Category Archives: Relapse

Agony in the Garden

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We all experience our own Garden of Gethsemane:

Matthew 26:36-42: “Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’

He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to feel sorrow and distress.

Then he said to them, ‘My soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me.’

He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.’

When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, ‘So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?

Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’

Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again, ‘My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!'”

(Via USCCB.)

We can only imagine the suffering that goes into “My soul is sorrowful even to death.” And this is Jesus who is going through this pain, on the eve of His Crucifixion and death.

Our wills resist doing what needs to be done if it involves the least amount of pain and anguish. Our trials come and we feel so alone during them. We beg and pray that God would relieve us of the burden. Even when we have someone to share the pain with, the sorrow over enduring the trial is like a shadow enveloping us. The burden might be eased, but the trial of enduring still darkens our soul.

I am currently undergoing a trial at my day job. I cannot go into details but it keeps dragging on, seemingly without end, although it has only been a few weeks.

One thing that I have noticed more during this period than I have in previous trials in my life is the work of grace in my soul, and the mercy of God. I cannot explain, but whereas in the past I would be seriously stressing out, I am not so much now. Quite a lot has to do with my lovely wife’s support and her deep and abiding faith, but there have been other things coinciding during this time. It is almost as if God is telling me that He knew all along that this would be happening (of course He does, being omniscient) and has arranged certain things to help me not only cope, but spiritually grow and strengthen during this period.

Perhaps this all doesn’t make much sense as I have not written about what is happening. There will be a few blogposts coming up that will relate some of the “spiritual” events that have happened that have given me courage. And perhaps you, as well. For we are truly not alone when we suffer trials. Jesus is there awaiting our prayers. While we might not have the burdens lifted, we can know that He is there, shepherding us through (if we see with the eyes of faith).

Suffering is hardly ever desired (an understatement if there ever was one), but with a strong faith and friends to assist, people can learn and emerge stronger for it. It is a natural part of human existence. If that is accepted then perhaps it can actually bear fruit in one’s life.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

And so it begins… a cycle of anniversaries

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Six years ago today my Mom was taken to the ICU for reasons unknown at the time. We had thought it was related to her heart condition (she had surgery earlier in the year and a stent was implanted in her heart), but as it turned out she had a ruptured bowel.

She died from it on November 7th, but that is for a later post. But today begins a particular cycle of anniversaries of her final weeks, for the dates now fall upon the days-of-the week as they occurred in 2005, the first time this has happened since her death that year.

Not that it really makes these anniversaries any different, it is just another year. But somehow the coincidence of dates and days makes them a little more, I don’t know, poignant is a word that comes to mind. A special emotional feeling triggering the heart and mind in a way that is unique to the event.

I was originally going to post this at my other blog, The Four Last Things, and indeed later today an edited version of it may appear there, but I changed it to here for now as anniversaries of this sort can also be triggers for a relapse.

Those of us who are alcoholics have minds that are moody, even after years of sobriety (nearly 9 1/2 for me). Emotional mood swings and responses are not unheard of, even though they may level out and not seem as extreme as they were during the old drinking days or early sobriety. Nevertheless they are there and pose a risk.

Not that I am in danger of a relapse, I have no intention of drinking “despite” the anniversaries and certain other stresses in my life. But still I must remain aware of the dangers to my sobriety and continued ability to remain a responsible, contributing member of society.

Life just sucks at times and during those periods we have to just “suck it up” and deal with it as best we can, and accept help from whatever quarters it is offered. Pray a lot and reflect.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Independence Day

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A rare "gratitude" post. In the United States today we are celebrating our Independence from Great Britain. They fought long and hard to rid themselves the "People" (British troops and tax collectors), "Places" (far off island governing this Continent), and "Things" (unjust taxation, lack of political representation) that were wrong our their’ lives. And so now we have 235 years of Independence.

We are grateful for that. Although things are not, putting it mildly, all that great in the USA today regardless of one’s political persuasion, our Independence is largely still in our own hands.

Anyone who has been sober and clean for any length of time hopefully remembers the dark days of dependency on their chemical of choice. The "People, Places and Things" of that life are long past, with very little desire to return.

How much control do you have over your sobriety? What do you do to maintain your independence, or do you take it for granted that it will always be present? Twelve Step meetings? The Church and the Sacraments, as well as a prayer life? Service and volunteering?

Be mindful and keep watch.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Something worse may happen

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In this passage from today’s Gospel Reading Jesus warns a man who had been ill for 38 years:

John 5:14:“‘Look, you are well; do not sin any more, so that nothing worse may happen to you.'”

(Via USCCB.)

We do not know what the illness was, but it doesn’t matter. We can take this story and relate it to our alcoholism.

Jesus warns the man not to sin. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the man sinned and his punishment was an illness, but perhaps his illness was a natural consequence of some sinful act. Just a thought…

Now, this is where a Gospel lesson may be directly applied to some natural consequence of drinking again after a period of sobriety.

You have stopped drinking, you are aware of the physical, mental and spiritual dangers of alcohol abuse. Also, if you are aware of the moral dimensions of alcohol abuse as a result of some of the Steps and through Confession, then you are aware that it is a sin. Knowledge increases your culpability. Your will may have been corrupted, but if you have had sustained sobriety you should have regained some control over it. You should have enough safeguards in place to counter the “cunning, baffling and powerful” nature of alcoholism.

Jesus essentially warns the man that something worse may happen to him if he sins again. We know this from our own experience with alcoholism. If we relapse, it may make our recovery far more difficult. Granted, many people who “go back out” and “do research” find that drinking is as bad as it ever was, and their resolve is stronger.

But there are many examples of people who for whatever reason, continually relapse. Their hope of recovery is damaged.

The “something worse” for them is their continued life of addiction and all that implies, plus the shame of repeated failure.

Much prayer is need by and for these.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Strengthen my spirit

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This excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for Thursday of the First Week of Lent is a hopeful reminder for us alcoholics and addicts about where help can reliably come from:

Psalm 138:3:“When I cried out, you answered; you strengthened my spirit.”

(Via USCCB.)

Cry out to the Lord for help when things seem dark, when a drink seems to offer a way out. He will strengthen your spirit if you are humble and willing.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena for Alcoholics: Day 8

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Recovery from addictions is quite often referred to as a “path” or “road”. In AA literature there is the often used phrase: “trudging the road of happy destiny.” Many times people fall away or drift off that road. This is a relapse.

People relapse for many reasons. Some, like me, relapse early on in recovery. The “plan” or program of recovery hadn’t yet firmed up in the person and something too difficult happened and an old crutch was used to deal with the problem. Or some other mysterious reason had caused the person to return to the addiction, it isn’t always a problem too difficult too handle.

A guy I knew in my old AA home group had said that when in meetings during which a person discussed their relapse, he didn’t really pay too much attention as to why the relapse occurred if the individual had been sober for less than 5 years. Five years being a conservative time frame for “early recovery”. Over 5 years, and he focused on the story as he was very much interested in why a person with a proven history of sober living had strayed. Humility pretty much demands that anyone can relapse, no one is ever immune from the life-long allure of your “drug of choice.” No matter how long your sobriety, no matter what your “program of recovery” is, you are susceptible.

But there is always help. Yes, there are the people in your recovery meetings and such that you can call on. But there is also always your Blessed Mother, ready, willing and able to stand by and help her children whenever they are in distress. Just develop the faith needed to trust in her.

Pray:

Oh ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of Mercy, Health of the Sick, Refuge of Sinners, Comfortess of the Afflicted, you know my wants, my troubles, my sufferings. Look upon me with mercy. When you appeared in the grotto of Lourdes, you made it a privileged sanctuary where you dispense your favors, and where many sufferers have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and corporal. I come, therefore, with unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. My loving Mother, obtain my request. I will try to imitate your virtues so that I may one day share your company and bless you in eternity. Amen

From: Prayers – Catholic Online: “Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes”

Note: reposted from last year.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Armor of God

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We are engaged in a battle when we are addicts and alcoholics. For all the talk of the medical, genetic or environmental causes of alcoholism and addiction, we cannot ignore the spiritual side of the affliction. I think even the founders of AA said that alcoholism is a spiritual problem. In acknowledging the spiritual side of addiction we cannot just assume that it is a problem in our relationship with God. The spiritual world has its dark forces, too. If you read the New Testament, demons were among the earliest to acknowledge the truth of Jesus. Jesus did battle with them, from His being tempted in the desert to casting them out of people they inhabited.

People who are “rational” scoff at the notion of demonic activity, yet it is a Church teaching that they exist and it is sensible to assume that they use whatever tools are available to them to destroy us and keep us from God.

If addictions fill the “hole in our soul” that should be filled by our desire for God, then possibly demons use them as the best means at their disposal to fill that hole and divert us from God. Our addictions satisfy a spiritual longing that is better taken up by devotion to God. But they are immediately satisfying instead of the longer time that spiritual conversion usually takes.

And so we are not just engaged in a battle against our desires. Our desires may be merely tools used against us. For whatever the reason, we who are alcoholics and addicts have an increased sensitivity to our desires and an inordinate need to fulfill them.

But we have weapons at our disposal. St. Paul writes:

Ephesians 6:10-17: “Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power.

Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil.

For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.

Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground.

So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate,

and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace.

In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all (the) flaming arrows of the evil one.

And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

(Via USCCB.)

The Faith is our shield. Studying the Catechism of the Catholic Church (available in most bookstores, plus there are links to online versions of it in the sidebar), which is the summary of our Faith, is one weapon. Prayers to the Holy Spirit is another. Regular reading of the Bible is another weapon. Prayerfully study the Catechism and the Bible, and your “armor of God” will be strengthened against the onslaught of the devil and his demons.

I heard in an AA meeting once (and this has been repeated in various ways by other people) that meeting attendance interrupts the thought processes that lead to a relapse. If that is so, then there can be no better way to interrupt the slide to a relapse that calling upon the graces of God that result when you build up your Faith through the reading of the Bible and the Catechism. If a mere meeting can help stave off a relapse, how much more mighty a shield is there than Scripture and the Catechism?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

In danger I called on the Lord

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A recent reading from the Psalms caught my attention as a useful prayer for one undergoing adversity, especially with the threat of a relapse:

Psalm 118:5-9: “In danger I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free.

The LORD is with me; I am not afraid; what can mortals do against me?

The LORD is with me as my helper; I shall look in triumph on my foes.

Better to take refuge in the LORD than to put one’s trust in mortals.

Better to take refuge in the LORD than to put one’s trust in princes.”

(Via USCCB.)

The danger of a relapse is ever present if you rely on yourself alone. With God’s aid you can remain free from your addiction. With the strength of God behind you, how can danger triumph? What can mortals (people) that plot against you do to you? How can your foes (places and things) succeed in tearing you down?

To trust in another to help you maintain your sobriety is folly. Just ask all those who relapsed despite 12 Step meeting attendance and the use of a sponsor. God alone is fully trustworthy.

Jesus, I trust in You.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Seeking shelter from harm

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The following passage from Psalm 57 is a nice prayer for anyone in serious temptation from their addiction:

Psalm 57:2: “Have mercy on me, God, have mercy on me. In you I seek shelter. In the shadow of your wings I seek shelter till harm pass by.”

(Via USCCB.)

God’s mercy is limitless, providing we ask for it in trust and faith. God provides if He is asked. He is our safe and sturdy shelter from the harm that threatens and is just one drink away.

A drink provides a temporary respite from the troubles that abound in our lives. God’s promise of care and protection from all harm is trustworthy based on the strength of our faith and our willingness to place ourselves in it.

It endures. The drink is temporary and illusory.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Rescue me and set me free

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Two readings from today’s Liturgy of the Hours (click on the “Universalis” banner at the top of the page) make excellent prayers for people still hunted by their addictions.

Psalm 141:8-9: “My eyes are upon you, O GOD, my Lord; in you I take refuge; do not strip me of life.
Guard me from the trap they have set for me, from the snares of evildoers.”

and

Psalm 142:6-8: “I cry out to you, LORD, I say, You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.
Listen to my cry for help, for I am brought very low. Rescue me from my pursuers, for they are too strong for me.
Lead me out of my prison, that I may give thanks to your name. Then the just shall gather around me because you have been good to me.”

(Via USCCB.)

Addiction is the prison one is trapped in, evildoers (“people, places and things”) seek to continually ensnare the struggling alcoholic and addict.

The Lord will rescue you from these types. No matter how beaten down you are by the threat of a relapse and the immediate temptation to drink, God will give you the strength to prevail if you ask Him in trust and with faith.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)