Category Archives: Serenity

WWJD

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There’s a fad, mostly over, I think, concerning how a Christian should behave in a particular situation. “WWJD,” as in “What Would Jesus Do?” The implication is that He would be “nice.”

There’s a joke going around the Internet which suggests that whenever asked, “WWJD?,” you should state something like: “An acceptable response might be to grab a rope, make a whip out of it and go berserk against wrongdoers.”

An excerpt from the Gospel from today’s Mass for the Third Sunday of Lent:

John 2: 15-16

“And when he had made something like a whip out of little cords, he drove them all out of the temple, including the sheep and the oxen. And he poured out the brass coins of the moneychangers, and he overturned their tables.

And to those who were selling doves, he said: “Take these things out of here, and do not make my Father’s house into a house of commerce.””

via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.

Jesus was angry. If you’ve been in a Twelve Step recovery program long enough, you’ll hear things like “anger is best used by people who can handle it,” which is essentially correct as we alcoholics, even after a long time in sobriety, have a difficult time with anger. We dwell on those things that make us angry, we obsess about them, and sometimes resentments develop.

Does this mean we should never become angry? An impossible task if you ask me. So it could suggest that we should “pick and choose” what we get angry about.

Of course, this takes practise. A recitation of the “Serenity Prayer” often throughout the day might help.

Also, anticipation of things that might happen during the course of your day is good, too. In any given normal day, certain situations arise which typically might make you want to reach for a whip and drive people away from you because they are annoying or irritating. Would that we could.

So plan ahead.

Another thing: the world is crazy and getting crazier. You might want to “pick and choose” what news you pay attention to. Don’t become an ostrich and plant your head in the sand and ignore the world; just be careful regarding your news intake (however you manage it – news sites, social media feeds, whatever.)

But what about righteous anger? Again, sometimes that “is best used by people who can handle it.” But I think that as Catholic Christians we should not take the easy way out and say that because “we’re alcoholics and addicts, we can’t deal with social problems since our sobriety might be threatened.” We have access to the Sacraments, namely the Mass and the Eucharist to help give us strength and courage. We can get interested in life issues, homelessness and poverty. We are called to do that. Within our means and abilities, yes, but we should not ignore problems for others to handle.

Again, the Serenity Prayer can help. Also the realization that we can do things in solidarity with others.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

There is one thing I ask of the Lord

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I often focus on the path we are on to get where we’re going. “Trudging the road of Happy Destiny,” it says in the “Big Book” of AA. I don’t discuss the actual destination that much, although I do have a sister blog to Sober Catholic, totally dedicated to the afterlife: The Four Last Things – Death. Judgment. Heaven. Hell.

In today’s Evening Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours, there is a passage which reflects the sweet desire for the Lord’s house:

Psalm 27: 4

“There is one thing I ask of the Lord, for this I long, to live in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life, to savor the sweetness of the Lord, to behold his temple.”

via DivineOffice.org.

It is a nice image, and one that can help us maintain our focus during Lent.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Forgive us our trespasses

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Have people wronged you? Have you wronged others? Of course, you cannot go through life without experiencing either event. As much as we are loath to admit it, we have screwed over quite a lot of people over the decades of our lives.

We can ask forgiveness. If it is not possible to seek forgiveness of those we have harmed, we can still go straight to God.

However, there’s a catch. In order for our sins to be forgiven, it is contingent upon our forgiving others for actions committed against us. We cannot expect to be forgiven if we do not extend that to others.

It’s hard. Sometimes we feel that in not forgiving we are not surrendering to those who have harmed us; that in not “letting go” we are still binding them to our pain and grief. Fact is, they’ve likely moved on and have forgotten the incident, or worse, don’t care. So in holding onto the resentment, we are in fact letting them continue to defeat us, without their ever doing anything.

So, forgive. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. You needn’t seek out the person and make up. It might be nice, but it is not always desireable. Some relationships are best left in the past.

But you can cut the ties that bind you to the emotions of the thing they did to you. You can forgive them and finally “let it go.”

The Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Matthew, from today’s Mass on the Tuesday of the First Week of Lent:

And when praying, do not choose many words, as the pagans do. For they think that by their excess of words they might be heeded.

Therefore, do not choose to imitate them. For your Father knows what your needs may be, even before you ask him.

Therefore, you shall pray in this way: Our Father, who is in heaven: May your name be kept holy.

May your kingdom come. May your will be done, as in heaven, so also on earth.

Give us this day our life-sustaining bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation. But free us from evil. Amen.

For if you will forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father also will forgive you your offenses.

But if you will not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your sins.

via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.

Recite the prayer, slowly and prayerfully. Especially the last few lines on forgiveness.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

But I’m not drinking over it (UPDATED)

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I live in western New York State, in the USA, and this past week we’ve been suffering through a near-Apocalyptic snowstorm. Depending upon the location, various areas have received at least three to seven feet of snow (that’s one to over two meters).

All over the area, people are coming together to offer assistance; neighbors helping neighbors, not waiting for the government to help (which is admittedly limited and strained due to the severe conditions). Facebook in particular has been extremely helpful in this grassroots mutual aid effort; there are several Groups formed with the express purpose of organizing and coordination offers of help with requests for aid.

I can’t do much, trapped in my house. All I am doing is posting and resharing links and the like.

But, the point of this post is that I am a sober alcoholic and I don’t want a drink.

Not at all.

And I have an 800 foot (250m) long driveway buried in 3-5+ feet of snow that’s probably too hard for our snowplow friend to plow with his pickup. And he drives plows for the town, and so he’s been working around the clock plowing township streets, so who knows if/when he’ll be available?

And I haven’t been to work in a week. And I may not get paid for this week unless I either use whatever vacation/personal time I have remaining, or otherwise hope we all qualify for FEMA funds (if/when they become available) and that covers lost wages or perhaps if the State Labor Dept has some form of Unemployment Insurance for the week. And there’s no guarantee I can get out of my driveway on Tuesday when I’m next scheduled to go to work. 

And I have to worry about our roof collapsing what with all the snow on it, getting heavier with the added rain expected today/tomorrow.

And I have to be concerned about water. We get ours from a well, but that tastes strange despite being fit for consumption. And so we get drinkable water in jugs, which are getting low. I’ve taken to collecting snow and boiling it to use for my own purposes (i.e. COFFEE) so that my wife can have the good water. We have been wanting to get one of those “Big Berkey Water Filter” contraptions to ease our dependence on this, but money is stretched.

And I have to worry about power outages; what with all the snow out there, and the expected rain, trees may collapse, pulling down power lines.

And I have no need for a drink, nor even want one.

I am not a martyr, so don’t interpret this to be, “See what a good ex-drunk I am.” Not a boast, just a statement of facts to perhaps inspire others who have issues and things and they reach for a drink to ease the suffering. this is what happens a lot in AA meetings; people discuss their issues, and declare “I didn’t have to take a drink over it.”

UPDATE: The snow is almost gone; almost right after the storm ended, temperatures started to rise and much of the snow melted. Although we had difficulty in getting out of the driveway, we managed. The friend of ours who I mentioned does our plowing isn’t able to for the time being as his pickup with the plow has something wrong with it. Hopefully this winter won’t be bad and weather cooperates and we can get out when we need to.

There was another “warm up” yesterday; you’ll never know that there was a major snowstorm a few weeks ago, although there are signs of it in fallen trees and tree limbs. Some areas were hit by heavy flooding, be we didn’t suffer that.

I should get paid for the week I lost at work; my boss said he will submit a request to use my available vacation or personal time (I was planning on asking him to do that, so it’s all good!)

And thus the appeal I had included in the original post isn’t needed, but I’ll remind you in case you’re encouraged to support the work of this blog that there’s a PayPal link up top, right below Matt Talbot’s picture, where you can donate money. I do wish to thank those who did donate, your contributions will be put to good use. Prayers are always appreciated, too!

Thank you!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Gratitude: Wanting what you have

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In the rooms of AA, I’ve learned that gratitude means “wanting what you have.” At first I had thought this was silly and trite. Of course, I “want what I have!” But upon further thinking it became obvious the trite phrase has a deeper meaning.

In our alcoholism, one drink was never enough. The idea of just having one rarely enjoyed consideration. If one is good, then ten is awesome! Only ten?

And so we eventually found out the detrimental side effects of this attitude. If you’re an alcoholic, you know what those are.

But if you’re in recovery, even for a long while, a type of addictive thinking can still affect you. You may be dissatisfied with your material possessions. What you have isn’t enough. A better car, bigger residence, nicer computer, a smartphone with more bells and whistles, whatever, what you own that actually serves your needs somehow is no longer satisfying.

I think this is still a residual addiction. Although you no longer drink, the addictive side of your personality still craves something more. Not satisfied, it comes up with justifications for wanting more.

Many times in meetings you hear the phrase, “Stick with the winners.” It is good advice for newcomers; they are told to seek out those in sobriety who “have what they want,” namely a good, sustained quality of sobriety. Unfortunately, some use the trappings of materialism to determine that good sobriety. The idea is that after you’ve been sober for a while, you begin to recover many things that were lost, including material wealth. If you never had it, then you’ll get it. It is even inferred in the so-called “Twelve Promises,” found on Page 83 of AA’s “Big Book.” (See the online version at Alcoholics Anonymous. It is available as a PDF.)

Somewhere I’ve heard that to determine who’s a “winner,” you check out the vehicles people drive away from meetings in. The better, the more “successful.” There are other ways of determining material success, of course.

To me, the only real manner in which a person should be judges on their sobriety, how much of a “winner” they are, is how long have they been sober? Do they take life in stride? Have they been the target of a lot of “stuff” that life throws at them? Do they bear their Crosses well?

Although I’ve typically loathed discussions on ‘”gratitude” during meetings, I have now come to realize that gratitude is an essential tool in recovery, for it helps to retard or curtail “addictive thinking” elsewhere, and especially the draw of materialism. In my previous post, Be transformed!, I quoted Jesus’ saying “What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?”

Indeed!

It is not enough to just maintain sobriety, one also has to express gratitude for it, but also for everything else one has in life. If you are truly grateful for what you have, and your needs are consistently supplied, then you will have little desire for the “wants,” as they are rarely what you “need.”

Focusing on your “wants” is an addictive thought process: it means you are not satisfied with your needs, and you want more. Just as “one drink” was never enough, whatever you have in life now may not be enough, even though it adequately supplies your needs.

Think about it. Sometime ago, you got some “things.” They were fine and supplied your needs. Then they no longer did, or so it seemed, and so you got “more things.” After a while, it happened again; they no longer seemed sufficient and you went out and got “still more things.”

Really? Was all that necessary? What was different between the time you had just the “things” and then “more things,” and so on to “still more things?” What changed? Did they really not satisfy your needs, or was the accumulation just serving your “wants?” On Page 559 of AA’s “Big Book” there’s a line that says something like “our needs, which are always satisfied; and our wants, which never are.” I think that is the core. Our “wants” never are satisfied and so we desire “more.” Even though our needs were taken care of. That’s addictive thinking. One drink isn’t enough. Another is needed. And another. And so it is with material possessions. The car we drive isn’t good enough. (Yes it is, we just don’t want to see it. We see people in AA meetings drive better ones and we have to show our success in sobriety and get a newer one.) The computer we have isn’t powerful or fast enough. (Yes it is, we just feel self-conscious when we don’t have the latest Mac or Windows PC. That machine is from 2006???)

I am just putting this out there for consideration and discernment. Just an admonishment towards those who do see success in material terms. I do notice many people in recovery have a more relaxed attitude towards material possessions and are truly grateful for what they have. After all, there’s a reason why “gratitude” is a popular topic in meetings. We need to hear it, perhaps there’s an understanding of the danger in not being grateful for what we have. Especially since many have lost so much.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Be transformed!

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The Second Reading from Today’s Mass of the Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time has one of my favorite Scripture passages, and the first one I ever attempted to memorize. To me, it is at the heart of being a person in recovery:

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

In recovery, we are essentially becoming transformed. We live by the principles of our recovery program (be it Twelve Step or something else) and if we are Christian, we seek out what the Church has to offer people struggling with their addictions. And one key thing, and this is something I’ve stressed from time to time: you don’t conform to this age, you do not seek value in the so-called “morals” of the World. They do not offer anything of substance and certainly they do not offer anything good for your salvation.

In this “transformation” and our “renewal” we gain the capacity to discern what is the will of God, “what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

How to discern the Will of God? Reading Sacred Scripture is one way. In the Gospel Reading for today’s Mass, Jesus tells His disciples:

Matthew 16:24-27 “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life? For the Son of Man will come with his angels in his Father’s glory, and then he will repay all according to his conduct.”

Mass Readings via USCCB.

Again, “taking up the Cross” is essential to our recovery. We do not seek to run away from our troubles, all of the problems, big or small, that life throws at us daily. That is what we did while drinking. Everyone has troubles, it is a fact of human existence. We now have to tools to effectively deal with them, and perhaps even people around us who can assist us.

But it’s more than that. It’s building a new life in recovery, and becoming a better follower of Jesus Christ! Our lives today are better than when drinking. And even better than before we first picked up a drink due to our “renewal” and “transformation.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Love Your Enemies

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In the Gospel Reading for Saturday of the First Week of Lent (I had meant to post this yesterday, but was having connectivity issues with the blog)

(Matthew 5:43-48),

Jesus said to his disciples:

“You have heard that it was said,

You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.

But I say to you, love your enemies,

and pray for those who persecute you,

that you may be children of your heavenly Father,

for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good,

and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.

For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have?

Do not the tax collectors do the same?

And if you greet your brothers and sisters only,

what is unusual about that?

Do not the pagans do the same?

So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

via USCCB.

This admonition by Jesus is a very difficult one for us alcoholics to muster the courage for. And yet I think it is essential for our long-term recovery. It is difficult indeed to “love your enemy,” but if we persist it hating “our enemies,” the festering resentments that this implies will only threaten our recovery.

It is hard. I have trouble mustering the courage to forgive those who have hurt me. I periodically go through forgiveness exercises and review my feelings towards people who have hurt me, and struggle to cut loose the emotional bonds to the hurt. It is one thing to pray and forgive them, another to no longer feel the pain they have caused. That, I think, is a sign that forgiveness has settled in, and that the power your “enemies” has over you is over. Your forgive, and you subsequently no longer replay the tapes in your head of the hurt. The bonds are cut and it is behind you. Whether you reconcile is another matter.

And so you go on. Although forgiveness is hard, it is neccessary. As long as you keep trying, chipping away at the bonds of resentment, hate and self-pity, you will make continued progess along the road of happy destiny.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A Walk With the Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots, Day 9

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Today is Day 9 and thus the final one in our Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots. We ask Mary’s intercession for “this knot in my life…You know very well the suffering it has caused me…”

So, what knot is it? Is it the same one you may have prayed about daily, or one of the more knotty ones from a particular day? (A rhetorical question, don’t post the knot in the comments!)

Ponder, meditate and offer up this knot for Mary to undo. Offer up all the pain, trauma and suffering it has brought into your life. Let Mary’s maternal love work its healing into you…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots

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As we close out the old year and await the new, we tend to reflect upon our life as it has transpired so far. We notice how messed up it can be. No matter how long we’ve been clean and sober, regardless of how serene we are: upon a closer examination we can often see that our life has messy parts. If fact, one can say that the messy parts are all knotted up. To assist my readers in cleaning up the mess and undoing the knots, I would like to introduce to you all the Novena of Mary, Undoer of Knots.

The devotion and accompanying novena are old. According to the Holy Rosary site:

“How this devotion started?

To show us the mission granted to the Virgin Mary by Her Son, an artist Johann Melchior Georg Schmittdner painted Mary Undoer of Knots with great grace. Since 1700, his painting has been venerated in the Church of St. Peter in Perlack, Augsburg, Germany. It was originally inspired by a meditation of Saint Irenaeus (Bishop of Lyon and martyred in 202) based on the parallel made by Saint Paul between Adam and Christ. Saint Irenaeus, in turn, made a comparison between Eve and Mary, saying:“Eve, by her disobedience, tied the knot of disgrace for the human race; whereas Mary, by her obedience, undid it”.

But what are these knots?

There are the problems and struggles we face for which we do not see any solution … knots of discord in your family, lack of understanding between parents and children, disrespect, violence, the knots of deep hurts between husband and wife, the absence of peace and joy at home. There are also the knots of anguish and despair of separated couples, the dissolution of the family, the knots of a drug addict son or daughter, sick or separated from home or God, knots of alcoholism, the practice of abortion, depression, unemployment, fear, solitude…Ah, the knots of our life! How they suffocate the soul, beat us down and betray the heart’s joy and separate us from God.”

As you can see from the above paragraph on what the knots are, this is a devotion and novena that can be extremely useful for people struggling with alcoholism, addiction and sobriety (their own, or others’. So maybe this can also be of help to members of Al-Anon and related family groups).

These are short excerpts from each day’s meditations, they give you an idea as to how relevant this Novena can be for you:

Day 1: this knot….and all the negative consequences that it provokes in my life…

Day 2: sins of egoism, pride, rancor and my lack of generosity and humility…

Day 3: this knot in my life…and all the rancor and resentment it has caused in me…

Day 4: this knot which robs the peace of my heart, paralyzes my soul and keeps me from going to my Lord and serving Him with my life…

Day 5: the bitterness, anger and hatred which this knot has caused me…

Day 6: persevere in the living word of Jesus, in the Eucharist, the Sacrament of Confession…

Day 7: free me from the snares of Evil…

Day 8: to practice the virtues of courage, joyfulness, humility and faith…

Day 9: this knot in my life…You know very well the suffering it has caused me…

So, pray it! It can be said at any time of the year, whenever you’re inspired or just feel the need. I figured that New Years’s Day can be a good time, especially as it is also the Solemnity of Mary, the Mother of God. The following link contains the Opening and Closing Prayers and Daily Meditations: The Unfailing Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots. Although the above excerpts should help you in thinking about the intentions  you wish to pray for and offer up through the Blessed Virgin to Jesus, I would suggest that you read it over once before starting.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Being Fat, Dumb and Happy for Jesus

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Way back in the day when I lived in California I was introduced to the phrase “fat, dumb, and happy.” It is said after you’ve eaten a particularly large and sumptuous meal. I have no idea if that saying is a “California-ism,” but that’s where I first heard and used it.

The thought ocurred to me after overeating this past Thanksgiving holiday that maybe we can be “fat, dumb and happy” for Jesus. Here’s how:

Become fat: gorge yourself on Sacred Scripture, the Catechism and the Sacraments. Read the Bible daily, soak up the Word. Go to Mass daily (if possible) and visit the Blessed Sacrament whenever you can. If a parish nearby has Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration, sign up for a Holy Hour. Go to Confession at least once a month. I go every 2-3 weeks.

Be dumb: Be a fool for Christ. Be counter-cultural. The World has a different understanding on what it meands to be “counter-cultural,” but true counter-cultural attidues and actions run against the World’s transient values and morals. No better way that to live out the prophetic call of the Gospel message. Be Christian. The World will think you’re an idiot, but so what?

Be happy: Living the Gospel is “joyful,” and that is something Pope Francis seems keen on getting across. Jesus is our brother, God our Father, how can that not make us happy? We know we’ve won, all that remains is the mopping up action of winning souls for the Lord and building the Kingdom of God on Earth. We know we will prevail in the end. Again, how can we not be happy? Am I always happy? No! I’m a weak, flawed, fallible human! Daily living gets me down. But oftentimes I rise above it. Perhaps not often enough.

So, start now! Let’s start a Movement! Be Fat, Dumb and Happy for the Lord!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)