Category Archives: Resentment

The source of all annoyance and distress

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Continuing on in this series, St. Dorotheus goes on to say that the only path to peace (an internal peace) is for us to be what we would call nowadays reflective. We must be always aware of our defects and seek to remedy them. And we must look internally, be aware of what is wrong inside us, in order for true internal peace to reign within.

St. Dorotheus writes: “We have seen that this is true in many cases, and, in our laziness and desire for rest, we hope or believe that we have entered upon a straight path when we are impatient with everyone, and yet cannot bear to blame ourselves.”

If you find fault with everybody but yourself and constantly look to external sources for the causes of your distress, you will never find peace within. I suppose people who are “comfortable in their own skin” have dealt with their interior distress and character defects, or are humble in their admission of them and are dealing with them.

From the teachings of St. Dorotheus, abbot

(Via Idaho Lay Dominicans.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena for Alcoholics: Day 7

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Yesterday during the sixth day of this novena, I wrote about forgiveness. Today the subject is a related issue, that of resentment.

Resentment it is said, means “to feel again”. We alcoholics all understand this. When we resent something we are reliving the event all over, we nurture the emotion and maintain the grudge against the person who harmed us.

This is obviously harmful. It continues to keep open the wound inflicted upon our psyche and it hinders our spiritual progression. Our hearts are hardened and therefore we cannot hear the still, small voice of God speaking to us.

There is an AA slogan: “Let go and let God”. Basically it means to let go of whatever it is that has gotten you trapped and let God take care of it.

On the surface this would seem to be like shirking responsibility and “passing the buck”, except that it is God I am speaking about here and we are His children. Like any good parent, He seeks to heal us and protect us if we but ask Him. He will heal us of the pain in His time, meaning we end up learning something from the experience and grow closer to Him. If the pain was removed right away, my experience tells me that it will return and nothing was gained from the whole event.

As always, the Blessed Mother is there to help:

Pray:

Oh ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of Mercy, Health of the Sick, Refuge of Sinners, Comfortess of the Afflicted, you know my wants, my troubles, my sufferings. Look upon me with mercy. When you appeared in the grotto of Lourdes, you made it a privileged sanctuary where you dispense your favors, and where many sufferers have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and corporal. I come, therefore, with unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. My loving Mother, obtain my request. I will try to imitate your virtues so that I may one day share your company and bless you in eternity. Amen

From: Prayers – Catholic Online: “Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes”

NOTE: this is a repost from last year

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Have mercy on me

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The first verse of Psalm 51, after the introduction, is a plaintive cry for mercy:

Psalm 51:3: “Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.”

(Via USCCB.)

The repentant sinner in uttering this cry asking for nothing less than a clean slate. The penitent knows that mercy springs forth from God’s inherent and eternal goodness. Furthermore, God’s compassion for the sinner puts and end to the offense, it is as if it never happened.

God is incapable, as a human understands it, of harboring resentment. The seemingly never-ending rehashing of a grudge or psychological wound is an imperfection of our human nature.

Verse 3 of this Psalm is therefore a confident understanding by the penitent that God will blot out the offense, and start over with the sinner.

As alcoholics and addicts, we have plenty to “blot out”. But also much to learn about compassion. Are we as ready to blot out the offenses of others against us? And how long are we capable of taking to do this? And does reconciliation always result?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Living in the "now" and letting go

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There is another excellent article from Spirit Daily

,this time on “getting past” the mistakes of your life. Read and ponder!

(Via Spirit Daily.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

When He was insulted, He returned no insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten

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The following passage from the First Letter of St. Peter speaks of a difficult, challenging but ultimately liberating attitude towards authority. Particarly if you’re having a bad time with it (authority) and have suffered justly or unjustly at the hands of it.

Alcoholics have a particular need for this passage as there is a residual sense of selfishness and pride in early recovery while the whole “humility thing” is being worked out. Non-alcoholics can use this as it will help them endure coping with authority, the legitimate and just, and the unfair and unjust.

Note: take out the word “slaves” and substitute “employees” or “children”. And for the word “masters” substitute “bosses”, “managers” or “parents”.

1 Peter 2:18-25: “Slaves, be subject to your masters with all reverence, not only to those who are good and equitable but also to those who are perverse.

For whenever anyone bears the pain of unjust suffering because of consciousness of God, that is a grace.

But what credit is there if you are patient when beaten for doing wrong? But if you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good, this is a grace before God.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps.

‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.’

When he was insulted, he returned no insult; when he suffered, he did not threaten; instead, he handed himself over to the one who judges justly.

He himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross, so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

For you had gone astray like sheep, but you have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls. “

(Via USCCB.)

As I have stated countless times before, as Christians we are to emulate Christ. We must take up our crosses and follow Him, as He commanded.

Matthew 16:24: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.”

(Via USCCB.)

It is self-righteous pride when we cry out against real or perceived unjust treatment of ourselves. “Why me?” Perhaps it is connected to our instinct for self-preservation, but our faith in God should be strong enough to consider that He has a plan in store for us and if things are not going our way, then maybe He has something different in mind for our lives. If we are suffering through this, then somehow that suffering is a part of His plan of salvation for us. And as Jesus accepted His cross for humanity’s salvation, so then must we take up our individual crosses for our discipleship.

Being a Christian isn’t easy. And it was never intended to be.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

On forgiveness

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The Gospel Reading for Tuesday of the Third Week of Lent tells us the limitless extent of forgiveness:

Matthew 18:21-35: “Peter approached Jesus and asked him,
‘Lord, if my brother sins against me,
how often must I forgive him?
As many as seven times?’
Jesus answered, ‘I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
That is why the Kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king
who decided to settle accounts with his servants.
When he began the accounting,
a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.
Since he had no way of paying it back,
his master ordered him to be sold,
along with his wife, his children, and all his property,
in payment of the debt.
At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan.
When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants
who owed him a much smaller amount.
He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,
‘Pay back what you owe.’
Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
But he refused.
Instead, he had him put in prison
until he paid back the debt.
Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,
they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master
and reported the whole affair.
His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant!
I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.
Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,
as I had pity on you?’
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.’ “

(Via USCCB.)

Along with the Lord’s Prayer, with its admonition to forgive others as we would ask God to forgive us, this shows the deep importance of forgiving others. We would hardly be justified in asking God to forgive us our sins if we are hard placed to forgive those who harmed us.

Just something to think about if you’re harboring a resentment or grudge. It isn’t easy to forgive, some period of prayer and meditation may be needed to work towards the ability to forgive. But forgive, we must.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Releasing yourself from the things that harm

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There is an interesting article on clinging to people, places and things that afflict you, and why and how to release and distance yourself from them.

(Via Spirit Daily.)

Give it a read!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A Spiritual Axiom: a Disturbance of the Spirit

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A few years ago while in very early recovery I had the time to spend getting deep into the 12 & 12 and culling from it what I could. (The “12 and 12” is a book of essays on the Twelve Steps of AA: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1981)

While going through the chapter on Step Ten, which is:

“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it”,

there is this line on page 90, which is often quoted in AA meetings:

“It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”

Lynn, over at Addictions / Trust God – Clean House – Help Others wrote an interesting post on this “Spiritual Axiom”. She asked me to write about it but I had to take a break after my Our Lady of Lourdes Novena for Alcoholics (novenas tire me out) so I’m taking up her request now. Here goes!

To me, what is “wrong” is the disturbance. It is wrong inasmuch as the hurt gets us “off the beam”. We’re hurt, in pain, suffering and emotional. This is the “wrong”. It is not wrong as in “error”, but wrong as in “imperfect” and lacking serenity.

There are two more quotes from page 90 which I think support my point:

If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also.

And…

Few people have been victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our resentments were justified or not. A burst of temper could spoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely. These emotional “dry benders” often led straight to the bottle. Other kinds of disturbances – jealousy, envy, self-pity, or hurt pride, often did the same thing.

Therefore, the disturbance, whether it be jealousy or resentment and so on, is what is wrong. This disturbance has the potential to lead us back to drinking as we seek an immediate solution.

I took a day to ponder this, thinking perhaps like many alcoholics in recovery after having read that axiom, that we are what is wrong. We are the problem. Not so. Although we are imperfect beings, this disturbance introduces into our interior life an additional imperfection, one that may be very temporary although very dangerous. This axiom tells us that the external disturbance is the focus of our spiritual progression in recovery and that our reaction to it lies in recognizing it and dealing with it in a sober manner. This removes the disturbance and restores us to health.

Reciting the Serenity Prayer may help in coping with the problem. The entire prayer is posted here, not just the first part that most people know:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to Our Lady of Lourdes for Alcoholics: Day 7

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Yesterday during the sixth day of this novena, I wrote about forgiveness. Today the subject is a related issue, that of resentment.

Resentment it is said, means “to feel again”. We alcoholics all understand this. When we resent something we are reliving the event all over, we nurture the emotion and maintain the grudge against the person who harmed us.

This is obviously harmful. It continues to keep open the wound inflicted upon our psyche and it hinders our spiritual progression. Our hearts are hardened and therefore we cannot hear the still, small voice of God speaking to us.

There is an AA slogan: “Let go and let God”. Basically it means to let go of whatever it is that has gotten you trapped and let God take care of it.

On the surface this would seem to be like shirking responsibility and “passing the buck”, except that it is God I am speaking about here and we are His children. Like any good parent, He seeks to heal us and protect us if we but ask Him. He will heal us of the pain in His time, meaning we end up learning something from the experience and grow closer to Him. If the pain was removed right away, my experience tells me that it will return and nothing was gained from the whole event.

As always, the Blessed Mother is there to help:

Pray:

Oh ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of Mercy, Health of the Sick, Refuge of Sinners, Comfortess of the Afflicted, you know my wants, my troubles, my sufferings. Look upon me with mercy. When you appeared in the grotto of Lourdes, you made it a privileged sanctuary where you dispense your favors, and where many sufferers have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and corporal. I come, therefore, with unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. My loving Mother, obtain my request. I will try to imitate your virtues so that I may one day share your company and bless you in eternity. Amen

From: Prayers – Catholic Online: “Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

One More Day

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This was originally written on February 29, 2008, which was a Leap Day. It was posted to a soon-to-be-discontinued blog of mine and is being transferred to this one like most of the other posts on it. I had kept it as a draft in my blog editor, postdated to February 29, 2012, but have since gotten tired of seeing it at the top of the drafts list and don’t much feel like seeing it there for the next three years. And so I am posting it now, which is rather appropriate considering the theme of healing in the Our Lady of Lourdes Novena I am writing now.

(“Today is February 29th. A Leap Day. An extra day added to the calendar to make up for a lack some sort of astronomical timekeeping synchronization.

It’s nice to have an extra day. An extra day to make up for a lack of… not having done something you should have or would have done when you had the time?

Think about those people in your life that once they’re gone, all opportunities to love or make amends for wrongs would disappear. Death takes away opportunities.

Don’t wait for death to take away someone that you might wish for “one more day” to do something you could have when they were alive.”)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)