A word on Suffering and Providence

The year 2019 is three weeks old. It has not been a good year for me so far. I will not go into details apart from sufferings from bad weather and extended power outages, some trouble with family members that required the attention of police, and transportation issues. May as well toss in some health concerns while I’m at it.

My typical reaction has been a common and understandable one: “This year sucks already and I can’t wait for 2020.” Not a great way to begin a year, wishing it was already over.

However, through it all God’s Providence has shown itself. The Lord has carried us through all the “stuff” so far, and done so marvelously. In one issue He had helped us in a way I wouldn’t have bothered to script, thinking “It doesn’t happen that way.” (For a variety of reasons I won’t describe the issue.)

This all had me thinking. Especially as every time I think “This year sucks…” I get a feeling that I am being ungrateful. And so I thought about that.

Therefore I have tried to start thinking rather than regard 2019 as a Year of Hell and I Wish It Would Just End Already; I am instead going to start thinking that it might be a year in which God works His Divine Providence in my life (and perhaps my wife’s life and a few others’) in an awesome manner.

Perhaps that’s just “wishful thinking” to help me cope with a sucky year. 😉 But then again, we are supposed to have Faith. We are supposed to Trust in Jesus; have faith and confidence that He will show His Mercy and Love (and Justice) and will take care of our needs.

So that’s it: from now on I will just accept suffering as a way for God to show His Providence in my life. This is not new or original. It is a basic concept from the Gospel and Catholicism. All Christians are supposed to “take up our cross and follow Him.” Some people do this and grip their cross firmly, almost as if they were crucified to it. Others grip it but just hold onto it and cope. And still others drag it along resentfully behind them. (This is actually an image described by a saint in his or her writings; I’m wracking my brain but I can’t think of who it is. Perhaps the “Imitation of Christ?” “Divine Intimacy?” If I discover the source I’ll update the post. If any reader recognizes it, email me or post the info in a comment.)

UPDATE: Turns out it was neither the “Imitation of Christ” or “Divine Intimacy.” Rather, it was in St. Faustina Kowalska’s diary, “Divine Mercy in My Soul.” I rediscovered it during a recent rereading of that text. (Buy it if you don’t already have it. Don’t just read it; study it.)

Found in paragraph 446, it goes (words in bold are Jesus’):

“Then I saw the Lord Jesus nailed to the cross. When He had hung on it for a while, I saw a multitude of souls crucified like Him. Then I saw a second multitude of souls, and a third. The second multitude were not nailed to [their] crosses, but were holding them firmly in their hands. The third were neither nailed to [their] crosses nor holding them firmly in their hands, but were dragging [their] crosses behind them and were discontent. Jesus then said to me, Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in pain and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory.

Among the crucified souls, the most numerous were those of the clergy. I also saw some crucified souls whom I knew, and this gave me great joy. Then Jesus said to me, In your meditation tomorrow, you shall think about what you have seen today. And immediately Jesus disappeared on me.”

I wrote twice before on this: Just Enough and Crucible of Faith

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We should have a daily familiarity with death, a daily desire for death

An excerpt from the Second Reading from the Divine Office for the Feast of All Souls:

by St Ambrose, a book on the death of his brother Satyrus
“Let us die with Christ, to live with Christ”

“We should have a daily familiarity with death, a daily desire for death. By this kind of detachment our soul must learn to free itself from the desires of the body. It must soar above earthly lusts to a place where they cannot come near, to hold it fast. It must take on the likeness of death, to avoid the punishment of death. The law of our fallen nature is at war with the law of our reason and subjects the law of reason to the law of error. What is the remedy? Who will set me free from this body of death? The grace of God, through Jesus Christ, our Lord.”

(Via Universalis

Death, that passage to a place where we are free from the constraints, troubles and fears of our Earthly life. (Assuming we’re saved upon death.) Look at the words used by St. Ambrose in this piece: detachment, free…from the desires of the body, remedy, grace… All things we need in recovery. So, “memento mori,” be mindful of death. Rather than something to be feared, it should be something desired. NOT in any manner of suicide, but rather in the manner of people seeking to leave their exile and come home.

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Pope Leo XIII’s Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel

To assist everyone in the daily Spiritual Warfare we will be facing, I am posting the text of the PRAYER TO SAINT MICHAEL THE ARCHANGEL:.

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

The prayer is an old one, dating back to the mid-1880s when Pope Leo XIII had a vision of a dialogue between Satan and God the Father after saying Mass. Aleteia has an excellent article on the history and background for the prayer.

I urge you to memorize the prayer and say it daily and anytime you feel stress, anger, tension and during any other times when you’re having difficulties as these are the occasions that demons take advantage of us as we’re not on our guard and we’re “off the beam.”. My wife and I say it together frequently throughout the day, especially in times of parting and when we retire for the night.

Tradition in Action has the original, full length version.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The bruised reed

One of my favorite passages in Scripture popped up today in the First Reading for the Mass for Monday of Holy Week: Isaiah 42:3 “The bruised reed he will not break, and the smoldering wick he will not extinguish.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

We alcoholics are bruised reeds, and remain so long after recovery. I don’t ever think we achieve the same level of “normality” that people not afflicted with addiction possess. I think that along the way, as we make our decisions, we have to constantly consider factors that “normals” don’t. Why? Because almost any person, place or thing can lead us back into the drink if we’re not vigilant and maintain our daily reprieve.

Perhaps that is why I like the passage; it reminds me that as I trudge the road towards my true home I will not be overwhelmed by things to great for me to handle. Oftentimes the opposite seems true, but then faith takes hold, the still, small voice of God whispers quietly, “Easy, I am here.”

Another post on this: Bruised reeds…

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Forgiveness and the Adversary

The concept of “forgiveness” has been on my mind recently, especially after this post. Obviously it is something that I’ve struggled with. The following comprises a summation of my recent internal debates.

OK, forgiveness… what does that mean? In the context of this blog, it will be in connection with the Catholic Faith. And thus we think of “Confession.” So, what takes place then? We go to Confession to confess our sins to a priest who, acting in the power vested in him by the Church absolves us of our sins. God forgives us and absolves us through the office of the priest.

So, the slate is wiped clean. We had offended God in some manner; we have abused our natural gifts in a way contrary to God’s will and intentions and we caused a disruption in our relationship with Him. A deadly rupture if the sins were mortal, less so if venial. In utilizing the Sacrament of Confession the wounds are healed and we move on in our relationship with God.

How does this apply to relationships with humans? Someone hurts me, I am wounded and the relationship suffers. How much depends on the extent of the offense. If little, it is easy to forgive; if not, forgiveness takes some effort.

Is the slate wiped clean? Perhaps. If the offense is great and the wound is deep, I interpret forgiveness to mean that I put the hurt and pain behind me, it is back there and I no longer dwell on it and nurture a resentment. I no longer ask “Why did it happen?” or seek any answers. If the action is recalled, the pain may return but I can dismiss it (with varying degrees of success dependent upon my state of mind.)

Forgiveness doesn’t imply reconciliation will follow; ideally it should as that would mirror our relationship with God and that is the model we seek in our dealings with others. However, other people are not God and thus reconciliation may not follow. In fact, oftentimes it shouldn’t if the protagonist has not repented and atoned for their offense.

OK. So we have established that forgiveness means the event is “back there,” and not emotionally connected to the present. You do not nurture the hurt by resenting the action. You no longer want to know “Why?” You no longer seek answers. Forgiveness has been made; if possible directly with the individual(s) so the relationship can be patched up or just unilaterally if you cannot deal with the other.

The problem I was having is that I thought that “forgiveness” didn’t “take hold” if the hurt keeps coming back. Perhaps it is natural for memories of the hurt to resurface from time to time. Much depends upon our ability to exercise self-control and discipline over our thought-life, but even then we are only human and if the pain was really deep it may never go away. I am referring to pain that was so intense that you yearned for death to end it and therefore contemplated suicide.

Nevertheless, perhaps the act of forgiveness needs to be done again. In some way, either by prayer and meditation, you contemplate the event and just turn it over to God. Let it become subject to His Justice and Mercy and try to leave it there. Praying to the Blessed Virgin and entrusting the whole matter to her is a part of this; Mary is our tender Mother and understands sorrow all too well.

And then another thought came to me: that recurring memories of a past hurt may just be intrusions of Satan into our inner life. The Adversary is observant; It knows very well what has hurt us. Perhaps It had even been the instrument behind the other peoples’ hurting of us. Satan does not want us to make progress spiritually; It desires our continued dwelling in the World and our adoption of the Worlds’ morals and ethics (which are clearly NOT conducive to getting you to Heaven). And so It oppresses us. Satan knows our weaknesses and propagates them as often as It can. If It is aware that a past hurt can distract us and weaken our path towards God, then who’s to say that Satan isn’t sometimes behind the development of resentments? That obsessing about a past event and having strong feelings about the whole matter isn’t Its way of causing us more harm to our souls? Imagining confrontations with the perpetrators and “getting even” in some way?

Whether it is demonic oppression (as distinct from demonic possession) or something less grave may not matter. It just means that we have more work to do in trusting in God’s Providence and Mercy. By ourselves we can do nothing; as they say in Twelve Step movements, “Let Go and Let God” so that He can establish His peace in our lives.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

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I sought the Lord and he answered me

An excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for the Mass for Tuesday of the First Week of Lent:

(Psalm 34:5) I sought the Lord, and he heeded me, and he carried me away from all my tribulations.

Courtesy Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

Seek the Lord and you will find Him. Perhaps not in the manner that you’d expect or the way you hoped. He will respond in the way best suited for your salvation.

This passage from the Psalms carries with it much hope for the alcoholic and addict still suffering, or for anyone having difficulties accepting the Cross of their recovery. (We all may learn we have our own Simon of Cyrene in our lives. We have to hope that we can recognize him or her.)

We have to keep in mind that God’s response to our prayers is in His time and not ours. We may have to endure in our tribulations; but this just means in the end we will emerge stronger and more secure in our partnership with God and our reliance on Divine Providence is bearing fruit.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Death and Purgatory

As a person who suffered from alcoholism, I can say that I have already experienced death of a sort.

The old me has died. Some parts of the old corpus may still be twitching, but essentially out of the agony and expiration of the old Paulcoholic a new person has been reborn.

Oblivion did not result from that death. It could have, as with the case of so many people who died of their addiction before being reached by treatment of whatever manner. Not to mean that oblivion follows death, as a Christian I believe in an afterlife. But an oblivion that results from dying anonymously, forgotten, and not-missed.

My rebirth as a sober alcoholic led me to return to the Catholic Church. In essence, my recovery helped to to sort out the garbage of my life and keep what’s best. My “truer self” is now represented by me.

The death throes of the old Paulcoholic could be likened to an experience of Purgatory. Purgatory is that state of existence after dying where the souls destined for Heaven need to be “purged” of their attachment to sin and the self. Nothing impure can enter into Heaven, and even if you die in the graces of God, you can still have an attachment to Earthly things that would prevent you from being fit to enter into the presence of God. Some Catholic mystics describe the purging as a pain caused by being near to God but separated from Him, and knowing that their Earthly attachments and selfishness is the cause of that separation. The pain is a longing for God that burns away those parts of the self that separates the soul from God.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1030 All who die in God’s grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.

1031 The Church gives the name Purgatory to this final purification of the elect, which is entirely different from the punishment of the damned.The Church formulated her doctrine of faith on Purgatory especially at the Councils of Florence and Trent. The tradition of the Church, by reference to certain texts of Scripture, speaks of a cleansing fire:

As for certain lesser faults, we must believe that, before the Final Judgment, there is a purifying fire. He who is truth says that whoever utters blasphemy against the Holy Spirit will be pardoned neither in this age nor in the age to come. From this sentence we understand that certain offenses can be forgiven in this age, but certain others in the age to come.

1032 This teaching is also based on the practice of prayer for the dead, already mentioned in Sacred Scripture: “Therefore [Judas Maccabeus] made atonement for the dead, that they might be delivered from their sin.” From the beginning the Church has honored the memory of the dead and offered prayers in suffrage for them, above all the Eucharistic sacrifice, so that, thus purified, they may attain the beatific vision of God. The Church also commends almsgiving, indulgences, and works of penance undertaken on behalf of the dead:

Let us help and commemorate them. If Job’s sons were purified by their father’s sacrifice, why would we doubt that our offerings for the dead bring them some consolation? Let us not hesitate to help those who have died and to offer our prayers for them.

Via CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH SECOND EDITION, courtesy St Charles Borromeo Parish, Picayune, MS, USA

I was “purged” of my addiction and character defects through withdrawal from alcohol and hallucinations, and finally just wanting what sober people had. The withdrawal could be likened to a “death”, the wanting of what others had with the purgation of the flaws of the old self.

In both deaths, the symbolic death of the alcoholic self and the real death we all face, a truer person emerges from the ordeal. In Heaven we will be free from all of our personal failings and shortcomings, all defects and things that hindered our true personality and development.

We will be the persons we are supposed to be.

That journey can begin now with a concerted effort in developing a vibrant prayer life, a commitment to involve oneself in the sacramental life of the Church, and a firm purpose of amending sinful ways.

Live as you were meant to live.

NOTE: This post is reblogged from another blog of mine on Death, Judgment, Heaven and Hell that is discontinued. Relevant posts on recovery are being migrated one at a time over the next few years to Sober Catholic.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Spiritual alchemy II

This is a sequel to the post Spiritual Alchemy.

There is another benefit to what I said then: I quoted from St. Paul’s First Letter to the Christians of Corinth. In “making up” for what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ, in accepting our sufferings we can add to the tremendous storehouse of graces available to others.

1 Corinthians 2:26 “And so, if one part suffers anything, all the parts suffer with it. Or, if one part finds glory, all the parts rejoice with it.”

Scripture quotes courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

“All the parts” of the Body get this when we offer up our sufferings or glories in prayer like this:

O Jesus, through the immaculate heart of Mary, I offer you my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day in union with the holy sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world. I offer them for all the intentions of your sacred heart: the salvation of souls, reparation for sin, the reunion of all Christians. I offer them for the intentions of our bishops and of all the apostles of prayer, and in particular for those recommended by our Holy Father this month.

That’s a traditional Catholic “Daily Offering” prayer. There are many like it, some longer, others shorter. You can make up your own; all that is needed is a sincere offering up to the Lord whatever the day brings, good or bad, for Him to use as He sees fit for the Mystical Body.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Spiritual alchemy

The word “alchemy” is defined by my dictionary software as:

“-An imaginary art which aimed to transmute the baser metals
into gold, to find the panacea, or universal remedy for
diseases, etc. It led the way to modern chemistry.
[1913 Webster]

– Miraculous power of transmuting something common into
something precious.
[1913 Webster]”

In other words, something is transformed from a lesser into a more valuable thing.

As a part of my Lenten practices, I have been meditating on the nature of suffering and what it means. Mostly, on how to cope with it. For as Christians, we are called to accept sufferings, not reject them or escape from them. By accepting them, we unite ourselves to the Cross of Christ and as St. Paul says in 1 Cor 24: “For now I rejoice in my passion on your behalf, and I complete in my flesh the things that are lacking in the Passion of Christ, for the sake of his body, which is the Church.”

Not that there is anything deficient in Christ’s passion and death, but as members of His Mystical Body (The Church) our sufferings are united to His.

And so I finally get around to the word “alchemy.” In the art of transforming something that is a lesser into something that is a greater, we can see how we can transform suffering into a good. We typically consider suffering to be “bad,” but that is a worldly opinion. But we can use it anyway, here.

The key step in the spiritual alchemy process is love. Specifically, our love for Jesus. If we love Jesus, then we will accept our sufferings for the love of Him.

Matthew 16:24 “Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘If anyone is willing to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.'”

If you love someone, you sacrifice for them. Our sacrifices are our daily crosses, be they little or great. We offer them up to the Lord.

This was the “Way of Matt Talbot,” he transferred his love for the drink onto Jesus. He suffered the loss of his crutch, alcohol, but used that suffering to increase his love for Christ, since it was for Jesus that he suffered. Matt knew that Jesus is the “Way, the Truth and the Life,” and thus he accepted sobriety as his path to Jesus.

The offering up of one’s suffering to Jesus is the mean by which we transform the pain of the suffering into a good. As Christ suffered for love of us, we return that by suffering for love of Him.

It is also the “Little Way” of St. Therese of Lisieux. Doing little things for the love of Jesus and others, accepting sufferings as an expression of love for Him who suffered and died for us.

I have a pain, a suffering, doesn’t matter what it is specifically. I can either bemoan it, drink over it, endure it grumpily, or say “Jesus, this pain is afflicting me; I offer it up to you so that I can join you on the Cross. For love of you I accept this pain.” The pain is then transformed by your love into some incredible spiritual benefits, namely God flooding you with graces.

Graces are the free, undeserved and unmerited blessings or spiritual assistance God gives you. They are “undeserved” or are “unmerited” because God isn’t obligated to give them to you; for when you offer something “in love,” you do so without expecting anything in return.

You may not feel better right away, you may not sense anything. It doesn’t work that way. But you might be given endurance and fortitude; the abilities to “get through” the trials better.

He may not return your gift right away, He may allow the suffering to continue for a period. This isn’t cruelty, it is the consequence of our Fallen Nature and Fallen World. Suffering is a part of life and it continues… However, faithfully enduring suffering even when you do not think that you are “getting anything in return” still increases your dependence on God, for you know, in Faith, you love Him and need Him and will do so anyway, even if there is no immediate benefit. True love knows no boundaries, you will do anything for the One that you love. While things happen in God’s time and not ours, the fortitude and endurance, if not outright cessation of the suffering, or consolations of a spiritual nature will eventually manifest themselves. For God is a loving Father who knows what is best for us and does provide for our needs (rarely our wants.)

Matthew 7:11 “Therefore, if you, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your sons, how much more will your Father, who is in heaven, give good things to those who ask him?”

In not using suffering this way, it just remains an unbearable pain that causes us to seek relief in ways not always good for us. We seek relief in alcohol, drugs, illicit sex, abortion, euthanasia, whatever it is that can “eliminate the problem.”

But in seeing it as a way of proving our love for Christ, (if not in proving it to Him, but in bearing witness to others), suddenly it has value. It is a “lesser,” (something undesired) that is transformed by a process of spiritual alchemy into something of great value.

What greater value can there be by becoming more like unto Christ? The possibility of this helping us gain Heaven?

Perhaps…

Scripture quotes courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness

In this excerpt from the Gospel reading from today’s Mass for the Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time we read:

Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.

Source: EWTN: Catholic Mass, Daily Mass, Catholic Mass Readings, Catholic Mass Online

This is one of those “God incidences,” in that I had been dwelling on this passage from Matthew for several days last week, without realizing that it would be in the upcoming Sunday Gospel! Seriously, coming unbidden from the depths of my inner being, from which all sorts of good and… other things… occasionally spring up, bubbled up this passage. It is one of my favorites, despite my wrestling with what it actually means from time to time.

In “seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness,” I think we realize a tremendous need to TRUST in the Lord, trust in His Mercy and Providence. This isn’t easy. Quite often there is a chasm between where we are and were we should be in our relationship with Him, especially in the area of material needs and wants.

Narrowing the gap of this chasm, to where we are at that point when we can jump across without a perceived safety net is the goal of a spiritual life. Developing such an intimate, trusting relationship with God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) that we know He will take care of us in our needs. Sometimes giving us just enough, but always giving us our daily bread.

How to do this? That’s a toughie. It takes time to develop this relationship and this trust. But I think there is a sort of common sense aspect, especially if we read the rest of the Gospel passage; which you can find at the end of this old but very relevant Sober Catholic post: Just Enough.

God knows what we need. Asking for things for ourselves and others is nice, especially as doing so reminds us of Who’s in charge. But still, He knows what we need before even we do. Therefore, I think that our primary task is to “Seek first the Kingdom…” and all else will be provided for.

And what does “Seek first the Kingdom…” actually mean? You men, after all these years of pondering I am finally going to come up with a definitive answer?

Maybe, maybe not. “Seeking” is a process and this may be one of those things you dwell on and over the course of time it grows in meaning for you.

But this is what I’ve got, today. In “seeking first” we yearn for Heaven, our True Home and we order our lives so that we can get there. Prayer, partaking of the Sacraments, especially Mass and Confession, spiritual development in ridding oneself of character defects (making oneself more pleasing to the Lord), learning more about the Catholic Faith and applying what you learn to your life. We build up the kingdom of God within us, become more Christ-like and Mary-like. We live by the moral and social teachings of the Church. We live by the Beatitudes and Matthew 25:31-46 (sheep and goats “Final Judgment parable.”)

We seek His righteousness and we seek to establish that on Earth (that pesky social and moral…).

In return, the positive effects of this might lead to a greater intimacy and friendship with God and the workings of Divine Providence becoming manifest in your life. But probably “Just Enough.” 😉

You don’t worry about all those other things in the Gospel reading (food, clothing…) They will be provided for, in some way. You might have to learn how to look for them, but He will provide.

Personally, I’m depending on “Seeking first…” to help unravel some very knotty problems in life that I do not see a way out of with massive Divine Intervention. But, He knows what they are, I will will trust in Him to solve them.

His Will, not mine, be done.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)