I went on a retreat this weekend and didn’t even realize it.
I’ve been feeling a combination of being ‘sorry for myself’ and dealing with recurring stress and anxiety (who isn’t these days?) Much of my stress is over chronic pain (fibromyalgia, arthritis, osteoarthritis… if it’s a muscle or a joint, it hurts. And hurts really bad, too. Plus I’ve had two tooth extractions over the past month. Can anyone say “Broken down, crotchety old man?” Not to mention that I’ve been plagued for the past few months by a voice in my head that has been repeatedly putting me down.
And so I opened Mother Angelica’s Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality and read a few passages on pain, meaning accepting it and the benefits of offering it up. I knew all this as I continually ‘offer it up’ for the usual devotional suggestions (reparation for sins – mine, yours, other people’s; reparations for sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary; for the conversion of sinners; for saving souls…….)
And so I felt better. But I could feel even more better. So I watched a few of her classic programs on EWTN On-Demand. I caught one on using the scraps of your life. “Scraps,” according to Mother, are those things in your past that you cannot let go of. All the mistakes, the stupid, rotten, bad things you’ve done or were done to you, traumas perpetrated against you, and so forth that still haunt you. I know all about scraps; they are the fuel for my fiction writing. I am a firm believer that writing is a form a therapy. Even if you don’t publish a word, creating stories in which you dump all the dumb things you’ve ever done or traumas you’ve experienced to flesh out characters and backstory helps your perspective on them. It also objectifies the pain. But she went on about how the scraps can be used to sanctify yourself. That the scraps of you past life can make you sensitive other people who also are carrying bags of scraps. People who are hurt often are more sensitive to other people who are hurt.
That latter sentence is where I have some difficulty at times. I’ve seen social media memes that say something like “Hurt people hurt other people.” Meaning that hurt people often lash out at others. Their pain causes them to make others feel pain. (This is often the reason why the ‘bad guys’ in fiction often become bad guys. Something bad happened to them long ago, they never got help or justice and so their pain festered and transformed them into a ‘bad guy’ and they kill a lot of people, or rampage across the galaxy enslaving entire species or go around blowing up planets or are just truly wicked. I wrote about that on my other blog.
The “where I have some difficulty ‘at times’” is the feeling that lashing out at others can be justified if the ‘bad guy’ never got justice, help or some kind of moral satisfaction against whoever perpetrated the evil done to him. Of course that’s wrong. The ‘bad guy’ is just creating more victims from innocent people; he is extending to others the evil done to him. It is easy to fall prey to the idea of being justified in one’s victimhood; hey, if no one helped me when I was being driven to suicide by my family long ago, why should I be considerate of others?
OK, I went off on this topic longer that I thought I should, but I’m leaving it in. The thing is, and this is what struck me out of the blue as I was watching Mother talk about sensitivity to others and the marginalized seeking solace in one another due to the accumulated scraps from their past, is that although I didn’t really have an ally or advocate during the many times in my life when I was bullied, mocked and ridiculed or made an outcast, (or driven to consider suicide,) I really did (though I didn’t realize it until later, but that’s OK.) This may sound trite, but my allies were Jesus and His Blessed Mother. I may have mentioned this in a much earlier post (I can’t find it) but I often go to my nearby Adoration Chapel… because I felt summoned to go there. Or to attend a Daily Mass when I didn’t feel like it….because I felt summoned to go there. Same for prayers, at time…. I am just ‘not up to it’ but feel that call to pray a rosary or whatever.
To me, that means that Jesus and Mary want me around them. Therefore, there is no need for me to ever feel like I’ve never had an advocate or an ally. Yes, it would have been nice for God to have ‘done something’ back when I was going through trials, but we all know, but often forget, that trials are there for a reason. (Mother Angelica has lots to say about that in the book I mentioned way up above. In short, they are there to prune us of our pride, self-will, self-love, and teach humility.) In God’s time, justice will be served, and not earlier. I can, right now, just take some comfort in the fact that I am not alone; besides my wife (who also seems to enjoy having me around, go figure) there is Jesus and Mary asking me to spend some extra time with them every so often. They know about the bad things that have happened to me in the past, all the scraps of my life that still haunt me and mutter in the recesses of my mind that “I’m a loser.” But in their own fashion, they will deal with the people who’ve hurt me. And what they can do about them is far better than whatever I could have done. By some divine combination of Mercy and Justice, all will come out in the end. I just have to remain cognizant that my pains and agonies can be companions on the journey and not tormenters. I can convert them into assistants to help me to be kinder and more compassionate.
Incidentally, I watched more than just a few of Mother Angelica’s classics on EWTN On-Demand, but the other shows are beyond the scope of this post. But they all contributed to the feeling that I went on a retreat this weekend for a few hours and my head got rescrewed back on. The little negative voices that have been tormenting me these past few months have fallen silent, today. I hope they stay quiet as it may have been a case of demonic oppression, but I hesitate to give extra credit to Satan to what may have merely been low self-esteem. But on the other hand, given the voice’s persistence….
This has meant different things to me over the years. For the first decade or so, it was merely a pious devotional act. “I belong to Mary! Yay!” And nothing beyond that. At times, it didn’t mean much of anything and was something on the periphery of my devotional life.
However, within the past decade it has taken on a more substantive meaning. It had partly to do with the centennial anniversary of the MI in 2017. I became more interested in what it actually meant to be an MI and consecrated to Mary. The sudden availablity of Mary’s Knight,an epic biography of St. Maximilian that I long had my eye on, but had been out of print, helped with that. It is a very comprehensive biography with incredibly detailed information, presented in narrative (it reads like a novel) form. Toss in the Complete Writings of St. Maximilian Kolbe and I was on fire.
In more recent times my consecration has lead me to try and implement the teachings and life of St. Maximilian Kolbe in my blog and writing as well as to figure out how to work out my consecration in a practical, concrete form. I had written a few posts on ‘Marching Orders from Mary’ which, after a fashion, became fleshed out as a book, ‘Building a Civilization of Love: A Call to Creative Catholics.’
(This is the second version of the book, the earlier version “The Catholicpunk Manifesto,” is now unpublished and pulled from circulation; “Building…” is a revised and retitled edition. The Catholic Punk material is still present, but I’ve added several chapters on Our Lady of Guadalupe, Lourdes and Fatima. Why? Read on…)
I really thought that at this time in my life I should have something to show for it. “It” being my life. Or, more precisely, “it” is more like “proof” that Marian Consecration has made a significant impact and difference in my life. I wanted to show some sign that that Marian Consecration impacted my thinking and that I have something important and useful to suggest and share with others.
Marian Consecration via St. Maximilan’s method contains and outward evangelican dimension. That’s the fundamental difference between it and DeMontfort’s. With St. Maximilian’s, you become a tool of the Blessed Virgin Mary, a “pen” or “paintbrush” in her hands. You take your consecration and do something with it to change the world. And in writing that book, “Bulding a Civilization of Love: A Call to Creative Catholics,” I had thought to provide some inspiration and motivation to other Catholic creatives. The book is NOT a ‘how to write,’ or ‘how to do a podcast,’ or anything else like that. It is directed at people who are creatives, have done something about it, but may need encouragement and inspiration to ‘get them through’ tough times when they might doubt their efficacy or purpose. It is also directed at people who aren’t ‘working creatives’ but who have the dream of writing or filming and so forth, but like established creatives, might need a ‘manifesto’ to help them ‘get going.’ (Not to mention page after page at the end of “creative prompts” derived from litanies to St. Max Kolbe. The prompts aren’t just for writers…)
One reason why I unpublished the original version is that it was made known to me that calling it “Catholicpunk Manifesto” may be offputting. But that also inspired me in another way: I had gotten some ideas on expanding it. Hence, the first half is now on Our Lady of Guadalupe, Lourdes and Fatima. Why? Because in studying their messages and lessons I detected some themes that serve as blueprints for a ‘new world order’ (oh, my!) but based upon Catholic social and moral teachings. Mary, in those apparitions, has the answer to today’s slide towards cultural and social moral decadence and decline, plus the antidote to the negative and demeaning identity politics that are rampant today. I used those chapters to exhort Catholic creatives and creative “wannabes” to apply the lessons the Blessed Mother taught us in Mexico, France and Portugal.
Again, the book is not a how-to on writing, filming or painting. It assumes you know your craft and how to perfect it. What it hopes to accomplish is to inspire you to more effectively connect your Catholic faith to your creativity and change the world.
This Immaculate Heart Saturday post is intended to suggest ways to practically apply one’s Marian Consecration; this is the fruit of my closer studies of the writings of St. Maximilian Kolbe and Militia of the Immaculata literature and lots of woolgathering. It will hopefully help make manifest my Consecration to the Blessed Virgin Mary in my daily life and society as a whole and to encourage you to join the Militia of the Immaculata (M.I.). This can be a roadmap for others in and out of the M.I. inasmuch as we ‘become the change we wish to see’ in the people around us and in the world at large. The ultimate change we seek is to win the world for Jesus. This the ultimate goal of Marian Consecration, especially for an M.I.
I used the formula of Marian Consecration developed by St. Maximilian Maria Kolbe when I consecrated myself to Mary on October 7, 2002. In doing so I became a member of the Militia of the Immaculata movement he founded in 1917. His formula differs slightly, but significantly, from the more popular method by St. Louis deMontfort. Whereas the latter is also a total dedication of yourself to Mary, that’s where it remains. You are her property, slave, subject, whatever. Kolbe’s method adds an additional evangelical level to the Consecration. You become Mary’s, but with the proviso that you are also allowing her to use you ‘like a pen (or paintbrush) in her hands’ to bring about the conversion of many to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. (Incidentally, if you wish to join the Militia of the Immaculata, and already consecrated yourself to Our Lady by deMontfort’s method, that’s good enough. You needn’t use the consecration formula of Kolbe. Registering with your country’s national M.I. Office and letting them know when you consecrated yourself adds the evangelical dimension to it.)
That is the essence of belonging to Mary: you become a soldier in her Militia. While you do not take up actual weapons of war, you do allow her to supply you with the graces needed to go on missions for her.
In essence, you take up spiritual weapons to establish the Reign of the Sacred Heart. The Kingdom of the Sacred Heart includes the Social Reign of Christ: the institution of a just and moral social order based upon Traditional Catholic Social Justice Teachings; rooted in Scripture, Tradition (Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy) and exemplified by the governance of St. Maximilian in Niepokalanow (including during the Nazi Occupation), the life and teachings of St. Teresa of Calcutta and Therese of Lisieux, Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin, and Popes Leo XIII, Pius XI and St. John Paul II. Servant of God Dorothy Day emphasized the preference for such weapons by Christians in the 1930s and 1940s, when the world was ravaged by the World War II and its precursors, the Spanish Civil War and Japanese invasions of China. In winning the world for Jesus, we use our Marian Consecration by being “Christ-bearers;” since we belong to Mary we become like her in bearing Christ to others. True Marian Devotion always ends with Jesus, not Mary, and thus we help fulfill Mary’s desire to lead others to her Son.
To expand on this, an M.I. emulates St. Maximilian Kolbe in his role as the Prophet and Sign of the Civilization of Love and Apostle of a New Marian Era. (The ‘Civilization of Love’ and ‘New Marian Era’ are two phrases describing the same future culture.) This implies that we incorporate the Fatima Message of prayer, penance and reparation, since Fatima is a prophetic message that parallels Kolbe’s. The Fatima Apparitions prophesied the future establishment of the New Marian Era. We also seek to make use of the Message of Lourdes (daily recitation of the Rosary and a focus on Mary as the Immaculate Conception as the source of healing of the world’s ills, and not just medical and physical, but the political divisions that result in war and cultural clashes.) We can also call to mind the lessons of the Apparition of Our Lady at Guadalupe. There, an entire society was converted from barbaric paganism (human sacrifice was rampant) that was influence by the demonic over to Catholicism. Their new Catholic faith helped heal their society from its past and Guadalupe can serve as a lesson for the wholesale conversion of modern Western society.
As soldiers of Mary, we assist her in crushing the head of Satan and in destroying heresies. By heresies, I don’t think this only refers to traditional things such as doctrinal and dogmatic errors, but also combatting the influence of Satan in society by the pervasiveness of immorality, the normalization of sexual deviancy and political extremism of the Left and Right.
We use our talents, such as they are, in accordance with our state in life.
We surrender ourselves in love without reserving anything from her, enabling her to use us to bring others to her and thus onward to Jesus. This is how the Kingdom of the Sacred Heart is established; first in the hearts of humans and then by means of their will and actions, society. Everyone ‘becomes the change they wish to see’ and therefore society is renewed and transformed. We see this in the Act of Consecration to the Blessed Virgin as written by St. Maximilian Kolbe (and the boldface type is the part I emphasize that shows this ‘be the change you wish to see’ tactic):
O Immaculata, Queen of Heaven and earth, refuge of sinners and our most loving Mother, God has willed to entrust the entire order of mercy to you. I, (your name), a repentant sinner, cast myself at your feet humbly imploring you to take me with all that I am and have, wholly to yourself as your possession and property. Please make of me, of all my powers of soul and body, of my whole life, death and eternity, whatever most pleases you.
If it pleases you, use all that I am and have without reserve, wholly to accomplish what was said of you: “She will crush your head,” and, “You alone have destroyed all heresies in the world.” Let me be a fit instrument in your immaculate and merciful hands for introducing and increasing your glory to the maximum in all the many strayed and indifferent souls, and thus help extend as far as possible the blessed kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. For wherever you enter, you obtain the grace of conversion and growth in holiness, since it is through your hands that all graces come to us from the most Sacred Heart of Jesus.
V. Allow me to praise you, O sacred Virgin.
R. Give me strength against your enemies.
Satan knows this, and is vigilant and always ready to attack Mary’s Knights and Ladies. We defend ourselves through our consecration, prayer (especially the Rosary), Mass, and the Sacraments, and reading Sacred Scripture and the Catechisms.
Continuing with the concept of emulating St. Maximilian Kolbe, we acknowledge him being also the “Patron of Mass Media.” So, in this contemporary age we use such means as are available to us: blogs, social media and creative works like novels, short stories, poetry and visual arts to spread the aims and means of the Immaculata. Kolbe had observed long ago that the visual arts, such as cinema and theatre, were being used to spread immoral ideas amongst the populace. Rather than shun such media as evil, he embraced the technology and the concept and worked to use it to spread moral values. His publishing empire included newspapers and magazines and books, and eventually a radio station. His friary of Niepokalanow never produced literary or cinematic works, but I believe they were eventually planned.
Taking St. Maximilian’s suggestions of using cultural expressions to advance the cause of the Immaculata, we can visualize a future social order rooted in the Social Kingship of Christ and its various forms. This recalls the main ‘title’ for St. Maximilian: “the Prophet and Sign of the Civilization of Love and Apostle of a New Marian Era.” He was the ‘Sign’ of this Civilization in his governance of the Niepokalanow friary, especially during the Nazi Occupation in his handling of refugees and making use of friary resources to assist the local population survive. He implemented his ideas of a just social order in hospitality and service to others. But, focusing on cultural tools, we can use creative works: fiction, such as novels and shorter works; and for those inclined, videos to illustrate how the Social Kingship would look like. Do you think that Distributism is the ideal economic system? Great! Create stories in which Distributism is that model. Do you believe that Monarchism is the ideal political system? Fine! Create stories featuring a Catholic Monarchy and how it would wield power. This latter example is interesting and intriguing given numerous Catholic prophecies (from approved apparitions and private revelations) involving a future “Great Catholic Monarch” and his realm existing during this ‘New Marian Era.’
Given St. Max’s interest in science, we should eventually endeavor to show that Religion and Science are two sides of the same coin. Divine Revelation occurs in two forms: God’s self-revelation through Sacred Scripture and the revelation of Himself through His works (the Universe and the means He used to create and sustain it.) Truth does not contradict Truth. Scientific research and investigation should be guided by moral principles. No more doing things just because we can; we should only proceed if the research can be seen to benefit the human condition in moral and ethical ways. In short, our humanity is enhanced, not sacrificed. This may include, when possible, space exploration and perhaps eventually colonization (remember that St. Max invented a plausible spaceship! [See Complete Writings!] So, perhaps stories involving space exploration of our Solar System and the Cosmos at large are in order! This fits wonderfully for those of us who have a predilection for science-fiction!
Of course, Distributism, Monarchism and science-fiction are suggestions based on my interests. You may have other ideas to creatively explore.
The thought occurred to me that if science rejected its militant atheistic bent, then we may make even greater progress in scientific achievements. God desires us to know Him better, therefore if we approach scientific exploration with the idea of knowing God better through His handiwork, well then perhaps He may open our eyes to things. Cures! Cheap Fusion power! Rocket propulsion that opens up the Solar System to humanity!
So, if you’re an M.I. with a talent for creativity, get started! Start writing or filming!! Is it crazy? Sure is! Read what Steve Jobs said about this (and yes, I know the Founder of Apple Computers was controversial in some regards and angered many by his behavior at times. Please recall the next to last petition in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” You can’t forgive Steve? He ‘trespassed’ against you? Be careful…)
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
So be the crazy Catholic misfit and rebel soldier of Mary and change the world by showing how things can be. Cause trouble. Mother Angelica did! There are enough blogs and essay sites where people write non-fiction about Catholic culture, economics and politics. But what will it look like? Theory is one thing, the practical aspects will convince people. Show them how things can be! Disrespect the secular status quo. See things differently. Don’t listen to those who say “You can’t write that! No one will publish it!” So try self-publishing! Be a rebel! Push the cause of the Immaculata forward! Pray before writing, research as much as necessary so you at least appear to know what you’re talking about and then get to it!
I am not the only one who thinks that Steve Jobs can inspire you to be a better Catholic (as well as achieve mighty deeds as a Knight or Lady of Mary.) Watch this when you can.
This is a weird way to conclude, but although Steve Jobs was not a Catholic, nor even a Christian, (he was Buddhist of a sort,) I do believe that if things were somehow different during his formative years he would have made an interesting one. I cannot help but think that during this hypothetical Catholic life of Steve Jobs, he would have been drawn to St Maximilian Kolbe by his life and creative vision. St. Maximilian was certainly a crazy misfit, troublemaker and dreamer. Jobs would have looked at St. Max’s M.I. movement, his writings on Marian Consecration and concluded that this would be an effective way to change the world. Whether he would have still invented the Apple computer, the iPod, iPad and iPhone is a whole different area of speculation. He quite possibly would have, but with his Catholic Faith and Marian Consecration through St. Maximilian, sustaining and inspiring him in ways superior to his Buddhist beliefs.
My parents got drunk on their 25th wedding anniversary in April 1962.
Nine months later I was born.
My parents did this ‘later in life,’ Dad was shy of 50 and Mom had just turned 46. That’s ‘old’ to have kids even nowadays; in the early 1960s? “Ancient.”
I never suspected. I recall asking my Mom as to when she expected me. My due date was a particular date in February 1963. So I counted backwards nine months and arrived in May 1962. Nothing extraordinary occurred in the family history in that month that would account for my being conceived, so I figured I was an ordinary accident. It wasn’t until the early 1990s when I found out the truth about what really happened around April 15, 1962! My sainted mother ‘obscured the truth.’ That’s more charitable than accusing her of ‘lying.’ She easily remembered my alleged due date as that is the date I was baptized. I had always thought that was a neat coincidence; they enshrined my original due date by having me christened on it! HAH!
I honestly believe that people who ‘shouldn’t have been born’ because of the circumstances surrounding their conception have no special purpose in life. This refers to people conceived under sinful circumstances: drunkenness, rape, carelessness, whatever – the parents ‘sinned.’ If one or both parents behaved properly, then they wouldn’t have had the child. They are the Unintended. They weren’t willed by God to be born, just permitted to be and so weren’t assigned any real special task. Just be good, don’t sin as much as you are able to, follow the natural law of good and evil written on the hearts of all and muddle through life as best you can. Anything good and meritorious accomplished is an unintended bonus. Pure profit.
I know it is said that we all have a special mission or purpose unique to us. Something only we can do, no one else. The old Baltimore Catechism said that we were born to ‘know, love, and serve God in this life and be happy with Him forever in the next.” That’s basic and applicable to everyone. Call it a ‘Default Purpose.’ Those willed to exist by God may have special features added to that. Those not willed by God to be born, the Unintended, just do the ‘know, love, and serve,’ stuff as a part of the “just be good, don’t sin as much as you are able to, follow the natural law of good and evil written on the hearts of all and muddle through as best you can” part.
This is all kind of comforting to me, if correct. Nothing much is expected of me and so maybe I’ll be judged lightly when the time comes for my Particular Judgement upon death. Doesn’t mean I’ll be whisked right on through; I expect to become acquainted with Purgatory. But I really doubt that God willed a specific intended purpose for someone who ‘shouldn’t be.’
The Alliance of the Two Hearts of Jesus and Mary began when Jesus dwelt within the womb of Mary. Like all children when they are living within their Momma’s womb, He shared the body of Mary and thus she became the tabernacle for the Ark of the New Covenant that is Him.
Mary’s Immaculate Heart pumped the Precious Blood that flowed through His veins and arteries; she powered His Sacred Heart.
This union of the Two Hearts was far more intimate than any other. We all have heard of stories about pregnant women and how they marvel at the the movements of their unborn child; the kicks and wriggles and so forth. How much greater this must have been for Mary and Jesus. Mystical writings and approved private revelations tell that Jesus was fully aware from His conception in the womb. How? Unknown, but given that He is God and therefore would never have lost His Omniscience regardless of His form, He was fully in possession of His faculties. Some of the revelations also tell us that Jesus and Mary were in close communion with each other throughout her pregnancy. This makes sense. Jesus would obviously obey the Commandment to “Honor thy Father and thy Mother,” given His proximity to Mary while in her womb, it seems obvious that He would honor her in a way impossible for anyone else to do for their mother. He is God, omniscient, and in His mother’s womb. How do you think He would honor her? What feelings of love would He bestow upon Mary? What graces and blessings winkled He petition the Father to give her?
Love returns love; what would Mary do for Him in return? She, who ‘kept all these things in her heart and pondered them’ could only return His love for her in kind. Mary, the daughter of God the Father, mother of God the Son, and Spouse of God the Holy Spirit….. what feelings of love and awe and wonder could she have given Him?
It renders our attempts at worship and adoration paltry by comparison. This makes it reasonable for us to honor the recommendation of many saints, especially St. Maximilian Kolbe, St. Louis de Montfort and others, to ‘go to Jesus through Mary.’ She can take our feeble and pathetic attempt to worship and adore Him and unite it to her own since her Heart is still united to His.
The Union, or Alliance, of the Two Hearts of Jesus and Mary makes sense of all this. We can go directly to Jesus without Mary, but why would you in light of the above? There is much to ponder here; you cannot do it justice by rejecting ‘to Jesus through Mary’ out of hand when you realize the possibilities of their history together and the obvious truths entailed.
Back in the day when I typically attended AA meetings I loathed discussions on ‘“gratitude.” Primarily because a sharer would just run through a laundry list of what they are grateful for. That’s nice, at times, but often I’d be bored out of my gourd.
I have come to realize that gratitude is an essential tool in recovery, for it helps curtail “addictive thinking” elsewhere. It is not enough to just maintain sobriety, one also has to express gratitude for it, but for everything else one has in life. If you are truly grateful for what you have, and your needs are consistently supplied, then you will have little desire for the “wants,” as they are rarely what you “need.” Focusing on your “wants” is an addictive thought process: it means you are not satisfied with just your needs, and you want more. Just as “one drink” was never enough, whatever you have in life now may not be enough, even though it adequately supplies your needs.
Today is my 21st sober anniversary. Because of this post, I will be spending the day working on some Sober Catholic Book projects (yes, you heard that correctly. After all this time there will be a few new books to add to the Stations of the Cross and Rosary books!) as well as going through some old ‘to do’ lists.
Today marks the centennial anniversary of the birth of Mother Mary Angelica of the Annunciation, better known to millions of admirers and fans as just “Mother Angelica,” the cute old nun who founded and ran the world’s largest Catholic media and publishing apostolate, EWTN.
If you enjoy reading this blog, you can thank her because the primary reason I am a Catholic today is because of her network and the shows on it.
I had left the Church years before, thinking that organized religion was bunk. “I don’t need it, I can go to God directly by my own path.” Um, yeah, right. Anyway, I told my Reversion story before, so I won’t repeat it. But EWTN was a critical part of my reversion when I sobered up. Mother Angelica was, to say the least, a significant factor in my reversion to the Catholic Church in 2002. It was a process that stretched over several years, but ultimately came to fruition when I was felled by my alcoholism and would up doing nothing but laying on my Mom’s couch for weeks on end as I was too ill to go anywhere and do anything. Mom watched EWTN every morning, mainly the Daily Mass and several devotional programs, particularly the Divine Mercy Chaplet. All of that, as well as Father Angelus Shaughnessy’s homilies and Father Benedict Groeschel’s programs. These all helped me straighten out my thinking.
My Mom had taught the Divine Mercy Chaplet to me during the years before my reversion and recovery. I think Mom knew something wasn’t quite right concerning my relationship to the Church, but she never said anything. Maybe she just taught it to me because I didn’t know it. Whatever, God knew, though! Mother Angelica’s broadcast of the Divine Mercy Chaplet devotion as well as the annual Divine Mercy Sunday celebrations from Eden Hill, Stockbridge, Massachusetts, slowly drew me back home. Although I wasn’t practicing the Faith, the annual Divine Mercy Sunday telecast was an annual event. I actually looked forward to it. The seeds were planted and slowly took root. Alcohol masked the interior growth. When I finally succumbed to it, being too physically weak to go anywhere, exposure to EWTN finally brought the Faith out from the dark nether regions of my soul where it had lain dormant.
Mother Angelica and EWTN helped me a lot in early recovery when I knew AA’s 12 Steps weren’t going to be enough. I had looked at them, thought them interesting and valuable, but felt they were at the shallow end of the spiritual pool. I needed something deeper. EWTN illustrated to me that Catholicism wasn’t something that you did for an hour on Sunday, but was a way of life, infusing your heart and mind with a manner of living and thinking that draws you closer to God, and ultimately, to our true Home, Heaven.
In addition to the books mentioned above, there is also seven anthologies of her “mini-books” written in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament in the 1970s. They can be found here: Spiritual Wisdom of Mother Angelica. There is also: “Mother Angelica’s Answers, Not Promises.” (NOTE: I am only recommending them, I do NOT get anything from EWTN for promoting them.) Like I said in the previous paragraph, “The spiritual guidance contained in all of her books can greatly help you get through anything.” And I mean that; there is a depth of wisdom and compassion and understanding that is astonishing. Mother Angelica got people. She knew about us, those on the outside. And she spoke to us there her own programs and in those hosted on her radio and TV channels.
In it we read that the object of the temptation is pleasing to the eye, and that partaking of it will open the eyes to wisdom and knowledge. Just eating of the Tree of Life, one can transcend the limitations of knowledge and awareness and gain insights into things like God.
Kind of like the false promise of alcohol. We’ve all been there and had that feeling: after a few drinks of vodka, rum, tequila or whatever, we seem to gain deep and profound insights into inner truths and realities. The effect is transformative: we feel more than human, perhaps god-like.
Of course it’s false. It is just the effect of alcohol on the brain and the releasing of mental inhibitions; perhaps digging deep into the subconscious and dragging into light submerged ideas and such. Perhaps this is why many writers drink. I think Hemingway said something like “Write drunk, edit sober.”
I fell for that trap and couldn’t get enough; probably you can relate.
Recently my wife got me an early birthday present, Publisher Rocket by Dave Chesson of Kindlepreneur. It’s a book marketing and research tool that comes highly recommended by pages and pages of Google and DuckDuckGo search results. I’ve only had it a couple of days and I am thinking I should have gotten it years ago. It helps you find a lot of things to aid your self-published books gain traction on Amazon along with a whole bunch of other useful tools for self-publishing. The Kindlepreneur site itself is a goldmine of things every self-publisher needs to know.
I have just used it to discover over a dozen categories in which to place my two books (see the signature that is at the bottom of every post for links to them.) I ust submitted a request to have Amazon place them in those categories. Right now just for the ebooks, I’ll try and add the paperback versions later today.
That all being said, I’ve been inspired to dust off several of my Sober Catholic Books-in-progress. Although the Stations and Rosary books came out a decade ago, I’ve never given up on the idea of writing more. Things got in the way, including some nasty character defects (complacency and laziness) but I would occasionally piddle with a few ideas.
Well, I have started work on two, maybe three books. One is on the Ten Commandments and the other is on the Litany of the Sacred Heart. The possible third is a prayer book. Not sure about that one. I have no idea when they will be finished, but I am enthused about self-publishing again. If something were to happen to me and SoberCatholic.com goes offline, then the books should be around as long as Amazon and the other publishers are online. So there’s that motivation.
