Perseverance

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Perseverance will see you through. Too many people give up and cave in to despair or pressure and never see it through their pain and suffering.

Problems never seem to be solvable while you’re going through them, but when they’re done you’re stronger as a result.

There are wishes during the experiences for the gentle relief of alcohol, just to take the edge off. But you never seriously entertain the thought. Just a wistful longing and then dismissed. Sometime ago during weaker days you might have succumbed.

One reason why you hear it said that enduring suffering strengthens you. Like an athlete in training, you get stronger in dealing with life.

Too many people in today’s societies try to avoid suffering and trials and seek to avoid them. That is why most of us are alcoholics, we lacked the ability to effectively cope with them.

“This, too, shall pass.” And pass it does.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Purpose behind God's love

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One thing that has gotten me through trials, at least since sobering up, is that God has a purpose for me. I am reminded of this passage from Jeremiah:

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you.

Atheists and skeptics generally believe that we got here by random chance. How horrible, no wonder they usually sound angry and anxious.

Anyway, as a believer I know that God has a purpose for me. This may be a response to depression and anxiety, at least I hope it is.

Since I do not believe that God operates by random chance, and that things are brought into being for a reason, I think that when the day is dark and I am feeling out of sorts, I am going to remind myself that the Almighty God of creation didn’t create me in a moment of whimsy, but He had a reason for me. This is what the Catholic Faith has taught me. We are not the result of random chance. We are the result of a Divine decision.

No matter what garbage may be tossed my way, I have to remind myself of this.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Enduring suffering

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As I had mentioned in a previous post about This too shall pass , I had gone through some trials at work for much of last summer (2008). It had gotten somewhat better when I realized that others were basically treated as I am, I perhaps worse as I was new and had struggled a bit more. Anyway, what I have gleaned from all this is the acceptance of enduring.

I endured all that. I have four 10 hour shifts every week. I had gotten stronger as a result of patiently enduring all the nonsense I was going through. Quietly putting up with all the stuff has enabled me to appreciate other people’s suffering and made me more tolerant of other’s flaws and faults. Not that I was indifferent to them, but perhaps God needed to sharpen that aspect of my personality.

As a Catholic Christian who longs for going to my true home, Heaven, this has also helped me cope with my Earthly exile.

Trials and suffering strengthen us. As we succeed in coping with these events, we are better equipped to deal with greater issues as we progress along in life (“trudge the Road of Happy Destiny”). All life is suffering interspersed with moments of happiness, joy, wonder and beauty. Those are a foretaste of Heaven.

Enduring can be likened to forging steel. It is tempered to the precise strength needed to do its purpose, whether to form part of a building or to aid in battle as a sword.

This may seem as if I am boasting, but it is not. I went through no small amount of pain, and survived. Just passing along personal experience.

If I accept suffering and patiently endure it, I can be a strong edifice or battle weapon for doing God’s will.

Pray we all succeed in this.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A sense of balance

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When one area of my life is out of whack I have found it important to have something useful to serve as a kind of counterweight to it.

Having a life outside one’s job (for example) provides a sense of balance. When we work full-time we have a sense of displacement in our lives. Work occupies so much of our time that the things outside it like family and home are often shoved to the margins or ignored or otherwise given second-rate status. The need to provide income to support the family gets in the way of fully realizing what is truly important, and that is the family and home you are working to support.

Not rejecting the importance of providing for the family, there must be a realization that something must be done to restore a certain sense of balance to the whole equation. Time must be carved out of whatever “free time” you have off from work so as to devote to family and home.

Why is this important? Because when all this is out of whack, there lies the path back to drinking. An easy way to cope with the stress and anxiety is to drink. Bad idea.

Eliminate distracting non-essentials. Television really isn’t that important. It isn’t quality time spent with family. (Perhaps the occasional movie or ballgame being an exception. I also make room for the Star Trek sagas, but I actually haven’t seen them in over 2 1/2 years due to not having cable TV or satellite.The DVD’s are too expensive.) Anyway, a productive and meaningful life outside of work is healthy and sober. I am married and my wife is cute, funny and intelligent. Way more fun than TV. We spend lots of time outside putting gardens in or touring the countryside. We “go outside to get outside.”

I also blog. Writing is an avocation for me and it helps me improve my sense of self-worth. I hope to eventually do it full-time (blogging and fiction writing). At any rate, all these do provide an effective counterweight to work. Not always 100% effective, but more certain than moping and zoning out in front of the TV. Or drinking.

I am also Catholic. My faith is important to me and it has helped me weather many storms since becoming sober. It provides fulfillment and a healthy disconnect from the ways of the world so that I am not sucked into its madness and silliness. I am in the world, but not of it. Jesus came to heal the sick, and His Church is one of healing. The Eucharist and Confession are excellent ways to clean up the wreckage of the past. The sacramental and prayer life of the Church are also wonderful ways of maintaining that sense of balance. Nothing like raising your heart, mind and soul up to God to gain a real perspective.

“This, too, shall pass.” Only if you’re moving along.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

This too shall pass

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We all go through trials. Suffering is a natural part of life. Every one of us endures this or that situation that seems to be neverending. And most times it seems that our suffering is worse that anyone else’s. Even news reports of natural disasters fail to change our perspective.

Despite our experience in the past that things do get better and the bad times fade, we forget this. Due to our alcoholic tendencies, we may even wallow in our despair, thus prolonging or making worse whatever we’re going through. Sometimes we are only happy when we’re miserable. Probably only an alcoholic or addict will understand this.

Last summer (2008) I was going through a bit of a rough patch. I had started a new job a few months prior and although I am pretty good at what I do I must admit to having had a steeper “learning curve” and have taken a little longer than I should have to grasp some of the details.

But this had made me vulnerable to “attitude problems” from other coworkers, mostly those much younger than I. I was being taken advantage of (or so it seemed) in those areas that I excel at, and in those areas I needed improvement in I was being gossiped about to other staffers, including management. This had led to some strain on my part and anxiety when I reported to work. Many days I hated going to work, not because of my tasks which I enjoy, but because of whom I worked with.

Insecurity ruled the day. I had even started another job search to hedge my bets about my ability to keep this one.

I titled this post “This too shall pass” as that is an AA slogan intended to remind us that no matter what we are going through, it will end. Whether our suffering is caused by others, or of our own mistakes doesn’t matter. It will end. What we must do is to learn from it. Or else it was just wasted time and pointless.

Someone once said that experience is the learning we gleaned from our mistakes. Experience makes the bad times and suffering we go through worthwhile, once they’re over.

As I write this now (this was originally a post on another blog that I am discontinuing, so it’s an edited update) things did get better. I persevered. I transferred to another office in the area and I fit it very well with my co-workers and management. I am appreciated and made to feel welcome.

Just remember this. It will pass. Just persevere, have faith that God will get you through it and perhaps is trying to teach you something. Pray for the wisdom to understand.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Road of Happy Destiny

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The title of this post is in reference to a line in page 164 of AA’s “Big Book”, (a/k/a Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 2001). It reads:

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past… We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. I’ve always liked that line about the Road. It’s mentioned a lot in AA meetings. I like its imagery of the path of sobriety being an ongoing one with a destination, and that recovery and conversion are lifelong events.

It has helped me to learn that answers to problems do not arrive quickly, that as slowly problems develop, so do their resolutions. Life is a road, there are potholes and you get around them.

The “Happy Destiny” part helps me to raise my head up and know that the race isn’t won with just not drinking. We will die someday and what happens next is something to think about. It is why my Catholicism is indispensable to me. Catholicism liberates you from the constraints of contemporary times.

The “here and now” is fleeting. We are all meant for something better, both now and for all eternity.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The First Step: Powerless and unmanageable

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“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

And thus is the First Step of 12 Step alcohol recovery groups. (Other addictions are appropriately substituted for alcohol in other 12 Step movements).

In essence it reflects a corruption of the will, with the references to powerlessness and unmanageability. Our wills are directed towards using our personal power to do things to manage and direct our lives. The Step refers to a lack of power and the resulting unmanageability of life, pointing towards alcohol as a key.

Since our will uses things to manage our lives, apparently somewhere along the way we figured that alcohol was a great way to do this. And somewhere further along that way we discovered that this isn’t true.

At first we thought that the same will could be used to stop our drinking. But a will that has been thoroughly corrupted by alcohol is in no condition to assert itself and stop drinking. It becomes powerless, and the life it influenced and controlled is now unmanageable. Help is needed.

God could step in and thoroughly remove the addiction, or the desire to drink. Someone could enter into the person’s life and take it over and prevent the person from drinking. But it doesn’t happen that way.

We are never entirely without our will. There are dregs of it left, despite the wretched condition we may be in at the point of admitting defeat.

And so with whatever control over our wills that we have left, we plaintively cry out in some manner into the darkness of our lives: “Help! I can’t do this myself!!” We realize that we have been beaten and cannot go on as before.

God entered our life and pours into it His graces and we survive. Our declaration of powerlessness is enough so that He, who respects the gift of free will that He had bestowed upon us, calls to us and gives us the strength to go on and seek help.

The salvation of Humanity itself needed someone else’s approval and willingness before God can work a miracle in her:

Luke 1:38: “Mary said, ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.’ “

(Via USCCB)

And with that the Holy Spirit came upon her and Jesus was formed in her womb. The defeated alcoholic’s willingness to set aside self and allow God to move in is needed to begin to work a miracle in us. We are all called to be servants of the Lord, we are all called to do God’s will according to His word. As alcoholics we were so full of self that we couldn’t tolerate this idea, if we even conceived of it. Or worse, we felt we can discern His will through the bottom of a bottle of liquor.

John 3:30: “He must increase; I must decrease.'”

(Via uSCCB.)

One follows the other, we decrease, we set aside self, we adopt an attitude or demeanor of humility, and He increases in us.

I had written about this before: First Step: Powerlessness and weakness

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Today would have been Mom's birthday

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Today, January 20th, would have been my Mom’s birthday. She would have been 93. She died a few years ago, just shy of her 90th. The fact that she led and lived a full life doesn’t minimize her death. (“Well, Paul, she did live a long time.”)

I miss her. I have the hope of seeing her, and other loved ones, again in Heaven.

I am trying to spiritually develop so that my yearnings for Heaven are proper, that is I desire to get to Heaven to be united with God and not just so that I am reunited with my lost loved ones and God just happens to be there, too. That takes God for granted and that Heaven is just a perpetual playground or wonderful endless happy family reunion with Christmas and Easter dinners and picnics all thrown together.

Yearn for the face of the beloved, and all else will fall into place, as well. Trust in God.

(Note: This was originally published on another blog that I am discontinuing. I backdated it as I actually posted it to Sober Catholic on 29 January 2009.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

To suffer with

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According to the Oxford American Dictionary that is installed on my Mac, the word compassion means:

compassion |kəmˈpa sh ən| noun
sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others : the victims should be treated with compassion.

ORIGIN Middle English : via Old French from ecclesiastical Latin compassio(n-), from compati ‘suffer with.’

Take note of the origin of the word: “to suffer with”.

We suffer. We are all wounded and broken in some way. For you reading this blog and the others on the recovery and conversion blogrolls, you understand this. You wouldn’t be here unless you’ve been wounded and hurt in your past. Whether it is by others or most likely yourself (because of your addictions), you know suffering.

To me, it doesn’t matter whether the suffering is self-inflicted or bestowed upon you by others, suffering is suffering.

Suffering tends to isolate us. We think we are alone and this is reinforced by the resistance of others to be near us when we hurt. It sometimes feels as if we are like the lepers of old who had to wear signs identifying them as “unclean”, and thus to be avoided. Sometimes we push people away when we hurt as if contact with others will increase our pain. “Leave me alone” we shout, either with words or a “keep away, keep far away” attitude and demeanor.

We are Christians and as such we are taught by Jesus that we must accept suffering.

Matthew 16:24-25: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

(Via USCCB.)

This does not necessarily mean that we are just to deal with our own suffering. We must also bear one another’s burdens.

Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

(Via USCCB.)

Just as others are resistant to bear our burdens when we hurt, we are sometimes just as guilty when we see others hurting. We do not wish to be burned by whatever is afflicting them, or we are too distracted by our own concerns, or we selfishly prefer our own distractions and do not see and reach out when we can.

This takes us away from others and we become self-absorbed. We get carried away in our own interests and situations. We leave other people to their own suffering and we do not suffer with them. We lack compassion. We temporarily lack the ability to suffer with others. I say “temporarily” because if you possess a well-formed conscience you eventually notice this and wonder what is disturbing you. You discover that you have become too caught up in yourself and there is a world out there, or maybe just a small group of people that you work with or are related to who have been caught up in troubles of their own and have needed you. At least some small attention by you.

So you pick yourself up and resolve to do better. You try to sense what is going on in the lives of others and to tend to them. You hopefully consign your bout of self-absorption to the past (knowing it’ll return from time to time as we are sinners) and allow the experience to sensitize you to other people’s pain.

I chose that word carefully, sensitize. For in the cacophony of the World, we are oftentimes desensitized to other people’s sufferings. There’s just so much and we become numb to it all. And as we are addicts and alcoholics, we indulge ourselves in some distraction that fills us up. We may even rationalize the distraction as being something beneficial to us in the long run, calling it an “experience” or a mental health escape. This is all good, if it can be useful to others down the road.

As long as we remain focused on what is essential, that being:

Matthew 6:33: “…seek first the kingdom (of God)…“

(Via USCCB.)</p

This is New Year’s Day, 2009. We are all “supposed” to make resolutions for the year. In one of my other blogs I write about that: Resolution: One Day at a Time

(Via Trudging Paulcoholic’s Road.)

This may be one resolution that we might be capable of keeping the entire year, if we renew ourselves through prayer and meditation. That is: to try to stay attuned to the suffering that is about us, and to reach out and help in whatever manner we are able.

See you often throughout the year, both here and over at Catholics in Recovery .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Suffering as foreshadowing destiny

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A recent article in Spirit Daily: entitled “OPEN TO GOD, CLEANSE, AND FIND THAT BIG PROBLEMS OFTEN MEAN A GREATER DESTINY” says what I’ve suspected in that sufferings, trials and problems in general in life may be indicative of greater and better things later on.

Read and ponder!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)