered up the abuse, and did other wrongs will eventually suffer just punishment. I am by no means soft-pedaling a serious and critical issue. But the lasting anger and resentment that victims feel years later are hardly a “healing.” There are resources available with the Church and outside that can assist people in healing from abuse. It may take years, but the process should be started, and take as long as it needs to take. Otherwise you’re never completely “recovered” from what happened.

If they were raised by “too strict” parents (or taught by too “tough” nuns), so what? That was the parent’s fault. Why did they feel so strongly about the Faith that they drove it home so hard? Perhaps you can learn from authentic and legitimate Catholic sources as to what the Church teach, and more importantly why She teaches that. Your eyes, heart and mind may be opened. Tell you the truth, I was raised Catholic by my parents, my father was rather strict (less so with me than with my much older siblings). I had enough and left the Church. I wandered about a spiritual desert for maybe 15 years before returning. I am grateful that I did. The Church saved my life. Maintaining a harsh attitude against the Church for how Her teachings were inculcated in you is hardly a sign of one in a good recovery (from an addiction. Again that “resentment” word.)

If it is difficulty with Church teachings, then the same advice: learn from authentic and legitimate Catholic sources as to what the Church teaches, and more importantly why. You may understand.

This all takes honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. It also takes humility.

Many people in recovery find their religious faith (Catholic or otherwise) to be of immense help. Going 12 Step-only does not always work, many people need something more. To identify yourself in a manner that bashes another religion is counter-productive and just plain impolite. It is harmful to others, particularly members of that Faith to whom it may be important), and ultimately paints yourself as an individual who may have a shaky recovery (no matter how long sober and clean.)

If you cannot fully deal with and resolve issues from your past, then how can you be of help to others?

The point is, that no matter what the source is for a person’s use of the term “Recovering Catholic,” it does signify something that needs to be addressed and resolved. Something deep inside is still hurting. Honesty and humility are useful tools in doing this. You may not ever return to the Catholic Church, but perhaps the hate, anger and resentment will fade.

Forgiveness and perhaps even reconciliation are ultimately needed. Many “in the rooms” say the Lord’s Prayer during meetings, or on their own. You may want to take a look at the line towards the end:

“And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others who trespass against us.”

It basically means that God will not forgive you of your sins against Him or against others, unless you also forgive others of their sins against you. It is tough. Forgiveness may be the toughest thing anyone can do. If it was easy, the world would be a far more peaceful place.

Some things to ponder.

If any reader is a member of ITR, here is my profile at “In The Rooms”.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Matt Talbot Way of Recovery

The launch of the “revived Catholic-based recovery network” is on! I actually started it last night, on the Vigil of the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. It is called the “Matt Talbot Way of Recovery.” Although Matt Talbot is widely associated with recovery from alcoholism, his way to sobriety can be applied to all addictions. His model of sobriety is a good, Catholic-based one that can serve as a framework and guide.

The Group is on Yahoo, I chose that rather than start a standalone website like a discussion forum or social network as it is easier. Past attempts at a Catholic-based recovery network have ended in failure for a number of reasons, this way of an email discussion list is less risky. If it proves to be very popular and successful, then perhaps sometime down the road a discussion forum-type of site can be done. I am not looking that far ahead.

Here is the link to click on to join:

Matt Talbot Way of Recovery

Here is some important information about the Group:

Once you submit a request to join, your request must be approved by a Moderator. So far, I am the only one. Please be patient, I should get back and approve your request within a day.

Afterwards this is the email address to post messages to the Site and Members: MattTalbotWayofRecovery@yahoogroups.com

You can also access messages and post new ones just by going to the Group’s web page at (in case the above link doesn’t work, copy-and-paste this: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/MattTalbotWayofRecovery/

These are the site’s settings(as of now, can be changed later):

Membership requires approval (probably not going to be changed. Need to keep out spammers and bigots)

Messages from new members require approval (I think once your first message or two is approved, you’re then unmoderated)

All members can post messages

Email attachments are distributed, not archived

Members cannot hide email address (therefore it is important that you have an email address that has a good spam filter, or one that is just devoted to online recovery work. This is to preserve anonymity, if that is important to you.

Listed in directory (again, see the email address suggestions in the previous point)

After you’re in, you can the determine how you wish to interact. As stated above, you can either post and reply to to messages either by way of email, or by going to the Groups web address. You can decide which way by the following settings:

MTWofRecoveryMessageDelivery

So, you can receive each email as it comes in, or just a digest of all emails for that day, or for that week. Or, just visit the website. You can visit the website anytime, even if you subscribe to emails. This is useful if you wish to search through the archive of past messages.

As far as I know, that is it! If I have forgotten anything, I’ll add it later. Jump in, join, and let’s have fun! 🙂

Back story: Revived Catholic-based recovery network possibly starting on Monday (Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Revived Catholic-based recovery network possibly starting on Monday (Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe)

There is a tentative plan for a new Catholic-based recovery network to start on Monday, the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. OLG has nothing to do with addiction recovery, but I just think that it would be nice to start it on one of Mary’s holidays.

I have sent emails to the people who have expressed interest in joining, and this is a reminder to them and especially anyone else. If you would like to be notified, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com.

I am also tentatively thinking of starting it on Yahoo, as an email subscription service (the idea is described here: Reviving a Catholic-based recovery network. But, in short, discussion on recovery issues and personal struggles are conducted by way of emails. Anonymity is assured, if you so desire it. That is basically up to you and what email address you use and what the username is. BTW, the email address need not be a Yahoo.com one. Any email address can be used for a YahooID. If not, then a Yahoo.com email address is free anyway, so no trouble there.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Reviving a Catholic-based recovery network

There is a slow, but somewhat promising attempt to revive the old Catholic Recovery/Recovery for Christ social networks. Slow, because we thought of it a few months ago and that is as far as we’ve gotten.

So, rather than put a lot of time into developing a network, or even a discussion forum-type of site, I proposed the idea of perhaps starting small.

And so the idea is that an email-based discussion group (probably using Google Groups) be started. In this email Group, members who desire a Catholic-based recovery program can just email members whenever they are struggling with their sobriety, chastity, or other addiction issues. Perhaps it is a life problem and in the past they submitted to their addiction over it, or some other problem associated with their addiction. General chit-chat from time to time might be allowable, depending. But the idea is for a nice, safe place, restricted to members-only, not public, so that anonymity and privacy is assured, where Catholics who are addicted to whatever can meet and share their struggles and stuff and their Catholicism is not looked upon with contempt.

If you are interested, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com, or post something in the comments. That is the gmail address that I will be using for my administration of the Group. So far, I have 3 or 4 people interested. I’d like to wait until there’s a few more before getting started.

Thanks.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota Part 3: Relapse and Recovery

This is the third and final part in the series of interviews with leaders of the St. Francis Mission, for background, see An Introduction to the St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota

Q: The following link provides basic information on the recovery programs offered at the Reservation:
Recovery programs at the St. Francis Mission.

They seem to cover all of the basics, 12 Step through AA, Al-Anon, GA and NA. You also have the Betty Ford Institute coming in for various periods throughout the year.

Icimani Ya Waste Recovery CenterUSETHIS

(Photo of Icimani Ya Waste’ Recovery Center courtesy Mike O’Sullivan at the Mission)

Out of the general population of addicts and alcoholics, about what percentage attends meetings and do other recovery work (like sponsoring other addicts or service and volunteer work)?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The two centers we have, we have regular meetings of each of these groups, but it’s a small percentage considering the amount of people who are affected by this disease.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Using my opinion, I would say 40%.

Q: Do people continue with meeting attendance long after they have been clean and sober for a long time?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The ones in our program, yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, their sober lives depend on it.

Q: How great is the incidence of relapse?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: I would say the incidence of relapse from the treatment program on the Rosebud is extremely high. In the meetings that we have at our centers, we’ve had a fairly high success rate of people staying with the program.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: The incident of relapse is a tremendous issue.

Q: Do people keep returning to the recovery programs despite any repeated failures?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: Yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, people will keep returning to the recovery programs despite their repeated failures. Everyone is different, and each person will experience “hitting the bottom” in their own way. This will usually be their time to step up and make that positive change in their life and live it everyday.

Q: How are any chronic relapsers supported? Are they encouraged by other members of the Rosebud recovery community to keep coming back, or does encouragement mainly fall to the clergy?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: This is a people based program. The support for those who relapse is provided by the recovery community and is supported by the clergy.

(Mrs Provencial) A: In my opinion, all relapses are chronic. St. Francis Mission recovery center’s provide educational and support groups to the addicts and family members on the Rosebud reservation. There are also other programs in the tribe that provide support for the addicts but limited support for the family members.

Yes, the addicts are greatly encouraged by their support groups or support person to continue their journey in sobriety. In my opinion, the encouragement does not fall mainly on the clergy, the families encouragement and support is crucial.

Just to wrap-up:

Is there anything else you’d like to mention that I haven’t asked, and that you’d like to “get the message out” to people?

(Mrs. Provencial) A: I would like to mention that the recovery services that St. Francis Mission provides are crucial to the families on the Rosebud reservation. There are no resources of support for the families affected by drugs and alcohol on the reservation. St. Francis Mission sees the negative affects and has developed positive educational support and workshops that have been making a spiritual and positive impact on the native lives.

This concludes this special series of interviews on SoberCatholic. I would like to thank Fr. John Hatcher, SJ, Mrs. Geraldine Provencial, and particularly Corrie Oberdin, Online Marketing Strategist at Corrie Oberdin {dot} Net |. For further information, please Contact the St. Francis Mission or Contact Corrie Oberdin

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to St. Michael the Archangel, Day 8

On this 8th day of the Novena, we pray for the strength of perseverance in Faith.

The main reason why I started this blog, and the failed social networks involving Catholic addiction, is that too often in 12 Step meeting rooms (and online gatherings) I’ve seen Catholics leave the Church.

I feel it is my duty to stem the tide. I doubt I’ve been very successful, being only one person, but I shall continue anyway.

Why do they leave? It is my conviction that there is excessive moral relativism in the rooms, as well as the sin of indifferentism. Moral relativism is subjective morality, in that morality is situational and based on feelings and not on objective truth. Objective truth means that morality is fixed in terms of things which are always right or always wrong. Indifferentism means that all religions are the same. “It doesn’t matter which one you belong to, as long as you believe.”

Nonsense, if you are a follower of Christ and believe in the accuracy of Divine Revelation.

The idea of a Higher Power may be fine for non-believers or non-Christians, but for Catholics and other Christians the only real Higher Power is Jesus, God Incarnate. If you make anything other than Jesus your Higher Power, you are engaging in idolatry.

Twelve step groups have increasingly led people astray in their Faith. They develop a watered-down Catholicism or depart for a non-denominational Church. The leave the Church that Jesus, the Divine Physician, established with all the healing Sacraments and Saints.

(((sigh)))

We take the Faith and live it. We don’t trade it in for something else, “as long as I don’t take a drink today, I’m OK. I’ve got my Higher Power!” We take the Faith, apply the Gospel to our daily lives, find healing in the Sacraments, and respond to the Gospel’s message by carrying it to others. In doing “good works” we spread the Gospel by our actions (service and volunteering, acts of charity) or by word (conversing or bearing witness to others).

Now, to the Novena:

Begin the prayer with: O God, come to my assistance. O Lord, make haste to help me. Glory be to the Father…, etc.

By the intercession of St. Michael and the celestial Choir of Archangels may the Lord give us perseverance in faith and in all good works in order that we may attain the glory of Heaven. Amen.

[Say one Our Father and three Hail Marys after your intentions for fidelity to the Faith.]

To say the entire Chaplet, click here:
Chaplet of St. Michael

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Independence Day

A rare "gratitude" post. In the United States today we are celebrating our Independence from Great Britain. They fought long and hard to rid themselves the "People" (British troops and tax collectors), "Places" (far off island governing this Continent), and "Things" (unjust taxation, lack of political representation) that were wrong our their’ lives. And so now we have 235 years of Independence.

We are grateful for that. Although things are not, putting it mildly, all that great in the USA today regardless of one’s political persuasion, our Independence is largely still in our own hands.

Anyone who has been sober and clean for any length of time hopefully remembers the dark days of dependency on their chemical of choice. The "People, Places and Things" of that life are long past, with very little desire to return.

How much control do you have over your sobriety? What do you do to maintain your independence, or do you take it for granted that it will always be present? Twelve Step meetings? The Church and the Sacraments, as well as a prayer life? Service and volunteering?

Be mindful and keep watch.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Sober Catholic/The Four Last Things Facebook Page

Updated: I deleted the “Four Last Things” part of the Facebook Page, that blog will have it’s own Page.

I am not sure offhand what I am going to do with this, and it may serve a purpose in promoting this blog, but there is now a Facebook “Page” for Sober Catholic and The Four Last Things, click below:

Sober Catholic/The Four Last Things Facebook Page

I suppose if readers have Facebook accounts and you all want to meet up there and discuss things, that’ll be nice. That may be an advantage in blogs having a Page on Facebook, additional interaction and “community.” If you wish to interact and build community, while maintaining anonymity, there is still always:

Recovery for Christ

Anyway, the Facebook Page will remain, and grow into something hopefully useful.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)