Category Archives: Suicide

St. Jude Thaddeus, Apostle and patron saint of alcoholics and addicts

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Today (Oct. 28) is the feast day of St. Jude Thaddeus (it’s also shared with St. Simon the Zealot, but St. Jude is the subject of this post.)

St. Jude was one of the Apostles of Our Lord and is the author of the Epistle of Jude in the New Testament. He is often called the “brother of Our Lord,” but this is an extended meaning of the term “brother,” in reality Jude was the cousin of Jesus as Semitic languages lack the word for “cousin.” He is often depicted with having a flame about his head; this symbolizes his presence at the first Pentecost and also distinguishes him from Judas Iscariot, the traitor of Jesus, who is quite likely covered in flames of a different sort. St. Jude is also often depicted with a plate or shield with Jesus’ image on it; legend has that he carried this with him and it healed people.

He was martyred by beheading circa 65AD.

I’ve never had all that much of a devotion to St. Jude, mainly because there is so much pop Catholic cultural “stuff” about him. Prayer cards and booklets and so on readily available in parishes, items in the classified sections of newspapers in response to favors granted (and that you are guaranteed a favorable response to your St. Jude novena if you promise to publish the novena for nine consecutive days. This is borderline superstitious as prayer doesn’t really work that way.) All this served to be a little “off-putting” for me, and despite having tons of these prayer cards stashed in a wooden box where I keep excess pious items, I never gave him much thought. 

Until yesterday and today. I have been trying to recruit more saints and blesseds to intercede for us alcoholics. For that reason, as well as that I am compiling a prayer book for sober Catholics and I want it to exceed expectations by having numerous saints in there that people do not know about (or who are not typically associated with ex-drunks; St. Dismas is one. ) While I was pondering him yesterday, St. Rita of Cascia also came to mind as she’s important to me (there is a point to this, please bear with me.) She is known as the patronness of impossible cases, just like St. Jude. (Maybe that’s another reason why I never developed much of a devotion to him?) But yesterday I got to thinking about St. Jude, and decided that another saint dedicated to helping hopeless cases could work. He and St. Rita could team up. Based on where I’m at right now (more on that later) I decided to think about cultivating a relationship with him. And I let that slide until today. 

And so I looked through that wooden box where I’ve kept all those “excess pious items” and found a bunch of prayer cards. I read them over and they hit me. Yes, I need his help. AND I can begin blogging about him now and then and perhaps those of you who do not have a devotion to him can see the value in it. 

And so I just recruited St. Jude to be an advocate and patron saint of alcoholics and addicts. The thought occurred to me that what with all the devotions surrounding him regarding being the patron saint of hopeless and desperate cases, he’d be a perfect intercessor for us. Now we alcoholics and addicts have TWO Apostles in our corner, the other being St. Matthias.

I mentioned a few paragraphs above about “where I’m at.” Due to a variety of circumstances, things are a bit stressed financially at the moment, although they should improve come Springtime when Social Security begins for me and my wife and I begin the process of relocating to a more affordable residence. If you’d like to help out by assisting in bridging the gap between now and then, you can do that in two ways:

One, by paypalling me whatever you can spare at: PayPal Paul Sofranko. Thank you! (It is NOT tax-deductible. It wouldn’t be an act of charity, then.) You can also mail a check, payable to: Paul Sofranko; and send it to: P.O. Box 358; North Boston, NY 14110.

Two: by purchasing my books and online products. You can purchase for yourself or multiple copies for others that might be interested. My new book, “The Sober Catholic Way” comes as an ebook for Amazon Kindle, or as a paperback from Amazon. If you prefer Barnes and Noble, then here is the link for a paperback; and if you have a B&N Nook, here is the Nook purchase link. 

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It is also now available at numerous other ebook retailers like Apple Books and Smashwords. You might also try this Universal Book Link: click and then select the logo of your fave online bookshop.

Click on this page to discover where you can buy The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts. 

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It’s available through Amazon, B&N and Apple, as well as Smashwords and other retailers. 

The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics is also available; that page tells you all the places you can buy it!

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Are you creative-minded? Know people who are? Then Building a Civilization of Love: A Call to Creative Catholics is my new book exhorting Catholics to apply their faith to change the culture for the better!

 

“Building a Civilization of Love: A Call to Creative Catholics” is a call to arms, or rather, a call to pens, paintbrushes, and video cameras, for creative Catholics to take up St. Maximilian Maria Kolbe’s call to infiltrate pop culture and help alleviate the ills that pervade contemporary society. St. Maximilian saw back in the 1920s how the use of cinema, radio, and mass-market books was corrupting society. He thought that those same tools could be used as a countercultural force to overcome this corruption. 

Furthermore, it explains through the example of three critical apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary at Guadalupe, Lourdes, and Fatima how she herself suggested strategies and alternatives to the dehumanizing and increasingly pagan contemporary culture we have today.

“Building a Civilization of Love: A Call to Creative Catholics” concludes by showing how the Catholic Faith can be used to provide a road map out of our current morass and a blueprint to build a more just and fair society constructed according to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy and other elements of traditional Catholic Social Teachings.

Get it for your Amazon Kindle through this link!

Prefer the paperback? Get it through this link!

Are you a happy Sober Catholic? Then Shop Sober Catholic! That page offers a selction from the many other products, such as T-shirts, mugs, rosary cases and zippered book cases, stickers for your laptop, smartphone cases, and much more! You can see the entire product line at The Sober Catholic Pixels Shop!

I just added some new products, including some featureing St. Jude and a prayer I wrote for alcoholcs and addicts! (It may not be available, yet, so please check back later. Actually, I will probably blog about it when it hits the general public.)

Thank you for reading this far, as well as for whatever assistance you can provide. It is greatly appreciated and I will add you to my prayers.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

I went on a retreat this weekend and didn’t even realize it

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I went on a retreat this weekend and didn’t even realize it.

I’ve been feeling a combination of being ‘sorry for myself’ and dealing with recurring stress and anxiety (who isn’t these days?) Much of my stress is over chronic pain (fibromyalgia, arthritis, osteoarthritis… if it’s a muscle or a joint, it hurts. And hurts really bad, too. Plus I’ve had two tooth extractions over the past month. Can anyone say “Broken down, crotchety old man?” Not to mention that I’ve been plagued for the past few months by a voice in my head that has been repeatedly putting me down.

When this happens and I want to remain at home, I often select one of Mother Angelica’s books. I’ve written about this before .

And so I opened Mother Angelica’s Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality and read a few passages on pain, meaning accepting it and the benefits of offering it up. I knew all this as I continually ‘offer it up’ for the usual devotional suggestions (reparation for sins – mine, yours, other people’s; reparations for sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary; for the conversion of sinners; for saving souls…….)

And so I felt better. But I could feel even more better. So I watched a few of her classic programs on EWTN On-Demand. I caught one on using the scraps of your life. “Scraps,” according to Mother, are those things in your past that you cannot let go of. All the mistakes, the stupid, rotten, bad things you’ve done or were done to you,  traumas perpetrated against you, and so forth that still haunt you. I know all about scraps; they are the fuel for my fiction writing. I am a firm believer that writing is a form a therapy. Even if you don’t publish a word, creating stories in which you dump all the dumb things you’ve ever done or traumas you’ve experienced to flesh out characters and backstory helps your perspective on them. It also objectifies the pain. But she went on about how the scraps can be used to sanctify yourself. That the scraps of you past life can make you sensitive other people who also are carrying bags of scraps. People who are hurt often are more sensitive to other people who are hurt. 

That latter sentence is where I have some difficulty at times. I’ve seen social media memes that say something like “Hurt people hurt other people.” Meaning that hurt people often lash out at others. Their pain causes them to make others feel pain. (This is often the reason why the ‘bad guys’ in fiction often become bad guys. Something bad happened to them long ago, they never got help or justice and so their pain festered and transformed them into a ‘bad guy’ and they kill a lot of people, or rampage across the galaxy enslaving entire species or go around blowing up planets or are just truly wicked. I wrote about that on my other blog. 

The “where I have some difficulty ‘at times’” is the feeling that lashing out at others can be justified if the ‘bad guy’ never got justice, help or some kind of moral satisfaction against whoever perpetrated the evil done to him. Of course that’s wrong. The ‘bad guy’ is just creating more victims from innocent people; he is extending to others the evil done to him. It is easy to fall prey to the idea of being justified in one’s victimhood; hey, if no one helped me when I was being driven to suicide by my family long ago, why should I be considerate of others?   

OK, I went off on this topic longer that I thought I should, but I’m leaving it in. The thing is, and this is what struck me out of the blue as I was watching Mother talk about sensitivity to others and the marginalized seeking solace in one another due to the accumulated scraps from their past, is that although I didn’t really have an ally or advocate during the many times in my life when I was bullied, mocked and ridiculed or made an outcast, (or driven to consider suicide,) I really did (though I didn’t realize it until later, but that’s OK.) This may sound trite, but my allies were Jesus and His Blessed Mother. I may have mentioned this in a much earlier post (I can’t find it) but I often go to my nearby Adoration Chapel… because I felt summoned to go there. Or to attend a Daily Mass when I didn’t feel like it….because I felt summoned to go there. Same for prayers, at time…. I am just ‘not up to it’ but feel that call to pray a rosary or whatever. 

To me, that means that Jesus and Mary want me around them. Therefore, there is no need for me to ever feel like I’ve never had an advocate or an ally. Yes, it would have been nice for God to have ‘done something’ back when I was going through trials, but we all know, but often forget, that trials are there for a reason. (Mother Angelica has lots to say about that in the book I mentioned way up above. In short, they are there to prune us of our pride, self-will, self-love, and teach humility.) In God’s time, justice will be served, and not earlier. I can, right now, just take some comfort in the fact that I am not alone; besides my wife (who also seems to enjoy having me around, go figure) there is Jesus and Mary asking me to spend some extra time with them every so often. They know about the bad things that have happened to me in the past, all the scraps of my life that still haunt me and mutter in the recesses of my mind that “I’m a loser.” But in their own fashion, they will deal with the people who’ve hurt me. And what they can do about them  is far better than whatever I could have done. By some divine combination of Mercy and Justice, all will come out in the end. I just have to remain cognizant that my pains and agonies can be companions on the journey and not tormenters. I can convert them into assistants to help me to be kinder and more compassionate.

Incidentally, I watched more than just a few of Mother Angelica’s classics on EWTN On-Demand, but the other shows are beyond the scope of this post. But they all contributed to the feeling that I went on a retreat this weekend for a few hours and my head got rescrewed back on. The little negative voices that have been tormenting me these past few months have fallen silent, today. I hope they stay quiet as it may have been a case of demonic oppression, but I hesitate to give extra credit to Satan to what may have merely been low self-esteem. But on the other hand, given the voice’s persistence….

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Mother Angelica is as helpful and inspiring today as she was decades ago

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 I couldn’t this morning decide what to watch on TV during the time I set aside for that before ‘beginning my day.’ Old reruns of “Sliders?” How about “Farscape?” “Babylon 5?” Maybe pick up where I left off during an interrupted binging of the original “Quantum Leap?” No, no, no, and no. I was restless in my indecision. Then I felt a tiny inspiration to watch classic Mother Angelica episodes on EWTN. And so I did!

Am I ever glad! 

I am, as usual, ‘going through stuff’ and I am awaiting a decision on a job application I made yesterday. And so I binged on Mother Angelica videos on EWTN and later YouTube for about 3 hours. Several were on fear, anxiety, and inner peace. I split my time between “Mother Angelica Live Classics” and “From the Heart with Mother Angelica” an older show I don’t think I’ve seen before.

I feel I’m being prepped for failure (I won’t get the job) or success (I’ll get it and properly cope with new job anxieties.) 

Either way, whatever happens, I feel like I received a grace today to cope with stuff. If the prayer is answered in the way that I hope it will, (I get the job) then “Yay!” If it gets answered ‘the other way,’ (I don’t get the job) then I’ll assume that God has other plans for me. I hope he lets me know what they are soon!

I cannot recommend watching Mother Angelica enough. I watched her programming quite a lot way back when, and I have read all the books she’s written and the ones edited or written by her biographer (Raymond Arroyo.) If you’re down, afraid, consumed with fear and anxiety, or are depressed, if you’re confused about anything: please go to the links I posted a few paragraphs above and just scroll through the offerings. If you’re suicidal, she has kind and loving things to say to you. She is a lifeline. She will help you pull back from the abyss.

“Mother Angelica Live Classics” is also available as audio-only. EWTN also has an audio-only version of  her EWTN call-in show, “Mother Angelica Answering the Call.” It’s about:

“Father Joseph Mary Wolfe and Doug Keck mine decades of viewer phone calls answered by Mother Angelica. Mother dishes out teaching, advice, laughter and plenty of prayers as she takes calls from her “Family”. No subject is off limits and no problem too big for the wisdom and compassion of the one and only, Mother Angelica!

I  listen to clips of this program on my local Catholic radio station (which is available to you on iCatholicRadio (available for the desktop or an iOS or Android app.) I may start listening to entire episodes: I need more Mother!

Mother Angelica is a balm, a healing remedy for these strange times which have gotten much worse since her shows aired. I kept thinking to myself “Imagine what she’d be saying nowadays!” She was four years younger than my Mom, but she’s always come across as a wise (-cracking) and loving Grandma who really cares about her family (all several million of us.)

I wish those folks down in Alabama would get started on her cause for beatification and canonization. If there was ever a woman who led a life of heroic virtue and who had a major, positive impact on millions of people worldwide, it’s Mother Mary Angelica of the Annunciation.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Are You Prepared to Die?

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Someday you will die. Me, too. No one is exempt. It will happen, guaranteed. If you have been recently exposed to death because a loved one has passed away, the possibility was brought to your attention. Most everyone is uncomfortable with it and will routinely brush it off. 

An article from long ago asks us this: Are You Prepared to Die? Quote: “The Scripture often emphasizes the suddenness of death and judgment.”

(Via Archdiocese of Washington Blog.)

Well, are you? The reality of death is something many people avoid until it confronts them full on. And even then, some people attempt to shun it.

The inconvenient truth is that we are better prepared to face death when we do not wait to prepare ourselves for it when we are facing it.

The article gives some sobering consideration on preparing for death. November is an opportune time to contemplate it. 

I posted this because yesterday was the anniversary of my Mother’s death in 2005. I was subjected to some serious psychological abuse from members of my family. One in particular, the rest were guilty of ‘sins of omission,’ as in their failure to come to my aid given my vulnerable position. A few did, and for those I am grateful. Nevertheless, the consequences of the antagonist’s actions lead me to contemplate suicide. So, I approached death. I have since been keeping in mind preparations for it (frequent confession, and meditating on if ‘I am ready’ for when it’s time.

NOTE: This is a “retropost,” a post from an old blog I wrote on “The Four Last Things: Death, Judgment, Heaven (& Purgatory) and Hell” that I shuttered a few years ago. Individual posts are very slowly being transferred to either In Exile or Sober Catholic, whichever seems appropriate. Some are backdated, others postdated, in case you’re confused as to why you never saw a particular post if you’re a diligent reader. The process should be completed by early 2022.

 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Holy Guardian Angels: You are never alone

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Today is the Feast of the Holy Guardian Angels. There is a tremendous comfort in knowing that we are never truly alone, for as the Collect from today’s Mass in the Extraordinary Form says in regards to these:

“O God, Who in Your wondrous providence graciously send Your Angels to watch over us, grant that we who pray to You may be ever under their protection and may rejoice in their unending companionship.”

The Epistle goes on to say:

Lesson from the book of Exodus:

Exodus 23:20-23 “Thus says the Lord God: See, I am sending My Angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared. Be attentive to him and heed his voice. Do not rebel against him, for he will not forgive your sin. My authority resides in him. If you heed his voice and carry out all I tell you, I will be an enemy to your enemies and a foe to your foe, and My Angel will go before you.”

In the last line from today’s Gospel (Matthew 18:1-10), Jesus warns,”See that you do not despise one of these little ones; for I tell you, their Angels in heaven always behold the face of My Father in heaven.”

See? Your Guardian Angel is not only watching over you, but is also beholding the face of God in Heaven. Think about that next time you think you are alone and no one is around. Your Guardian Angel is not only with you, but is also in the presence of God. This is comforting.

One area of my devotional life that is lacking is devotion to my Guardian Angel. I do not think about him nearly as often as I should. Perhaps that should change…

Mass excerpts courtesy of Missale Meum

 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A sudden inspiration regarding forgiveness

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While praying this morning a sudden thought occurred to me regarding the concept of forgiveness. I do not recall by now where I was in my Morning Prayers and what triggered the thought. It doesn’t matter, really.

I have struggled with forgiveness quite a lot over the years; what it means, do you ‘feel anything,’ does it ‘take’ or do you have to forgive the aggressors or antagonists again and again if the feelings and resentments still oppress you.

My struggles with forgiveness stem primarily from the treatment that I was subjected to by my blood family, mostly siblings, in the aftermath of my Mom’s death in 2005. I won’t go into details about what they did, but it all made me consider suicide. I actually drove about my home county looking for a cliff or ravine I could drive off. I don’t recall why I settled upon that method of demise, but I was spared by a phone call from my pastor which alleviated some core issues.

So, back to the topic of forgiveness. Simply, what is it and what does it mean? Simply put, in my inspiration this morning, it means that…

…you no longer desire for those who have trespassed against you to be punished for their crimes. 

That’s it. No vengeance against them, no reconciliation with them, no alleviation or elimination of your feelings or resentments, no psychological process to cut off your emotional connection to the events that caused you suffering (nice, if you can do that and it works, but not necessary) no desiring their eternal damnation or even considerable time in Purgatory. You simply do not want them to suffer punishment for their actions against you.

That’s all. They wronged you, they hurt you even to the point of despair and possible suicide, and whatever else… it is no matter. Despite what they did, you just do not desire them to suffer for their crimes. At all.

Perhaps they’ll be punished for it someday. But you won’t be the agent of it, for be assured that God knows what they did and unless they repent and have remorse for their actions they will suffer for it.

Romans 12:19 “Do not defend yourselves, dearest ones. Instead, step aside from wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is mine. I shall give retribution, says the Lord.””

Luke 11:4 “And forgive us our sins, since we also forgive all who are indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

We see from those two Scripture passages that vengeance is reserved to the Lord alone and that our sins are forgiven if we forgive those who have sinned against us. Want forgiveness? Be forgiving. Leave it up to God what to do about those who have harmed you.

As a concluding note: Perhaps they can even let you know in some way that they’re sorry, and would like to make amends. That would be nice. An email, message through Facebook, an actual snail mail letter. Whatever. Some satisfaction, assuming they’re humble and compassionate enough to reach out to you. “I’m sorry, Paul, for hurting you so much. I’m sorry I made your grief worse; that what we did to you was like rubbing salt in a fresh wound. I’m sorry for driving you to consider suicide. I’m sorry for not coming to your aid against the one who was primarily responsible for your pain and despair. I’m sorry for not being there. I’m sorry you were so alone and abandoned…” Yeah, that would be nice. Don’t hang too many hopes on it happening, it may be best to just let it go.

I looked up “Forgiveness” in the search engine for this blog, found many posts but these seemed most interesting for today:

Reconciliation and Forgiveness

Forgiveness and the Adversary

Or there’s the post archive (warning, there IS A LOT): Forgiveness post archives 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

We should have a daily familiarity with death, a daily desire for death

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An excerpt from the Second Reading from the Divine Office for the Feast of All Souls:

by St Ambrose, a book on the death of his brother Satyrus
“Let us die with Christ, to live with Christ”

“We should have a daily familiarity with death, a daily desire for death. By this kind of detachment our soul must learn to free itself from the desires of the body. It must soar above earthly lusts to a place where they cannot come near, to hold it fast. It must take on the likeness of death, to avoid the punishment of death. The law of our fallen nature is at war with the law of our reason and subjects the law of reason to the law of error. What is the remedy? Who will set me free from this body of death? The grace of God, through Jesus Christ, our Lord.”

(Via Universalis”

Death, that passage to a place where we are free from the constraints, troubles and fears of our Earthly life. (Assuming we’re saved upon death.) Look at the words used by St. Ambrose in this piece: detachment, free…from the desires of the body, remedy, grace… All things we need in recovery. So, “memento mori,” be mindful of death. Rather than something to be feared, it should be something desired. NOT in any manner of suicide, but rather in the manner of people seeking to leave their exile and come home.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Pope Leo XIII’s Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel

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To assist everyone in the daily Spiritual Warfare we will be facing, I am posting the text of the PRAYER TO SAINT MICHAEL THE ARCHANGEL:.

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

The prayer is an old one, dating back to the mid-1880s when Pope Leo XIII had a vision of a dialogue between Satan and God the Father after saying Mass. Aleteia has an excellent article on the history and background for the prayer.

I urge you to memorize the prayer and say it daily and anytime you feel stress, anger, tension and during any other times when you’re having difficulties as these are the occasions that demons take advantage of us as we’re not on our guard and we’re “off the beam.”. My wife and I say it together frequently throughout the day, especially in times of parting and when we retire for the night.

Tradition in Action has the original, full length version.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The bruised reed

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One of my favorite passages in Scripture popped up today in the First Reading for the Mass for Monday of Holy Week: Isaiah 42:3 “The bruised reed he will not break, and the smoldering wick he will not extinguish.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

We alcoholics are bruised reeds, and remain so long after recovery. I don’t ever think we achieve the same level of “normality” that people not afflicted with addiction possess. I think that along the way, as we make our decisions, we have to constantly consider factors that “normals” don’t. Why? Because almost any person, place or thing can lead us back into the drink if we’re not vigilant and maintain our daily reprieve.

Perhaps that is why I like the passage; it reminds me that as I trudge the road towards my true home I will not be overwhelmed by things to great for me to handle. Oftentimes the opposite seems true, but then faith takes hold, the still, small voice of God whispers quietly, “Easy, I am here.”

Another post on this: Bruised reeds…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Forgiveness and the Adversary

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The concept of “forgiveness” has been on my mind recently, especially after this post. Obviously it is something that I’ve struggled with. The following comprises a summation of my recent internal debates.

OK, forgiveness… what does that mean? In the context of this blog, it will be in connection with the Catholic Faith. And thus we think of “Confession.” So, what takes place then? We go to Confession to confess our sins to a priest who, acting in the power vested in him by the Church absolves us of our sins. God forgives us and absolves us through the office of the priest.

So, the slate is wiped clean. We had offended God in some manner; we have abused our natural gifts in a way contrary to God’s will and intentions and we caused a disruption in our relationship with Him. A deadly rupture if the sins were mortal, less so if venial. In utilizing the Sacrament of Confession the wounds are healed and we move on in our relationship with God.

How does this apply to relationships with humans? Someone hurts me, I am wounded and the relationship suffers. How much depends on the extent of the offense. If little, it is easy to forgive; if not, forgiveness takes some effort.

Is the slate wiped clean? Perhaps. If the offense is great and the wound is deep, I interpret forgiveness to mean that I put the hurt and pain behind me, it is back there and I no longer dwell on it and nurture a resentment. I no longer ask “Why did it happen?” or seek any answers. If the action is recalled, the pain may return but I can dismiss it (with varying degrees of success dependent upon my state of mind.)

Forgiveness doesn’t imply reconciliation will follow; ideally it should as that would mirror our relationship with God and that is the model we seek in our dealings with others. However, other people are not God and thus reconciliation may not follow. In fact, oftentimes it shouldn’t if the protagonist has not repented and atoned for their offense.

OK. So we have established that forgiveness means the event is “back there,” and not emotionally connected to the present. You do not nurture the hurt by resenting the action. You no longer want to know “Why?” You no longer seek answers. Forgiveness has been made; if possible directly with the individual(s) so the relationship can be patched up or just unilaterally if you cannot deal with the other.

The problem I was having is that I thought that “forgiveness” didn’t “take hold” if the hurt keeps coming back. Perhaps it is natural for memories of the hurt to resurface from time to time. Much depends upon our ability to exercise self-control and discipline over our thought-life, but even then we are only human and if the pain was really deep it may never go away. I am referring to pain that was so intense that you yearned for death to end it and therefore contemplated suicide.

Nevertheless, perhaps the act of forgiveness needs to be done again. In some way, either by prayer and meditation, you contemplate the event and just turn it over to God. Let it become subject to His Justice and Mercy and try to leave it there. Praying to the Blessed Virgin and entrusting the whole matter to her is a part of this; Mary is our tender Mother and understands sorrow all too well.

And then another thought came to me: that recurring memories of a past hurt may just be intrusions of Satan into our inner life. The Adversary is observant; It knows very well what has hurt us. Perhaps It had even been the instrument behind the other peoples’ hurting of us. Satan does not want us to make progress spiritually; It desires our continued dwelling in the World and our adoption of the Worlds’ morals and ethics (which are clearly NOT conducive to getting you to Heaven). And so It oppresses us. Satan knows our weaknesses and propagates them as often as It can. If It is aware that a past hurt can distract us and weaken our path towards God, then who’s to say that Satan isn’t sometimes behind the development of resentments? That obsessing about a past event and having strong feelings about the whole matter isn’t Its way of causing us more harm to our souls? Imagining confrontations with the perpetrators and “getting even” in some way?

Whether it is demonic oppression (as distinct from demonic possession) or something less grave may not matter. It just means that we have more work to do in trusting in God’s Providence and Mercy. By ourselves we can do nothing; as they say in Twelve Step movements, “Let Go and Let God” so that He can establish His peace in our lives.

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