Category Archives: Twelve Steps

A fortnight of years in sobriety

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Today marks my 14th anniversary of my last drunk. I sort of remember it, although for years I couldn’t recall the exact time (as in hour/minute) I took my last drink. I still can’t. I won’t bother with the details of my last drunk as I’ve written about them before.

Question: “How’d I do it?” Answer: “One day at a time!!” Well, there’s more to it than that, but in essence the twelve step practice of taking each day as it comes does help.

Sometimes I have to take each hour as it comes.

Speaking of the Twelve Steps, yes, they are useful. A wonderful lifeline when other things are absent or insufficient. (Absent or insufficient because they have not been developed enough as a response to external factors that may create a desire to drink.)

My Catholic Faith was and is more useful. I do know that if I had to rely solely upon the spirituality of the Twelve Steps and meeting attendance, I’d be one of those poster children for relapses; “those people” you see who enter the program, “get it” for a while, and then go back out.

Once in a while there are stressors. Anxiety, isolation, economic concerns and so forth well up and I think, “Just one drink to take the edge off.” But no, I don’t. I get through it (“One hour at a time, one minute at a time…”) and move on.

At times like those I also grab my AA literature (the Big Book or 12 & 12) and get help that way. Sometimes I feel the need for a meeting, but don’t bother (I seriously am NOT a meeting person. Never was, never will be. Online recovery works for me. I visit In the Rooms a lot.)

Sometimes when I feel that way, that my Faith and other personal means to maintain sobriety aren’t working, and I feel the need to fall back on traditional fixes like “going to a meeting” or “calling a sponsor” then I assess the state of my Faith. Sincerely, the Faith is all one should need.

Jesus came to heal the broken and wounded. The sick. We are all that and so His Church and the sacraments and devotions should work. They have, for me and for others that I’ve run across over the years. But at times they seem to be “not enough.”

But that isn’t an indictment of the Faith, or possibly not even my practice of it. There’s a list of saints very long who have gone through frequent periods of spiritual dryness, times when the Faith “wasn’t there.” They persevered and discerned that it was God’s way of drawing them closer. It is a path of spiritual growth and development (see St. Teresa of Jesus, a/k/a St. Teresa of Avila.) We feel distant and therefore we persevere and strive on, or we abandon the path.

I stay on the path. (This must be why images and symbols of “the path,” “the road,” “the way,” “the journey” resonate with me.)

I have come to feel that in those times when I feel the urge to drink is strong, and I need to respond in a traditional twelve step way, that I need to work on my Faith. I need to make a Spiritual Communion, or meditate on the Holy Spirit and His indwelling in me, or talk to the Blessed Mother. If this sounds selfish to you who are avid and devoted Twelve-Steppers, so be it. For the most part, my experience with AA has been at variance with the common conception of a “fellowship.” It’s just one more organization where I am a misfit, despite trying.

To me, AA and meeting attendance are training wheels or a crib. Eventually you outgrow them. You learn to ride on your own without the help of training wheels, and you move out of the crib. Useful to understand alcoholism and get the basics of Twelve Step spirituality and how to change your way of thinking and responding to situations, but after a fashion, one should learn what the Faith has to offer.

We were created by God. We exist to love Him and serve Him in this life and to be united and happy with Him forever in the next life (Heaven.) To get through this life He has established a Church to guide us.

We are obligated and we owe Him the duty to fully explore that Church and the Faith that springs up around Her. This does not mean leaving AA, if that suits your sobriety and you really enjoy it, then fine. It can be considered a work of mercy. Perhaps even a source for friendships.

But working within a Twelve Step program shouldn’t come at the expense of your Catholic Faith; that is like continuing to eat pureed baby food when the bread of life is readily available.

That’s all I have to say! I’ve just been very reflective on my fourteen years, where I’ve been, am now and where I’m going, along with the means for the way.

Just trudgin’ my road of happy destiny.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Prayer is the light of the spirit

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A while back I wrote: “So, this one sober Catholic “Voice crying out in the wilderness” of recovery, pointing the way to the healing power of the Church and Her resources, is going to spend a few posts writing about St. John the Baptist and how his message of prayer, fasting and repentance can be useful in recovery.”

via St. John the Baptist and Recovery.

And as this is Lent, the Baptist’s “message of prayer, fasting and repentance” is especially appropriate. Not that you will be asked to wear a tunic of camel’s hair or dine on locusts and wild honey, but some measure of self-denial is expected. 😉

This morning I got a hint to begin this ocassional series when I read the Liturgy of the Hours. There was a homily by St. John Chrysostom on prayer, and I’ll excerpt it here:

“From the Second Reading of the Office of Readings for the Friday after Ash Wednesday:

From a homily by Saint John Chrysostom, bishop

Prayer and converse with God is a supreme good: it is a partnership and union with God. As the eyes of the body are enlightened when they see light, so our spirit, when it is intent on God, is illumined by his infinite light. I do not mean the prayer of outward observance, but prayer from the heart, not confined to fixed times or periods but continuous throughout the day and night.

Our spirit should be quick to reach out toward God, not only when it is engaged in meditation; at other times also, when it is carrying out its duties, caring for the needy, performing works of charity, giving generously in the service of others, our spirit should long for God and call him to mind, so that these works may be seasoned with the salt of God’s love, and so make a palatable offering to the Lord of the universe. Throughout the whole of our lives we may enjoy the benefit that comes from prayer if we devote a great deal of time to it.

Prayer is the light of the spirit, true knowledge of God, mediating between God and man. The spirit, raised up to heaven by prayer, clings to God with the utmost tenderness; like a child crying tearfully for its mother, it craves the milk that God provides. It seeks the satisfaction of its own desires, and receives gifts outweighing the whole world of nature. Prayer stands before God as an honored ambassador. It gives joy to the spirit, peace to the heart.”

via DivineOffice.org.

Somewhere I read that prayer is the uplifting of the heart and mind to God. We offer up our selves, our wants and needs in humble petition and supplication, and we express gratitude and thanksgiving for the answer (even if it’s “No.”)

Lent has just begun. It is definitely not too late to begin a greater dedication to enhancing your prayer life. Reading Sacred Scripture daily, if you don’t already do so is one great way; another is to spend an hour every so often in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

And for us alcoholics, it’s Step 11!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

My 2015 Resolutions

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I don’t make resolutions, namely because I’ll never keep them. Except for some fundamental basic convictions, I do not “resolve” to do anything just to start off the year. I also think that making resolutions on January 1st elevates the secular year above the Church’s Liturgical year, which began a month ago with Advent.

If I were to make any, I’d resolve to clean up “unresolved” projects I wanted to do for this blog. In no particular order: blog my way throught Paslm 119, blog my way through the Wisdom Books (a tall order, at least maybe I can make a beginning), finish up the Works of Mercy posts I started in (I think) 2012. If I remember correctly, I mentioned way back in 2007 when I began this blog that I’d write about connecting the Twelve Steps to the Liturgical year. I have notes on that somewhere. Also, some major posts on Confession as encompassing the Twelve Steps. Maybe, just maybe, one post a month on each of the Steps, perhaps “Catholicizing” each. Oh, and the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatious of Loyola. I started something on those a few years ago, but like the rest, never finished as the Exercise are difficult to do on one’s own. I am going to try them again, solo, but based on how my life is currently organized, I may be able to complete them. It has been said that the Twelve Steps are rooted in the Exercises, if so, and if I can complete them, I can focus on them for the future rather than the actual Steps.

But all that is only if I did resolutions. 😉

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A return to regular AA meeting attendance

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This post is overdue, but a while back I had mentioned that I was returning to regular Twelve Step meeting attendance. I delayed writing this in detail just to see if it would stick, and lo and behold, it did. So, here goes:

Why did I return? Partially due to circumstance. Although I have been sober for almost 12 years (my sobriety date is tomorrow the 22nd, actually) and have had a very good sobriety that I’ll stack up against anyone’s, my periods of “sobriety” were increasingly interrupted by periods of merely “not drinking.” In other words, the RIDs were on the rise. RID in AA parlance means “restless, irritable and discontented.” It refers to a sobriety that is troubled.

Although I was in no real danger of relapsing, at first I turned to just picking up AA’s “Big Book,” and flipped through a chapter at random. And although I have read the Big Book before, maybe twice through in its entirety, and afterwards mostly just chapters at random, this chapter seemed different! It was like someone had rewritten it!

Upon investigation in the online recovery sites I mentioned in the post linked to above, this is not a rare happening. Others have experienced it, too. It usually means that the reader has gone through quite a bit of spiritual development and changes since the last time that chapter was read.

Well, no kidding!

Anyway, so I figured I’ll try face-to-face AA again, this time find a meeting and stick with it for a while. Luckily, I did not have to try too many meetings. This one is a good Group, and I’ve already made it my Home Group. Yes, I now have a Home Group after 10 years! It is rather large, and after the typical opening rituals and announcements they break up into four smaller groups: two beginner meetings, one covering Steps 1-3, the other focusing on Steps 4-9; a Big Book/Step Discussion meeting; and the general discussion table. I’ve been going to the Steps 1-3 beginner’s meeting, as I feel the need to get back to the basics.

I am only attending one meeting a week, and at 52 meetings a year this means a 5200% increase in my annual attendance. (For those bad at math, since 2004 I’ve averaged one meeting a year, except for the period around my Mom’s death in late 2005.) It is a Thursday night closed group for men. I had long thought of attending this particular one, and so I finally used this as an excuse to try it. I liked it, and now feel I probably should have tried it years ago. My experience with it is somewhat different from my original AA experience, where I sobered up from 2002-2004.

By no means does this discount anything I have written during these past seven years on Sober Catholic regarding the effectivess and worthiness of Catholic spirituality, sacramental life and devotions in maintaining one’s sobriety. As I had inferred, I have been attending on average one AA meeting a year for nine years, thereabouts. My Catholic Faith had kept my head together during all this time.

But perhaps the scalpel-like precision and focus that AA can bring to certain issues that alcohol served as a crutch for in the past was needed. I feel no need to attend more than this meeting; it is enough.

Maybe my Catholic Faith is not an issue, perhaps it is me. Maybe I haven’t “progressed spiritually” enough in the Faith to feel the full healing power of the Sacraments and the graces from Jesus, the Divine Healer. I truly do feel that ideally, religion alone can fully heal one of addictions. If the sacraments are life-giving, and all Masses are “healing Masses” (which is true, when you think of it) and the power of the Word of God to transform your life is possible, then perhaps my return to AA is more a weakness of mine, and not of the Faith.

No matter. Perhaps it isn’t any of those. Maybe I’m supposed to return for other reasons. Time will tell. But for now, I’m back in AA, at least on Thursday nights and in my daily morning meditations.

The focus of this blog won’t change. Catholicism will still be the primary inspiration. But there may be an uptick the the references to Twelve Step spirituality and AA.

Please feel free to offer thoughts and opinions in the comments…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Come to Believe

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In today’s Gospel Reading for the Fifth Sunday of Lent, Martha says:

“I have come to believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world.”

via USCCB.

The Second Step of recovery holds that we “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.”

As a “spiritual but not religious” program (for good reason), 12 Step recovery obviously leaves it up to the individual in recovery to decide upon a “Higher Power.” Rather than force one religion’s view of God upon people, you are free to worship in whatever faith tradition you feel is “true.”

So, as a Christian, what is your “Higher Power?” Have you “come to believe” that Jesus is the “way, the truth and the life?”

Sounds like the perfect “Higher Power,” to me.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Go as the Lord directs you

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An excerpt from the First Reading of today’s Mass for the Second Sunday of Lent is from Genesis 12:4:

“Abram went as the LORD directed him”

via USCCB.

Abram, later renamed Abraham, goes forth with the promise that he will be made the father of great nations with innumerable descendants.

While that may be appealing for some, we alcoholics have to shoot for a more humble and modest goal: that of not drinking and staying sober. If we follow the direction of God’s will that we can discern from our prayer life, scripture meditations and talks with spouse, family and friends (and perhaps 12 Step Meetings), we can be assured of achieving this goal. There may be slip ups along the way, but we can get back up with the help of God’s graces and resume or course along the road of happy destiny.

So, pray on it and “Go as the Lord directs you.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Whatever you did for the least…

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The Gospel Reading for the Mass for this past Monday of the First Week of Lent lays it out quite clearly as what one must do in order to be saved. The passage is at the end of this post as it’s rather long, but it is one that all Christians should know. It is the scene of the Last Judgement of all humanity, after Jesus returns in glory. People from all eras of human history will be gathered before Him and will be judged as to how they treated the “least among them.” Those that helped the poor, the outcast, the marginalized, the imprisoned will be saved. Those who didn’t… well, there’s bad news for you.

Faith alone doesn’t save you. Jesus Himself said elsewhere that merely saying “Lord, Lord” will not be enough. The Letter from James also states that “Faith without works is dead.”

Faith alone doesn’t save you. Faith, backed up by good works which shows evidence of that faith – this saves. Yes, God knows that you believe in Him, but He also knows that the demons do so as well. What distinguishes you and your Christianity from the demons, or non-believers and non-Christians?

The reason I write this is that in many AA meetings I hear people declare that they had suffered enough and that all they need to do is “not drink and go to meetings.” Wrong. There is so much more that one has to do apart from that. (Incidentally, this whole thing about “just not drinking and go to meetings” is why I began Sober Catholic’s sister blog, The Four Last Things.)

Get out there. Discern what you can do for the “least among us.” Twelve Step work counts, in my opinion. But I also think that one can grow as a person by going beyond helping alcoholics who still suffer.

Read the Gospel passage and figure out how all of your life choices and actions can impact “the least.”

Matthew 25:31-46: “Jesus said to his disciples:

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory,

and all the angels with him,

he will sit upon his glorious throne,

and all the nations will be assembled before him.

And he will separate them one from another,

as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the king will say to those on his right,

‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father.

Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

For I was hungry and you gave me food,

I was thirsty and you gave me drink,

a stranger and you welcomed me,

naked and you clothed me,

ill and you cared for me,

in prison and you visited me.’

Then the righteous will answer him and say,

‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you,

or thirsty and give you drink?

When did we see you a stranger and welcome you,

or naked and clothe you?

When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’

And the king will say to them in reply,

‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did

for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

Then he will say to those on his left,

‘Depart from me, you accursed,

into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his angels.

For I was hungry and you gave me no food,

I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,

a stranger and you gave me no welcome,

naked and you gave me no clothing,

ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’

Then they will answer and say,

‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty

or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison,

and not minister to your needs?’

He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you,

what you did not do for one of these least ones,

you did not do for me.’

And these will go off to eternal punishment,

but the righteous to eternal life.”

via USCCB.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Online Recovery (UPDATED)

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Although many people live for their traditional face-to-face meetings, others prefer the relative privacy and convenience of “at home” recovery through online sites

Here’s a rundown of two of these sites that I’ve joined, with links to my profiles so that if you’d like to join up, you can “Friend me” there.

“In the Rooms” is probably my favorite, as it is a full-blown social network like Facebook. Most addictions with a 12 Step approach have “Fellowships” there that you can also join. One great thing is that there are 12 Step video meetings almost around the clock, so that no matter where you live on Earth, chances are there’s a meeting somewhat convenient to your time zone. There are also hundreds of “Speaker Tapes” of well-known and not-so-well-known recovery speakers for listening or downloading (as mp3 files). “Dr. Paul,” the man who wrote my favorite chapter in AA’s “Big Book,” entitled “Acceptance was the Answer, (formerly “Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict”) is in the Speaker Tape archive! There is a lot of activity on ITR, and so you’re quite likely to find someone to interact with throughout the day. They also have various resource directories for treatment facilities and other things of interest to people in recovery, including a face-to-face meeting directory. I don’t think the latter is as exhaustive or comprehensive like the meeting directory you’d find on the AA main site. But it is a nice touch. Here is my profile on “In The Rooms”.

Another one that I joined based on a recommendation from a friend on ITR is “Hazelden’s Social Community.” Hazelden is the renowned treatment center in Minnesota, as well as the publisher of numerous books and daily meditations for people in recovery. It offers much that ITR has, with its own unique offerings, too. It is rather active, although I do find that site navigation is a little awkward. But I think it is worth learning, and after all, it is run by Hazelden. If you’ve been in recovery for a number of years, chances are you have at least one of their books, probably “Twenty-four Hours a Day.” Here is my profile on “Hazelden’s Social Community”.

So, take a look at them and I hope to see there!

NOTE: This post has been edited to remove the paragraph to the “Sober Recovery” and “OneHealth” (formerly “SoberCircle” and now “Viverae Health.”) sites. Links in the sidebar to them have also been removed.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A Walk with the Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots, Day 1

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Last week I introduced you all to The Novena of Mary Undoer of Knots. (Well, some of you, a few have known of it 😉 )

I said this Novena just once, at the end of this past December (I did not post daily prayers). The “knots” I won’t bother bringing up, but as I said the prayers each day I noticed that the Novena might be best said for offering up different “knots” for each day.

To that end I am going to start the Novena over, each day specifically offering up “knots” that are seemingly special to that day’s prayers.

Today, Day 1: “this knot….and all the negative consequences that it provokes in my life…”

What specific “knot” in your life is the catalyst for all sorts of negative consequences? A deep examination of conscience, that “fearless and searching moral inventory” spoken of in Fourth Step of the 12 Steps Movements, is called for to get at a root cause of a number of negative incidents in life.

Take a look around your life. What seems to be the negative consequences that abound in it? Can you trace them back to a source (or sources)? Many sins are symptoms of deeper sins.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Twelve Steps and Compatibility with Sacramental Confession

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During my interview on the “‘On Call’ with Wendy Wiese” radio show on May 1st there was an Anonymous caller at the end who asked a question on the compatibility of the Twelve Steps with the Catholic Church’s sacramental Confession. As the call was near the end of the show, I didn’t fully engage the question. Upon listening again to the show I caught a deeper sense to Anonymous’ point. Which was:

In the Twelve Steps, you review your life and bring forward all the bad stuff you did. How is that compatible with the teaching that in Confession, God forgives and forgets your sins? I think he meant that if you’ve been confessing your sins to a priest all along, why bother going through the moral inventory of Step 4 and sharing it with another in Step 5? (As well as the follow up Steps along the way.) If God forgives and forgets in Confession, what is the point of doing the Steps?

I am assuming a few things. One, is that the person in question has not dropped the practice of the Faith during their drinking career. Many do. In the context of the caller’s question, it seems as if the hypothetical person was still going to Confession and probably confessing all of their alcoholic transgressions. This is fine. They were forgiven. The slate was clean. However, chances are they committed those sins all over again. In my experience, and in the testimony of priests who generalize what they hear in Confession, many people commit and confess the same sins time and time again, whether they are addicts or not.

Another thing: although Catholics are supposed to do a thorough Examination of Conscience in preparation for Confession, I think few actually go very deep and try and get at the underlying root causes of their sins. This is the intended purpose of the Twelve Steps, particularly the Fourth one. We have to uncover not only the bad things we’ve done, but we must understand why we did them, so as to comprehend how our alcoholism affected our lives and the lives of those around us. We do that fearless and searching moral inventory not only to clean up our past and make amends, but to see the patterns and commonalities or all of our sins. We get at what triggered our behavior so we can make the required changes in our lives. Whether our past behavior involved consistently broken relationships, an inability to hold a job, or just not being able to finish “big dreams,” we see in our Fourth Step all the bad we have done, and also why. So even though we may have confessed these sins and have been forgiven, we still need to address them in the context of the Twelve Steps.

Why? So we can forgive ourselves. That may sound trite and New Age-y, but if we do not forgive ourselves we run the risk of not being able to shed our resentments over these past failures. “We remember the past, but do not close the door on it,” to paraphrase a line from AA’s “Big Book.” We close the door on our past out of shame or fear. If we forgive ourselves, we have no need to close that door to our past. We can remember it as it made us whom we are today, and we can look ourselves in the mirror because we learned from our past. And we can bring what we learned to others.

So yes, God forgives us and forgets our sins when we go to Confession; but when we work the Twelve Steps, we can forgive and forget them, too.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)