Happiness from People, Places and Things

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A realization came to me at work a few weeks ago. I transferred to a new place within my company, and I had been undergoing a somewhat painful transition. I was wondering about why we have to endure certain things. I know I’ve written a great number of times about the need to accept suffering as evidence of our willingness to follow Christ, but at times I still wonder about happiness, and its place in our lives.

I think that happiness is illusory, we cannot depend upon others too much for our happiness, and if we look inward we become self-indulgent and then block out other people. Places change. The things of this world are passing, we cannot depend upon them either.

People come and go, the things of this world fade away, too. Some people stay with you for a long time, but they are a minority.

Places deteriorate, or you have to leave them for other places.

Things that the world offers are definitely not a source of happiness, at least not long-term healthy kind. They tend to take you away from God and the spiritual.

The only true source of happiness comes from following God’s will as best as one can discern it and following that will to Heaven, our true and eternal home.

It is sometimes necessary then for Christians to be “disconnected” from the world, to be “in the world”, but not “of it”. We participate in it, but realize that it is only a way station, and not a place of permanence.

Not sure where I’m going with all this, as it isn’t original or deeply profound, but pondering it helped me get through some trying times at work. Perhaps it was a needed shift in perspective.

NOTE: This was published a few years ago on one of my other, now defunct blogs. I am reposting it here, slightly edited for some updating. Interesting how you realize things all over again.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hey… Dad?…. you wanna have a catch?

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Ray: “(choking back tears) Hey… Dad?…. you wanna have a catch?”

Dad: “I’d like that…”

Field Of Dreams: catch.mp3

(Via MovieWavs Page.)

That line and scene from the “Field of Dreams” movie always gets to me.

My father is dead, and I’ll never play catch with him again (unless we meet again in Heaven).

Playing catch with my Dad was one of the happiest experiences with him I had when I was a child.

We did not part on the best of terms, but that is all in the past. I feel he is watching over me from Heaven, and is probably wondering why I am wasting a perfectly good sunny day sitting inside typing on my computer, when I can be outside doing something in the yard. (Unless there was a baseball game on TV, that might merit staying in. But we don’t have cable or satellite TV, so that’s out. 🙁 The Yankees might be on the radio, but I hate the Yankees. 😉 )

Later…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Upon discovering Truth

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You can make a cucumber into a pickle, but you cannot make that pickle back into a cucumber again.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Gratitude: Wanting what you have

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One of my least favorite 12 Step meeting topics is “gratitude”. Not that I am not grateful for anything in sobriety, for I have plenty to be grateful for. My main issue whenever this topic is brought up is that quite often the attendees just launch into a list of the things they are grateful for. Much of it is common to all even when the sharer does personalize it with special items. Nevertheless, such “gratitude” listings are boring (to me) and miss the point.

First, the idea that anyone needs to hear something about gratitude. Does this person feel a nostalgia for the days of drinking? Are they taking their sober life for granted and therefore need to be reminded of what can be lost if they do return? Do they not see very well the things around them that they have attained as a result of their sobriety? Do they just want to boast about their sobriety (“Oh, look at me, see how much I’VE got!”)

Someone at a 12-Step meeting with the topic of gratitude I attended long ago introduced something besides a list of what he was grateful for. He mentioned something along the lines of gratitude as being an attitude. He concluded with the notion that gratitude simply means that you want what you already have.

We alcoholics have an impatient streak. Even after a sustained period of sobriety we sometimes fall back into the “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. We are impatient with what we already have and seek to attain or achieve something else that would make us better or happier. Just like back in the days of our drinking we needed “just one more”, what we have now is not enough and we seek something more to satisfy a hole in our soul.

“Wanting what you already have” is a great way of humbly accepting that which has come into your life and genuinely appreciating it. It is also an excellent way of living a moderate life and not a life driven to excess and conspicuous consumption. In other words, greed.

Sometimes the words “and thanking God for it” are added to the definition of gratitude. “Gratitude means wanting what you already have and thanking God for it.” A nice reminder as from where all good things come from, and to Whom we owe our sobriety to.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Nightly prayer for the next day

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“Lord, grant that I be treated tomorrow the way I treated others today.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Just enough

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Quite often over the past few years I have been given lessons by God Himself on the importance of trusting in Him and His Providence. “Divine Providence” is basically God taking care of you. It does NOT mean that you pray for something and “BOING!” you get it. How you obtain what you need (not want) varies but essentially you trust in the Lord and cooperate with His will, and your basic needs are met. There may be a lag time in when you obtain the need, (“I want what I want, and I want it now!”) or in the perceived quality (“I want a MacBookPro! You mean I gotta settle for an ASUS netbook? AAARRRGH!!”) and so on. But if you look back and humbly assess the situation, you will find that although your wants were not satisfied, your needs were met.

Recently I’ve discussed this with my wife, and we basically refer to this phenomenon as getting “Just enough.” We have “just enough” to get by. We may be a little iffy for next month or the one after that, but somehow we have “just enough” to meet our current needs. The future may be dark, but right now the lights are still on.

We rely on Divine Providence. Sure, it would be nice to have a cushion. But this includes God more in our lives, as there is a partnership with us. This seems to be how He works. He did not need us, but we were created anyway. God’s will seems to quite often involve our cooperation. Sure, He can just will something to happen and solve something. But now, instead He chooses to involve us. Perhaps doing so respects the gift of free will.

One of the first major situations when I started keeping track was a few years ago after my Mom died. I was working as a part-time janitor for my local parish. My priest “just happened” to need someone around for light maintenance work just after Mom died (turns out the previous guy left for something else full time, if I recall correctly. My priest also knew someone who “just happened” to have an available apartment, which would come in handy as I was about to be kicked out of my Mom’s old house.) Anyway, my car needed a new muffler. Badly. I did not have the money for a new one. I had spoken to my priest about financial difficulties and he gave me a basic raise. But still, I would not have enough cash for the muffler.

Payday arrives. I get my paycheck, and it turns out the pay included the raise retroactive for the previous pay period, not the upcoming one as you’d expect. It provided me with “just enough” money to get the new muffler.

This does not always happen to the faithful. Something like this also happened a long time ago when I was a “spiritual seeker”. I believed in God but not religion, but apart from believing in Him I paid Him little attention.

A job I had when I lived in Southern California had just ended. One of the perks I had as the employee was an apartment (right near the beach, like a block in!) Naturally, when the job ended so did the lease. So, all of a sudden I was facing unemployment and eviction. Within the space of maybe 2-3 days just before Thanksgiving 1993 I had obtained a job through a temp agency and an apartment (still near the beach, but a block farther in.) This blew my mind, that I was able to accomplish that so suddenly. Street savvy/life-survival skills were not my strength, and accomplishing this made me proud.

(Unfortunately, the job led me to meet a woman I had a disastrous romantic situation with, which I reacted to by altering my drinking habits from occasionally social to daily coping. But that may or may not be another post.)

It could also happen in little things. The event that caused me to start thinking about this post happened yesterday when I finally planted our vegetable garden. I had “just enough” plants for the garden space I dug, “just enough” fencing and fence posts to lay around it, “just the right size” pallet for the garden gate. Nothing major, but it got me thinking.

So:

Matthew 6: 24-34

“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?

Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?

Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.

But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them.

If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’

All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.

Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

(Via USCCB.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

“The Road of Happy Destiny”

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I have always like the phrase in AA’s “Big Book”, (a/k/a Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 2001) that refers to “The Road of Happy Destiny.”

It is found in a line in page 164. It reads:

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past… We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

I’ve always liked that line about the Road. It’s mentioned a lot in AA meetings. I like its imagery of the path of sobriety being an ongoing one with a destination, and that recovery and conversion are lifelong events.

It has helped me to learn that answers to problems do not arrive quickly, that as slowly problems develop, so do their resolutions. Life is a road, there are potholes and you get around them.

The “Happy Destiny” part helps me to raise my head up and know that the race isn’t won with just not drinking. We will die someday and what happens next is something to think about. It is why my Catholicism is indispensable to me. Catholicism liberates you from the constraints of contemporary times.

The “here and now” is fleeting. We are all meant for something better, both now and for all eternity. We were meant for more than just “not drinking.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Trudging My Road of Happy Destiny

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As part of the “personalization” of this blog, I figured I’d “reboot” and reintroduce myself.

Hi, I’m Paul, and I’m an alcoholic. (Well, no kidding.)

I am also a faithful Catholic Christian and blogger and in 2007 I combined them all. I write this and another blog: The Four Last Things. Both of them are on maintaining your sobriety by the use of the Catholic Christian faith. This one is more broad in the Faith and its importance in your sobriety, and now will also be exploring my own personal use of the Faith when I get all “discretely personal and confessional”. I tried that before and discontinued it because I found that writing about myself to be dull. I still think I’m uninteresting, but what may be dull to me may not be so to others. Maybe that is a false humility?

The Four Last Things focuses on death and dying, topics infrequently mentioned in Twelve Steps meetings.

I basically started them because when I had sobered up in 2001 and 2002 I spent some time looking online for interactive Catholic resources on sobriety and found none. So I started a blog that had what I was looking for.

I decided to reboot this blog at the suggestion of a friend (and the support of the notion by others) because it has been said that expanding and expounding upon one’s own “experience, strength and hope” may draw readers closer to the blog and be more useful and helpful. This blog may begin to resemble other personal blogs on alcoholism and addiction in that its focus will include my own path.

Early on I did introduce myself a bit, here are links to those blogposts:

Hi, I’m Paul, and I’m an alcoholic!

Reversion story

Drunkalogue

Well, that’s it for now. Later!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Framing Faith

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Tribute Books has asked me to review another book they are publishing, this time it is “Framing Faith” written by Sarah Piccini with photography by Ivana Pavelka and “ARTS Engage!”

To quote from the synopsis:

“Framing Faith tells the story of the faith of immigrants and their descendants, spotlighting ten Catholic churches in the Diocese of Scranton that were closed due to restructuring. The churches … have rich ethnic heritages. They are Polish, Slovak, Italian, German, and Lithuanian parishes with long traditions and deep roots. Each church was founded by immigrant groups who came to the coal fields of the Lackawanna Valley with little more than their faith in God. Their churches served as the center of the community and touchstones of the Old Country. “Framing Faith” traces their histories from small beginnings through baptisms, weddings and funerals to their final celebrations. Throughout the text are images from each church, visual reminders of what was for many an important part of their lives.

I was originally going to post this review on Mother’s Day, as that was my personal tie-in to reviewing the book. I usually only review books that may have something to do with the scope of this blog. However, I was unable to meet the deadline due to some things going on in my “real life” away from blogging and other online activity. Why Mother’s Day? Because my Mom and Dad grew up in the Scranton, Pennsylvania area and although none of the churches I recall them ever mentioning are among those closing, this still hits home a bit.

The Catholic Church in the United States is restructuring. Churches are closing due to declining membership as people move away from the cities and out to other areas. The churches never recognized the need to evangelize the urban populations surrounding them, and as a result, Catholic parishes close and are boarded up, or are turned into non-Catholic churches. Anyway, the nature of the Church changes.

This is important in some manner to this blog as an authentic Catholic identity is critical one’s spiritual development. Membership in a parish is basic to the practice of the Faith, it provides a home and a framework for a person’s relationship to the greater Church as a whole.

The Introduction to “Framing Faith” provides an excellent glimpse into this idea, as it details the history of the Diocese of Scranton and the creation, growth, and development of the immigrant ethnic Catholic parishes. We see how important to the lives of Catholics these parishes were, how they were a means of social support in the decades before government charity. In addition, they were a means of maintaining a cultural identity in the times before “diversity” became an abused ideology.

Which makes it sad that certain parishes are closing. And why “Framing Faith” is an important book documenting by words and pictures the history and architectural styles of these parishes. Architecture is a means of creative expression, and how members of a Catholic parish or Christian denomination build their house of worship gives a very good indication of their concept of God and their own relationship to Him.

Generations of hard, faithful work by people long ago is now passing away. Who knows what will become of these closed churches. This is a shame, and makes us wonder at the survival of our our patrimony. Will our parishes be around 100 years from now. Will they be mourned? Will current parish members learn from the closure of churches and seek to instill an evangelical vitality so that in the event of demographic and geographic change, the parishes will survive and not be forgotten?

We must not fail in learning from the failures of the past. Get a copy of “Framing Faith”, marvel at the beauty of these churches and wonder just how could they be closing?

The book’s website: Framing Faith

Facebook: Framing Faith

YouTube:

To buy it: Shop Tribute Books Online

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Turning the page on this blog

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The 9th anniversary of my sobriety date seems like a good opportunity to announce some changes to this blog.

Over on Plurk I asked someone for advice on changes to this blog. Along with some design suggestions, some of which I had already considered and am planning on doing, she suggested that I get more personal. As in I talk more about my personal daily struggles and such things. I had discounted that as I had tried that before and found myself to be rather boring. But she said that a lot of people also do (find writing about themselves boring, that is), but making it personal helps readers connect more with the blog and the person behind it. And I have to admit that people who do that sort of thing seem to have a more active comments section. :-O

So, there will be an expansion in the scope of this blog, more personal, a lot more postings then (which may be a good thing.)

I shall be careful in what I babble about. I still think I’m rather dull and uninteresting, but if how I personally use my Catholic faith is a help, hey, that’s cool. 😉

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)