Category Archives: Relapse

A Walk With the Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots, Day 9

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Today is Day 9 and thus the final one in our Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots. We ask Mary’s intercession for “this knot in my life…You know very well the suffering it has caused me…”

So, what knot is it? Is it the same one you may have prayed about daily, or one of the more knotty ones from a particular day? (A rhetorical question, don’t post the knot in the comments!)

Ponder, meditate and offer up this knot for Mary to undo. Offer up all the pain, trauma and suffering it has brought into your life. Let Mary’s maternal love work its healing into you…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Giving Glory to God

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During my meditations this morning I decided to wander about outside and ponder things. One of the things I mused upon was my whole life in general. Basically, where I’m at versus where I’d rather be, and why there’s a chasm in between. Simple stuff. Part of this is because today is the Feast of the Transfiguration of Our Lord, and the beginning of what I’ve come to annually call Second Lent.

As usual in these situations, which occur frequently every few months over the past twenty-five years or so, I get rather deep and prying and this morning was no different. And as I often do during these times, I ponder my writing career or lack thereof. My blogging efforts have been added to the mix; it seems there’s no end to the list of things I think I’m lacking diligence and dedication in. 😉

I came to the conclusion, or realization, that despite whatever I may say otherwise, whatever my stated intentions, I do all of this writing and blogging for me. Me, me, wonderful me. The fiction writing, yes, that can be partially selfish inasmuch I’ve adopted the theory of writing-as-therapy. But any writing talent that I have is God-given and I should really be doing it for His greater glory. Same for this Sober Catholic blog and the online recovery stuff.

But no, I did some soul-searching and I honestly think I do it for recognition. I’ve gotten some, but nothing to really boost the ego to atmospheric proportions. Still, “Look at me!”

That shouldn’t be. We Catholics (all Christians, really) are supposed to be humble in considering our God-given talents and to use them to give glory to God as well as being of use to others.

So, using the skills or training that I learned in recovery, I am going to try to reorient and retrain my thinking and attitude. It is a recovery exercise after all. Humility is a tool that is essential to maintaining one’s sobriety. Selfishness is not conducive to good sobriety. Although I’m not in danger of a relapse, the added precaution is not a bad thing.

How? By sticking to a routine each morning of daily prayer first. Too often I stray away from it and justify it by thinking that my brain is too foggy to really concentrate on the Divine Office. I could say the Rosary and Chaplet of Divine Mercy, first. Brain is sufficiently awakened afterwards! If the first thing I do upon awakening is to put God first, I am victorious in my first battle of the day. I can build upon that.

Also, just recognizing the red flags of pride. Recognizing the “red flags” of some character defects was the first clue I had that 12 Step recovery was working some positive affects in my life, wayback when. I trained myself to recognize the tell-tale signs of anger, hostility, impatience, or whatever, as they were starting to erupt, and thus was able to quell them. I am not perfect, but I’m way less angry and impatient than I was back in the day. “OH, YEAH, WHAT’S THAT? YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME??? WHY I OUGHTA….” Oh, heh-heh. 😉 Thinking that “Oh, I should blog today!” as if that of itself is important. Sure, it may be to a number of people. I have received numerous emails over the years from people expressing gratitude for Sober Catholic. But honestly, and this may sound strange, but in doing it for me (at least subconsciously thinking that, and occasionally consciously thinking it), I thereby reserve the “right” not to bother with it. Hence, my not blogging as often as I should. Or writing my fiction as often as I should.

(This may connect with my relationship with Jesus that I discovered a year ago that is lacking in actual substance. It is a blogpost long overdue, so perhaps I’ll set about myself and correct it.)

And so I think I can apply the same concepts to redirecting my attitude towards my blogging and fiction writing. Personal therapy, sure; feelings of satisfaction, fine; but ultimately the first reason for writing or blogging has to be to give glory to Him who made me and who gave me whatever talent I have, and whatever mission I was assigned.

It may instill a better sense of personal responsibility. Since we are to “…seek first the kingdom of God and his justice, and all these things shall be added to you as well,” this sense of personal responsibility will engender a greater faith in Divine Providence, as “these things” are basic living needs. But also, this strengthens our partnership with God. Our relationship with Him flows both ways. We seek Him and give glory to Him in our works, He provides for us in ways we may not see right away. He didn’t need to create us, but did so anyway as He is Love, and Love creates. Love needs something else to love. It cannot be directed to the self. Self-directed love is self-absorption and destructive (“destructive” being the opposite of “creative”). So, we do things not for ourselves, but for others. That we may also benefit is a side point. So, doing this for Him, is doing it out of love. Not a selfish love, but one that is outward-directed. Creative!

The resulting creative-ness builds upon itself as there is inherent joy in doing good for others, if that doing good is the happy consequence of faith. Sort of like the Scriptural mandate that “works alone” do not suffice so that we may not boast of them and think we can merit Heaven on our own.

I think I am starting to wander off-topic and so I’ll close for now.

(Incidentally that passage, “Seek first the kingdom…” from Mathew 6:33 was one of the names I was thinking of for this blog, back in 2007. Turns out it had been taken many times by other bloggers. I don’t think any were Catholic.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Eleven years sober, today

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Today I celebrate 11 years of sobriety. It is also the Feast day of St. Rita of Cascia, known as the patron saint of lost causes. Based upon my early struggles with trying to figure out AA and to stop drinking, she is a fitting patron for me. Her, as well as Matt Talbot, who is the usual patron saint for ex-drunks.

I certainly felt like a lost cause.

It has been an interesting 11 years, I have been through a lot, both good and bad. And despite not having been a regular “meeting-goer” since 2004, have had no greater or lesser desire to drink. And this is even in spite of the many fundamental life changes that have occurred which quite often spell “relapse” in people. From the pit of despair when my Mom died in 2005, to the heights of happiness and hope with my marriage to the wonderful Rose in 2008, it’s been one wild ride. Jesus, thank you. Holy Spirit, thank you. Blessed Virgin Mary, thank you. St. Rita of Cascia, thanks! Matt Talbot, you too, “Thanks!” And me, for remembering to “practice all these principles in my affairs,” I thank me! 😉

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Judging your Path along the Road of Happy Destiny

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“Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny” is a phrase from AA’s “Big Book” and is referenced a lot in meetings. It basically means your program of recovery.

Today’s Second Reading from the Mass for Pentecost Sunday offers a quick guide as to how you’re doing. Read the following excerpt and judge yourself as to how well you are resisting the allure and temptation of your addiction

Gal 5:16-23 : “So then, I say: Walk in the spirit, and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh.

For the flesh desires against the spirit, and the spirit against the flesh. And since these are against one another, you may not do whatever you want.

But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Now the works of the flesh are manifest; they are: fornication, lust, homosexuality, self-indulgence, the serving of idols, drug use, hostility, contentiousness, jealousy, wrath, quarrels, dissensions, divisions, envy, murder, inebriation, carousing, and similar things. About these things, I continue to preach to you, as I have preached to you: that those who act in this way shall not obtain the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, forbearance,meekness, faith, modesty, abstinence, chastity. There is no law against such things.”

(Via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Stayin’ Alive

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Well, 10 years ago today was my first full day of not drinking. I wouldn’t say sober as “not drinking” and “sober” aren’t the same.

Earlier this year, in February, I had posted about what would have been my original sobriety date: An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 1 and An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 2

Earlier this week I mentioned that I’d write about the 88 hours of sleeplessness I endured and survived. They were dominated by hallucinations.

These next posts over the next few days will be about the hallucinations. I had never written them down before and will take this long overdue opportunity to do so.

But first, a musical interlude:

Yes, “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees. It was one of the hallucinations I experienced during those 88 hours. Not the video, just the “ha…ha…ha…ha… stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive…” section, repeatedly, for a few hours after 70-odd hours of sleeplessness had passed. I kept hearing that in my left ear, with an audio quality reminiscent of a 1970’s era inexpensive little Japanese transistor AM pocket radio.

I only lead off with this hallucination due to the recent death of Robin Gibb.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

On the Eve of my Sobriety Anniversary: 10th Year

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May 22nd 2012 is the 10th anniversary of my sobriety. Earlier this year, in February, I had posted about what would have been my original sobriety date: An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 1 and An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 2

In those posts I had mentioned that when the real sobriety date turns up, I’d blog about it. This is mainly due to a need to add to my “drunkalogue”, and also as I had never written down some really interesting hallucinations that I had experienced during the 88 hours of sleeplessness I endured and survived.

So, I’ll be back with some hopefully poignant thoughts and reflections on the date, and later with the the hallucinations.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Just one more

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Today’s meditation in “Walk in Dry Places” by Hazelden mentions the diminishing returns of having “just one more drink.” As if having “one more” could bring the comfort and solace that is missing, it merely hastens our descent into deeper addiction. It is a false promise, an illusory note that we can be satisfied by a physical thing or act for what is essentially a spiritual problem.

As Catholics, we have access to a wealth of spiritual aids that we can dive into, and fill our soul. Mass and the Sacraments, but also devotional practices such as the Rosary. The Rosary, when said slowly and prayerfully, meditation on the Scripture-based Mysteries, can do wonders for filling that “hole in the soul”, which never seems to be satisfied by just another drink.

Reading Sacred Scripture is the ultimate devotional tool at our disposal. Reading the Word of God and dwelling upon the words and meanings is excellent for that satisfying spiritual hunger.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Garry, Part 2: Alcoholics who still suffer

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I just finished writing about Garry and I mentioned in there about how sobriety and serenity seemed elusive for him.

This does not make him any less valuable of an individual than any other. Yes, he was arrested for DWI, one of the most irresponsible of all crimes. It does not have to happen. You could stay home and safely get trashed if that is as far as you want to go with your drinking. “Lose” your car keys. To drink too much and them get behind the wheel of what essentially becomes a weapon is grossly disgusting and DWI penalties should be severe.

However, people are not disposable things to be tossed aside or thrown out if shown to be apparently useless. Alcoholics, especially those who never quite seem to “get” sobriety should be removed from harming others. Current state laws regarding repeat offenders do not yet address this quickly enough.

I write this just in case anyone who read my post on Garry felt that I was too compassionate with him, given that he was arrested for DWI and could have injured or killed an innocent person.

I am aware that could have happened. And in other times and places and with other people it has.

But, I am writing on my friend Garry, and the reactions I gleaned from the commenters in the online versions of the various news reports I found make me question people’s humanity.

Quite a few people were vicious in their attacks. None of these mentioned the possibility of the death of an innocent bystander as the basis of their acrimony. Just that Garry is a dumb drunk, a redneck wannabe and therefore is a piece of human refuse.

Bear in mind that Jesus Christ ate and preferred the company of sinners. From hookers and tax collectors to associating with lepers and who knows what other types of human “garbage,” He loved them all. He even had nice things to say about Roman soldiers.

He knew that these were people made in God’s image and likeness, and despite the low regard and station of their lives, deserved a basic respect and dignity. He came to heal them, not the righteous.

What can be done about them? Minister to them, heal them. Go out into the wilderness of the streets and alleys where they live and work and try to reach them and heal them. Show them a better way.

For chronic DWI offenders like Garry, perhaps take away their driver’s licenses much sooner and increase the penalties for driving without one. As well as more draconian DWI penalties if caught while driving illegally.

But to casually and maliciously just throw people away and disregard them is unChristian. I perhaps may feel somewhat different if I knew personally someone who was killed by a drunk. I would hope that I would, however, take the final words of the Lord’s Prayer seriously and forgive those who trespass us as we ask for forgiveness for ourselves. There is the occasional story you hear about how the family members of a crime victim do forgive the criminal. That takes a special strength. A strength drawn from a faith that is NOT convenient, but a real one that doesn’t change when things in life get too rough. A faith that is lived.

There are people out there who still suffer from an affliction that is seemingly incurable for them. I could be Garry, but somehow certain things just clicked and I sobered up and remained so for 9 1/2 years.

Some of us are painfully aware that we could have killed someone during our drinking days.

But for the grace of God, go I. And you.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Garry

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Yesterday a face stared right back out at me from the pages of a newspaper. It was Garry. He had been arrested for DWI after being pulled over when a cop noticed that he didn’t have a seatbelt on. (I forget how many times for DWI this makes for Garry, but it has been quite a few.)

I saw it after goofing off on Facebook. I happened to see something else of interest in my hometown newspaper’s feed, and after posting it, decided to go to the paper’s site and poke around to see what was going on back there. I went to the “Police Blotter” page, which was always amongst the first parts I’d go to after the obituaries just to see if anyone I knew was listed.

I haven’t seen or heard from Garry in perhaps 6-8 years, since I was last active in AA there. I had wondered if he was even alive.

Garry was always kind, compassionate and understanding with me, despite my not being exactly a poster child for recovery in those days. Or maybe because of that. It seems that he was hurting and suffering more than I. Yet despite very different backgrounds we struck up a friendship. He was a high-school only-grad, if that, and a blue-collar working stiff and I was edumacated in colledge. But then again, in the rooms of AA, “We are a people who normally would not mix” -AA Big Book, page 17)

I have always wondered about Garry since I last saw him. I had always been grateful for his friendship back in the day when I lived at home. We never hung out outside of the rooms of AA, but chatted on the phone when needed. He was also a convert to the Catholic Church (mainly because of his wife, who ended up leaving him on Christmas Eve in 2002 or ’03).

Seeing his picture was a shock, although I shouldn’t have been too surprised. He had been in AA before I started attending meetings, and so I looked up to him, even though I later figured that his sobriety was shaky. I think a part of it was the difference in backgrounds and my amazement that the “We are a people who normally would not mix” bit wasn’t just a saying, but a living and working part of the AA way. For some reason I felt that it validated my membership. I don’t know why, as the “only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” I had that, and so was in, but still… He was a scruffy drunk and fit the popular image of alcoholics in AA meetings, and so maybe that was it.

His sobriety, like I said, was never strong. It would last for a few months or so, maybe a year, and then something would happen. He’d hide it well, but his sponsor knew and I learned. This is why that although seeing his picture was a shock (maybe over discovering that Garry is alive), I wasn’t too surprised. He seems to be one of the ones for whom sobriety and serenity is elusive.

This part sounds weird, but I always thought it would be awesome that if we all make it to Heaven, his Heavenly mansion should be next to mine. I don’t know why I’ve had that imagery in my mind from way back then, as I’ve had better friends, but dang it, I want him to be one of the ones to make it (I know, we all want everyone to be saved, but we do know that not everyone does and I really want him to be one of the ones. AND I wanna hang out in Heaven with him for eternity. It’d be an epic blast.)

And so I am praying for him. I started a Novena to St. Maximilian Kolbe for Garry. It will end on January 8th, the Solemnity of the Epiphany of Our Lord. Not a bad day to end a Novena for an alcoholic. If I lived closer, I’d visit him in jail. He would be surprised to see me, and probably surprised a little at my 9 1/2 years of sobriety. Happy though. I cannot afford the travel, gas and even one overnight stay is too costly right now. I may try and send him a letter.

I wonder who else saw the piece in the paper and is reaching out.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota Part 3: Relapse and Recovery

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This is the third and final part in the series of interviews with leaders of the St. Francis Mission, for background, see An Introduction to the St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota

Q: The following link provides basic information on the recovery programs offered at the Reservation:
Recovery programs at the St. Francis Mission.

They seem to cover all of the basics, 12 Step through AA, Al-Anon, GA and NA. You also have the Betty Ford Institute coming in for various periods throughout the year.

Icimani Ya Waste Recovery CenterUSETHIS

(Photo of Icimani Ya Waste’ Recovery Center courtesy Mike O’Sullivan at the Mission)

Out of the general population of addicts and alcoholics, about what percentage attends meetings and do other recovery work (like sponsoring other addicts or service and volunteer work)?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The two centers we have, we have regular meetings of each of these groups, but it’s a small percentage considering the amount of people who are affected by this disease.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Using my opinion, I would say 40%.

Q: Do people continue with meeting attendance long after they have been clean and sober for a long time?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The ones in our program, yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, their sober lives depend on it.

Q: How great is the incidence of relapse?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: I would say the incidence of relapse from the treatment program on the Rosebud is extremely high. In the meetings that we have at our centers, we’ve had a fairly high success rate of people staying with the program.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: The incident of relapse is a tremendous issue.

Q: Do people keep returning to the recovery programs despite any repeated failures?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: Yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, people will keep returning to the recovery programs despite their repeated failures. Everyone is different, and each person will experience “hitting the bottom” in their own way. This will usually be their time to step up and make that positive change in their life and live it everyday.

Q: How are any chronic relapsers supported? Are they encouraged by other members of the Rosebud recovery community to keep coming back, or does encouragement mainly fall to the clergy?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: This is a people based program. The support for those who relapse is provided by the recovery community and is supported by the clergy.

(Mrs Provencial) A: In my opinion, all relapses are chronic. St. Francis Mission recovery center’s provide educational and support groups to the addicts and family members on the Rosebud reservation. There are also other programs in the tribe that provide support for the addicts but limited support for the family members.

Yes, the addicts are greatly encouraged by their support groups or support person to continue their journey in sobriety. In my opinion, the encouragement does not fall mainly on the clergy, the families encouragement and support is crucial.

Just to wrap-up:

Is there anything else you’d like to mention that I haven’t asked, and that you’d like to “get the message out” to people?

(Mrs. Provencial) A: I would like to mention that the recovery services that St. Francis Mission provides are crucial to the families on the Rosebud reservation. There are no resources of support for the families affected by drugs and alcohol on the reservation. St. Francis Mission sees the negative affects and has developed positive educational support and workshops that have been making a spiritual and positive impact on the native lives.

This concludes this special series of interviews on SoberCatholic. I would like to thank Fr. John Hatcher, SJ, Mrs. Geraldine Provencial, and particularly Corrie Oberdin, Online Marketing Strategist at Corrie Oberdin {dot} Net |. For further information, please Contact the St. Francis Mission or Contact Corrie Oberdin

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)