Eleven years sober, today

Today I celebrate 11 years of sobriety. It is also the Feast day of St. Rita of Cascia, known as the patron saint of lost causes. Based upon my early struggles with trying to figure out AA and to stop drinking, she is a fitting patron for me. Her, as well as Matt Talbot, who is the usual patron saint for ex-drunks.

I certainly felt like a lost cause.

It has been an interesting 11 years, I have been through a lot, both good and bad. And despite not having been a regular “meeting-goer” since 2004, have had no greater or lesser desire to drink. And this is even in spite of the many fundamental life changes that have occurred which quite often spell “relapse” in people. From the pit of despair when my Mom died in 2005, to the heights of happiness and hope with my marriage to the wonderful Rose in 2008, it’s been one wild ride. Jesus, thank you. Holy Spirit, thank you. Blessed Virgin Mary, thank you. St. Rita of Cascia, thanks! Matt Talbot, you too, “Thanks!” And me, for remembering to “practice all these principles in my affairs,” I thank me! 😉

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Year of Faith

On October 11, 2012, the “Year of Faith” began. Announced a few months ago by Pope Benedict XVI, the latest in a series of  “Years of…” is intended to aid Catholics in learning more about their Faith. Given the horrific catechesis since the 1960’s and the woeful knowledge of the Faith that too many Catholics now possess, this is long overdue.

The general idea is that Catholics learn about the Faith through reading the Catechism, becoming better acquainted with the Bible, study the documents of Vatican 2 and maybe get involved in whatever Diocesan- or Parish- based programs that are being offered.

I waited a while in blogging about it, as I wanted to see just how well I was doing regarding my own plans. And so here it is.

I am doing two things, and will start a third.

The two things that I am doing are reading a few sections or pages of the Catechism as a part of my Morning Prayer. I had been doing this off-and-on, but since the Year of Faith began, way more on than off.  😉 In the evening I have been reading the Documents of Vatican 2. I have found that they are not as dry or inaccessible as I had thought and am thinking that perhaps if more people actually read them back in the 1960’s, we’d be better off today and could have dispensed with the silly “Spirit of Vatican 2” nonsense long ago.

The third thing that I will be doing harkens back to the reason I started this blog way back in 2007. That is to reach out to Catholics who have fallen away from their Faith due to their alcoholism and/or subsequent participation in a secular or non-denominational recovery programs. Too often in my experience in Twelve Steps I have witnessed Catholics leaving the Church due to their exposure to non-Catholic spirituality and the effects of “indifferentism.”  Indifferentism is the sin that “it doesn’t matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in something.”

And so I will try and delve into the core values of this blog and its primary purpose. I will endeavor to link things like Scripture and the Catechism to recovery, more so than perhaps I have done. Not that I have strayed away from that, but I think I can do better than I have been.

At any rate, I hope to make it more obvious to Catholics in recovery the very existence of this blog, and to perhaps bring more of them along for the ride.

Here are some excellent web resources to help your Year of Faith journey:

Home Page of the Year of Faith

Catechism of the Catholic Church – Table of Contents

The Holy See – The Roman Curia – Congregations – Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith

The Holy See – Archive


Aleteia (Beta): Seekers of the Truth

BIBLIACLERUS

Inter Mirifica.net – Catholic Mass Media Directory

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Stayin’ Alive

Well, 10 years ago today was my first full day of not drinking. I wouldn’t say sober as “not drinking” and “sober” aren’t the same.

Earlier this year, in February, I had posted about what would have been my original sobriety date: An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 1 and An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 2

Earlier this week I mentioned that I’d write about the 88 hours of sleeplessness I endured and survived. They were dominated by hallucinations.

These next posts over the next few days will be about the hallucinations. I had never written them down before and will take this long overdue opportunity to do so.

But first, a musical interlude:

Yes, “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees. It was one of the hallucinations I experienced during those 88 hours. Not the video, just the “ha…ha…ha…ha… stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive…” section, repeatedly, for a few hours after 70-odd hours of sleeplessness had passed. I kept hearing that in my left ear, with an audio quality reminiscent of a 1970’s era inexpensive little Japanese transistor AM pocket radio.

I only lead off with this hallucination due to the recent death of Robin Gibb.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Ten Years Sober, today

Today marks the 10th anniversary of my sobriety.

I was trying to come up with some wise and profound reflections to mark the event, but nothing much came up. Kind of sad really, but ten years is still ten years. A remarkable accomplishment, if I say so myself considering what my very early period of AA meeting attendance was like and that it took about 7 months of attendance before I sobered up. And that was largely due to being physically unable to go to a liquor store to resupply myself, rather than some “spiritual awakening as a result of the Steps.”

Perhaps that is one of the reasons I relapsed in May of 2002. Not to place blame or credit where any is due, but I had just nonchalantly wandered into my favorite liquor store one May day and bought a pint of vodka. I remember feeling alternately stressed over an impending visit by a family member (a usual cause of stress in those days) but also feeling good. I puzzled over all that wayback then. I gave up trying to discern the why’s of my return to drinking after 3 1/2 months, it just happened for whatever reason. Three-and-a-half months of sobriety isn’t much to mull over.

And so I drank again for a couple of weeks. On May 21, 2002 I went to an AA meeting at my Home Group and read “How It Works” from the “Big Book” with a slurred voice. And so the meeting became about me. It is the custom that when a member relapses, the others in attendance discuss the first 3 Steps. I do not remember anything that was said, except feeling shamed and grateful.

I returned the next day, and it was a newcomer’s meeting. (My old Home Group did not have the custom of separating newcomers from old timers. All were grouped together.) I left, feeling like a hypocrite.How could I say that AA worked when I had failed? That was my thinking.I left because I felt I had zero credibility. Irresponsible, yes. But that is what I did.

I went to eat dinner at a Chinese restaurant, and afterwards stopped by my favorite liquor store again and bought a liter of vodka. I nursed myself to sleep with that, later that evening.

When I awakened the next day, that would be the last sleep I would have for 88 hours…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Going outside to get outside

I am taking advantage of some warm temperatures and am blogging from outside. It is near 60 degrees out, and despite being a wee bit chilly with the breeze, I am insistent upon staying outdoors with my MacBook and blogging.

I am basically saying this, that aside from being a little cabin-feverish from being inside all winter, and “enjoying” the outdoors only by rushing to the vehicles to go somewhere, or to get quickly back inside, I need to get outdoors for a bit to “get outside” myself. I think I have blogged on this theme before. The idea is that one cure for what ails you is to go outdoors. By going outdoors and into nature (or whatever passes for it where you are) you can escape for a while the narrow confines of the traps your minds sets for you. The stinkin’ thinkin’ that alcoholics and addicts find themselves in is not easily discarded. One good way is to immerse yourself in something greater than yourself.

I believe Pope Blessed John Paul II said somewhere that believers should go outside to meet God. In nature you find the Lord. He created it, and in His works you can find Him. This does not mean, of course, that you can dispense with Church. In Church (Catholic ones) He is truly really Present. But outdoors, in nature, He is spiritually there, and so you can connect with Him on a different level. Meeting Him in nature is like showing up at a friend’s house “as you are,” no need to get dressed up and be your best. (Although from the Masses I attend, people seem to take this attitude to Church.)

Going outside helps you to get outside of yourself. You get a shift in perspective. Hopefully, a perspective shift that causes a change in attitude.

Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics — A SoberCatholic.com book

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 2

I do not know what happened later in the evening, but for some reason I had to get out of the house. I do not remember at all what was “terrorizing” me, but I had to leave the house. Maybe my teeth were “falling out” and I had to run to, I don’t know, the hospital maybe, but I had to get out. I do recall freaking out and scaring my Mom. I got out of the house and was running around out front. Bear in mind that this was February, in Central New York State. Very cold and snowy and I wasn’t dressed for it. My Mom was running outside pleading with me to go back in. I kept yelling at her to go back inside. (She wasn’t wearing her robe or coat.) For some reason, perhaps my guardian angel was grabbing onto me, but I felt restrained from pushing my Mom back inside. I recall getting really angry with her, but felt restrained in doing anything about it.

There was an audience. The staff and residents of the nursing home across the street were watching.

I think I got back inside the house. Not for long as I was back outside. Mom had called 911 (maybe I told her to). And so I was outside waiting for the ambulance to come and get me. (Maybe this was when she was trying to get me back inside.)

I remember hallucinating that there was a parade of ambulances driving down the street, avoiding my house. I kept getting angry that they weren’t stopping. I kept shouting and waving for them to stop and get me.

Finally, a real ambulance actually did stop. I was being wrapped up in a straight-jacket. The family from next door had returned from somewhere and had gathered around watching all this while I was screaming at the EMT guys that I was the Mayor and “don’t you know who I am?” I swear the EMT guys were trying to figure out if I was telling the truth, but that may have been a part of the hallucination. But I do think they were asking each other about that.

I also remember hallucinating that a TV crew from the New York Times was out front in the street filming. Yes, I know they’re a newspaper and not a TV network, but “New York Times” is what it said on the cameras. This is MY hallucination. Maybe the EMT’s had radioed that the Mayor was drunk and being taken away in a straight-jacket and they heard and sent a film crew to cover it. (I did not claim to be the Mayor of New York City, just of the small town I lived in.)

I don’t remember anything else of that day. I don’t remember the trip to the ER or the initial few hours at the hospital. I actually don’t remember too much of the hospital, outside of urinating in the hallway by the nurse’s station, getting really ticked off when I kept getting awakened in the middle of the night to be given a sleeping pill, and also having my Confession heard for the first time in years. (I was assigned 55 Hail Mary’s for penance.)

I was there for 6 days and $10,500. I paid it all off over the next 3 1/2 years from savings. I was unemployed and had no health insurance. People NOW tell me I might have been eligible for Medicaid, and that might have paid for it. Sure, NOW I’m told that. The $10,500 would be very handy about now.

Well, that is it for now. More hallucination stories are on their way, especially when I get to May 2002. (Not going to wait for May 2012 to write about them. Perhaps over the next few weeks or so.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 1

Ten years ago today would have been the 10th anniversary of my sobriety date. I relapsed 3 1/2 months later, in May 2002. Why I did that is a matter of pointless pondering and contemplation. After only a few months of sobriety, the why’s are useless. One doesn’t have enough of sobriety, the tools haven’t settled in. I know some old-timers in AA who disregard relapse stories if the sufferer had less than 5 years of sobriety. To me, the cutoff is 1 year. Perhaps 2.

Anyway, I kind of dimly remember the events of February 3, 2002. Most of it is fuzzy. As a consequence of that this post may not sound all that sensible. I don’t much care as I was thinking yesterday that since this is the year of 10th anniversaries for me and my recovery and reversion to the Church, I think I’ll start documenting all that. Memory is strange and I’ll remember what I can. So, SoberCatholic.com may start to resemble one of those “personal blogs” of recovery so popular in the recovery community. It hasn’t, after all, been too terribly successful in generating a groundswell of support in favor of a Catholic-based recovery community or movement. So it may as well be a personal blog, documenting my recovery and reversion.

I had stopped drinking earlier in the day, and was prone to withdrawal symptoms after just a few hours or so. Based on the calendar I just checked, it was a Sunday, and I might have missed Mass for “not feeling well.”

Throughout the day I became aware of problems with my teeth. They seemed to be loosening. I remember I kept going into the bathroom and checking myself in the mirror. Yes, the teeth seemed to me to be wobbly, and also splitting down the middle. This concerned me and I kept telling my Mom that I think I “need to go to the dentist tomorrow”. For some reason she didn’t seemed all that interested. (Who knows what she must have been thinking, my behavior the previous few weeks was erratic. To say the least.)

So. My teeth seemed to me to be loosening and on the verge of falling out.

And then I got scared…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Revived Catholic-based recovery network possibly starting on Monday (Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe)

There is a tentative plan for a new Catholic-based recovery network to start on Monday, the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. OLG has nothing to do with addiction recovery, but I just think that it would be nice to start it on one of Mary’s holidays.

I have sent emails to the people who have expressed interest in joining, and this is a reminder to them and especially anyone else. If you would like to be notified, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com.

I am also tentatively thinking of starting it on Yahoo, as an email subscription service (the idea is described here: Reviving a Catholic-based recovery network. But, in short, discussion on recovery issues and personal struggles are conducted by way of emails. Anonymity is assured, if you so desire it. That is basically up to you and what email address you use and what the username is. BTW, the email address need not be a Yahoo.com one. Any email address can be used for a YahooID. If not, then a Yahoo.com email address is free anyway, so no trouble there.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Reviving a Catholic-based recovery network

There is a slow, but somewhat promising attempt to revive the old Catholic Recovery/Recovery for Christ social networks. Slow, because we thought of it a few months ago and that is as far as we’ve gotten.

So, rather than put a lot of time into developing a network, or even a discussion forum-type of site, I proposed the idea of perhaps starting small.

And so the idea is that an email-based discussion group (probably using Google Groups) be started. In this email Group, members who desire a Catholic-based recovery program can just email members whenever they are struggling with their sobriety, chastity, or other addiction issues. Perhaps it is a life problem and in the past they submitted to their addiction over it, or some other problem associated with their addiction. General chit-chat from time to time might be allowable, depending. But the idea is for a nice, safe place, restricted to members-only, not public, so that anonymity and privacy is assured, where Catholics who are addicted to whatever can meet and share their struggles and stuff and their Catholicism is not looked upon with contempt.

If you are interested, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com, or post something in the comments. That is the gmail address that I will be using for my administration of the Group. So far, I have 3 or 4 people interested. I’d like to wait until there’s a few more before getting started.

Thanks.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

When Facing Overwhelming Odds

In trouble? Facing a foe bigger than you? Are you having to put up with junk that you’d rather not have to put up with? (This could mean anything.) Have no fear, for Judas Maccabaeus is here, and he has Heaven on his side!

1 Maccabees 3: 17-19: “But when they saw the army coming against them, they said to Judas: “How can we, few as we are, fight such a strong host as this? Besides, we are weak since we have not eaten today.”

But Judas said: “Many are easily hemmed in by a few; in the sight of Heaven there is no difference between deliverance by many or by few; for victory in war does not depend upon the size of the army, but on strength that comes from Heaven.”

(Via USCCB.)

We can take a lot of hope and inspiration from Judas Maccabaeus. A Jewish leader and warrior during a time when the Israelite nation was under occupation and forced to worship false gods (a symbol of assimilation into worldly ways, of convenient religious belief that is safe from persecution) he did not allow the fact of overwhelming odds deter him from doing what was right.

We can read the Books of Maccabees and, apart from being enthralled by the adventures, get hope and sustenance from his courage.

Especially during trials in which we feel that our opponents are “too big” for us. In Heaven’s eyes, they see us, and them, allied against our opponents. (Of course, this is depending on our cause being just.)

So, fear not. You are going through some problems at work (like me) or some other difficult situation. Don’t give up. Rely heavily on the Lord your God and eventually, although it seems like forever, justice will prevail. That may seem very trite, particularly if your darkness has enveloped you for a long time. But patient endurance has a way of wearing down those who oppose you.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)