Category Archives: Patience

Gratitude: Wanting what you have

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One of my least favorite 12 Step meeting topics is “gratitude”. Not that I am ungrateful for anything in sobriety, for I have plenty to be grateful for. My main issue whenever this topic is brought up is that quite often the attendees just launch into a list of the things they are grateful for. Much of it is common to all even when the sharer does personalize it with special items. Nevertheless, such “gratitude” listings are boring (to me) and miss the point.

First, the idea that anyone needs to hear something about gratitude. Does this person feel a nostalgia for the days of drinking? Are they taking their sober life for granted and therefore need to be reminded of what can be lost if they do return? Do they not see very well the things around them that they have attained as a result of their sobriety? Do they just want to boast about their sobriety (“Oh, look at me, see how much I’VE got!”)

Someone at a 12-Step meeting with the topic of gratitude I attended long ago introduced something besides a list of what he was grateful for. He mentioned something along the lines of gratitude as being an attitude. He concluded with the notion that gratitude simply means that you want what you already have.

We alcoholics have an impatient streak. Even after a sustained period of sobriety we sometimes fall back into the “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. We are impatient with what we already have and seek to attain or achieve something else that would make us better or happier. Just like back in the days of our drinking we needed “just one more”, what we have now is not enough and we seek something more to satisfy a hole in our soul.

“Wanting what you already have” is a great way of humbly accepting that which has come into your life and genuinely appreciating it. It is also an excellent way of living a moderate life and not a life driven to excess and conspicuous consumption. In other words, greed.

Sometimes the words “and thanking God for it” are added to the definition of gratitude. “Gratitude means wanting what you already have and thanking God for it.” A nice reminder as from where all good things come from, and to Whom we owe our sobriety to.

Luke 17:12-19: “As he was entering a village, ten lepers met (him). They stood at a distance from him

and raised their voice, saying, ‘Jesus, Master! Have pity on us!’

And when he saw them, he said, ‘Go show yourselves to the priests.’ As they were going they were cleansed.

And one of them, realizing he had been healed, returned, glorifying God in a loud voice;

and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him. He was a Samaritan.

Jesus said in reply, ‘Ten were cleansed, were they not? Where are the other nine?

Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?’

Then he said to him, ‘Stand up and go; your faith has saved you.'”

(Via USCCB.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Happiness from People, Places and Things

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A realization came to me at work some time ago (I think last summer, 2008). It was a bad day at work, and I was wondering about why we have to endure certain things. I know I’ve written a great number of times about the need to accept suffering as evidence of our willingness to follow Christ, but at times I still wonder about happiness, and its place in our lives.

I think that happiness is illusory, we cannot depend upon others too much for our happiness, and if we look inward we become self-indulgent and then block out other people. Places change. The things of this world are passing, we cannot depend upon them either.

People come and go, the things of this world fade away, too. Some people stay with you for a long time, but they are a minority.

Places deteriorate, or you have to leave them for other places.

Things that the world offers are definitely not a source of happiness, at least not long-term healthy kind. They tend to take you away from God and the spiritual.

The only true source of happiness comes from following God’s will as best as one can discern it and following that will to Heaven, our true and eternal home.

It is sometimes necessary then for Christians to be “disconnected” from the world, to be “in the world”, but not “of it”. We participate in it, but realize that it is only a way station, and not a place of permanence.

This is what Sacred Scripture and The Catholic Church teaches. And this is why the Catholic faith was very instrumental in helping me overcome my alcoholism. I, like many other alcoholics, sought out people, places and things to satisfy a need. When we drank, it seemed that these illusory and transitory things were permanent.

Matthew 6:33: “…seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.“

(Via USCCB.)</p

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Perseverance

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Perseverance will see you through. Too many people give up and cave in to despair or pressure and never see it through their pain and suffering.

Problems never seem to be solvable while you’re going through them, but when they’re done you’re stronger as a result.

There are wishes during the experiences for the gentle relief of alcohol, just to take the edge off. But you never seriously entertain the thought. Just a wistful longing and then dismissed. Sometime ago during weaker days you might have succumbed.

One reason why you hear it said that enduring suffering strengthens you. Like an athlete in training, you get stronger in dealing with life.

Too many people in today’s societies try to avoid suffering and trials and seek to avoid them. That is why most of us are alcoholics, we lacked the ability to effectively cope with them.

“This, too, shall pass.” And pass it does.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Enduring suffering

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As I had mentioned in a previous post about This too shall pass , I had gone through some trials at work for much of last summer (2008). It had gotten somewhat better when I realized that others were basically treated as I am, I perhaps worse as I was new and had struggled a bit more. Anyway, what I have gleaned from all this is the acceptance of enduring.

I endured all that. I have four 10 hour shifts every week. I had gotten stronger as a result of patiently enduring all the nonsense I was going through. Quietly putting up with all the stuff has enabled me to appreciate other people’s suffering and made me more tolerant of other’s flaws and faults. Not that I was indifferent to them, but perhaps God needed to sharpen that aspect of my personality.

As a Catholic Christian who longs for going to my true home, Heaven, this has also helped me cope with my Earthly exile.

Trials and suffering strengthen us. As we succeed in coping with these events, we are better equipped to deal with greater issues as we progress along in life (“trudge the Road of Happy Destiny”). All life is suffering interspersed with moments of happiness, joy, wonder and beauty. Those are a foretaste of Heaven.

Enduring can be likened to forging steel. It is tempered to the precise strength needed to do its purpose, whether to form part of a building or to aid in battle as a sword.

This may seem as if I am boasting, but it is not. I went through no small amount of pain, and survived. Just passing along personal experience.

If I accept suffering and patiently endure it, I can be a strong edifice or battle weapon for doing God’s will.

Pray we all succeed in this.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

This too shall pass

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We all go through trials. Suffering is a natural part of life. Every one of us endures this or that situation that seems to be neverending. And most times it seems that our suffering is worse that anyone else’s. Even news reports of natural disasters fail to change our perspective.

Despite our experience in the past that things do get better and the bad times fade, we forget this. Due to our alcoholic tendencies, we may even wallow in our despair, thus prolonging or making worse whatever we’re going through. Sometimes we are only happy when we’re miserable. Probably only an alcoholic or addict will understand this.

Last summer (2008) I was going through a bit of a rough patch. I had started a new job a few months prior and although I am pretty good at what I do I must admit to having had a steeper “learning curve” and have taken a little longer than I should have to grasp some of the details.

But this had made me vulnerable to “attitude problems” from other coworkers, mostly those much younger than I. I was being taken advantage of (or so it seemed) in those areas that I excel at, and in those areas I needed improvement in I was being gossiped about to other staffers, including management. This had led to some strain on my part and anxiety when I reported to work. Many days I hated going to work, not because of my tasks which I enjoy, but because of whom I worked with.

Insecurity ruled the day. I had even started another job search to hedge my bets about my ability to keep this one.

I titled this post “This too shall pass” as that is an AA slogan intended to remind us that no matter what we are going through, it will end. Whether our suffering is caused by others, or of our own mistakes doesn’t matter. It will end. What we must do is to learn from it. Or else it was just wasted time and pointless.

Someone once said that experience is the learning we gleaned from our mistakes. Experience makes the bad times and suffering we go through worthwhile, once they’re over.

As I write this now (this was originally a post on another blog that I am discontinuing, so it’s an edited update) things did get better. I persevered. I transferred to another office in the area and I fit it very well with my co-workers and management. I am appreciated and made to feel welcome.

Just remember this. It will pass. Just persevere, have faith that God will get you through it and perhaps is trying to teach you something. Pray for the wisdom to understand.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Benedict's Ladder of Humility: Step 8

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The 8th Step of St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility is that a monk does only what is endorsed by the common rule of the monastery and the example set by the superiors.

You join a group, whether it’s a job or a church softball team, no matter, you just joined some existing organization with legitimate authority over its members and as such has placed generally accepted rules for doing things over its members. In joining such a group, you have tacitly agreed to abide by the rules of the organization. The organization therefore has a right to expect you to live by the rules, otherwise, why’d you sign up?

If you do not like the rules, the honorable thing to do would be to leave. If you cannot abide by the rules, for whatever reason, to stay in the organization would be dishonest and disruptive. Even if you hid your displeasure, you would be dishonest with yourself and disruptive of your interior life. Sobriety might be threatened as you struggled to reconcile your beliefs, or ways of doing things, with the group you are a member of. If the group has a way of considering discontent and sees there is room for change, then this is fine as change within the system is the sign of a dynamic and vibrant group. If you could not hide your displeasure, and there were no mechanisms for enabling change within the system, then to stay would be dishonest to the group and disruptive to the members.

In a way, it goes back to the false humility vs true humility comparison mentioned in Sixth Step . With a sense of true humility, and after the humble examination of your beliefs, attitudes and motivations with the notion that you might possibly be wrong, you would leave the group rather than stay and be disruptive. With a sense of false humility, you might refuse to consider that your position is wrong, and adopt a kind of “martyr” attitude and stay. As I said in the 6th Step: True humility deflects attention from ourselves, or at least we are uncomfortable with the attention; false humility attracts attention and enjoys the attention our work brings us. There is the possibility that the falsely humble will leave and build a new group around themselves. A martyr complex changed to that of a rebel and exile. Romantic notions, but ego-driven.

How is this relevant to our sobriety? Ego-driven actions are dangerous to us. Drinking fueled them back then, and to return to them after sobriety may be dangerous unless we have a well balanced life and also a very well developed spiritual life.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics: Day 6

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Today we pray Day 6 of our Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics. Like yesterday we begin with:

PRAYER FOR THE ADDICTED

God of mercy, we bless You in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who ministered to all who come to Him. Give Your strength to N., Your servant, bound by the chains of addiction. Enfold him/her in Your love and restore him/her to the freedom of God’s children. Lord, look with compassion on all those who have lost their health and freedom. Restore to them the assurance of Your unfailing mercy, and strengthen them in the work of recovery. To those who care for them, grant patient understanding and a love that perseveres. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Sometimes after we have been sober for a while we may lose some empathy for those who are still suffering. Empathy is feeling what others feel.

In the “Prayer for the Addicted” there is a line about granting “patient understanding” to those who care for the addicted. This can also apply to the rest of us who, while not caregiving for an addict, are somehow involved in their lives.

We were once there. We should remember as best we can what it was like to still be trapped in our addiction. “Moving on” should not mean “leaving behind.” Empathy and having a patient understanding towards those still suffering connects us with them and may help them connect with us, thus drawing them out of their entrapment.

How many times in Twelve Step meetings or elsewhere has someone told you “I want what you have” in reference to your sobriety and serenity? We share what we have with others to help them achieve what we have.

Our patient understanding is an act of kindness and compassion. It helps to heal us of our past because we derive the strength for our patience from our own past sufferings.

We conclude the daily novena with:

Official Prayer for the Canonization of Blessed Matt Talbot

“Lord, in your servant, Matt Talbot you have given us a wonderful example of triumph over addiction, of devotion to duty, and of lifelong reverence of the Holy Sacrament. May his life of prayer and penance give us courage to take up our crosses and follow in the footsteps of Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Father, if it be your will that your beloved servant should be glorified by your Church, make known by your heavenly favours the power he enjoys in your sight. We ask this through the same Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.”

The source of these prayers is Circle of Prayer – Matt Talbot Intercedes for Alcoholics .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics: Day 4

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Today we pray the fourth day of our Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics. Like yesterday we begin with:

PRAYER FOR THE ADDICTED

God of mercy, we bless You in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who ministered to all who come to Him. Give Your strength to N., Your servant, bound by the chains of addiction. Enfold him/her in Your love and restore him/her to the freedom of God’s children. Lord, look with compassion on all those who have lost their health and freedom. Restore to them the assurance of Your unfailing mercy, and strengthen them in the work of recovery. To those who care for them, grant patient understanding and a love that perseveres. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Endurance is a recurring personal theme for me recently. Focusing on the person that is the subject of your prayer, however, what might they be enduring as they are going through the suffering they are experiencing?

Despair, probably. The despair of never being free from their addiction and never being able to enjoy life without their drug of choice.

Imagine the darkness they are in. You have most likely been there as well. Remember it and pray that they will see through it as you did. Reach out if you can and connect with them. Give them the hope they lack. You’ve been through it and they can, too.

If you, however are the one that is there, know that it does get better with perseverance. There is nothing so unique about your sufferings now that will make you an exception.

Others have made it through the darkness, I did.

We conclude the daily novena with:

Official Prayer for the Canonization of Blessed Matt Talbot

“Lord, in your servant, Matt Talbot you have given us a wonderful example of triumph over addiction, of devotion to duty, and of lifelong reverence of the Holy Sacrament. May his life of prayer and penance give us courage to take up our crosses and follow in the footsteps of Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Father, if it be your will that your beloved servant should be glorified by your Church, make known by your heavenly favours the power he enjoys in your sight. We ask this through the same Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.”

The source of these prayers is Circle of Prayer – Matt Talbot Intercedes for Alcoholics .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Be made clean

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From the Gospel according to Luke, from today’s Mass (Friday after Epiphany) 
Luke 5:12-16;

Now there was a man full of leprosy in one of the towns where he was; and when he saw Jesus, he fell prostrate, pleaded with him, and said, “Lord, if you wish, you can make me clean.”

Jesus stretched out his hand, touched him, and said, “I do will it. Be made clean.” And the leprosy left him immediately.

Then he ordered him not to tell anyone, but “Go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses prescribed; that will be proof for them.”

The report about him spread all the more, and great crowds assembled to listen to him and to be cured of their ailments, but he would withdraw to deserted places to pray.



The man was instantly healed of leprosy. Would that our addiction of alcoholism be lifted immediately as well. No pain, no suffering (ours or anyone else’s) no loss of family, jobs, years and so on. No need to rebuild everything from the start in your 30’s or 40’s or 50’s and wonder if it’s too late. (Although people in recovery invariably enjoy that aspect of it, once there’s been a sustained period of sobriety. The idea of a fresh start is wonderful. Still, there may be a lingering feeling of “Why me?”, especially when you dwell to long on regrets.)
Anyway, such is not our doing. We cannot linger in the time-wasting exercise of regret, nor the “Why me?” attitude towards our alcoholism and addiction.
We can, however, approach  Jesus and ask for our healing and humbly wait for as long as it takes. Things are done in God’s time, and the process of healing may take as long as it does for our own benefit. We learn from it. Alcoholics and addicts are people who routinely want what we want, and we want it now. And when we get what we want, we sometimes forget what it was like before we got it. Our want was satiated, our lacking was satisfied and then we’re on to the next want. Nothing is learned.
People who are sincerely trying to recover from alcoholism and addiction through a spiritual method such as religion or a Twelve Step movement understand that things useful are earned and merited, not given.
Ask God in your prayer time not “Why me?”, but rather, “What are You trying to teach me in all this? What am I supposed to do with this? How is this bringing me closer to You and to others?” 
Then wait silently and listen, the answer may come soon.
I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Rains, Floods and Wind

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From the Gospel reading for today’s Mass:

Matthew 7:21,24-27;

Jesus said to his disciples:“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’will enter the Kingdom of heaven,but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

“Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came,and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the floods came,and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined.”

Being Christian is not a part-time thing, something to be done for an hour on Sundays or when it is convenient. It is supposed to be something that we are 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is supposed to guide us in all events and situations.

Jesus is implying this when He differentiates between those who hear His words and lives by them versus those who only listen. Those who live by His teachings survive the buffetings of life, all the storms that rage against us. Those who do not will not.

What house of faith do we build? Is in one built on rock, so that when we are buffeted by trials, temptations, troubles and tribulations we survive, because we rest in Jesus and His teachings? Or is it a house of faith built upon sand, so that when the least amount of trouble comes, it collapses and falls because we relied upon our own strengths?

The former is the faith we Christians are supposed to possess, the faith that endures whatever is tossed at us by life; the latter is the faith of convenience, the faith that on the outside seems sincere and devoted, but is abandoned in trying times. A faith that is crushed by life. That is a faith that isn’t strong, so that it’s possessor abandons it for the seeming comfort of an addiction or a secular solution.

One of my main character defects that seems to uncomfortably linger on despite 5 and a half years of sobriety is impatience, frustration, and annoyance. I lump them all together because they are all a symptom or offshoot of pride. “Why should I have to endure this trial, this delay and whatnot? Don’t you realize who I am?” And therefore when something happens that offends my sense of how things should be ordered for my convenience, I get impatient, annoyed, irritable and the like. I usually work through it and come out much the better, but the lag time between the thing that triggered my impatience, etc., and my acceptance lasts too long, it seems. Granted, my “working through it” helps me to grow spiritually, but still the example could be better and the results do not justify the means.

Anyway, humility is the usual antidote to pride. I have to remind myself of my proper place in the Universe (there is a God and I’m not Him, I’m just a sinner with a computer) and struggle to do better. I try to place in my mind a training method that recognizes these prideful triggers and nip them in the bud as soon as I can. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. I’m a sinner and I recognize that.

Humility is a major theme for this Advent season. The obvious counter to any prideful resentment over having to endure a situation is to remind ourselves that God humbled Himself to become like us, so as to to eventually pay the price of the crime we committed, that of Original Sin. Jesus’ birth and death were two humiliating circumstances that He did not have to undergo. But He did for love of us. This needs to be meditated upon again and again during this season. (We get to do it again in a few months when Lent begins.)

We listen to Jesus’s words and we live by them. We humbly accept whatever happens to us, and hopefully calmness will be the response and not frustration and impatience. We rest in Jesus. “Our hearts are restless until we rest in Him,” is either a Scriptural quote or a saying of a Saint, I can’t place it either way. It is a struggle to overcome our failings, but somehow we have to learn to live like another Christ. And living means to breathe, eat, drink, love and think. We can eat and drink of the Eucharist, and love and think through prayer.

Continue on your Advent journey of preparing for Christ’s arrival.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)